Betareading by the-spoon-of-doom
/u/2504127/
A G1 story. Maybe a missing episode :)
Appearance is everything
The idea of solving the Energon supply problem with a new approach came to Megatron after another stingy defeat suffered by his group of Decepticons, who were chased away from a refinery they were ransacking by the usual intervention of the boring Autobots.
It was a script that had been repeating for too many stellar cycles till they were stranded on Earth, chained to a planet Megatron detested by the stubbornness of Optimus Prime to defend at all costs the humans and their energy resources. As far as he was concerned, the Autobots could very well remain on that mud ball, all Megatron wanted was to return as soon as possible to Cybertron. He was starting to miss its sceneries of aseptic metal not infested by parasites of flesh and blood, but he could not leave without having collected enough Energon to support his Decepticon troops back home.
Perhaps tired of being continuously mocked by the Autobots, Megatron had conjured a plan that in other times he would have dismissed as a glitch in his logic circuits caused by the annoying Earth humidity. If the problem was to obtain energy, the Decepticon supreme commander had asked himself, why not trick the humans into selling it willingly?
For a moment renouncing to fight and resort to such a devious plan had sounded insulting to Megatron ―in particular the idea of not using brute strength to get what he wanted, for the first time in megacycles of existence―, but then the sweet thought of outwitting that pompous idiot Optimus Prime had casted aside all of his doubts.
Once decided with what to do, Megatron had set in motion the powerful Decepticon intelligence machine, entrusting Soundwave with the task of analyzing the human financial and economic system, finding a way to obtain what they wanted as soon as possible; despite the apparent baroque complexity, it all came down to having enough Dollars, Euros or Yuan to buy what one wanted. And since the money, basically, was nothing but a sequence of numbers on a screen, there was no banking mainframe Soundwave could not crack to have large sums appear out of thin air.
Hacking the terrestrial telecommunication network was also an easy job for Soundwave and, at that point, Megatron decided to make things a little funnier and challenging. He was the leader of one of the most feared armies in the universe, he could not just buy the local electric company, it would have been indecorous for the powerful warrior he was!
If the Decepticon wanted to fully capitalize on their investments, why not starting from the top? So, affectionately stroking the fusion cannon installed on his right arm, Megatron indicated to Soundwave, among the various stock exchange listed companies, the one they would have acquired: one of those that extracted and refined the precious petroleum.
BP was in big troubles. Forced to pay the consequences of an accident happened some years before in the Gulf of Mexico, the value of its shares was still fairly low and, ordering Soundwave to manipulate downward the estimates of the rating agencies, Megatron made sure it dropped even more.
Humans were just idiots who believe everything that appeared on a screen, the Decepticon leader had thought, noting the crashing stock market indices, sunk by terrified investors who sold their shares before they became trash. Megatron's laughter echoed throughout the base; it was almost too easy for him but, all things considered, it was impossible that a mere human construct could withstand the inventive of one of the most brilliant conquerors of the universe.
In a few days, and thanks to some other devious financial maneuvers orchestrated by Soundwave, who seemed to enjoy his new work, the majority of BP shares ― and thus its control― fell in the hands of the Decepticons. While continuing its regular activities on Earth, so as not to arouse suspicions, a part of the oil extracted in its facilities would be transformed in Energon and transferred to Cybertron, right under the Autobots' nose.
The adventure had opened a world of opportunities for Megatron. Of course, it was not as exciting as to clash in battle with Optimus Prime, but for that kind of fun the Decepticon leader knew he could always arrange some nonsensical skirmishes with the Autobot; on the other hand, the pleasure Megatron had felt cheating the hated enemies, turning the human financial architectures at his advantage, was close to the bliss that shook him after a victorious battle.
Caressing his large chin, Megatron decided he would continue that way. Other energy companies were having a hard time on the markets, like the Japanese TEPCO, and he would have reunited all of them under the Decepticon control.
At that point, however, one problem had aroused. Megatron had used complaisant figureheads to sign the contracts, but the company had something called "board of directors", and none but him could attend it. Megatron did not trust humans. Neither could he disclose his true appearance. There was only one thing he could do.
