Author: I got this idea after watching the "Will Ferrell's Landlord" video on youtube. There's too many depressing and gloomy Ulquiorra fics out there, and though many are really good, I just get depressed reading one after another, so I wanted to write something cute and lighthearted. Hope you'll like pint-size Ulqui.
Disclaimer: Not mine I tell you!!
Chapter 1, Part 1
Waking up one morning in Hueco Mundo, Ulquiorra couldn't help but feel something was different about him.
He sat up in his ivory white bed, which took up the back wall of his just as white room. Bland and colorless… it fit him well.
He slowly got out of bed, and as he stood in his room he felt… shorter. That or everything else had gotten bigger. He shook off that thought and made his way to his closet, opening it to reveal several of the same Espada uniform, all neatly hung inside. Taking one from the far right, he quickly got dressed.
And then it happened…
There was a lengthy list of normal yet embarrassing happenings that never seemed to happen to Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra making a blunder would be considered a joke to any other Espada. He was poised and proud, with an indestructibly straight face. So it was a shock to him that as Ulquiorra made his way for the door, he suddenly tripped over something, an incident Ulquiorra had not experienced for as long as he could remember.
He looked down to see his tailcoat was the source of the problem. His clothes were several sizes too large for him, his pants rippled over his feet and the tails of his coat dragged along the marble floor. His hands were invisible under the long sleeves and the only thing keeping everything on him was his black sash… which was also way too large. For once, he was very confused, but let out a sigh and, careful not to step on his dragging clothes again, opened the door and made his way down the hall. After all, he had a prisoner that needed her breakfast, and Ulquiorra was never late.
A few more hallways and Ulquiorra started passing other hollows. They were mostly arrancar, a few Espada. Many stood around idly, before they felt Ulquiorra's presence.
And then came the staring…
Ulquiorra could feel the eyes of Espada and other arrancar on him as he strode the castle's hallways to Orihime's room. At first he believed it was because of his saggy clothes, but he couldn't help but feel something was different about… himself. Everyone and everything seemed to tower before him. As he reached Orihime's room, he had to stand on his tiptoes just to reach the door. With effort, he pushed the door open, and called for a servant to bring the tray of breakfast food. The servant stared at him, but quickly looked away when Ulquiorra glared back. Ulquiorra stepped into Orihime room.
"Woman, your breakfast ith here-" Ulquiorra began but stopped at the sound of his voice. It had a childish tone, articulated with a lisp and very mispronounced.
At the sound of a child's voice, Orihime wiped around, only to be shocked further at what she saw. "…Ulquiorra?"
"Yeth woman, what? He said, foot tapping under his saggy pants.
She scratched her head and softly said "Have you looked at yourself?"
At that he walked to the prisoner's bathroom, and looked into the full view mirror on the wall. Staring back at him was Ulquiorra: Green eyes, black hair, tear marks and hollow helmet. Though he looked like himself, there was one difference…
He had the stature of a five-year-old boy.
…
Chapter 1, Part 2
He came back out, eyes wide in panic. "How… how did thith… how could thith happen?" He repeated this as he walked about the room, childish panic overcoming him. Orihime watched as he did this, and found herself holding back a laugh. Here was her ever-stoic guard, fidgeting about the room with his tailcoat dragging along behind him.
At last he started to calm down, sitting on the white couch in the room and gathering his thoughts. He was still Ulquiorra Schiffer, and if he was going to keep up his reputation, he was going to have to act like himself too.
And act he did…
He got up, and stood straight, striding to his prisoner with impassive eyes. He stopped before her, looked up at her, and with a childish but stern voice said "Eat woman."
Her response wasn't what he wanted. She stared back at him and then… burst out laughing. She fell to the floor in a fit of laughter actually. Not as if that was humiliating enough, Ulquiorra could hear the servant behind him chuckling too. In mortified anger he bent over and grabbed her by the collar, bringing her to eye level with himself (Which wasn't very far from the ground really…). Giving her a death glare he repeated himself. "Eat… woman…"
She did as he said… quickly.
As she ate breakfast, Orihime noticed something new about… little Ulquiorra. As a child, he had more character, rather than acting like a statue as he always had before. He was now standing before her, arms crossed and foot tapping. It was like he was pouting. She guessed that his change had not only physical, but mental effects.
Another thing she noticed was that no matter what he did, it was irresistibly adorable. His eyes were big and round and his helmet seemed too big for him, slipping over his eyes every so often. Though he tried not to, he tripped often. He had a childlike charm now.
She felt sorry for him too. He had always described Las Noches as being a dangerous place. He seemed so vulnerable now, and as she had seen from the way Grimmjow acted, at least one of the Espada wouldn't blink an eye if he got killed. No matter how he treated her before, she held no grudge, and was truly worried for him now.
"Ulquiorra… be careful." She said weakly as he trotted over to take her tray.
"Don't worry woman, I won't spill your tray." Ulquiorra mumbled.
"That's not what I mean-" But as she tried to elaborate he slipped once again, a tray of half-eaten eggs landing on his head.
As he got up, brushing the mess from his hair, she tried again. "I meant look out for yourself-" But she was once again interrupted, this time by an arrancar at the door.
"Ulquiorra Schiffer," declared the hollow "Lord Aizen has demanded your presence."
AN: Good, bad, you now what to kill me? Please give me feedback!