Get well soon Bowser!
Bowser could hear faint voices talking but, he couldn't see them. He strained to listen to their conversation.
"Man, he's STILL not up!" one of the voices said.
"Yeah, that anesthesia really did the trick." another replied. "You think we could use this on him whenever he orders us to clean the minion bathrooms?"
Bowser opened his eyes and slowly looked around the room.
He was in a drab room with boring white colored walls and only one window near the ceiling to his left. There was a small circular table in the corner of the room with a few multicolored flowers in a vase on top of it, probably a vain effort to make the place look more cheerful. A rectangular poster showing the anatomy of a Toad hung on the far wall across from him, but that seemed to be it. The only other piece of furniture he had seen was the long bed he was laying on that perfectly resembled the colors of the walls.
Bowser was about to examine the rest of the room when he did a double take. He seemed to be wearing some type of jumbo sized hospital gown.
Where am I? he wondered.
"Hey, Goom! He's waking up!" the second voice exclaimed.
Bowser glanced to his right and saw a koopa and a goomba sitting beside his bed. He studied them for a moment before recognizing them as Private Goom and Lieutenant Karl.
"Where am I?" he mumbled groggily.
"You're in the hospital, your Forgetfulness." Karl stated, giving him a quick salute.
"Hospital? Why am I at the hospital?" Bowser asked, scratching his head.
"For your surgery. Don't you remember, your Confusedness? You were so furious about the season finale of Space Koopa Adventure ending in such a cliché cliff hanger that you stormed up to your room."
"And then you started breathing fire for three hours straight. Eventually, you must have overworked your flame pipe, sir, and you had to be rushed to the emergency room." Goom continued. "I'm just amazed that your spectacular inferno of furious flames didn't burn down the castle."
"Well they better have fixed my flame pipe!" Bowser grumbled, crossing his arms. Whatever remnants of sleepiness there had been had now completely vanished.
"Oh don't worry, your Grouchiness! They did!" Goom said.
"Great! Now how about we test it out?" Bowser shouted joyfully.
"Yeah, well, about that…" Goom trailed off, looking down at his feet.
"What?" Bowser asked, worried his flame wouldn't be as powerful as before.
Then Karl said, "The doctor said that you would be incapable of breathing fire for a while, sir."
"What! For how long?"
"Oh, uh, we kind of forgot to ask about that, your Furiousness…"
"GRAAAAAAAH! YOU IDIOTS!" Bowser yelled, reaching forward to throttle them. But he was stopped short by chains that had been attached to his wrists. Bowser took a closer look and found that they were also on his feet. They were chained to the metal bedposts so he could move them just far enough to touch his legs.
"What the-? What are these doing on me?" he questioned.
"Well your Puzzeldness, during the operation you kind of gave a little 'twitch' and, due to your incredible brute strength, you sort of knocked out one of the surgeons. So to avoid any more mishaps, they decided to shackle your arms and legs to the bed." Goom explained.
"Grrrr…" Bowser growled as he tugged on the chains, struggling to free himself.
"Don't bother, your Frustradedness. Those chains are made of Armored Harriers spikes."
"Well then get the key and get me out of here!" Bowser demanded.
"Oh, no can do, sir." Karl said, jumping out of his seat and heading toward the door, Goom following closely behind. "The doctor said that if we let you go then he would turn us into koopa soup and goomba steak."
"And considering that he's a magikoopa, I'm quite sure he's capable of such a thing." Goom muttered.
"And where do you two think you're going?" Bowser asked suspiciously.
"Oh, uh, great question sir! We were just, um, heading back to the castle to, uh, make sure everything is running smoothly without your mighty presence around."
"Hmmmmmmm… Well good job minions!" the oblivious Koopa King said, grinning proudly. "I'm glad to have dutiful little minions like you around! Tell the others to do a lot of work and to prepare a big feast for me when I get back!"
"Oh, we will sir! Get well soon!" the two minions said before scurrying out of the room.
Bowser sighed contently. Sure he had been shackled to a rather narrow bed in a boring room with absolutely nothing to do, but he was actually quite comfortable. He was actually about to doze off when-
"Um, Mister Bowser?"
Bowser's eyes shot open and he saw a Toadette nurse standing in the doorway, looking quite nervous.
"Huh? What? What do you want?" Bowser asked, annoyed.
"Um, it's just that, well, there's a visitor here to see you." She said quickly, not making eye contact with him.
Bowser's glare of annoyance changed to a look of surprised confusion at this remark. He had never had someone visit him while he was in the hospital. Well, there was that one time where he had gotten trounced by Mario and a bunch of his fans decided to give Bowser a Bob-omb. That hadn't been fun. But he did get revenge though.
