Ed, Edd, N Eddy belong to Danny Antonucci I own nothing not even this computer.
Note: Post Ed Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show so all characters are basically the same but subtly...different
Ed sat in wood shop. The smell of fresh sawdust filled the air and consumed his lungs. To put things in a simple light he was in his happy place. The one class of the day where he could make a mess, destroy school property, not get disciplined by Double D or yelled at by Eddy for some action that he barely comprehends doing.
A big goofy smile crosses his face as he lifts up a log big enough to come from a redwood and began the happy task of slicing at it with a hammer and chisel. Most of the time he allowed his mind to wander free from any and all thoughts and allowed his hands to move and carve on their own. A little jingle came into his head and he began to move his head from side to side singing it loud and happily.
"Carving! Carving! Carving the Turkey for Thanksgiving day Mommy!" He was completely tone-deaf and allowed the yelling to fill the otherwise empty basement room.
Ed's eyes were closed he felt that it "Enriched the artistic experience and allowed his imagination to wander to new dimensions" as Double D called it, Ed did not really understand all the fancy words Double D strung together but working with his eyes closed sure was fun!
"Finished!" Ed shouted bouncing from excitement over his newest carving. Opening his eyes slowly to savor his favorite moment. Maybe he carved another lumpy horsey like the one in Eddy's house! or a robot! or the ten eyed tentacle mutant from planet Greece! Opening his eyes slowly, slowly, slower he gazed upon a perfectly sculpted perfectly to scale four and a half foot...
Woodchuck
It was a woodchuck. Ed gave his pondering face a try. He wondered why his hands would create that of all things. Don't steer the boat wrong he was a big woodchuck fan, he loved their adorable long fur, their small paws and sharp buck teeth, it was just...unexpected.
With a shrug Ed wiped it off as merely a fluke. An odd twist in this reality's cruel sense of life. Lifting another log up to his carving pedestal and placing the woodchuck down gingerly he began again.
Maybe he would give the woodchuck to plank as a girlfriend or something. Ed was certainly glad that the other kids had come around after the whole "Final Scam" thing. To be perfectly blunt Ed still was not sure what the whole plan was about all he was aware of was that it lost him his sponge collection, he and Sara getting grounded for two weeks for running away and gaining the friendship of the rest of the Cul-de-sac. Sure Kevin still picked on them occasionally and Sara still yelled and Johnny and Plank were still on edge from the whupping the other kids delivered to them. Luckily enough everyone seemed to come around and get along as friends in the end. Exactly the way Ed liked it.
Peeking between his fingers to glimpse what he had carved so far Ed slapped himself across the face.
"No peeking at the presents yet young man!" He disciplined himself in his mothers voice. Laughing at himself Ed finally felt finished. He opened his eyes maybe to glimpse a statue of him and the other kids only to make eye contact with...
A Beaver.
Ed turned his head one way and then the other but whatever direction he faced it was still simply that a small rodent that ate through trees with its sharp teeth to build their houses. Ed gave a frustrated snort before moving the creature next to the woodchuck. He liked woodland creatures he just didn't feel like them today. Maybe he should try to consciously make something next. Like his mommy or Dad or baby sister. Groaning with concentration he began to visualize the family sitting around his mommy disciplining him and dad for some shenanigan or other, Sara smug in the background, perhaps May Kanker staring through his window dreamily.
Ed shuddered a little at that thought the Kankers had began to be a little quieter in their stalking ways and had not attacked them as often, mainly due to the fact that the other kids would try to protect them if that happened, unfortunately try did not always mean succeed. The Kankers would give them unwanted cootie encrusted kisses, but between Ed, a brick wall and evil Tim, Ed strangely enough more recently began to enjoy the attention a tad.
May Kanker still scared the good gravy out of him but strangely enough it was less so then when he was twelve.
She even gave him a burger after school once! No explanation, Ed had been waiting outside the school building. Double D had been tutoring or something smart like that and Eddy had gotten another detention. So Ed sat and waited and observed the leaves and thought about the game of pick up basketball he and the other kids were going to play once the three of them showed up. Smiling into the wind Ed waited for his two best friends to show up. Just enjoying the sunshine and breeze and tasty meat filled smell. Ed actually saw the aroma it was thin and wavy and smelled delicious, it practically picked him up off his feet and floated him weightless around the corner of the school, eyes closed he felt a parcel containing the delicious aroma (that merely intensified as he drew closer) thrust into his chest and felt a chaste kiss on his kiss.
"Some honey for my big ED!" A happy voice lisped out causing Ed's eyes to pop open and draw in breath to scream "KANKERS!" Before running for the safety of his friends. He saw only the brief flash of straw color hair round the corner ahead of him, confused he followed and saw a yellow, gray and red shape run up to two other shapes one bright neon blue and the other hot red. The other two sisters didn't even see him as the trio made their way to the trailer park.
Ed was of course hesitant to open the bag, the guts and gore of captain Pigeon-head were contained in a delicious smelling bag. Curiosity soon overtook his easily influenced mind and Ed had to know. Opening the bag with terror lest it implode Ed instead discovered, A Kanker burger.
