So, hi everyone. I'm Nicole, and this is my first-ever General Hospital story. I've been watching the show on and off for maybe six months, but I've only been loyally watching for a month or so. I'm very into the show, though, and I've read a bunch of stories. I thought I'd give it a shot, so please tell me what you honestlythink!

"I miss the time when everything was simple. When things like lies and jealousy didn't mess everything up. The time when things were clear-cut. If you liked someone, you told them. Simple as that. Unfortunately, things almost never happen in that way. If you find the courage to tell someone your true feelings, they just blow you off like you don't exist or like you're not important enough for them. Bottom line: love or lust, in most cases sucks.

You give someone your heart, and they just throw it away, without ever thinking twice. What's the point? Why set yourself up to be hurt time and time again? Because apparently, when you find someone to share and return the feelings, love is the absolute greatest feeling on earth. Apparently.

I've heard that love does crazy things to people. It causes them to do things they wouldn't otherwise do. I sometimes wonder if that's true. And if that's true, how do people distinguish between love and stupidity? Maybe you're not in love. Maybe you're just really, really, stupid. How do you know the difference? Maybe everyone that's "in love" is just incredibly stupid.

I guess you "just know". But I still don't get it, and maybe I never will. Maybe it's because I've never been "in love". Maybe I never will. Who knows anymore? And who truly cares? I certainly don't. Maybe I'll find love one day, and maybe I won't. Maybe love doesn't even exist. I guess no one knows for sure. It's all a matter of opinion. My personal one is that true love can and will never exist because no one is ever completely honest, and love can't exist without honesty. So in my own words: love is just a lie people tell each other so they don't feel bad about themselves."

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It's amazing how dramatic and pessimistic a fifteen year old on a bad day can sound in her journal. Of course, like all journals, it went from happy and "in love" with one boy or another to "broken-hearted" and depressed in a matter of days.

Some of my views have changed. Others haven't. For instance, I still believe that absolutely no relationship is free of lies and jealously. I don't believe that any one person is ever one hundred percent honest with any other person. Lies are a part of life. They protect people and they keep things interesting. "Love" doesn't exist without lies.

Some of my old opinions have changed, though. I used to believe that "love", or the perceived notion of love was just for liars and extreme optimists. I didn't think anyone could make a relationship last for long. Now I believe that if you can possibly find the right person and accept them and all their flaws, then you can possibly have a chance of getting through all of the obstacles that will be thrown your way. And then you can try and work towards being happy as a couple.

I've seen so many relationships fail. More than I've seen survive. My father and mother are the perfect example of love gone wrong. They had two kids, but they couldn't make their "love" last. And that's because no relationship can survive lies. And no person can truly give up lying for their relationship. They can try, but something always happens to screw it up. Normally, people think they're trying to protect their boyfriend or girlfriend, so they lie to cover up things that they believe will be hurtful. Lying and pain are inevitable. And someone in the relationship will end up hurt. Guaranteed.

But me – the most pessimistic girl on the planet – did fall in love. And it blew up in my face, just like I knew it would. I gave my heart away and it was ripped apart and stomped on. And the worst part is that it's my own fault. I knew it would end in disaster, but I sought it out anyway. I asked for heartbreak and I got it. I have no one to blame but myself.

One of the worst parts is that, though being in love made me feel ecstatic, I could never be completely happy because I was lying the whole time. I lied to get what I wanted, I lied to keep what I wanted, and I'm still lying now. My relationship was one big lie. Just like love. Full of lies and destined to never work out.

Lies destroyed my first true love. And because of it, I don't even have my best friend anymore. I'm all alone again. Well, sort of...

I was overjoyed when I lost my virginity to the person I was truly in love with. I wanted it to last forever. But of all people, I should have known that there was no way it could last. I've seen how love hurts people. The lies and the deception cause pain that rips people apart. It's inevitable. It happened. It's done. Most people would mourn for a bit and move on. I tried that, but unfortunately there's an obstacle standing in my way. Pregnancy. My first time having sex was the most memorable moment of my life. It's a moment that I'll remember forever. I have a reminder that will stick with me for the rest of my life. This is supposed to be the happiest moment of my life. Fall in love, have sex, get pregnant, and live happily ever after, right? Wrong. Because I fell in love, lied, had sex, lied, got pregnant, lied, told the truth, and got dumped. And now I'm alone. Well, not completely, I guess.

Falling in love is supposed to make you weak and dizzy, not morning sickness. You're not supposed to be alone for something like this. But I am. I'm supposed to be the happiest I've ever been, but instead my world is crumbling around me. I'm pregnant. I, Lulu Spencer, am pregnant. I'm pregnant and alone, and in love with a boy who will never be able to love me back. Dillon Quartermaine. I'm in love with beautiful, honest, loving Dillon Quartermaine. Unfortunately, I'm not the person he loves. I never will be. And it's my own fault.

Whoever said love was the greatest feeling in the world was lying.