Yep. he thought. I roasted those twerps good. I bet they're still trying to treat those burns!
A terrified squeak from the nurse pulled him out of his thoughts.
"Well, send them away! I don't wanna see anybody today!"
"Um, well, he came all this way just to see you… are you sure you don't want to…" she said barely audibly.
Bowser took another look at the nurse and groaned.
"Ugh, fine. If it'll stop your pathetic whimpering and get you out of here than go ahead."
The Toadette didn't need to be told twice to leave. In a few short moments another figure was standing in the doorway. The last person Bowser would have expected to see.
"It's-a me! Mario!" the red capped plumber cheered as he leaped into the room.
"MARIO! GO AWAY! YOU'RE THE LAST PERSON I WOULD WANT IN HERE!" Bowser bellowed.
"Well that's not very friendly! And especially since I went to all the trouble of making you a gift!"
"A gift? Like what? A Bob-omb? A hammer to the face? Or maybe a friendly jump on my head?" Bowser said sarcastically.
"Even better!" Mario replied as he put a tray with a plate on it on Bowser's lap. "Breakfast in bed! I made all of your favorites! Bacon, eggs, and sausage!"
Bowser stared at the arrangement of food on his plate. The bacon was arranged to say, 'Get well soon!'. The eggs were arranged to look like the sun and the sausage had been cut into many pieces and shaped into a Wiggler. It looked delicious AND creative.
"Well, go ahead. Try it!" Mario directed, a huge smile on his face.
"You sure there ain't any poison mushrooms in here?" Bowser eyed the plate suspiciously.
Mario nodded.
Bowser picked up the fork and speared a bit of everything onto it. He shoved it in his mouth and chewed slowly.
"Well?" Mario asked, eyes wide with anticipation.
Bowser made a face as if he had swallowed a lemon and forced himself to swallow.
"THIS IS DISGUSTING!" he roared. "THIS IS THE MOST TERRIBLE THING THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO ASSAULT MY TASTE BUDS!"
Mario's face immediately changed from happiness to shock.
"But I spent so much time making it. Do you know how difficult it is to make shapes with sausages?"
"I don't know, nor do I care! Now get outta here!"
Mario turned and walked out the door, muttering something in Italian as he left.
As soon as he was sure Mario was gone, Bowser wolfed down the rest of the food. It was so tasty! But he couldn't let Mario know. It would ruin his reputation!
But now that he had finished off the food, Bowser began to drift off to sleep.
"M-Mister Bowser?"
Bowser slowly opened his eyes and saw the Toadette nurse standing in the doorway once again.
"Whaddaya want? I'm trying to sleep here?" he grumbled
"Another visitor…here….I'll send him in…" she gasped, nearly fainting.
She scurried away before Bowser could order her not to, and moments later a man dressed in green with a mustache similar to Mario's appeared.
"Green 'stache? What do you want?"
"I wanted to see how you were doing after your surgery. And I came here to cheer you up!"
"Wait, wait, wait. You and Mario are my ENEMIES. Why are you trying to help me?"
"Well it's true that you're our enemy, but we want you to get better. We're heroes after all. And heroes have to set a good example for others!" he said
"Then go spend your time doing something worthwhile!"
"This is! You'll be so happy after you meet…Lucky!" Luigi said as he shoved some black thing in Bowser's face.
It was a tiny chain chomplet. It panted heavily and stared at him with blank eyes, its slobbery tongue hanging out of its mouth.
He just stared at the animal, wondering how Luigi was able to sneak it into the hospital. Then he pushed it back to Luigi.
"No thanks. I don't like animals." He mumbled.
"Come on! He'll make you feel better!"
"No. I don't want to!"
"Oh, just hold him!" Luigi said impatiently, tossing Lucky into Bowser's arms.
Lucky gave a playful bark and started licking Bowser's fingers.
"Hey, I think he likes you!" Luigi said proudly.
"I think you're right. Ya know, he isn't half bad. I think I could even make him an official minion! Who's the cute wittle puppy dog? You are! Yes you a- OWWWWW!" Bowser's joyful chuckles morphed into screams of rage. "That little mutt bit me! Get it out of my sight if you know what's good for you!"
Bowser tossed the chain chomp back at Luigi and he caught it. Luigi sighed and walked out of the room dejectedly.
"It's okay, Lucky. He's just a little bit grumpy."
Bowser waited until Luigi and his pet had left, and then held his finger in front of his face. The area around the bite was already starting to bruise. Bowser rubbed it and started talking to himself.
