AN: I don't think I'm at the point in my fanfiction writing hobby that anyone actually cares what I have to say, but nonetheless, I must thank Marcab for being the greatest, most patient informal beta ever, and writing me thousand word pms telling me how to interpret dreams :D. Oh, and everyone who reviewed my first oneshot-you're very kind people, you know.
Disclaimer: While I am sure Kishimoto has great experience in the art reading sappy romance novels, just like our heroine, he, in fact, did not write this fic.
It wasn't any mystery to Hinata that she was seen as a weak girl.(And she really couldn't argue with that opinion either.) She didn't miss the way people would lower their voices when speaking to her as though she might dart away any minute like a mouse. She could also see the way her team exchanged furtive glances during training and took breaks very frequently.Even if people had actually made an effort to hide their contempt, the pity in their eyes was painfully obvious.
It followed then, Hinata thought bitterly (for despite her forgiving personality, she was actually quite harsh towards her own self) that such a pathetic girl such as herself would fear her own family members. This phobia plagued her constantly and made her feel worthless, but she couldn't help but to take any chance to avoid them. Hinata was always staying late to help Kurenai after training, or, if there was no opportunity to do that, meandering aimlessly through the streets of Konoha just to prolong the inevitable return home. Any respectable person, Hinata told herself, would try to conquer and just face up to a fear of something so unavoidable as the people one lives with.If she couldn't overcome that flaw, then really, what was the use of all those nights spent training almost all night and straining herself to stay awake throughout the day?
Still, when the young kunoichi actually came face to face with her father and received those scornful, hard eyes and soft spoken criticisms in a tone tinged with disappointment, she could barely control her urge to curl up in some corner and never aspire to be a ninja. Her cousin was even worse, because every time she encountered him, not only would she feel that usual sense of inadequacy, but also disconcertion and an unfair amount of guilt. It was as if someone had switched them at birth, because what kind of cruel god would have put timid, meek Hinata in the Head family and the prodigy Neji in the Branch? It was so ironic that she could hardly begrudge him his anger towards her, considering that the amount of opportunities in his life were so drastically reduced due to Hinata's mere existence. The shame she felt for even her abject existancecombined with her cousin's contempt made Neji's presence almost unbearable for the young kunoichi.
As Hinata quietly lay in her living room one fairly serene evening, she looked forward to the rest of the night alone with her beautifully written, if slightly trite, romance novel. Even if she wasn't a "fiery redhead with glowing sapphire eyes, long, smooth legs and a tall, slim figure" like the heroine of her book, she could still dream and inwardly squeal at every passionate kiss and gentle touch between the two protagonists and feel a pang of jealousy with each flowery compliment. Good literature be damned, while liable to cause brain damage, sappy novels were at least healthier than chocolate, Sakura's way of mending her broken heart each time she was rejected by the ever-elusive Sasuke. Hinata would have been more than happy in Sakura's position, on her team, in her family, with her looks and her admirer, but the other girl had no need to know that. It was bad enough with Kiba constantly taunting her about her not-so-secret crush as it was.
Hinata shook her head to a) stop her thoughts from going on that tangent and b) remove her bangs from her eyes, and turned back to her clichéd form of therapy, when her precious alone time was interrupted by two crisp knocks on the wooden door. Looking down at her novel she promptly turned bright red and stuffed it into her coat (that was what oversized jackets were good for anyway), embarrassed to be seen reading such things. After all, if it was her father, he would probably burn it or something. However, the visitor was apparently too impatient to wait for her to answer the door and instead barged right in, striding through the room with long, quick steps.
And revealing himself to be none other than Hinata's dreaded cousin. The book was forgotten and Hinata froze in her seat, eyes widening disproportionately and index finger rising to cover her mouth in her typical expression of discomfort and fear. Unfortunately, he recognized this pose easily and looked at her with such arrogance and scorn that she couldn't meet his eyes and couldn't keep her hands from trembling slightly.
"Hinata-sama," he acknowledged, and his voice was detached as ever, the "sama" being added as a contemptuous afterthought, as though highlighting the paradox of a genius like him deferring to her.
Hinata could not meet his hard gaze so she settled for a spot on the wall close to his head. The silence was too awkward, and Hinata had to stand and pretend to be occupied by gauging the layer of dust on the furniture. The entire time she could feel his eyes boring into her, and in her peripheral vision she could see his hand unconsciously rising toward his forehead protector covering the caged bird seal.
"N-Niisan," she mumbled, and slowly turned around to look back at the wall (but never his face!) expectantly as though inquiring the purpose of his visit, and returned to her pseudo-housework.
There was a silence, and Hinata was about to open her mouth and ask as politely and calmly as she could the purpose of his rather unexpected visit, when he spoke.
"I am sorry for intruding," his voice was still blank, although there was slight hesitation on his features. "I have a favor to ask of you."
"Yes?"
He continued, "Since my team will be participating in the Chuunin Exams, I would like to borrow The Hyuuga Kekkai Genkai Scrolls to train with."
The Hyuuga Kekkai Genkai Scrolls. Well, that was certainly ambitious for a member of the branch family. Although technically, they belonged to Hinata, Hiashi still held on tothem, keeping them in higher esteem than his own daughter. Hinata wasn't allowed totouch them. Scratch that, look at them even. Just thinking about them was dubious too, and liable to get her severely punished.
"The scrolls do not belong to me." Hinata opted for the safe route. "If you would like to use them, it would be best to ask my father's permission."
"No," Neji's features clouded at mere mention of the man. "They are rightfully your property, so I have come to you."