"Joy and Happiness for Ed!" Ed cried. Kanker burgers were put simply yummy. Sure sometimes they had weird stuff in them, but the juicy meaty taste that practically melted in your louth bite after gooey bite was on par with sickeningly sweet jawbreakers!
Ed devoured it in relish and his friends were never the wiser only aware that he had unidentifiable sauce upon his stained shirt, and that was typical for him.
Smashing his hand with the hammer and causing the fingers to swell to the size of balloons brought Ed back to reality. With a cry he jumped four feet in the air but luckily had not damaged his sculpture of a...flower. Now what was he making!
With a groan Ed began to pull up another hunk of wood he would not rest until he created some kind of alien species from the ninety-seventh dimension!
Double D looked around his cooking class, the final class of the day he typically had with his two companions Eddy and Ed along with Johnny Kevin and Nazz but for some bizarre reason Ed was nowhere to be observed. Eddy also noted his friends absence poking Double D in the side he whispered to him.
"Where do you think Lumpy is?"
"I haven't the faintest clue Eddy. It is concerning I saw him just this morning."
"Hey." Nazz whispered from behind them "Wasn't he missing at lunch?" Double D traded a concerned look with Eddy.
"That's right and Ed never misses gravy boat and chicken tuesdays." This silenced any and all conversations the group felt relatively uneasy, Ed never missed lunch no matter the circumstances, if he was gone Double D was terrified to think what could have waylaid his simple friend.
Abruptly the bell rang signaling the end of the school day and having everyone rush to gather assorted books and items for the next day.
Waiting outside Eddy and Double D stood patiently as first Kevin, Rolf and Nazz went home claiming to catch them later. Jimmy and Sara walked past hand in hand and laughing about their playdate. Victor the goat made his way back to Rolf's farm and Johnny and Plank gave a friendly smile and nod before racing each other back home.
The two of them waited for what felt like hours but was roughly two and a quarter minutes.
"This bites I'm going to look for him!" Eddy shouted in frustration before storming back into the school.A reluctant Double D following close behind.
"Eddy need I remind you that school is closed and that we really have no right to be..."Eddy shoved his fist into Double D's mouth to stop his yammering he thought he heard something. Double D thought he too could now differentiate the rhythmic sound penetrating the atmosphere. The two followed the noise, it was rising from the basement, near the boiler room where the Kanker sisters played hooky but just a little past that, the almost abandoned wood shop section of the school.
"It sounds like a machine." Eddy whispered pushing Double D in front of him as a human shield. Double D nervously nodded his knees quaking together he opened the door. And entered a woodland scene from a storybook, flowers and small bucktoothed animals filled the room heaped on tables extra wood and assorted knickknacks. Sitting in the center of the whole scene was Ed his green jacket off and striped shirt reeking of sweat working on another piece, slicing and dicing and grinding away only to open his eyes and find another chipmunk staring him in the face. Groaning he flung it over his shoulder clonking Eddy on the head, causing a red bump to swell up.
"Ow watch it lummox!" Eddy screeched. Ed turned around tears in his eyes and wiped his forehead in exhaustion. Double D held up an intricate carving of a common north american beaver easily the size of a portable phone.
"Ed how long have you been making...these?"
"Double D! Eddy! there are no evil Tim's! or Captain Zap's! or Robot Jeffrey!" Ed cried out holding his friends to his steaming disgusting armpits and crying heavily.
"Get him off, get him off, get him offa me! What is your problem lumpy! We were worried about cha! What is all of this?"
"Eddy." Double D began "I believe that Ed has gone through some sort of crisis and needs a bit of tack to handle the situation do you not agree?" Eddy glowered up before facing a Ed with tears in his eyes and a quivering lip.
"Alright what's the issue Ed?" Ed fell to his knees and howled up to the heavens.
"I have no art left Eddy! All I make are mushy flowers and animals and stuff!" Double D held up one of the flowers very clear from the shapes and number of petals to be identified as a mayflower, why Ed would carve it Double D had no reasonable idea, or the assorted woodland creatures, a beaver, gopher, woodchuck, mouse. Double D stopped and looked again slowly over all of the carvings. Gopher...Woodchuck...Beaver...Mayflower...what was the connection?
Animal...Flower...Animal...Flower...Beaver...Mayflower...Fur...Teeth...Buckteeth...Mayflower...May...Flower...Buckteeth...May...Flower...Bucktooth...
Bucktooth...May
"Oh my." Eddward squeaked out. He was, quite frankly he was shocked, completely taken by surprise. To think his friend Ed would develop feelings, not necessarily of romantic nature but of some sort, for May Kanker no less! Double D had to alert Eddy right away before he tried something reckless.
Dragging him a little ways away from Ed Double D whispered in Eddy's ear. Ed could only see and hear Eddy's reactions.
Double D whispering. "What?" Eddy replying.
Double D whispering. "No!" Eddy denying.
Double D whispering. "What!" Eddy refusing.
It went back and forth like this for a very long time and only came to a head with Double D stating "We simply must show his true feelings to himself or he could continue on down this self-destructive spiral until lord knows what happens to his fragile personality!"
