Note: Yet another "Cars" story. Leave it to Northwestpassage and to have planted this seed for a new plot in my brain. What is the Coupe family like ? Here we learn more about Grandpa Brum, Father George and Edgar's psychic mother, Oleander ("Leah"). We're also introduced to a mysterious and alluring Wiccan/Gnostic named Sylvia (she's an economy-safe vehicle, a gecko green VWbug) who is the family's doctor and counselor.
"Regard Heaven as your father, Earth as your mother, all things as brothers and sisters, and you will enjoy the divine country which exceeds all others."--Shinto wisdom on immortality
"Life is going forth. Death is a returning home."--Taoist wisdom about immortality
Chapter 1—Not Just Funerals
Everyone is lead to believe that the hearse has only one function; to preside over funerals.
Of coursewe do that, but as I said before, the Coupe family helps families adjust to grieving for their lost loved ones. Believe it or not, the Coupes do have a social life outside the graveyard shift, if you will pardon the pun. I myself enjoy bowling with my good friend Dr. Raphael Carmine. My dad, Father George, is a priest at the local parish and besides delivering hominies, eulogies and the like, he loves to go to public dances with my mother, Oleander. It's said that my Grandma Ada was very much like dad, but I never had the chance to meet her. I think she was the only other car in this natural world who could ever understand my eccentric grandfather Brum as well as his twisted morbid sense of humor. Just like Gramps, she loved life and never took anything for granted. I regret never meeting her, but thanks to grandpa's rants about her every now and then, I feel I've known her through grandpa's stories. Which reminds me, Brum adores telling stories and beyond the funeral business, he does many things for charities.
A lot of carsonas think I'm a bit touched in the hood but I know my mother's a psychic. I only inherited telepathy but she solves crimes for the police all the time. She has been on thousands of talk shows, even with Larry King. In her spare time, she writes books and sells them to the public, hoping to enlighten others. Her best friend happens to be our counselor, doctor and mentor, Ms. Sylvia Volks. She has really helped my grandfather's aches and pains with her herbal remedies. She also enrolled him in her meditation and yoga class, which has lowered my grandfather's high oil pressure. We love Sylvia so much and we cannot imagine life without her. Arthur has come to know her well and refers to her as "godmother". I can count on her to babysit him while I am out with the guys bowling or going to hearse conventions.
Chapter 2—Others Like Me
Sure there are other hearses in the world, but we're not all alike. Some are horrible freaky. I've seen some of the things these carsonas buy. There was one extremely emo goth called Dark only because almost everything that came out of his mouth was depressing, melancholy or negative. He bought just about everything he saw from the convention. There were chocolate caskets and sugar skeletons and the like. Whatever suited the fancy of those passing about. Some of the vendors were just as nutty, or worse, creepy. Sadly, my own grandpa went around and bought some caramel filled skulls.
"Do you realize how delicious these things are ?", he questioned, popping another candy into his mouth and looking as if he was in the midst of pure euphoria.
"Yes, but I don't want one. And don't ask me for gummy worms. I used to love those as a kid, Gramps, but...I've pretty much outgrown my desire to have Gothic candy.", I confessed.
"Suit yourself. Your loss, grandson.", Brum chuckled, tossing another candy into his mouth and sighing in ecstasy.
I rolled my eyes and rolled around the convention, talking to other hearses I had befriended over the year. Some of them wanted to have a mini-reunion after the convention was through, which I was more than open to going to. I loved the organic punch served at parties like that so I was most assuredly going to be there if it was only for the punch.
Dark was still going about his business but nearly scared the headlights off of me when I saw that he had purchased fangs from one of the vendors.
"Edgar, you scare so easily. They're not real, just like vanpires aren't real. Although sometimes I wish they were...Mwahahaha !", Dark said, pretending he had a cloak to "whip" around himself. I sighed in exasperation. Sometimes Dark was irritating, other times he was just strange. But today, he was really starting to freak me out.
"If you don't mind, Dark...I have a party that is beckoning my name.", I said, trying not to be rude. But the rather large faux monster truck was blocking my way. His red eyes glared at me, trying to intimidate me.
"Alright, if I pretend to be afraid, will you let me by ?", I said, not wanting to be late for my engagement.
"Oooh, yes, of course. Tremble with FEAR at my awesome MIGHT, foolish cartal...Gya ha ha ha ha HA !", Dark said, maniacally, acting as menacing as he possibly could. With his semi-gigantic size and his mere power, he did frighten me a little. I pretended to shiver and look submissive while he continued to laugh menacingly.
"Very well, cartal. I shall let you pass.", Dark finally said, letting me by.
Soon, I was fraternizing with friends from the past and indulging on some sweet treats while I was at it. Before I turned around my grandfather was pointing out how late it was.
"I hope you've enjoyed yourself enough, grandson...We've gotta motor !", Brum said, happily. He was the first one out of the building and my parents and I followed after them.
Chapter 3—Arthur's Birthday
Although others might think my life is depressing, they really don't know my family at all. Just recently Arthur celebrated his 10th birthday. He's been bumped up another grade and is reading at a middle school level already. The whole Coupe family, even Godmother Volks were proud of him. He's still the most popular car in school and I couldn't be happier for him.
I was afraid I would run out of party favors during this celebration, but luckily my parents had enough party favors packed away that hadn't been used for years and that kept all of our guests happy. I was the designated DJ, and it seemed that I had become the most popular parent around Peaceful Pathways.
After enjoying cake, carbonated drinks and Sylvia's punch, Arthur was given thousands upon thousands of gifts. He got the CDs he had been begging for as well as new research books.
He also received Earl Grey and chamomile teas. That especially made him smile, considering they were his favorite teas in the entire world. The party was incredibly enjoyable but sadly, it was over all too soon. After finishing the day with cold, satisfying ice cream.
As the family and I watched the party guests leave, I was impressed at how much Arthur had grown since our first initial meeting. He hadn't lost his youthful spirit, which I was glad to see, but he understood many adult topics such as death and the true purpose of life. This would be integral when I finally made the journey to the Great Showroom in the Sky and the business was left to Arthur. I knew Peaceful Pathways Mortuary was in very capable tires.
Epilogue
We're still the busiest family that I know of. Only recently we were all invited to David Lettercar's talk show and we've been the talk of Peaceful Pathways when we returned from our trip to New York. We made sure to get plenty of momentos to our friends back home. It seems our friend Sylvia's business is going along smoothly. If she's lucky, she might even get a movie part in the future. As for mom and dad, they're doing well. Mom was recently hailed as one of the world's most accurate psychics and business has been booming for her too. Grandpa Brum is as silly and loveable as ever. We're all enjoying life and living it to its fullest extent. It's far too short not to be done in that way, as far as I am concerned. Every day is a new adventure and we remember to take nothing for granted. Life is just preparation for the afterlife, and what awaits us we'll never know but it's nothing to be frightened of.
From the Destination Diaries of Edgar Hershel Coupe