I was only five when it happened, yet I can remember every second in vivid, horrific detail, nonetheless. It's the day I nearly killed my sister, Anna.
I was born with a defect, or at least what I've been calling it.
What else do you call the ability to make snow and ice appear from thin air?
Everything used to be okay, in my innocent youth, when nobody knew or feared my abilities and my sister Anna and I could be together. We would spend hours building snowmen and sledding down mounds of snow. But one day, Anna was leaping off of snowbanks and I would secure her landing with another pile of snow. She started to go too fast and I couldn't keep up and that's when it happened- I panicked- I struck her on the side of the head with a blast of ice. I remember rushing over to her limp, freezing body and calling for my parents. When they arrived, their faces reflected terrible hurt, disappointment, and… fear. I will always remember that look. It haunts my dreams and memories and it's the reason that I truly believe I'm a danger to everyone around me.
Luckily, with the help of a group of herbal healers in the mountains of Arendelle, Anna recovered, but with a cost. She had lost all memories of my powers. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before the accident but I wasn't ignorant. I know as well as anyone that things change over time. It's inevitable. Events can occur that screw up your life and cause it to spin out of control. This was one of those events.
After her near death, my parents were always watching me. They kept me locked in my room and away from Anna. It wasn't just them, though. I made it a personal promise to keep my distance. I know I'm dangerous and I can't control the powers I was born with.
It's been twelve years since the accident and I'm seventeen now. Anna, unlike me in every way, is fifteen and living a normal teenage life. She goes to school, has friends, and goes to parties. I do none of this. After the accident, my parents kept me homeschooled in order to "protect me", even though I know it's more to "protect others from me". My relationship with Anna consists of small run-ins in the hallways of our home and special events. The saddest part is hearing her come to my bedroom door every once in a while to ask me to come out. I hear how her voice has changed each time and it breaks my heart knowing that she's growing up, thinking that I don't care about her. She asks me to build snowmen or go ice skating with her, like we had as kids. I always refuse. I don't want to hurt her again.
This is how my life has been for years and this is how it is now. My name's Elsa, Princess of Arendelle. Arendelle's a beautiful kingdom, though I've never seen more than what's visible from inside the castle, due to the fact that I spend all my time in my room to avoid a chance encounter with another person. It's August now, the hottest month of the year, and my sessions of homeschooling will start soon. Despite this year being my "senior-year", my life won't change. I understand that people look forward to college, a career, and a family after high school, but I don't. After this year, I have to stay in Arendelle and assist my parents with their royal duties. Admittedly, it gets lonely but I don't mind helping my parents. I owe them everything after the accident.
But this week, I have all the responsibilities. My parents left yesterday on a week long journey on a ship across the ocean to visit an ally country. My father had hoped I would come but we both knew deep-down that I wasn't ready. Plus, I have responsibilities.
I get up from my desk and push in the chair. My bedroom's utterly quiet and there's a chilly breeze from the open glass doors to the balcony. I walk over and sit on my bed, listening intently, as though something exciting was going to happen, even though nothing ever happens. The night sky is visible from where I sit, and I can see storm clouds moving in from the south.
I stand up and shut the glass doors, twisting the lock shut. Something compels me to pace back and forth in my room. I'm utterly on-edge and fidgety tonight for no good reason at all.
I start to think about the last book I read, to take my mind off of the nervousness I'm feeling. But my train of thought is knocked off course by the sound of footsteps walking hesitantly down the hall. I've become very good at sensing the tone of people approaching my room just based off of their footsteps. The pace is too slow to be Anna and two fast to be Gerda, the head maid of the castle. I don't recognize this pattern.
Not many people come to see me, so I am incredibly put-off by the fact that I have no clue who is coming to the door.
The footsteps reach my door and after a long pause, there's a soft knock. I cautiously approach the door and turn the lock. When I open it, I see my parent's royal advisor, Kai. Kai has never spoken to me alone before and I rarely see him. I know something is wrong.
Tears run down his cheeks and his sunken eyes reflect terrible news. Neither one of us says a word for a moment, as I try to process possible scenarios to explain his presence.
"My lady, there's something I've been appointed to inform you," he says, his voice quiet and broken.
I nod but don't reply.
"It's your parents, my lady. They-" he takes a long pause before continuing, "were in an accident at sea. They're dead."
His words strike me unexpectedly and leave a sickening feeling in my mouth. "I'm very sorry, my lady. There was nothing that could have been done. Nobody expected such a big storm to come about so fast."
