Stepping Through the Storm, Only to Freefall on the Other Side.

a/n: this is not so much a "story" as a stream of conscious piece from different characters POV. Each chapter will be a different character. This idea slammed me right after the 11/26 episode.

…..NCIS LA…..

Callen sat at the beach, watching the sun, rise red, over the horizon. He had been in the same spot, unmoving, for hours since he and Sam had parted company the night before. The calm oceans and gentle ocean breeze, a direct antithesis to the maelstrom tearing through his thoughts and soul.

His mind on constant replay of the last four months; the mission, the missteps and miscalculations. Despite it all, they had weathered the storm, months of being buffeted and battered…picked up and slammed down so many times he was frankly surprised at times any of them could get back up…that the raw, gaping wounds rent across his team could or would ever heal. But slowly they were finding some solid footing and had stepped through the storm…only to find themselves in a free fall on the other side…crashing back to earth at Mach 10.

The hurts to the flesh, though deep and grievous, knit together, scab over and only ghost through memories as eyes ghost over fading scars. No, physical hurts were so simple compared to the hurt that our passions could tear from our souls…the uncertainties that left one literally not knowing what was real and what was nothing but a wish on the wind.

He knew it wasn't any one thing that had slowly severed the staying bonds that bridged together a team of such diverse individuals, but rather, a slow growing accumulation of hurt upon hurt, misstep upon miscalculation; and maybe, just maybe, a little arrogance on their part…that the 'white hat' idea that the good guys always win.

But winning was in the perspective of the winner and the loser. So then, when is winning not winning anymore…when is winning, not worth the price. When do you step back and say…'enough is enough'….and wrap protective arms around what you truly see as important and hold close those last tattered pieces of your soul.

He was not alright…he knew it…could even almost admit and acknowledge it in the light of day. To his dieing day he would hold the blame for trusting Javier, for putting his team in a situation that went beyond life and death…beyond physical hurts; a place that had them doubting their very selves, their purpose and place.

Despite the stoic SEAL way, the standard disclaimer—'this is what we're trained for'…despite honor and mission at all cost, despite chalking it up to 'it's part of the job' and 'its happened before and it will probably happen' again. His partner was not alright…not by a longshot. Yes, his family was safe, yes the mission was completed successfully, and yes, he and the detective had finally come to an understanding to the benefit of all involved. But there was something in his demeanor, something Callen couldn't quit put his finger on…Sam still performed his job with the same courage and fortitude, but now there was a subtle…oh, so subtle hesitancy…a second guessing that wasn't there before. A coddling of his teammates not visible to the uninitiated…and that was unnerving to the agent.

And the emotions that they all, even family man Sam, kept under tight guard…seemed to slip out unbidden to them all…as they rode that jagged edge of fear that every mission brought but was usually so well tamed and subdued.

They all displayed the fears, and insecurities, in their own way; whether Deeks jokes, Kensi's fierce competiveness, Sam's tight laser focus to or his own lone wolf tendencies: they were easily deciphered, accepted and filed away as 'situation normal' to the team.

But Deeks jokes had been strained and forced, his demeanor more guarded and wary, while Kensi's emotions had been simmering just below the surface, to bubble up expectantly and without apparent rhyme or reason to the surrounding situation.

And so, that solid footing they thought they had found, turned out to be made of sandstone and shale…crumbling at the least little weight put on that bridge that spanned the gaping abyss the team was attempting to span to find their footing as a team again…

As hurts not yet healed were again torn asunder by a blow they had not expected in the fragile state the team found itself…when Hetty, the one person they all thought they could turn towards to guide them safely to the other side of that unravelling and swaying bridge, did the unthinkable… and pulled at the fraying seam holding the ragged fragments together.

The shock of Hetty's decision left them speechless and confused…unable to form even a minimal of coherent thought- why…how…what could be so important to rend a team already on the brink…?

As the sun rose over the horizon, Callen's jumbled thoughts slowly fell into a coherent state…his confusion and hurt churning together in a growing anger at the perceived betrayal to his team, especially when no explanation was given. He would get one today…he would get Hetty's reason…

…..NCIS LA…..

Happy Dance! Happy Dance! Happy Dance! She's gone…yay! Ding Dong the bitch is gone…at least for a little while…bet the Densi fans are just stomping their little feet over this past week's episode ! 'Course, alas, my happiness will no doubt be short lived…I heard the actress is pregnant, so is no doubt just off on maternity leave & unfortunately will probably be back…and in an amusing twist of fate…pregnant by her boyfriend-none other than ECO's brother! Bet that makes the densi scenes awkward on set!