"Fine. Fine. That doesn't mean I have to like it though." Eddy muttered.
"Now Ed to help you we are going to preform a word association game alright, just say the first word that pops into your head after I say a word starting with gravy!"
"Happy Place Double D!" Ed played along smiling imagining the creamy meat sauce traveling to his gut.
"Jawbreakers." Eddy muttered
"Scams" Ed replied
"Home."
"Sara."
"Cul de sac"
"Kids"
"Kids?" Double D inquired believing there to be some progress brewing.
"Friends."
"Enemies?"
"Evil Tim."
"Danger?"
"Kankers Eddy!" Ed shouted and began to shiver fearing a breakdown Double D pushed through.
"Seasons of the year!"
"Spring." Ed said dreamily, almost summer yet cool and Easter bunny chocolate, that put Ed in his happy place.
"Months?"
"May."
"Happy?"
"Gravy."
"Happy months?"
"May." Double D smiled in triumph they were definitely confirming his suspicions!
"May."
Ed was confused he thought quick and the first thing that came to mind was that delicious burger, burger, Kanker, the Kanker Burger came in the month of...
"Kanker."
"Kanker..." Double D prompted, knowing the response.
"This is so stupid Sock head! He was having an off day just let it go!" Eddy shouted jumping onto a pile of carving to make eye contact with Double D, who was about to discipline Eddy for his crude manners when Ed spoke up.
"May Kanker...Happy Place for Ed!" Ed's eyes shot open. Why did he say that! it was insane! More so then the creature crossover with bunny man! May Kanker was scary! and he had nightmares about her! and she could cook really well! and was smart!(Smarter then he was at least!) and kind of cute in a bunny sort of way and...Oh jeez Louise.
Ed just thought of May Kanker as cute.
Eddy had a stunned look on his face, Double D was hiding a gap toothed grin. Ed looked at them questioningly.
"Edward." Double D said sitting down on the floor and patting the ground beside him, referring to Ed in his full name. "We must have a little discussion on our next course of actions today."
The sun was close to setting, Ed was sweating profusely the trailer park gave him the screaming willies. Brought into account what he was there to do and he was close to fainting. Turning around he saw his friends encouraging him to go foreword with his bundle wrapped tightly in his arms. They would have gotten there sooner if Eddy hadn't complained and thrown a fit and Ed had to actually carve the thing with his eyes opened he insisted on doing. They got to the park and flush later then expected.
Ed breathed heavily and made his way to the screen door of the blue trailer that he had spent months trying to avoid. He mounted the steps and knocked politely yet shaking and sweating profusely. A crash and yelling came from inside with noise from a tv. Ed idly wondered what they were watching, maybe the classic Fishbowl!
"May! Get the door!" The gruff voice of the eldest Kanker commanded from somewhere within,
"Have Marie do it! I'm washing my hair!"
"She told you to do it stinko!" The high pitched screech of the middle child commanded. A crash and complaining later May Kanker opened the door in a bathrobe that said "Butch" on the collar and soap suds in her hair answered.
"What do ya wa-" May stopped mid sentence. No one ever visits their trailer, and it being one of the Ed's her Ed no less. And there she was in a bathrobe and wet hair. Her face turned pink as Ed's turned beet red and then purple as he leaned in quickly brushed her cheek with his lips put the package on her doorstep and then ran before she could say a word.
"Ed!" She called after him but he was out of sight by that time. All that remained was the weird bundle, unwrapping it slowly she found a statue. Of herself, it was almost like looking into a mirror, the exception being the heart that framed her face and the large letters carved into her torso.
MK
Edward
May then felt where his lips had touched, she squealed as she flew into the air, hearts replacing her pupils and her body spiraling, her cheek felt like it was melting from where he kissed it, Kissed it! Her big Ed!
May grabbed the statue and raced back inside giddy with excitement. Her Ed liked her! For certain! She was ahead of her sisters! Her boyfriend knew that he was her boyfriend!
"Who was that?" Lee grunted from the couch as May pranced by holding a hunk of wood or something and briefly blocked the TV.
"No one!" She shouted defensively before skipping up the stairs without actually touching them heading to their shared bedroom. Lee watched her go trying to piece the situation together.
"Hormones." She shrugged and went back to watching her movie.
"I still don't like it." Eddy grumbled from their meeting place near the forest.
"Eddy, Ed is our friend and you shall support him in this he is probably much more afraid then you are, we as his responsible friends must guide him on this journey and teach him the values of maturity and..."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it Sock head." Eddy grumbled waving the words away. "I still don't feel right about this whole Kanker thing."
"It's in the script Eddy! Just roll with it!" Ed shouted walking up from behind and grinning madly his face now a dark concerning shade of purple.
"So Ed how did it go?" Double D smiled encouragingly. Ed thought hard his eyebrow raised and thinking before with great gravity he spoke.
"Like the space squids of nebula nine I was victorious Double D!" On that note the three friends walked back to the cup de sac the sun slowly setting behind the trailer park where May Kanker added the carving to her shrine of Ed and her happy together, thoughts of their future life filled her head.
Thought I would try this out. Ed Edd n Eddy belong to Danny A. I own none of the characters.