Boyfriend material
This series is a bit of a change. It is basically fluff designed to cheer me up when writing Tears, which believe it or not is quite depressing to write! I don't think this is half as good as Tears but then again it's not meant to be.
Disclaimer: I don't own any character from Friends (or any other TV show for that matter!)
Authors note: This is set very early season 4. Ross and Rachel have just split up and Chandler is still pestering Mon to go out with him, much to the rest of the gang's annoyance.
Monica stared at the floor intently as she scrubbed away the jam stain Joey had kindly left behind him. She sighed loudly and ran through last nights date in her head. To it had been a disaster would be an understatement. Not only had the guy continuously talked about his ex-girlfriend but then he'd had the cheek to leave with another woman! ' Why do I always end up with the losers?' Monica asked herself as she wrung out the cloth in the bucket beside her. She continued scrubbing and decided that she was definitely going to end up ' an old spinster cook' as Chandler would say. 'I always either pick the wrong guy or the wrong guy picks me…' she confirmed in her mind as she took her anger out on the floor.
"Hey Mon," Chandler greeted cheerfully as he sauntered through the door. Monica just glared.
"Woah there, I didn't spill anything remember. It was Joey, not Chandler, Joey." Chandler said nervously as he backed away. Her face broke out in a smile as she stood up and dusted off her knees,
"Sorry, I'm just having a bad day. What with that," she pointed to where the offensive stain had been, " and Ross and Rachel."
" Still fighting? "
"Yeah well, you know those two, they want to get their money's worth out of every break up."
Chandler nodded and grinned sympathetically as he grabbed a beer and leant against the fridge door.
" So how come you're so cheerful?" Monica asked, picking up the bucket of water at her feet.
"Well there's a new episode of Baywatch on in," he glanced at his watch, "ten minutes."
" Yeah baby!" Monica intoned sarcastically.
"You know what your problem is Mon?" She shook her head, his grin widened,
"You just don't appreciate the little things in life"
" Yeah neither do you Chandler, have you seen Yasmine's breasts recently?" at the mention of Yasmine Bleeth Chandler stared dreamily into the distance,
"Feel free to join me if you want, I'm sure Yasmine would cheer you up!"
"As tempting as that sounds I think I'll pass." Chandler watched her as she opened the fridge, grabbed a beer and slumped down at the table.
" What's up Mon?" he asked with concern.
"Nothing, I'm just pretty sure I'm gonna end up 'an old spinster cook' after all"
"Date was bad last night, huh?"
"Urgh, I don't want to talk about it." She answered as she took a swig of her beer.
"Well here's a bit of free advice Mon. No matter how bad you feel, there's always someone who's feeling ten times worse," he told her, walking behind her and placing a hand on her shoulder, "I mean look at Ross!" he added as an afterthought. Monica laughed and turned around,
" Now come on Chandler they were 'on a break'" she said imitating Ross perfectly. Chandler pulled a face at her and walked towards the door,
"Well you know my offer is still open."
She looked at him, bemused,
" What offer?"
"I'll be your boyfriend if you want." She sighed in frustration that he was bringing up the subject again,
"Get out of here" she told him jokingly, flinging her cloth at the now closed door. Monica smiled to herself. It was nice to know that at least someone cared for her and Chandler was very sweet. It was just he would never be boyfriend material in her mind.
That evening the gang were gathered at Monica's apartment when Rachel walked in,
"Hey you guys," she fixed an icy glare on Ross, "Hello Ross"
Getting the hint Ross stood up,
"It's okay I'm just leaving," he said, brushing past Rachel.
"No dude stay, please" pleaded Joey.
" No Jo, really, I've got to go pick up Ben, he's staying with me for the weekend." As Ross left the apartment an uncomfortable silence fell over the group. The seconds ticked on and the silence grew more ominous,
"Okay you guys, lets eat!" Monica piped up a little too cheerfully. The gang responded favourably, glad to put Ross and Rachel's exchange behind them.
A couple of hours and a lot more beers later they were all sat in the living room, listening to one of Phoebe's stories,
"And then one eyed Bob said to me, ' You can't put mistletoe up in here,' and I said….."