"Stupid animals! Stupid plumbers! If anyone else tries to 'cheer me up' I'm gonna-"
"Excuse m-m-me, Mr. Bowser? Is this a b-bad t-time?" came the voice of the nurse.
"What do you think?"
"U-um, another v-visitor arrived. I'll-"
"Send them away! I've had it!"
"I c-can't exactly say no t-to this person. I'll g-go get her…"
Bowser groaned. He had only been visited by two people and he was already sick of them! He didn't want another person coming in here and ruining his already terrible day.
But his thoughts were interrupted when the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom entered the room.
"Hey Bowser! How are you feeling?"
"P-Peach? You're one of the last people I would expect to see here…"
"We're all so worried about you. I took a few minutes out of my busy schedule to see how you were doing." Peach said, walking to his bedside.
"Gee, thanks. And after all of the times I kidnapped you too? You're either really sweet, or really weird."
Peach giggled. "I just can't turn away someone who is in need, no matter who they are. But enough about that. Here's the part that I know you will be interested in. Presents!"
Peach plopped a large shopping bag onto his bedside table. The logo on the bag appeared to be an Iron Maiden with the words "Dangerous Danny's Traps and Weapons Emporium" scrawled across it. That couldn't be good.
The princess removed a potted plant from the bag and placed it on the table. Upon closer inspection, it was actually a Piranha Plant, green with white spots and a long row of deadly, sharp teeth.
"A plant?" he asked skeptically. He had seen piranha plants before, but, although it looked lethal, this one was quite young and didn't seem like it was too dangerous.
Then he thought about how ungrateful he sounded. Normally he wouldn't care. But this was Princess Peach!
"I mean a plant!" he repeated enthusiastically.
"Not just any plant! A Piranha Patroller. It's the latest in botanical technology! Here are the instructions Danny told me. Feed it fresh mushrooms twice a day at the exact hours of 12:00 am and 12:00 pm. Also, build a system of pipes around your castle. When the plant gets too big for the pot, it can be put in the pipes. Then it can patrol around the perimeter of the castle! It will save you tons of coins paying for your guards."
"Who says I pay my guards?"
"What?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Well, anyway, I have to go now, so how about you stay here and spend some quality time with it? See ya!" Princess Peach said as she exited the hospital room.
"Like I have a choice…" Bowser grumbled unhappily.
He thought it was strange that Peach would give him something that would only detriment her in the future, but he wasn't going to refuse a great gift like this.
"Uh, hi there." Bowser said awkwardly. He had no idea what to say to plants. What did they talk about anyway? "So…are you a fan of Space Koopa Adventure?"
Suddenly, the plant growled furiously and bit his finger.
"AAAAAAAAAGH! I'll take that as a no!" Bowser screamed, clutching his hurt finger as the plant bit him once again.
"OW! That's it! I am THROUGH with things biting me today! Listen here ya little weed!" Bowser began, but he was cut off as the plant roared at him.
Bowser shrunk away from it and nervously said, "You can do whatever you want!"
Bowser spent the next fifteen minutes dodging bites and thorny vines that crept into his bed and attempted to strangle him. But eventually one of the vines slipped around his throat and started to tighten. Bowser felt his supply of air being cut off. He struggled against the tendril until his face turned blue, but to no avail. It was too strong for him. Suddenly air flowed back into his lungs and he saw eggshell bits raining down on him. He turned his attention to the door where none other than Yoshi, the green dinosaur, stood. Behind him was Toad, who seemed to be letting Yoshi take care of the threat. Yoshi threw a couple more eggs at the botanical beast and then it withered away into nothing.
"Whew! Thanks." Bowser said after he had sucked in a few good breaths of air. "But I could've taken care of it myself!" he quickly added.
"No problem! So, how are you doing?" Toad asked.
"Fine. So what do you two idiots want?" Bowser snarled, instantaneously transforming back into the extremely rude koopa he was infamous for being.
"Well, we came to give you a bit of cheering up! We thought you could use it." Toad said happily, not fazed by Bowser's snide comments in the slightest.
Yoshi and Toad walked over to Bowser's side, pulling a small table and chairs that had been lying in one corner of the room with them.
"Bringing sunshine in on somebody's cloudy day is something that Yoshi and I pride ourselves in."
"Well your services aren't required or requested!" Bowser shouted. " Now get out!"
"But we want to show you a very relaxing thing to do when you're stressed out!" the small mushroom headed man said.
"What?" Bowser asked, wondering what they could possibly come up with that would calm him.
