Title: I've got a Theory

Author: Red Wasabi89

Disclaimer: It ain't mine, and I cry about that fact every night.

Notes: I think this is definitely a crack fic. I was just in the theater seeing the movie for the fourth time, and it occurred to me, What can a teenage boy actually do to get $2,000 dollars in 3 days.(You know besides knocking someone off for the Mafia.) He was obviously having no luck selling things on Ebay, and well short of selling his organs o the black market I couldn't think of any other ways to get that much money in such a short amount of time...except this way: this is my theory on what Sam did to get the money.

Notes: Ok, ok, I get it, it's 3 A's and not 3 days...but three days is still funny, and besides, where did he get that money? I mean he doens't have a job, and as I have aforementioned he wasn't such a hot seller on Ebay...the explanation that he is a part time male stripper works, and I think it's funny!

Rated: T? For mentioning a strip club?

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'Alright, alright, breath Sammy boy. Remember why you're doing this. It's for the car. It's for the car. It's for the car.'

Somewhere a voice shouted out, breaking Sam away from his nervous inner mantra."Ok boys, you're on in 10!"

Looking down at his pair of short shorts and red sequenced suspenders it suddenly dawned on Sam just how little his new work "uniform" really covered.

'Oh God, please don't let my mother find out about this...'He begged silently to the Gods of Fate as the voice once again began to yell.

"Alright, It's show time in 5-4-3-2-You're on!"

The butterflies of anxiety and nausea flew up inside Sam's stomach, and seemed to flutter in time with the heavy grind music as he and three of his "co-workers" stepped out onto the stage and began to "perform."

'OK, Sam smile, remember to smile, no old lady wants to give a tip to an unhappy...dancer.' Sam reminded himself mentally as he strutted out to a pole and began to move in time with the base of the music.

Sam threw one leg around the pole and spun around it with a wink; and what he desperately hoped was dashing, manly smile to the old lady in front of him. The crowd went wild.

The music changed from a grinding rock song now to a sultry jazz one. Sam's grin widened as he realized that a group of old bats, excuse him customers at the end of the stage were waving dollar bills in his direction.

With a strut that made him feel more corny then sexy, Sam turned around and shook his tush for them.

'Oh please let that be enough for them to give me the money.' he mentally pleaded.

Sam had to hold back a loud yell of victory as the dollars began to rain down on him.

Out of the conner his eye he noticed that the back stage light had changed from green to red.

'Thats my cue ladies.' Sam stood up and with one last wink for his customers began to dance back to backstage area.

As soon as he got back stage he fell into one of the plush lounge chairs, 'I did it. I just actually sold my body...to old ladies...for money.'

He didn't notice the large man with a well groomed mustache making a beeline towards him until he was right in front of him.

Slowly Sam looked up, those damn butterflies of anxiety flying up inside him once again. "uuuhhh...is everything ok?"

The man smiled and patted his shoulder before saying, "Why yes son, in fact everything is so ok, I'd like to offer you a full time job here at the Cougar's Club. I saw your style tonight, and well I've already had five patrons ask me specifically for you."

Sam blushed, he knew where this was going; and he hadn't planned on doing that. Oh no he was just here to dance and that was final.

"Uh well you see, I'm really not here too--", he stammered out.

The man interrupted him with smile, "You get $200 a job, plus whatever you make in tips."

Sam's heart stopped. '$200 a job? And Five ladies had already asked for him that was...$1,000 bucks!'

Sam stood up and clapped his hands together, "Well Sir, looks like I'm going to be doing a little over time."

"Knew you come 'round," The man said with a laugh, "Follow me to our private rooms."

Shakily Sam followed the owner of the Club, he knew that on some level what he was doing was wrong; but how else was a teenage boy supposed to get $2,000 dollars in 3 days?