The words faded out for Chandler as he stared at Monica's dark head resting on his shoulder. He was only 2% serious when he offered to be her boyfriend, but boy did that 2% want her bad! ' Don't be stupid,' the other 98% of his mind scolded him. ' She is a fantastic woman and one of your best friends, do you really want to screw that up?' He continued his mental argument, ' Besides she's made it pretty clear that you're not boyfriend material.' His thoughts were interrupted by Joey's laughter. He'd obviously missed the punch line to Phoebe's story. He obviously hadn't missed much as both Monica and Rachel looked suitably confused.
"So Mon," asked Phoebe, " How did your date go last night? Should we be making ourselves scarce?"
"No Pheebs, I don't think that'll be necessary. Not any time soon, anyway."
"That bad, huh?" asked Joey.
"Well lets just say I know all about his ex – girlfriend. And I mean all, including cup size."
Joey smiled sleazily, "Niiicccee!" Rachel reached over and slapped his arm then turned back to Mon,
"Oh honey, we're sorry,"
" No, it's okay, just one more jerk to add to the growing list. Why is it that not one decent guy wants to go out with me?" Chandler couldn't help himself,
"I would go out with you." The whole gang groaned. Chandler grinned at them, knowing that this topic drove them nuts.
"Look Mon, I'll pay you to go out with him," Rachel joked.
"I'll pay you to go out with me!" added Chandler, winking at her.
"I need cash but not that bad," smiled back Monica as she started clearing away dinner.
"What is up with you dude?" Joey asked Chandler, "You get a lot more than a date if you were willing to pay." He said with raised eyebrows. For the second time that evening Rachel hit him,
" What?" he looked at her with innocent eyes.
"I don't know Mon," Rachel said, ignoring Joey, "You could do a lot worse."
"Thanks Rach," remarked Chandler sarcastically.
"I mean he's sweet, smart, not bad looking," Rachel started ticking of these points on her fingers. Monica laughed,
"Maybe you should go out with him Rach"
"Yeah, he wishes!" Rachel scoffed.
"Come on baby, you know I'd give you a good time," Chandler stated as he slid over to her mockingly. Rachel turned away,
"And his sense of humour will have you laughing for days," she added with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"Come on, what are you afraid off?" Monica whipped around immediately.
"Uh oh," intoned Phoebe.
"What?" asked Joey.
"Never, ever tell Monica she is afraid of anything," she whispered back
"I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid at all," Monica insisted loudly, challenge in her eyes. From her armchair Phoebe suddenly spoke up,
"Prove it." Rachel turned round and shared an evil grin with Phoebe, they both knew that they had ' woken the beast'
"Fine I'll prove it," Monica told them all, "For three days I'll be Chandler's girlfriend" Chandler's mouth dropped open in disbelief.
"Phoebe Buffay, there is a place in hell waiting for you," Rachel told her, secretly enjoying this new turn of events.
"By girlfriend, what exactly do you mean?" asked Joey, he was totally confused.
"Well I'm not sleeping with him," Monica stated firmly reading both Joey and Chandler's minds. Phoebe jumped up ready to make some rules,
"Okay Mon and Chandler you have to act like a real couple for three days. You have to go on dates, hold hands, stuff like that, stuff normal couples would do," seeing the look on Monica's face she hastily added, "but no x-rated stuff, okay?"
"But a normal couple would do x – rated stuff," Chandler insisted half heartedly. He was immediately silenced by Monica's glare.
"Okay, deal," he agreed, offering his outstretched hand to shake on it. To be honest with himself, he didn't care about the stipulations as long as he could pretend Monica was his real girlfriend, even if it was only for 3 days. Monica stared at his hand, wondering what she was getting herself into. Rachel, seeing trepidation in Monica's eyes, jumped in,
"And I bet $20 that Monica will not be able to stick through 3 days." Phoebe looked at Rachel sternly,
"If I'm going to Hell then you're coming down with me Rachel Green."
Chandler was oblivious to his friend's chatter, he was staring intently at Monica, willing her to say yes. She looked up at him, Rachel's comment sealing the deal and grabbed his hand,
"Fine, starting tomorrow I'm Chandler's girlfriend."
What do you think? Did it have too much dialogue? Should I continue? Don't just think it, leave me a review and tell me for God's sake!