I want to scream, but nothing comes out. "I'll leave you alone now, I'm sorry," he says, before promptly turning on his heels and walking uncomfortably down the hall the way he came.
In his absence, I break down. Tears pour down my face and, out of my control, the temperature of the room drops dramatically. Snow begins to precipitate around me as I slump down against my closed door.
Hours pass and I don't move. Morning arrives but I keep my head buried between my knees, which are tucked close to my chest. One of the maid's comes to the door and offers me food, but I decline. More time passes and night again returns. This time, I don't hear the footsteps approach my room. I only hear the soft, quick knock on my door.
"Elsa, please, I know you're in there. People are asking where you've been. The funeral is today and they also found mom and dad's will. Please come out," Anna says, her voice muffled from the other side of the door.
After getting no reply from me, she leaves. I want to tell her I'm here for her, that I love her. But I know that at a time like this, my powers are incredibly unstable.
More time passes and I still can't find the energy to move. I hear Anna and a few maids whispering down the hall and I can make out a few of the things they say.
"I can't tell her that! She won't talk to me and I don't want to see her face when she finds out!" I hear Anna say, her voice is naturally louder than everyone else. "But Miss Anna-" a maid says. More whispers.
I'm used to hearing people talk about me from outside my bedroom, but this time I'm scared to hear what they have to say. A few minutes later, the head maid, Gerda, knocks on the door. Gerda is the only person, other than my parents, who knows about my powers and has maintained a relationship with me.
"Elsa, open this door. Don't think I'm going to just let you stop eating. Come down to the dining hall. We're going to read the will," she says. There's a pause. "Alright, I can't force you to leave this room but I know your parents would have wanted you to be there to hear this," she says. I wait until she finally leaves to get up and walk over to the long mirror hanging on the wall. I look terrible and I'm wearing the same sweatpants and tee-shirt as I had on days ago. I change into a more presentable outfit, a long black dress, and brush my hair into a bun.
I've already missed the public funeral so I might as well go downstairs and hear the private reading of my parents will.
I take a deep breath and open the door, walking out into the hallway. I make my way downstairs towards the dining hall. All eyes turn to me when I enter.
It's quiet as I walk around the table to take an empty seat away from Anna and across from Gerda.
"Elsa, you are late. We didn't think you would come. We've already read the will," Gerda says. "And what did It say?" I ask, nervously.
There's a long pause as everyone looks around the room uncomfortably, avoiding eye-contact with me.
Finally Gerda speaks up. "It… It appears that they wished, if anything were to happen to them, for you to… attend public high school with Anna," she says. Complete shock stikes me and I don't even believe her at first. "You've got to be kidding me, right?" I ask, rather loud. After realizing how inappropriate my tone was I add, "I'm sorry, that came out rude. I just can't believe they wanted me to go to public school… I'm sure you understand." I avoid directly talking about my powers, as Anna is in the room, after all.
"Yes, it certainly is strange. But they knew you're capable. They wanted this for you," Gerda says. "It'll be fun, Elsa," Anna interjects, uneasily. A flurry of emotions overcomes me. I stand up in an instant and slam my hands down on the table. "No! It won't. It won't be fun!" I shout.
Gerda gives me a look to sit back down and act like a respectable royal in the presence of these guards, maids, and royal officials.
I sit back down angrily.
"Public school begins next thursday. Should I register you, Elsa? I think that it would be beneficial," she says.
"You wouldn't want to let mom and dad down, would you, Elsa?" Anna asks. Anna's words take me by surprise and the memory of their faces, full of disappointment and fear, appear in my mind. The memory makes me shiver. I can't disappoint them again. I want to be a person they are proud of.
"Sign me up," I say. Then, respectively, I get up and exit the now silent dining hall.
The next week is the fastest week of my life. When Thursday arrives, I wake up early, gather my things and throw them into a brown messenger bag that Anna got me as a "first day of school gift". I open the doors to my closet and step inside. I walk past the elaborate dresses and gowns and head to the back, where I keep casual clothes.
I've never realised how small my selection of jeans and t shirts is. I try to pick out something that Anna would wear to school, since I have no idea what people wear to public school.
I never thought I'd have to find out.
I finally decide on a plain blue t shirt and dark blue jeans with a pair of black sandals, since it is August afterall. The last detail is a small pair of white gloves.
After braiding my hair, I walk downstairs, rather uncomfortable in these clothes, and see Anna waiting by the entrance.