Must he? Really, all Hinata wanted to do was enjoy her evening, and remove her cousin from her living room as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, Neji's departure did not seem imminent.
Hinata tried again. "The scrolls are extremely valuable artifacts." She hung her head, ashamed. "Father does not believe me to be worthy or capable of using them." She thought about adding 'yet' at the end, but realized that was probably not the case. Neji looked as though about to interrupt, but Hinata added more firmly, "If you want them, ask my father."
Neji's tone matched hers.
"No. I refuse to ask Hiashi Hyuuga's permission to use items that do not belong to him. And neither should you. As the heir, they are yours."
He seemed to be almost encouraging her, and for a minute, Hinata almost wanted to accept his argument. Although it was more likely to be prompted by his dislike of Hiashi, she figured. Either way, she did not like where the conversation was going, and shook her head.
"Nonetheless, I have no wish to enrage my father."
Hinata could tell that the more respectful Neji's tone, the angrier he was, in the same way that his excessive use of honorifics only came off as mocking. And now he was livid.
"As you wish, Hinata-sama . I understand you don't like to make decisions without your father's approval."
The girl was trembling, but she knew that she would curse herself later if she incurred Hiashi's wrath. Regardless, she began to stammer.
"N-n-nii-san is an excellent shinobi." Eyes were fixed on the ground as she tried and failed to control her voice. "I am sure that you will pass the exams easily without the scrolls."
Her cousin's lavendereyes flashed and all traces of sympathy and humanity were gone.
"Very well, Hinata-sama. Thank you for your time. Goodnight."
Neji gave one last derisive sneer, as though he had expected that answer all along, and touched the doorknob, clearly planning to leave this miserable situation, but instead turned back and stared at Hinata again.
"Hinata-sama," It was as though he spoke to a very young child. Hinata glanced back, this time forcing herself to look into his empty white eyes that mirrored her owned. Wasn't it interesting the way the exact same features could create two completely different effects on different people? But now was clearly not the time for random contemplation.
"Hinata-sama," he repeated then continued. "I must warn you to be careful deciding whether or not to take the Chuunin Exams. No matter what your teammates say, you must be selfish for once. Perhaps being tested in such a way isn't for you. You would probably be more comfortable staying at genin level."
How typical. Never pass up a chance to make Hinata feel inferior. Honestly she had not wanted to take the exams for a few more years until she was truly ready, but Kiba had been really enthused about moving up, and Hinata had asked him to give her time to think about it. Even if she did have the slightest desire to become a chuunin, it was completely cancelled out by how foolish she found the notion; how could she pass? Hinata knew she would probably end up relenting, though. Her own weaknesses were no reason to hold her teammates back. Now she only felt terribly ashamed. But who could really blame her cousin for his mockery when her mere presence was all that was keeping him in his unenviable position as a caged bird?
Hinata turned and walked across the room to hide the tears starting in her eyes, when, humiliation of all humiliation, the sappy romance novel dropped out of her oversized hoodie, and thudded awkwardly on the floor. Her eyes bulged and she moved to pick it up, but her cousin was much quicker. He picked it up delicately, scanned the cover, and opened it at a random page. As he read, he raised one dark eyebrow, and Hinata really hoped he hadn't chosen one of the more…dubious parts.
Neji's gaze did a complete turn from scornful to pitying. Hinata was pretty sure she was bright red at this point.
"I apologize for my lack of taste in literature, Nii-san. I won't read them again, I promise. Just please, d-d-don't tell father." Hinata's head was bowed humbly and her stutter had returned, which was probably why the condescending pity in his voice increased.
"I do not judge you by your choice of reading material, Hinata-sama." The pitying look was replaced with a near smirk."Given the unfortunate state of your love life, it is quite understandable."
What? He knew too? Up until this point Hinata had seen thought of this as her own little secret, that was shared only between her and (regrettably) her teammates. Besides, her cousin was the last person she wanted to have that conversation with.
But Neji continued. "Of course, when the object of your affections is a useless imbecile, it is no wonder he is utterly oblivious to your existence. In fact, one might say that some one as timid as you is fated to fail in this area as well."
Hinata's already pale complexion went almost ashen at those words and she took a couple of ungraceful steps back. She had come to accept, even expect jabs about her physical weakness, but to mock her personal life was unfair and uncalled for. She felt righteous anger well up with the tears. How dare he judge what he couldn't possibly grasp from his high pedestal? Naruto had been all that was preventing her from giving up her struggle to be recognized as something more than "the Quiet One". The "Weak Girl". The thought that he would remain unaware of her very existence, that she would never be worthy of him was one of her greatest fears. But Neji had gone beyond that, saying that despite all of Naruto's struggles, he was worthless, subject to fate. If Hinata's inspiration was useless, what did that make her?
"Think about my warning, Hinata-sama," His eyes were blank again. "Please forgive my abrupt departure. My team should get started on training."
The door clicked behind her cousin, and with it something in Hinata snapped. Instead of fiery, uncontrolled aggression, though, the only feeling that took over her was calm, steely fury. She had seen the scorn and pity in her cousin's eyes, but most of all the confidence that she wouldn't grow, couldn't grow. Confidence that despite all her best efforts, he would forever tower over her, and she would forever scurry about his feet in fear. Well, why, though? Why should it be that way? There was no divine hand pressing her to the ground and preventing her from standing, nor chains binding her to her current position. Because the one thing Hinata hated and feared most in the world was the judgments of others, and from now on, she planned to break their expectations, the mould that she was fitted into every day of her pitiful life.
Hinata seethed for about ten seconds and stared at the wall, then stood up. If she hadn't been certain about taking the Chuunin Exams, she definitely was now.