Beta'd by Felsenkeks (.net/u/1978244)
AU for „Nameless, Faceless", inspired by „Lauren" and the subsequent episodes
Warning: character death!
Aaron knew it was the dumbest thing he could do under the given circumstances, but he couldn't stand sitting alone in the safe house, doing nothing. He wanted to take part in their search for Foyet, so he wandered around the cemetery incognito looking out for his attacker. The man had to be here somewhere, monitoring his grave to make sure Hotch was really dead.
Hotch had made sure he was beyond recognition, with a fake but authentic looking beard, blue contact lenses beneath glasses without diopters, a wig and a hat on top of it. His clothes looked like those of an elderly man, woolen and with brownish patterns, they reminded him of what Reid liked to wear. He had withstood the temptation of bringing a cane, knowing that overdoing his disguise might cause a stir.
But if he was so cautious about remaining undetected, then why was he here? Was it really only his wish to catch Foyet himself that made him endanger his cover?
As he approached his own grave and saw a figure standing there he knew the answer to that question. He had wondered if anybody would come here to grieve for him. He had figured that if that were the case, it would be Haley. Not under any circumstances would he have guessed that Spencer Reid would be the one pouring his heart out to the marble headstone.
Aaron knew that he should turn around, walk away, leave the cemetery but he couldn't. Emotions threatened to overwhelm him and he felt himself move closer to the young man. He walked slowly, still checking if anybody was watching him, but he was converging to Spencer like he couldn't help himself. And really, he couldn't.
The nearer he came, the more snatches of talk he could make out.
„...miss you... see no point in working without you... still no sign of Foyet"
Aaron headed for the row of tombstones in front of his, so he could stand directly behind Spencer. He was now completely audible and his voice was cracking so hard Aaron was assuming he was crying. He fought back the urge to go over there, pull the young man in his arms and tell him he wasn't really dead. There was nothing he wanted more, but he knew if he did that, if he blew his cover, they would never catch him. Foyet would get not only Aaron, but also his ex-wife and son. He couldn't let that happen.
So he just stood there, trying to focus on the grave in front of him while being all ears to Spencer's soliloquy.
Suddenly Spencer sniffed and looked up. Aaron bent down, afraid that the younger man might turn around but relaxed when he did no such thing. Nevertheless he tensed again when he heard Reid's next words.
„Fuck, Aaron, I can still smell you"
The fact that Spencer Reid cursed was shocking, the use of his first name even more so but that he identified his scent hit him the hardest. But before he could think too much about it, Spencer went on.
„I miss you so much. I miss your glare, I miss your stern face. I miss your sense of humor, which surfaced so rarely but when it did... Oh God, I know this is gonna sound very egocentric but you used it only on me. You never mocked anybody else, only me and I loved you even more for that. When anybody else would make fun of me, it would hurt and remind me of my childhood but with you... It was different with you. You were the only one who could... you were the only one"
By the end of his confession, Reid was sobbing and Aaron could feel tears pricking his eyes as well.
Could this really be true? Could his feelings for the young man really be reciprocated? If Aaron had only known sooner...
What then? Aaron still wouldn't have acted on his feelings, always afraid of repercussions. They could have lost their jobs or they could have endangered the lives of the people they were supposed to save. Aaron didn't even want to think about going there. It wouldn't have been good for the team. It wouldn't have been good for his family.
But standing there, listening to Spencer, all he felt was regret. They could have been happy together. Isn't that what life should be about? Being happy?
Aaron had trouble breathing, he had to get away from here. Spencer thought he was dead and it was better if it stayed that way. He would hate Aaron for lying to him, for betraying his trust like that. No, Spencer could never know.
Maybe it was best if Aaron went home and shot himself, making things right finally. If he was dead, he wouldn't be lying to Reid any more, the young man could mourn justifiably and then move on with his life.
Aaron moved away, Spencer voice still reaching him, „You know, I'd been clean for exactly two years. But then you... Aaron, you died and I started using again and this time it doesn't help. No matter how often I... I still feel the pain, the anguish. I can't forget, I can't escape. You're still gone and I... I am nothing"
Hotch walked but it felt like he was sinking into quicksand. It hurt him to navigate his feet into the opposite direction of Spencer, but he continued doing so. When he heard a wail, he turned around. Reid was now on his knees on top of his grave, his head bent and his whole body trembling.
He intended to turn his head away, but something in Reid's hand caught his attention. When he realized what it was, he spurted towards the young man, everything else did not matter anymore.
„Spencer, don't", he yelled but although the younger man flinched he pushed down the needle anyway. When Aaron reached him, the syringe was empty.
„No, no, no! Spencer, what have you done? I'm here! Look at me, I'm here", Aaron sobbed, gathering the man in his arms.
„Wow, that was fast", Reid mumbled, dilating eyes looking up at Aaron.
„Spencer, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you"
„Shh", Spencer said and clumsily reached up. He missed Hotch's face a couple of times before placing a finger onto his lips. „Just hold me", he whispered.
Aaron moved so Spencer was in his lap and tightened the grip around him.
„I'm sorry, I'm sorry", he breathed into the boy's ear.
„This is heaven", Spencer said and pressed kisses along Hotch's neck.
Hotch moved his face and pressed his lips onto Reid's. Their faces were pressed together, their tears were mingling and Spencer started shaking.
„I'm in heaven. It's nice being dead", he hissed.
„Spencer, you're not dead", Aaron said and stroked his cheeks, suddenly realising how cold the younger man's skin had become.
„I'm dying", Reid said, „I'm dying and hallucinating otherwise you wouldn't be here"
„No, I'm really here. You're not dying, why would you be dying?", Aaron said, panicking.
„Overdosed", Spencer beamed at him, „I wanted to be with you again"
Reid's breathing had become shallow and his body had stopped moving.
Aaron cried out, „No, Spencer, please stay"
„I don't wanna stay without you", the younger man breathed and closed his eyes.
Hotch felt for a pulse but there wasn't any. Spencer's ice blue lips were still smiling.
Without thinking Hotch took the gun out of Spencer's holster, cocked it, put it in his mouth and pulled the trigger.