Her face lights up when she sees me. "Elsa, you look amazing! I love what you did with your hair!" she says. "Thank you," I mutter. Anna shifts back and forth uncomfortably on her feet.
"What is it? Is something bothering you?" I ask politely. "Well, it's just that Gerda usually hires a driver to drive me to school but I-we thought that maybe you would want to drive us to school," she says quietly. "What?" I ask, surprised.
"Well you remember how to drive, don't you? Mom and dad had forced you to take those classes when you turned sixteen and you have your license!" she argues.
I had never driven Anna before, let alone been alone with Anna in years. I see Gerda standing by the door to the kitchen. She gives me a small nod.
"Alright."
Anna opens the door and I step outside. The breeze feels nice but it's still too warm to my liking. The sun is still low in the sky but it's bright and the sky is blue.
Hesitantly, I follow Anna down the steps. It's been nearly a year since the last time I left the castle. The last time was when I had to attend the annual Winter Festival in town.
Anna and I get into the small black car that I haven't been inside in a long time, either. The ride is quiet, as expected. When we arrive, Anna wishes me luck and runs off, probably to see her friends. She already has a list of classes and knows her way around the school. Anna is a sophomore this year, only two years younger than me.
Before I get out of the car, I pull my gloves on tighter. They are made from a thin, expensive silk. My father had them made for me so whenever I left the castle I would feel more 'comfortable' with keeping my powers under control. "Conceal, don't feel" My fathers words ring loud and clear in my head. With the gloves, I felt like less of a threat.
I get out of the car and walk through the front of the entrance. I'm immediately bombarded with crowds of other students.
I try to make my way through the crowd but I get hit with backpacks and lose my sense of direction. Every hallway is packed with students, walking or standing around in groups. I see a hallway with less people and try to make my way towards it. As I'm turning around the corner, however, I slam into someone; hard.
"Watch where you're going!" they snap, turning to face me. Our eyes meet and I stop, still in my tracks. It's a boy, probably my age, with icy blonde hair, like my own, and dark blue eyes. "I-I'm sorry," I say, when I can finally get words out. "No, no that was actually my fault. I wasn't paying attention," he says. His voice is deep and gruff. An uncomfortable silence falls over us and the boy uncomfortably scratches the back of his neck. "I, uh, have to… go to the office," I say, awkwardly, and start walking the other way.
"Hey!" he calls towards me. I look back at him. "Office is that way," he says, pointing the other way. "Thanks," I mutter, quickly hurrying the other way. Smooth, Elsa. Really smooth.
In the office, I get a list of classes and room numbers. "We can appoint another student to help you get around, if you'd like, Miss…"
"Smith." It's the same fake last name that Anna has been using. We went with something so common that nobody would question it.
"Alright, well Miss Smith, if you change your mind, we've already had a volunteer," the vice principal says. "A volunteer?" I ask. "Yes, Miss Corona, class president of your grade, was more than happy to volunteer in making sure you don't get lost your first day. It's a big school, after all," he says.
On one hand, I would much rather be on my own. But on the other hand, I was just as bad with directions as Anna. "Uh, actually, that would be great!" I say, faking a smile.
At that moment, the door to the office flies open and a girl, who was about my height and age, with long blonde hair and bright green eyes, barges in. "Have you talked to- Oh! Are you Elsa Smith?" she asks. I nod. Her eyes widen even more and she walks over and extends her hand. "I'm Rapunzel Corona, senior class president, but it's no big deal or anything. It's lovely to meet you," she says. The amount of energy she has almost rivals Anna.
I hesitantly reach out and shake her hand. She doesn't question the gloves but instead remarks about how cold I am.
She takes my schedule from me and reads it over. "Oh, looks like you have Mr. Weselton's history class first period today," she says. From the way she said it, I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.
The bell rings and she squeals. "Come on!" she says, leading me out of the office.
I follow her through the hallways, which are now full of kids rushing around to different classes. Rapunzel makes her way around easily, despite the crowd. Her hair, which is pin straight and just barely past her waist, swings like a pendulum as she walks. I try to keep up with her fast pace. Finally, she comes to a direct halt and I almost slam into her. "Right here! Room 235. I'll meet you right here after this class to take you to your next class," she says cheerfully. I walk inside and see the class is nearly full but there's still two empty desks in the far back of the room and I sit down in one. The idea of sitting up front makes me uncomfortable, like everyone is staring at me.
