Sirens
I carry the weight of you in my heavy heart
And the wind is so icy, I am numb
I carry the weight of you heading back to start
With the thousand eyes on me, I stumble on.
*Demi POV*
Did you know that every year, 1,000-1,600 women are killed by the hand of their male partners. When you look at that number you try and debate within yourself how someone could possible kill another human being, let alone someone you were with, who you supposed loved, and cherished, who had became your world at some point in your life and yet you choose this outcome. Then the real question sets in, do you love this person if this is the way you ended their life? Did you ever love them enough to not hurt them to begin with? Was there a point that your hand never touched their face when they spoke out of turn? Or was it always going to end out this way? Was your hand always going to be the way they left your life for good?
There are days when I can't move, my body is too numb to even comprehend something I know will only tighten the bruises that are hidden over my body like a dark secret that only I know exist. Sometimes I press on them to see I see this where the blood rises to the surface, it's like a reminder to myself that this hell is real life, that this is my life now. At night instead of sleeping, I curl myself tighter into the pillow, tucking it under my elbow as I try and find a way to compare how I feel but no words can explain what I feel. Nothing can justify this immense feeling of guilt but yet need to want to leave. But I know I won't leave, the responsibilities that tie me down stop me leaving. He made sure that these barriers were tightly sealed before the abuse came; they were already like walls built around me, keeping me in. In reality I know you can never escape this. It will stay with you for as long as you survive. Until you become that 1,000-1,600 piece of data on a screen. Then your miserable ends and it begins for another victim to get through what I can only describe as the worst experience of my entire life.
*Normal POV*
Demi yawned deeply as she opened her eyes for the twelfth time that night, it was half an hour before her alarm was finally going to go off and she knew herself better than anyone and she wouldn't be going back to sleep. She turned to see her husband still soundly sleep; snoring occasionally as he sucked too much air in his mouth. She tied her dressing gown around her waist and walked into the kitchen careful to not disturb her sleeping husband as his snores continued to get louder as she tip toed out of the room like he was conscious that she was leaving his side. Heading straight for the fridge she got out the necessary items to start the day, her husband always wanted eggs and fried bread on a Thursday morning, It was just something she had done since she first met him and they first moved in together. Of course she didn't know back then the consequences of what would happen if she accidently overslept or forgot to add the eggs to the grocery list the day before and couldn't make this meal on this individual day. However, she learnt her lesson very quickly and made sure she never forgot in the future. She had remembered everytime on a Wednesday how he tried to crack her unla like an egg shell to show her how much he wanted eggs on a Thursday morning. She cracked the shell on the pan and pour the content into the oil and watched it sizzle and bubble away, she began to fry the bread at the same time and heard footsteps approach her. She knew he was coming, she could tell by the pattering of his feet on the hard wooden floor they had chosen when they first decided upon this home for them and their fresh new start.
"Morning Darling". He approached slowly, moving his hand to gently lie on the curve around her waist as his lips touched her cheek. He could feel her gently flinch at his touch and this only made his hand tighten around her waist to assure her she wasn't going anywhere while he was still holding her.
"You woke me up this morning". Dani carefully tried to move his hand so she could tend to the egg that she could smell was beginning to burn as she hadn't turned it over in a matter of minutes and the oil was beyond hot enough to cook in. she felt his fingers dig into gap where her hip and ribs were as his finger slowly pushed further in til she felt it tap against the top of her hip bone. She wanted to make a sound but nothing came out – she had learnt by now it was better to cry after. She couldn't move but yet the smoke that was building on the cooker began to terrify her. She couldn't decide at this moment in time what she was more scared of. She looked up and saw the burning of his eyes as he looked down upon her. "What do you say?" he gritted his teeth together and aggressively spoke into her ear.
"I'm sorry Kevin" She kept her gaze at the kitchen floor. She didn't dare look him in the eye as she apologized. She couldn't allow him to see her face when she lied to him. He always knew she was lying and the consequences were always worse for lying than just keeping your head down until he was finished and allowed you to carry on til the next problem arose.
"Good" He spat at her before loosening his grip on her side and allowing her to quickly walk back over to the cooker to sort out the burnt egg which he had allowed to happen. Even though it was him who stopped her she knew she'd be the one punished. It was how it always worked out. He was right and she was wrong.
Dani quickly dished the food up as she deemed it fully cooked and placed the items on the plate she had pre-heated in the oven. She walked over to the table and placed the plate down in front of her husband on the mat before handing him the salt and pepper knowing he'd put a few sprinkles of each onto his egg before leaving his bread dry. She then poured him and herself a glass of orange juice from the fridge, putting his cup down next to him as she sat opposite him at the table with the fruit bowl at the center of the table and what would be her breakfast this morning. She bite into the apple before looking to the hall.
"Daddy?" the little girl with black long curly lock walked down the hall which led to the open plan kitchen and saw her father sitting in his usual chair at the top of the table like every morning. She held onto her teddy bears hand in her own; allowing the teddy to drag on the floor behind her. She walked up to her father and rubbed her tired eyes before he pulled her up onto his lap and held her gently in his arms.
"Ebony why are you awake so early baby?" Dani asked, her daughter had at least another hour in bed before she had to be up and then she could start getting her ready for her reception class. She was only 4 years old but yet she was bright and intelligent. She had been the only highlight in Dani's life. Every day was a blessing because she had Ebony to spend it with.
She sucked onto her thumb, as she laid back further into his dad's chest, she felt his arm tighten around her to support her frame within his. He carried on using his spare hand to eat his dinner and ended up picking the dry bread with hand to eat it with ease.
"Muma?" her tired voice spoke aloud.
Dani had just seconds ago got up with Kevin's empty plate to put into the sink ready to clean up and put away as soon as he left for work that morning, she came back over and took her daughter in her arms knowing her husband was bound to be late and still needed to go get his shoes on back in the bedroom where they always were kept after Dani would polish them every night ready for the next working day and his briefcase out from the cupboard under the stairs. "Yes Ebony?" she replied tiredly, the lack of sleep was now beginning to be apparent in her speech.
"Why were you crying last night?" the little girl asked brightly. She didn't dare look up as she knew when she did her husband would be staring at her with his eyes so wide she'd want to run as fast she could. She heard the sound of his feet approach her until a shadow was confronting her face on. Even his shadow made her skin crawl.