This is not actually fiction, it somehat happened.
I let my cat go runs and plays every day. It's like a routine, only that it happens routinely-my cat gets let out at 10 in teh porning, and I let it back in at 8 at night. Aroundabouts 2 in the aafternoon, today, I saw my cat run across the neighbors yard. Nothing strange, except she was running from some guy. I was wondering who the hell would be chasing my little murkin-muff McPuffles, so I grabbed, from my dreessser, a pair of bi-noculours. I swear to f-cking God, who I saw through those bi-noculars, was Leonardo DiCaprio.
I felt like runnin from my hous in angre at this son-of-a-bitch, but I wasn't sure if it was him, and if it was, why was he chasin my cat? So I kept tryin to get a better look, because I had only seen through the pi-nocluemers, I had only seen but a mere glempse. Then, this guy, who at least sembled greatly Lenardo Dicaprio, proceeded to attempt to murder my cat.
He had a long stick in his hend, and I realized it could only be a cattle-prod. I could tell from the distance through the bi-noculllrs, that it was set to maximu power. Sparks were coming off from it and the red light was glowing. It was obviously set from "stun" to "kill". Cattle-prod weilding Dicarpio chasied my cat up a nearby tree. He looked really f-ckin pissed when the prod-of-doom couldn't reach the cute little pussy. So I could see him was cursing, and at this point I was 100293299% sure it was who I suspected. So then he started to CLIMB THE F-CKING TREE. All my worst nightmeres had been realised in liss than 62 seconds. He climbed it like a maniac, and though my hears couldn't ear, I could've sworn I heard him cackling lick a Jack Nicolson.
At this point I busted from my house, rippin teh lesser door out but leaving the mostlydoor, and I shouted like topof lung: 'LEAVE MY POR PUSSY ALONE!" to which he dint' reply. As I neared where things were happenstancing, I could hear the cattleprod making electrical sounds. He poked at my cat, who was on the furtherestmost branch and very ascrared. She kept mowing like little girls do when they get rejected by their fathers. WHY! I shouted like french siren. I could not climb trees like him because I was never bullied when I was younger, so I ran back inside my house to call the popo.
My cat managaed to stay away, and by time the cops arrived he had run like a Kenyan to somewhere else. So he will never be charaged for this crime.
He's suck a ashhole, how do yu people like him? It's because he hasnt tried murdering your cats. F-ckers.