"Something we like to call…"
"Yoshi! Yoshi!" Yoshi cried.
"That's right Yoshi! Tea Time!" Toad cheered. He the distributed cups and plates to everyone from a bag that he had been holding.
"Tea Time? In no way will I ever participate in something so stupid and ridiculous! EVER!" Bowser roared, trying once again to break free from the chains so he could escape from this never ending horror.
"Come on, Bowser! It's fun and relaxing. Give it a try."
Bowser, once again, didn't have a choice. He was tied up, he couldn't attack them, and no amount of kicking and screaming would get them to leave. So Bowser, Yoshi, and Toad set up their own mini tea party right there next to his bed. And Bowser was actually enjoying himself.
But he didn't say it.
They continued with this for quite a while, and, when Bowser was in the middle of spreading butter on something Toad called a crumpet, Daisy marched into the room.
"YO BOWSER!" Daisy yelled, loud enough to wake the dead. "YOU FEELING ALRIGHT! IF NOT, GET WELL SOON!"
"My, my, my!" Toad exclaimed. "Princess Daisy! What a pleasant surprise."
"So what's going on here? A tea party?" Daisy asked, barely able to contain her giggles.
"WHAT! NO! I was just, uh, doing this because I was really hungry! Yeah, that's it." Bowser said unconvincingly as he swiped the tea and crumpets before him off of the table.
"Anyways, would you care to join us Princess? We were just about to delve into a riveting discussion about Lakitus; where do they get all of their spinies?" Toad said.
"Uh, no thanks. I had something else in mind!" she said oddly.
She bent down and started to mess around with the bottom of Bowser's bed. Bowser couldn't see what was going on, but Yoshi and Toad watched her with interest. A minute later, she popped back up and thrust an object into a part of the mattress directly in front of the giant koopa.
"W-What are you doing!" Bowser screamed as he backed as far away from her as possible before she could try to impale him with anything else.
He took a look at the object that was now stuck in his bed. It was a steering wheel. There were also wheels attached to the bottom of his bedposts.
While Bowser was puzzling over this, Daisy started to explain.
"I heard you just had a surgery, so I raced over here as quickly as I could. Along the way, I thought that you would want to do one of your favorite things. Kart racing!"
"Well how am I supposed to drive this thing, genius? It has no gas, the steering wheel won't work, and in case you haven't noticed, IT'S A BED! NOT A KART!"
"Easy." Daisy said simply as she pushed his bed out into the hallway, Toad and Yoshi following close behind.
"W-What are you doing?" Bowser asked, a feeling of utter terror overwhelming him.
Daisy pushed his bed to the end of the hall and positioned him so that he was facing down the rest of the long hall.
Suddenly, Daisy shoved the bed with enormous strength and sent Bowser sailing.
Soon he was zooming down the hallway past open rooms with curious patients staring out and startled nurses leaping out of the way to avoid being flattened by the huge koopa.
"SOMEBODY STOP THIS THING!" he cried as he flew through the hospital.
"See? I knew he would enjoy it." Daisy said triumphantly.
Bowser pulled desperately at his restraints as his bed raced down the corridor. He stared in horror as he approached the end of the hall, where a vending machine full of delicious treats awaited. Soon the King of all Koopas would meet his untimely demise. A quite embarrassing one as well. He didn't think that being crushed under a mountain of Bean-Beanoes and Chocolate Covered Mushballs was a very honorable death.
There was only one thing he could try to save himself. It seemed pointless and a waste of his effort, but it was the only thing he could think of. He gripped the steering wheel and turned it left with all of his strength. He was surprised to see the bed respond to it, making a sharp turn in the direction. It actually worked! He grinned and his laughter filled the new hallway he was speeding through.
"Man, I need one of these back at the castle! If I'm gonna ride, I should do it in comfort."
Bowser continued his joy ride down the hall, laughing the entire way. He dashed by a white garbed Shy Guy doctor who was walking down the hall, reading over something on a clipboard. He reached out and swiped something from him as he passed by. The doctor took a few more steps before he realized something was wrong.
"I think someone just stole my wallet." He said as he checked his pockets. He sighed and resumed his journey once again. "Not again. What am I gonna tell my wife…"
Bowser smiled as he counted up the cash that he had just stolen from that chump. He guffawed again and was going to chase down another victim, but he noticed that his bed was losing speed.
"Huh?" the large oaf grunted in confusion. Soon the bed came to a complete stop. He tried leaning back and forward a few times, but it barely moved an inch.
"Well that's just great! How am I supposed to have a fun time with my bed/kart if it WON'T MOVE!"