A minute later, a short man with gray hair, small glasses, and a large, pointed nose walks into the room. "My name is Mr. Weselton and I will be your instructor," he says. I start zoning out when he starts talking about the years curriculum but my attention drifts over to two girls sitting in desks to my right. I could clearly hear what they were saying, and it wasn't hard to tell they were talking about me. "What's with her hair? It's so blonde!"
"I know! It must take a lot of hair dye to keep it that color!" "But what's with the gloves? Does she know it's still August?"
This went on for a little while longer and I could feel my face getting red. I don't like people talking about me like this. I've never had this happen to me, being the queen and all.
When the bell finally rings, I run out of class as fast as I can. It's only first period and I know that I hate public school.
I run into Rapunzel in the hall, who insists I call her Punzie like everyone else. Despite following her, I keep my head down and try not to make eye contact with other kids. Punzie reminds me that my next class is gym. Great. Gym is not something I'm looking forward to.
When I enter the gym, I feel even worse. Kids are everywhere, doing push ups, jogging, and stretching. A tall man with a whistle around his neck calls me over.
After asking me my name, he tells me where to go to change into gym clothes and to start stretching when I come back.
I head down to the locker room and take a change of clothes from my bag. After I change, I decide to keep the gloves on, which earns me a bunch of weird looks. I head over to where a group of girls are stretching and try to join them, but one of them glares at me, so I decide to go somewhere else.
I look up across the gym and see a group of guys kicking a soccer ball around. One of them is staring at me, though. Unfortunately, I recognized him. It's the boy I ran into in the hall. When I realised I'd been staring back, I blush and look the other way. Luckily, there's plenty of distance between us so I don't think he noticed.
From the looks of it, he's popular. He has lots of friends, and besides, anyone who looks like that certainly must be popular.
I try to talk to a different group of girls but they just give me weird looks too. I know my life at the castle was lonely, but for some reason I feel even lonelier here.
After changing back into my normal clothes, I can't wait to go back home. Unfortunately, Punzie reminds me I still have five more classes today. As each class goes by, I force myself to try talking to at least one person. But as for making friends, I've still made zero. Unless you count Punzie, but she's probably just being nice to me because she has to.
Last period finally comes and I have Chemistry. Sitting in the back of the class, I try to focus on taking notes. But I get interrupted by a soft noise. "Psst," I hear someone whisper. I figure it's not directed towards me, but when I hear them whisper again, I look up in curiosity and see the girl next to me leaning towards me. "Hey. Ya new here?" she asks. Right away I notice her thick accent. I nod. The girl has bright orange hair that's super curly. Her eyes are shockingly bright green and her nose is small and pointed. She's wearing black jeans, a t shirt that says 'guns n roses', a plaid shirt, and black combat boots.
I actually recognize her from another one of my classes but I hadn't seen her up close.
"So what's ya name?" she asks. "Elsa," I say. "Cool name. I'm Merida," she says.
It's quiet for a second and I briefly hear the teacher mention something about elements and atomic numbers. "Where ya from?" she asks. "Arendelle," I say. I realise after I say it that I probably should've lied. "Nice. Arendelle's where all the rich fancy-pants live. Well, either there or Corona," she says. "Where are you from?" I ask, trying to change the subject from myself. "I live here in Berk now but I like to tell people I'm from hell just to mess with 'em," she says with a laugh. I smile.
She turns back to her notes and I do the same, but I can't stop smiling. Someone talked to me. I might actually make friends.
It's a long ride home from the school because Anna and I decided to go to a school in Berk so there's a smaller chance we get recognized. "So, how was your first day?" Anna asks quietly. "Okay, I guess," I reply.
When we get home, I flop down on my bed, take off the gloves, and start my homework. My mind wanders and I can't concentrate. First I think about the cute guy I bumped into in the hall, then Punzie, then Merida, then the girls in my history class who were talking about me. I realise I'm tapping my fingers against the top of my history textbook and froze the front cover.
I still can't believe I made it an entire day without anyone finding out about my powers. It feels incredible but I know deep-down that I'll never make it the entire year.
The next day when I wake up, I throw on a white skirt, a blue tank top, and a nice lace cardigan. I braid my hair and even put makeup today. I don't know why but I feel a longing to fit in at school. I want to look great today. I spend an extra ten minutes just picking out and applying the right shade of taupe brown eyeshadow. I grab my brown messenger bag and slip on my white gloves.
