[_]ARC 1

[_]CHAPTER 1

[_]NO SPEAK JAPANESE

May 28, 2009

"Hakuba? Oi, Hakuba, wake up. Mitsuhiko-kun has a couple questions to ask you. And Yoko-chan's missing her boyfriend, so you better wake up this instant or I swear I will sic Kuroba on you."

Hakuba's eyes blinked open groggily. Where was he? Who was talking – and what were they even talking about? They were... they were talking to him, right? He contemplated the people reference before he decided he just did not want to know. Seconds later he revoked his choice because he actually kind of wanted to know (and needed to). He forced his vision to become less blurry and focused in on the person hovering above him.

Short black hair, glasses, and a snarky tone... the name "Kudo Shinichi" came to mind, but he recalled that a certain antidote hadn't been created yet. So "Edogawa Conan" it was, then. Well, at least until anybody that didn't know the secret had left the room. And he wasn't really sure how many people – or who – were in the room so he decided to not risk blowing the guy's cover. "Edogawa-kun... what happened? Did we – did we catch him? Did we catch the Sandman?"

[_][_][_][_][_][_]

THE SANDMAN

[_][_][_][_][_][_]

October 12, 2008

"..."

A content silence filled the room. It creeped Hakuba the hell out, but really, what else was new. He turned his head towards the source of the happiness, the faucet of joy, and found it to be one Kuroba Kaito (not surprisingly). His thoughts drifted back to the events of the previous night, where Kaitou Kid (who was apparently not Kaitou Kid) had, once again, outwitted Nakamori-keibu and company. Hakuba himself, while still a bit disappointed, was now pretty much taking it as a given that they weren't going to catch Kid at those heists. The Inspector, on the other hand, took it as a personal offence and was shocked every time that the thief managed to break loose from his grasp. And then there was Kuroba, who just sat on the sidelines and watched and laughed. Apparently. But, seriously, who believed that?

Aoko-chan stomped into the class, infuriated. Presumably the anger stemmed from the events of last night, but there were always other possibilities. What type of detective would Hakuba be if he didn't step back and observe all the different scenarios. But one thing he was certain about, and that was that her ire had something to do with Kuroba. It made him stop and think a bit that she and Kuroba were still best friends despite all the embarrassment he put her through, but the curiosity was quickly satisfied when he reminded himself that the two fancied each other, and would put up with the other's quirks for as long as they were able. He pouted inwardly as he wished that Aoko-chan would feel the same way for him, but that relationship was a lost cause. Had been, actually, for a while now. Probably forever, but it made him feel just a bit better if he thought of himself actually having a chance before.

He copied his homework down from the blackboard on the side wall, keeping an open ear for any arguments that would ensue. He was fairly certain that he wouldn't get involved in any of them, but hey – you never knew when that information would be useful. The latest gossip, while of no interest to him in particular, could be somehow helpful on a case. He doubted that half the stuff he heard, though, would ever help him, but he kept his ears open in any case. You really never knew what killers had going through their heads, why they were killing a person. He remembered, with a faint sense of morbid amusement, that a person had seriously been killed over the brand of purse they had (long story short, a girl had bought the same handbag as her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend, and one of the two – he forgot which it was, it was ridiculous either way – stabbed the other with a hairpin in a fit of rage and jealousy... somehow it was lethal). So, yeah. Gossip. Eavesdropping. And he was getting quite good at it, anyway.

Keiko and Akako were talking. For some reason. He was quite curious about the topic of their conversation, but also kind of scared because the two had absolutely nothing alike and anything they could be talking about would have to be pretty weird. This was further supported by the one line he accidentally overheard from Keiko ("Really? I didn't know you could do that with a condom and a lollipop!") and then another one from Akako ("It's true. All you need is the right brand of Tequila and a bass clarinet."). His ears threatened to implode from all the... verbal weirdness he was hearing. His hands effectively tied, he turned his attention to elsewhere – namely, Aoko-chan and Kuroba. Aoko-chan was screaming so it didn't really take too much eavesdropping skill on his part to listen in. "KAITO I SWEAR I WILL BREAK MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN PENCIL BACK."

Huh. Someone was a bit high-strung today, apparently.

Kuroba was backing away, hands held up in fear. "I told you already, Aoko. I accidentally left it at home. I'll bring it back tomorrow, okay?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH THAT WAS MY ONLY NUMBER TWO PENCIL!" she ranted. "WE HAVE A TEST TODAY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FILL OUT THE SCAN TRON!?"

"Um," he gave. Probably not the best answer – oh, who was he kidding, it was probably the worst answer he could have given. Aoko-chan looked downright murderous, and Hakuba knew that she could and would kill Kuroba in a couple of seconds if he didn't stop acting like an idiot. Kuroba looked quickly over to Hakuba for advice, distraction, anything, but Hakuba wasn't about to help him out anytime soon. "Sorry, Kaitou Kid-san," he mouthed.