The Decepticon leader looked down, scanning the dummy in which he was going to download his memories and conscience. The simulacrum, an android covered with synthetic skin, was the perfect reproduction of a human being; even at close distance none would have noticed the differences. Megatron nodded. The idea of being mistaken for one of those creatures, disgustingly weak, certainly was not thrilling, but the mission would have lasted only a few hours: it was needed to scare the other minority members of the BP board.
Hiding his true self behind an avatar, Megatron had already spoken with some of them by videoconference and he had found they were equally divided between whining sheep and rapacious sharks. Megatron grinned, amused by the thought of teaching them, the hard way, who would have be in command from that moment on.
"So? Don't I deserve not even a word of praise for my brilliant work, mighty Megatron?"
His grin faded into a grimace of contempt. Yes, it would have been the perfect plan indeed, if Megatron had not had to include Starscream in the equation. But, unfortunately, neither he nor Soundwave were scientists as brilliant as the Air Commander.
Megatron's scarlet optics locked onto Starscream. "If I had found it disgusting I would have disintegrated it already. And you with it."
The shorter 'bot looked away, his arms crossed above the F15 cockpit that adorned his chest. "Yes of course. I learned the hard way that you are unable to appreciate my efforts for the Decepticon cause."
The monumentally and childishly outraged expression on the Seeker's face triggered a deep laughter in Megatron's synthesizer. Starscream's attitude was exasperating, but in that moment he was too satisfied with his plan to listen to the whining of his susceptible Air Commander.
With all the strength he could muster Megatron dropped a hand on Starscream's shoulder, forcing him to bend the servo of his legs to reduce the impact. Surprise seared Starscream's lips into a thin line.
"Excellent. In forty-eight terrestrial hours we will transfer the dummy, and the equipment necessary for the download, in our new base in Dover, England. Soundwave is already there preparing everything to provide the perfect camouflage among humans." Megatron nodded, a brilliant idea just popped up in his mind. "Prepare another two androids," he ordered. "Clearly I cannot attend the meeting without my staff."
"Two?"
If his audio receptors were serving him right, a terrified accent had emerged on Starscream's tone. That delighted Megatron to no end. The Decepticon leader squared his ample shoulders. "Of course. For you and Soundwave. Thundercracker and Skywarp will remain here with Frenzy and Rumble to guard the base."
Megatron allowed his Air Commander to elude his grasp. The Seeker pointed a finger at him, white wings quivering with indignation. "You're crazy if you think I'll disgrace myself wearing the filthy skin of a human!"
"That was an order, soldier." Megatron barked. "And make sure to build it durable. In the likely event I should attend more of these meetings you'll come with me. If there's one thing I learned in megacycles of existence it's that I'm not going to leave my real body here at your disposal. You'd be able to reformat me into a garbage compactor."
Perhaps knowing he was already doomed, Starscream resolved to beg. He opened his hands, a look of excruciating desperation on his face. "Humans smell, please don't force me to endure this pain."
"Turn off the olfactory sensors of your simulacrum if it makes you feel better. Now get back to work, you've already lost too much time."
And with that Megatron walked out of the lab, leaving his distraught Air Commander behind.
As much as it cost Megatron to admit it, he had to acknowledge Starscream had done a great job.
The download was a success, and now the Decepticon leader was admiring himself in the mirror in his new human configuration, which was surprisingly fitting to his personality. He was around fifty terrestrial years, and he was a tall, handsome man with gray-streaked hair that made him look stern and professional, exactly how Megatron wanted to appear. The android face retained his characteristic Cybertronian features but the eyes were what surprised him the most.
Megatron had already noticed how the Earthlings managed to convey many emotions through their optics, and he could not understand 'how' considering that, in the end, those eyeballs were just two bags full of biological liquids. But he had to admit it worked, since the android replicated the same system, albeit with synthetic materials. It was almost scary.
Deep brown eyes with red highlights stared back at him from the mirror, deeply amused. Furrowing his thick dark eyebrows Megatron tried one of his most ruthless looks, and he wonderfully succeeded. The human face muscles allowed a wide range of expressions compared to his Cybertronian one, and Megatron was starting to like it; it was functional for his plan.
Finally he stepped back, admiring the elegant attire Soundwave had provided him. The light gray suit, combined with a black turtleneck, gave him a formal yet youthful appearance that perfectly completed his look. Definitely, the Decepticon Communication Officer had capitalized fairy well his investigation on human society.