When I get to school I walk through the halls more confidently, or at least I try to. I make a straight face and adjust my posture but I still can't find the nerve to make eye-contact with people I pass in the halls. I get a few looks but I can't tell if that's good or bad.
I walk into first period and take the same seat in the back of class as yesterday. Mr. Weselton walks in and immediately starts a lecture on the war of the Southern Isles. The two girls from yesterday were also there, giggling. My face turns bright red, I can't help it, I'm extremely self-conscious despite being a princess.
About five minutes into class, there is a knock on the door of the classroom. Mr. Weselton walks over and opens it. He is talking to someone outside the room but from where I'm sitting I can't see who it is.
To my surprise, the boy I bumped into the other day walks in. He hands Mr. Weselton a note, probably for being late and missing yesterdays class, and walks in, taking the last empty seat in the room, which is the seat to my left.
Mr. Weselton continues his lecture and I start to turn my attention to other things. But my mind gets pulled back to the lesson when the boy next to me speaks up. "Excuse me, Mr. Weaseltown," he says, everyone laughs. "What is it, Jack? And I understand you missed yesterday's class, but it's pronounced Weselton!" Mr. Weselton says, obviously annoyed. Jack, that's a nice name. "Oh, well I was just wondering if we should be taking notes on this?" he asks. "Yes, Jack. If you hadn't missed yesterday's class, you would know that it's important to take notes on class discussions," Mr. Weseltons says. Jack turns to me slightly and his eyes meet mine. He smirks. I feel my stomach drop.
I quickly turn back to look at the front of the room but I can feel Jack's eyes on me. "I guess we're supposed to be taking notes," he whispers towards me. My face heats up and I blush. Why do I feel like this? He's just talking to me!
I grab my pen and continue taking notes even though I already know all about the war of the Southern Isles. I had studied it when I was homeschooled.
The class was long and boring but I managed to steal a few glances at Jack. He's tall and has an athletic build. He's wearing a dark blue sweatshirt that looks really adorable on him. His pale hair is tousled gently. At the end of class, I reach down and pick up my messenger bag that's on the ground by Jack's feet. When I stand up, I realise how close we are.
He smells like pine and it's almost intoxicating to me.
"Boring class, huh?" he jokes. "Well I already knew most of that stuff so I guess it was pretty boring," I say quietly.
I turn to leave but on my way out, I stumble over someone's backpack but I'm steadied by a strong grip. I look up and see that it's Jack who caught me. "Thanks," I mutter. "Welcome… Are you always this clumsy?" he teases, grinning at me. I feel my face turn hot. I give him a small smile and hurry out of the classroom to my next class.
In gym, everyone is playing a game of soccer. I'd never bothered to learn the rules growing up. I manage to avoid the soccer ball the entire class until one rolls up to me. I look up and see Jack smiling at me and waiting for me to kick it back. I give it a rather pathetic kick towards him. He nods his head and me and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I'm annoyed at myself for being so nervous around him.
In math, the class after gym, I reach into my bag to get my notebook, when I notice a piece of paper sticking out of a pocket. I'm positive it wasn't there earlier. I pull it out and read it. 'Meet me in library during lunch' it reads. It's not signed so I have no idea who wrote it.
It feels like forever, but lunch finally comes and I go to the library. I'll admit, I'm curious to find out who wrote the note. There's not many people it could have been.
The library is easily the quietest, least populated area of the entire school. There's not even a librarian from what I can see.
I walk further inside, not seeing anyone I know. I'm about to leave, when a hand grabs my shoulder. I spin around and am surprised to see Jack. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he says. "Y-you didn't," I lie. "Did you-" I start.
"Yeah, I wrote that note. I was wondering if, you know, want me to show you around the school or introduce you to some people. You seem lonely," he says. Wow was it that obvious? I didn't want to seem like a loser. "Sounds good," I say. "Great," he says, with a smile.
"By the way, I never got your name. I'm Jack," he says. "Elsa," I reply. "Well then, Elsa. Right this way," he says politely. I follow him and I notice we're heading towards the cafeteria. Yesterday I had looked for Anna at lunch but when I hadn't found her, I decided to skip and read in the library.
Walking next to Jack got me a few surprised glances from girls I didn't recognize. For some reason that made me smile. We approach a table in the back corner of the lunch room that was basically full. Jack offered me a spot and I sat down. His friends looked at us but he didn't seem to care though and squeezed into a spot across the table from me. He began to introduce everyone but I already recognized Rapunzel and Merida, which made me feel more comfortable. Maybe I would start fitting in.