He was about to start pounding a hole in the wall, but he spotted a vending machine just where his fist would have landed. One of the snacks inside was a bag of Super Shrooms.
Just then, a plan started to hatch in his rather tiny brain.
"Yeah! That should start this bad boy up again!"
Bowser took out the appropriate amount of coins from the illegally obtained wallet and inserted them into the machine. He punched in a few buttons, and then the snack fell to the bottom of the machine. Bowser grabbed them, but his mind drew a blank. Usually, on his karts, he had a small slot to insert mushrooms. But there didn't seem to be one on this….bed. Of course! It's a bed, not a kart. What a stupid idea that was!
Bowser growled and began to beat the machine furiously with his bare fists. One of the snacks flew out and landed on his bed, right next to a shiny metal box. Bowser examined it. He was sure it wasn't originally there, which means Daisy must have installed it. With some difficulty, he was able to read the words 'Insert Mushrooms Here'.
"Huh. Well waddaya know. Daisy thought of everything." Bowser said.
He tossed in the mushrooms. Immediately, the bed gave a violent jerk forward, and Bowser was moving once more. He grabbed the wheel and laughed with glee as he raced past nurses and patients. He took pleasure in their shocked reactions. A small Goomba jumped into a nearby room as he zoomed by and a Koopa popped into her shell to avoid being flattened. Everyone seemed to fear his fast fury.
"Gwahahahaha! I've got the need for speed! The desire for, uh, tire!"
Bowser made a sharp right and went down another hallway. But now somebody on a flying broomstick had pulled up beside him.
"Excuse me, sir. But you are disturbing the other patients. I must ask you to cease these antics immediately." The magikoopa doctor said.
"No can do, Doc. I'm on a roll! Literally! I haven't had this much fun in ages, and I'm not about to stop now because some dork on flying cleaning supplies told me to."
The doctor scowled at him and said, "So be it. We will have to stop you by force then!"
He began to fall behind, and Bowser turned to yell insults at him. But he stopped when he saw the magikoopa joined by four nurses on scooters, each equipped with a stack of green shells.
What kind of hospital prepares for something like this? He thought.
The magikoopa raised his wand and then pointed it at Bowser.
"Fire!" he yelled. Bowser ducked as a fusillade of koopa shells and magic blasts hit his shell.
When there was a break in the barrage, he turned around and let loose a flaming inferno that roasted his pursuers.
At least that's what he expected to happen. But when he tried to spit fire at his opponents, nothing happened.
"Crud! I forgot that my fire breath aint working!"
His enemies launched another volley of shells at him and he ducked.
How am I gonna beat these guys? Bowser thought. Then he got an idea.
When they launched more shells, he caught one in midair. He threw it back at the person who had attacked him with it, sending her head over heels and causing her to crash. Bowser threw a spare mushroom into the slot of one of the Toad's vehicles. Unprepared for the sudden speed boost, he lurched forward and slammed into a wall, totaling his scooter.
"Gwahaha! Two down, three to go!"
"How dare you!" the magikoopa scolded. "You are most certainly NOT getting away with this!"
"Keep dreaming broom boy! I'll beat every single one of you, even without my flame breath!" Bowser roared with delight.
"Actually, I don't think anyone will be winning this!" the magikoopa said, suddenly frightened.
"What do you mean by that?"
The doctor pointed behind Bowser. He turned back to face in front of him and saw what the magikoopa meant. A whomp was standing in the middle of the hallway. There was nowhere to turn to and it was too late to stop.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" they all screamed as the crashed into the hulking wall-like being one by one.
A small explosion occurred upon impact of the scooters. When the smoke cleared, Bowser and the medical experts were lying on the floor, moaning in pain. The whomp, however, was completely unscathed.
He turned around to look at the wreckage behind him.
"Whoops, sorry guys. My bad." He said as he walked away.
The doors of a nearby elevator opened and Karl and Goom stepped out.
"GREAT GALLOPING GOOMBAS!" Karl exclaimed. "What happened here your Gnarliness?"
Bowser groaned on the floor and said, "Ugh, you don't wanna know."
"Well, it sure looked like you had a, um, fun time here sir. But the doctor said that you still need to stay here for a while. They aren't finished with your records and still want to make sure you're fine. But they said not to worry. You can still get plenty of visitors."
Bowser moaned again, half in pain, half in the knowledge of knowing that he would be having more pesky plumbers and visitors ruin his life in the near future.
"How can this get any worse?" he groaned.
Goom stepped forward.
"Here's the bill."