I'll Protect You

by deadaccount100

Eren's had his eye on Levi for a long time, but it's never easy feeling this way for someone who doesn't even consider you a close friend. Levi's just totally oblivious, and Eren isn't sure whether he'd rather tell him, or spare him the pain. (Sequel to I'm Always Here For You, although you don't need to read it to understand what's going on)

I'm not good enough for you. I don't think I ever really was. I mean, yeah, you talk to me, and we mess around together, teasing eachother and telling stupid jokes. And in those moments, when you sling your arm over me and laugh at my stupid jokes, I feel like I could fly. But you're so oblivious, and I can't stand it. It drives me insane.

When you're upset, you never tell me anything, and it's always someone else you go to. Don't you get it? I want to be strong enough to protect you! I want to help you, and I want to be the one to wipe away your tears and hold you close! Not knowing why you are so sad, and feeling so helpless, it's awful. Why won't you let me in? Do you not trust me? Am I not strong enough?

When you talk to others about your friends, I see how you light up. You might not smile often, but your beautiful, silver eyes light up, and your face softens, and it's beautiful. I wish you could see how beautiful you really are. But there's one recurring thing I've noticed. If you read this, you'd probably tease me for using such a big word, wouldn't you Levi? You'd call me a brat, and mess up my hair. But the one thing you do; you always leave me until last. It hurts, y'know? People ask you who your best friends are, and I'm never on that list. But when people ask me, you're on mine. I just thought you should know.

Half of me wants to say all this, to let you see how much I've cried over this, how much it actually hurts me to be ignored and forgotten. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. But another part doesn't want you to see. Doesn't want you to hurt at all, ever again. I want to wrap up you tight in my arms, and show you just how much I care for you.

What should I do?

I talk to Armin about this a lot. He really seems to understand, to sympathize with me. I wonder who it is that he thinks of late at night, and if he too imagines waking up next to them, or what it's like to kiss them goodnight. God, I think of it so often it makes me feel sick. But Armin can't help entirely, because this is something I have to figure out on my own.

I'm scared of being alone.

Why does this have to hurt? It feels so beautiful, when you come to me and make me feel special, and cherished. These feelings should be a wonderful thing, not ugly and painful.

But don't worry Levi. I'll keep trying to protect you.

I just hope, one day, you'll see all I've done for you, and understand how loved you are. I'd like to see that beautiful smile of yours again.