As promised, here is the Cat & Queen side fic. I doubt it would make sense without reading the main fic, but you're welcome to try. I guess. This is a compilation of Princess Anna of Arendelle's journal entries post-movie as the struggles to comprehend her changing feelings for her big sister, Elsa the Ice Queen. Every few chapters of Cat & Queen will be covered/explored here from Anna's perspective. Enjoy!

Elsanna/Icest/Arencest WARNING: This will deal head-on with issues of incest. If that is not your reading pleasure, please hit the back button and have a nice day.

Sleep Deprivation (Excuses)

Chapter 1

It started that first night back in the castle with Elsa. I mean, I guess it really started with Olaf and the whole reveal of Elsa's powers and me trekking up North Mountain with Kristoff. When I saw Elsa in her ice castle, with her braid unpinned and her bangs frozen in place and that dress… part of my brain malfunctioned. Or something. I mean, I think it all comes back to sleep deprivation. You see, Kristoff and Sven and I travelled all night and I tried to sleep in the sled, but it was kind of a bumpy ride and Kristoff actually does smell and I just couldn't sleep much.

Anyway, meeting Olaf, and realizing he was our snowman and then seeing her up on the mountain, it changed something in me. I don't just mean about Elsa accidentally shooting ice into my heart, because honestly, my heart had slowly been freezing for years while Elsa was locked away. I didn't realize it until after, of course, but now I think that's the truth. I know Papa and Mama meant well, but separating Elsa and me was wrong. I know I got hurt really badly, I remember now, but it was an accident. We were kids. Elsa didn't mean to hurt me and I think it would have been way better to help Elsa learn to control her powers and…. I guess I could have used some boundaries. I was always the one getting Elsa into trouble. I was five years old and Elsa could never say no to me and….

It was my own fault, if anyone's. And the coronation fiasco was totally my fault. I was so stupid, and naïve, to think Hans was my true love when we'd just met, but I didn't know any better. If I'd had some guidance, an ally, a friend, my sister during those years… especially after Mama and Papa died, maybe I wouldn't have messed everything up.

I'm avoiding it. I'm avoiding writing it down in my own fucking journal. I'm so hopeless. Seeing Elsa at the coronation was hard, but it was also amazing because I'd missed her so much and I was so excited about Hans and I was avoiding my anger and my sadness about everything that happened before. Elsa couldn't come to the funeral because of her powers. I get that now, but at the time it nearly destroyed me. That's when I started to give up on her, started to be so selfish, started to freeze inside. We still haven't talked about it, but we will. Sometimes they almost come up in conversation and Elsa and I just look away from each other and start talking about anything else.

I'm still doing it. Shit. Okay, here goes Journal: when I saw Elsa in her ice dress for the first time I was attracted to her. She looked so beautiful and it was really confusing and – in my defense there were other things going on at the time – I just kind of ignored it because, yeah, Arendelle was frozen and stuff. When we got back, after I stopped Hans (writing his name is really hard now and my hand is shaking) from hurting Elsa, and I finally got to hug my sister, I felt it again. I felt this heat in my belly and I thought it was just exhaustion and the trauma of almost freezing to death and everything else. Not least of all, you know, Kristoff coming back to save me. He's great, but he's not Elsa.

I don't regret kissing him, but I should probably talk to him. I don't know if it's going to keep working between us. I… pictured kissing Elsa the other day when he was kissing me and even if she wasn't my sister and the queen that would still be fucked up.

I'm getting off topic again. I'll write about Kristoff later. Right now, I really need to get this out. That first night back in the palace, Elsa hugged me goodnight and my face ended up in the nook between her neck and shoulder and I really wanted to kiss her right there. It took so much effort not to, and I think I probably could have played it off as sisterly affection, except totally not because I can barely pull off walking, but yeah, I really wanted to. I thought 'oh, I could just' and then it was like my heart finally started beating again and what I felt before came crashing back and thank the gods that Elsa didn't notice (I guess she was too tired or whatever, because she's normally really perceptive) because I still barely have the words to explain it. And that was like three months ago.

I couldn't sleep that night. Or the night after. I can barely sleep for a few hours at a time now (yeah, for three months now!) because I have these dreams and I miss Elsa, even if I've just seen her. Part of me wants to ask her to move back into my room (it was our room when we were young) or to stay in her room one night, to see if it would help. Maybe it would be worse. I just know that if I don't get some good sleep soon I'm never going to be able to stop this. I think if I could just sleep I can sort all of this out and stop thinking of Elsa so… inappropriately.

And then there's Icicle. Ugh, I want to strangle that fucking cat some days. I think he knows how I feel about Elsa. Cats shouldn't be so smart and so evil. Just yesterday he -

Fuck, Elsa's looking for me again. I'll tell you more about Prince Evil Cat later Journal!