Kuroba had a lot of birds; doves, doves, doves, and more doves, and probably a parrot but that little tidbit wasn't confirmed yet. He also had another bird - a little birdie - which he promptly showed to Hakuba seconds before he dashed away from Aoko-chan in fear of his life. Hakuba snickered to himself, but stayed in his chair and watched the fight from afar. The teacher strolled in with his briefcase, gave a sigh, and took his seat at his desk in the front of the classroom. The students knew he had given up on bringing order to the two long ago. In fact, nobody, not one student even looked up as the chase occurred. And when Kuroba tripped over Hakuba's long legs that peeked out from under his desk on purpose, not a single mouth moved to say "oh."

A tall tall tall towering Aoko-chan leered at Kuroba's prone body, and the three of them – the two involved and the other "not so much" - all knew simultaneously that he was really in for it this time. She kicked him once, twice, thrice in the stomachy area. He didn't respond. A bit of fear flashed across her face, but was swiftly covered up with a stoic, cold expression. "Get the hell up, baka."

"Ngh... Señorita, no me gusta que me patadas en el estómago."

What.

"Kaito, you better quit screwing with me if you like your freaking HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS!"

"Me gusta mi cabeza sobre mis hombros. Por favor, no lo saque de allí."

The.

"You have one more chance, baka. Stop talking in whatever language that is and get the hell up!"

"Tengo demasiado miedo de levantarse, Señorita."

Hell.

Okay, Aoko-chan was royally pissed now. She reached down and pulled him up furiously. His eyes were wide and he tried to get away, but her iron grip of anger was too strong for him. Or maybe that fall made him a bit off his game, loosened a few screws. Hakuba found himself caring while not caring. At least it would make Kaitou Kid easier to catch, at the very least. His dark humor failed to amuse him.

"Erm, Aoko-chan, don't be so rough with him," he found himself saying. Since when did he care about Kuroba's well-being? The guy was a professional pain-in-the-ass, for God's sake! "He might have a concussion, or worse. Who knows. And I don't know why, but I think him speaking in Spanish isn't on purpose."

Everything changed about her in a second. Her shocked expression, those watery, sorry eyes. She believed Hakuba - who wouldn't? - and all her anger ebbed away, leaving her with only apologies and nothing more. Why hadn't she thought of that? Why hadn't she been more careful? And why was she even beating her own best friend up? Sure, he was a complete jerk (a complete asshole, really) but he didn't really deserve that. She looked down in remorse, thinking on what she had done. Not just then, but all the other times as well.

"¿Estas bien, Aoko? Lo siento yo no pongo de pie cuando usted quería que yo. Yo tenía miedo, obviamente. Por favor, perdóname? No va a suceder de nuevo, lo prometo. Quizás."

"Kaito, I don't even understand what you're saying. Wait... can you understand me? Yes or no. Err, sí or no."

"Sí. ¿Por qué lo preguntas? ¿No estamos todos hablando el mismo idioma?"

"Okay, hey, Hakuba-kun? Can you translate? Do you know the language he's saying?" Her eyes looked down at him hopefully. It was like she had rested all her hopes and dreams on him. And now he was going to have to be the bad guy. He was going to have to crush them all. Now, how was the best way to go about something like this -

"I can speak Spanish," Keiko piped up, ostensibly done with her strange, strange conversation with Akako. Every head in the room whipped around to look at her, because knowing how to speak Spanish while living in Japan was just plain weird. Because, yeah, the school offered foreign language classes, but nobody really took them / nobody ever paid attention. An utterly forgettable and completely irrelevant to the storyline student in the way back of the classroom called out and told her to prove it. She replied, "Perra, no necesito demostrar nada a usted."

Kuroba being the only one to understand that, was outraged. "Eso es un hombre! ¿Por qué llamarlo así?"

"Él es una puta!"

"No, él es un hijo de puta. El género es muy importante." Kuroba tsked at her, smirking like always. The rest of the class watched on with disbelief, wondering what on Earth they were even saying. Some of them understood a few words here and there, but nobody really got the full translation. Aoko-chan was about to intervene when the teacher spoke up. "No deberías decir esas cosas acerca de sus compañeros de clase. Especialmente cuando ellos no pueden entender."

"Okay, I am completely lost. I'm putting a stop to this," Aoko-chan stated. She dragged Kuroba to his desk and forced him down. "Speak Japanese, baka! You aren't Spanish, so don't speak it! You've already wasted enough class time with your annoying tricks, and I'm sure the teacher would like to continue with the lesson."

"Estoy hablando japonés."

She slapped her forehead.

…

AN: Yeah... I know I have other stories to update, but this sort of just came out. So... yeah. It's more from the point of view of Hakuba but not really. I dunno. In case anybody was confused, the entire story's going to be a flashback, leading up to the events of the beginning. I'm not really going to answer any questions about the beginning because you're supposed to be confused. It's the only form of amusement I get. Just kidding. But really I have no idea where I'm actually going with this story so I'll just go with the flow.

Also, I have little to no knowledge of how to speak Spanish, so I just used Google Translate. If I have any errors (okay, it's Google Translate; obviously there's going to be errors) just bear with me, or if you're fluent, suggest the right way to say the sentence. I don't know. I don't care. But I just wanted you to know that.