Satisfied, Megatron left his suite and headed towards the lift of his new base.
Having to blend in with humans they could not leave anything to chance; and, for sure, they could not indicate an unspecified point offshore in case someone had asked where they lived. So, one of the gates of their new base in Dover was placed under a large, luxury mansion built for the occasion, well hidden in the English countryside. It was registered as owned by Mr. Maximilian Khan, a name Megatron found fitting, having almost the same air of grandeur of his original name.
Passing a hand through his hair ―a gesture he was finding surprisingly relaxing― the Decepticon leader walked into the spacious room where he had asked his warriors to gather, discovering Soundwave was already there. Megatron had not seen the other human simulacra, but he could bet that one in front of him could not be Starscream's.
The Communication Officer was sitting stiffly in an armchair with a tablet PC on his lap. He got up immediately when he spotted Megatron, retrieving a plastic envelope from a nearby table.
The appearance of the android was in line with Soundwave's Cybertronian features. The square jaw, short black hair and glasses were perfect for Soundwave, as well as the clothing: a sober midnight blue suit combined with a white shirt and a solid light blue tie.
The Communication Officer approached his leader, his pace a bit too rigid, handing him the tablet. Megatron took the computer, morbidly intrigued.
"Here we have our terrestrial documents," Soundwave told him raising the envelope still in his hands. "ID cards, driving licenses, credit cards and everything necessary to disguise as a trio of wealthy humans. While in those folders on the screen you can see my and Starscream's profiles. We still have a couple of hours before the meeting takes place, I can change whatever you deem not acceptable. It's not a problem to reprint the documents."
Megatron smiled. If all of his soldiers were as efficient and obedient as Soundwave, the Decepticons would have won the war with the Autobots several stellar cycles before to crash on Earth.
He glanced at the human profile of his Communication Officer, sure not to find any silly surprise. In fact, all too predictable, Soundwave had decided to call himself John Smith, one of the more common Earthling names. Forty-two terrestrial years, a lawyer by profession. Megatron nodded. Perfect for what he had in mind.
It was with a strange uneasiness that he opened Starscream's file. The name was the first thing Megatron read. The following lines made him furrow his eyebrows, anger hitting him with the violence of a plasma beam. He pointed his reddish eyes at Soundwave. "What does this mean?" he hissed.
The other looked unimpressed, and he merely settled his glasses on his nose. "I thought it was the only way not to raise unwanted questions on the relationship between you and Starscream. I studied the type of society with which we will be in touch. The relational structure is a bit different from ours and, assuming you will continue your bickering, what you read there is the only relationship that could justify such eccentric behavior in public. Unless you might want to consider something more emotional, like a love bond."
Megatron scowled. From his point of view human relationships were one and the same, and none made sense to him. It should be irrelevant, yet, the idea to be bonded to Starscream in the human way gave Megatron an uneasy feeling. Never in his right mind he would have chosen such a treacherous mate. "You have extensively studied the Earthlings. What is your opinion about it?" he asked Soundwave, ready to put aside his reluctance if it was necessary for the mission.
The Communication Office stared at him back, touching again the bridge of his glasses. "For humans who belong to that social class, romantic relationships between individuals of the same gender are tolerated but not publicly exhibited. So I do not recommend revealing the existence of such a bond between you two. It could generate uncontrollable emotional reactions."
Megatron's lips twisted into a disgusted grimace. Beyond the information needed for the mission, he had no interest for the Earthlings, let alone their curious social rituals and emotional hysteria. He already had his Air Commander to keep at bay. "Then I accept your suggestion," he firmly said. "Does Starscream know about it?"
"No, I wanted to submit his profile to you first."
"Excellent. I will inform him personally."
Megatron sighed, already dreading Starscream's remonstrations. He knew that what Soundwave had envisaged would have not pleased the air brigade Commander. Then, a doubt exploded in the circuits of Megatron's simulacrum. "Wait, isn't he too ol..."
Soundwave did not let him finish. He pointed his index at a line on the file Megatron had yet to notice. "Wait till you see his human configuration," the Communication Officer told him, a vague dramatic air slipping through his usual collected tone.
