I loved her.
She loved me.
And I knew it.
So why did I give her up? For Nightcloud. I hated her. Her smoky black fur that hung down, her smell of rotting crows and thick smoke, her blotchy green eyes.
Leafpool was beautiful. Her light brown tabby fur billowed softly in the wind. She was so caring, so ... loving, and so compassionate. She knew. Being a medicine cat, she could not mate with me. But I loved her, and she the same. From that dark, stormy night, the night I saved her from falling. Like I could not save Feathertail. Leafpool was so gorgeous, so magnificent. She had the courage of a lion, the sweetness of a tiny kit, and the humor of Squirrelflight; a jokester. So why, out of all this time did I choose then to save her?
There was one time, when Tornear tried to attack her on the Windclan border. I could have saved her then. Maybe we'd be together longer. Maybe we wouldn't have had Lionblaze, or Jayfeather, especially not Hollyleaf. Maybe, just maybe, I would not have had to go through the pain of Feathertail, and met her first.
One day, I took her away to our meeting spot. I asked her if she would run away with me. The clans were no use. She could have me. She didn't need Squirrelflight, or Firestar. Sandstorm and Cinderpelt would get on without her.
Of course, she said yes, happiness filled her meow, and her whiskers seemed to quiver with love and compassion. Every night, we entwined tails. I told her she was my whole world and she said the same. We purred lovingly, and shared stories and secrets about our clans. She told me about Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw. She showed me hunting techniques and battle moves she had learned. I told her mine, and we shared tongues, before we fell asleep, neck over neck, snuggled up to each other.
I hunted for her. It seemed like I could never stop. By the end of one day I had 3 rabbits, 7 sparrows, 2 robins, 9 crows, 1 blackbird, 6 voles, and one large hawk.
She told me she didn't need so much, we could survive off this for a moon! She told me I had gone too far for her, and that that was good, but she was not a small kit mewling in the nursery at home.
I purred, and said I knew, and that she was the most mature cat I knew. We played in a mossy hollow near our rock overhang play-fought and batted at leaves. I taught her my strongest battle move, and taught me hers. Life was bliss. Until one cool afternoon. We were out for a stroll near the Windclan moorlands.
A dark, smoky gray badger lumbered toward us. I darted in front of Leafpool, and I heard a dark, deep, furious growl rumble up my throat. A loud and ferocious snarl ripped through the air. Suddenly, Leafpool let out a large purr. "Midnight!" she cried. The badger staggered toward us and told us that the badgers, her kin, were planning to invade the clans. She said that we had driven them out of their home, and now the kits the Thunderclan warriors had driven out with their mother and father, had grown up. She informed us that since we drove them out, now they were driving us out.
Leafpool let out a wail and cried, "We have to help them!" she dashed toward the forest, just a brown streak. I quickly caught up with her, being a Windclan cat. She asked me what I was doing, and I said I was coming with her. A purr rumbled in her throat, and she licked my shoulder briefly.
The badger attack was bad, and Thunderclan was crushed. I offered to take Leafpool again.
She said no.
I wanted to be with Leafpool all my life. Why did she run off, when I offered to take her, to live with her. I mean, sure our clans were important, but why did she leave them... if she wanted to go save them in the end. I wish we were in the same clan. Things would have been so much easier!
The badgers attacked strong, but then we were done, she decided she did not want to have a life with me. She stayed with her clan, as Cinderpelt had died and left her to be the only cat with medicine skills, other than Brightheart. She decided she needed to stay. Her friends and clanmates needed her. She told me that she loved me, with all her heart too. She said, that maybe, when she had an fully trained apprentice, maybe she could go with me.
I refused.
I told her, that, if she didn't want me now, she wouldn't need me later. I told her I loved her, but now, I wasn't sure. I turned my back and departed briefly toward my home, where I was sure my clanmates would welcome me. I remember the words I told her. I loved you. But now, I'm not sure I love you as much. And, I-I-I'm not sure you love me as much as you say either. Goodbye Leafpool.
I lied.
I miss her every day, my heart aches with grief and love for the she-cat I have no more. Her laughter fills my heart, her smile brightens my day.
And when the time comes, I will tell her that I love her once more. And this time, maybe she'll say, I love you too.