In that moment Starscream's shrilly voice fell upon them. "I'm ready, we can leave."
He sounded much more relieved and thrilled that he had been the day before.
Clenching his teeth, Megatron gave the tablet back to Soundwave and turned towards his Air Commander, prepared for the worst. Once again, Starscream did not disappoint his most dreadful expectations.
The android the Seeker had built for himself was tall, only a shade shorter Megatron's one, but more slender and, as reported in the profile, much younger: he looked around twenty-five terrestrial years.
Mahogany hair, smooth and shiny, framed a face with angelic features, typical of those humans the Decepticon leader had seen on the fashion websites Soundwave had shown him before the mission. Almond-shaped, indigo blue eyes made Starscream look sly. He was clad in a black business suit combined with a coat of the strangest shade of purple, that harmonized devilishly well with Starscream's colors and enhanced his overall good-looking, fashionable appearance.
Although far from being an expert on human physiognomy, Megatron was well aware that, by Earth standards, Starscream was extremely attractive.
The Seeker stopped in front of Megatron with an amused grin gracing his face, doing nothing to hide the obvious fact he had given himself a look so eccentric on purpose, despite Soundwave's recommendations.
"How do you explain this?" Megatron roared.
Starscream shook his shoulders in one fluid motion, very human, that made his leader suspect he had arrived late because he had tried in the mirror how to properly behave in that body.
"What, this?" Starscream replied, stroking the smooth, tanned skin of his jaw with the back of his fingers; obviously his oversized ego was pleased with his appearance. "I, the most skillful and fastest of the Seekers, the Decepticon Air Commander, the pride of Cybertron Military Academy. I could not humiliate myself wearing the skin of something less than charming."
Irritation bubbled inside Megatron but he suppressed it. Did he really believe this time Starscream would have obeyed without causing troubles, when the Seeker had never unquestioningly complied with his orders? Suppressing the urge to slap him silly had never been so hard. "It would have been sufficient to adopt more anonymous features, and to choose a less glamorous wardrobe."
"But it's not flashy! It's Burberry! A classic coat!" Starscream pointed out, as if he had suddenly become an expert in human fashion. "As for the features, you told me we had to maintain our Cybertronian appearance." A devious grin bent the Seeker's lips. "It's not my fault if I was created more attractive and youthful than someone else."
Megatron already knew Starscream considered himself the Cybertronian equivalent of a human supermodel, and his leader an old wreck. He had heard it almost as many times as he had caught the Seeker blabbering about surrender the leadership to him, or busy in concocting plans to stab Megatron in the back. The Decepticon leader's advanced processors could not provide an adequate response as to why he still had to permanently disable his disloyal Air Commander.
In that moment, however, the arrogant grin on Starscream simulacrum's face seemed more offensive to Megatron than his usual, disrespectful attacks. For that, he foretasted what he was about to say.
Megatron turned towards Soundwave raising a hand in which, without needing to say more, the Communication Officer laid the envelope with their identity documents. Soundwave glanced at him, and Megatron could bet he had caught an amused glint in his icy eyes.
Enjoying the moment, the Decepticon leader quietly pulled out the ID card belonging to Starscream. He handed it to his Air Commander, carefully scrutinizing his face.
"It's true what you said," Megatron explained, measuring every word and trying to sound reassuring despite his desire to strangle Starscream. "But if you had read the reports Soundwave wrote on the Earthling society, you would know humans universally confer great importance to the wisdom that comes from experience, and that is associated with a mature appearance." Arching an eyebrow, Megatron smiled. "Screamer, you gave yourself the appearance of an inexperienced and frivolous youth. But for the person you have to pretend to be it's just fine." Megatron put his hand on his Air Commander's shoulder, squeezing it more affectionately he could. "Take the time left before the meeting to memorize your name and your résumé, Alexander Khan, dear son."
The terrified look on Starscream's face was priceless, a good way to begin one of the most memorable days in the long life of the mighty Megatron.
Notes: again, thank you Spoon for the impeccable betareading :)
This is my first and (probably) last fanfiction on this fandom, ispired and dedicated to the awesome Namecchan. Her art is amazing, and my humanformers are based on her delicious drawings. Go get them all! namecchan[dot]deviantart[dot]com[slash]