Francine was in the Vault, sorting old files into drawers in alphabetical order. Tedious work but it had to be done – just like surveillance. She had reached "K" when she heard the Q-Bureau's door open and close.
"Good morning!" she called.
Just to make sure that Amanda and Lee, for it had to be them who had entered, knew they weren't alone. Never again did she want to get caught in here while those two were engaged in God knew what outside, completely unaware they weren't alone. That had been really embarrassing – for all three of them.
When there was no answer, Francine frowned.
She had heard the door. Someone else had entered. So why weren't they answering?
Maybe it was just someone dropping off a file ...
Francine decided to check.
She pushed the door to the Vault open and stuck her head out.
"You could at least –"
She stopped when she saw who had entered.
Amanda was standing by her desk, steadying herself against it with one hand, the other one pressed against her chest, pale as death and with her eyes closed.
"Good heavens, Amanda!"
Francine dropped her files and hurried over to the other woman.
"What's wrong?"
What's wrong? Stupid question. It's her heart – or what else does it look like?
"It's nothing."
Amanda looked at her and smiled. Well, she tried to but it was nothing like her usual smile.
"I just ran up the stairs too fast."
"Nothing. Sure."
Francine pulled out the chair behind the desk and gently pushed Amanda into it.
"Where's Lee?" she asked.
"Meeting a contact."
Amanda closed her eyes again.
Francine waited for a few minutes to let her catch her breath. And also, to decide how to tackle this problem. Because there definitely was a problem. Ever since Amanda had returned from California and to work, Francine had been – well, not exactly watching her but she had been keeping an eye on her. Because that phone call from Lee where he had told them Amanda had been shot and might actually die had really shaken her. Not that she would ever have admitted it. So she was keeping her eyes open and had noticed that even though Amanda did her best to convince everyone she was fine and pretended her brush with death never had happened she did look just a little too pale sometimes, her smile not as entirely genuine as usual. She wasn't taking the proper time to recover, both physically and emotionally. And that was an issue that had to be addressed before it turned into a problem.
A direct approach seemed the most practicable.
"Better?" Francine asked when she saw some color had returned to Amanda's cheeks.
Amanda nodded.
"Yes, thank you."
"Good. Let's go."
Francine turned to the door.
"Go where?" Amanda asked.
"Medical, to have you checked out."
Hand already on the doorknob, Francine gave Amanda a stern look.
"And before you even start to think about telling me you're fine – I'm the senior agent here and I can make this an order."
Amanda frowned – probably at her harsh tone, Francine thought – but she didn't argue. Instead, she got up to follow Francine.
Of course, Amanda could have insisted she was fine. But when Francine Desmond had that particular look on her face it was better not to argue with her – Amanda knew that from previous experience.
And besides, if she was honest, she did feel a little funny.
Shouldn't have run up the stairs the way I did.
There were just so many things, recently, that she "should" and "shouldn't" do ...
She followed Francine down to the Georgetown foyer and the elevator that took them two levels further down to Medical. She might have argued with Dr. Kelford and told him that it was nothing, really. But Francine stayed throughout the whole examination, leaning against the far wall with her arms folded across her chest. The stern look she had given Amanda before was gone but the one that had replaced it wasn't any less serious. Not for the first time Amanda wished it would be easier to figure out what was on that woman's mind.
"I can't find anything wrong."
Kelford put his stethoscope away and removed the electrode pads from the ECG he had stuck to Amanda's chest.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
Amanda sat up and re-buttoned her blouse.
"Fine."
At Francine's frown, she quickly added: "A little tired, maybe. Sometimes."
"Hm."
"It's really nothing. I just ran up the stairs and –"
"- that's exactly something you shouldn't do", Kelford cut her off. "At least, not yet."
"I know."
Kelford turned to Francine.
"Well, as far as I can see, everything's in order now."
He glanced at Amanda.
"I'd recommend more rest but that's really up to Mrs. King."
Francine nodded.
"Thanks, doctor."
"Anytime."
"Would you mind giving us a few minutes? I think Mrs. King and I need to talk."
Uh-oh.
"Certainly."
Kelford gave Francine a nod, then Amanda, then he left the room.
Francine didn't move. She remained by the far wall, fixing Amanda with a gaze that kept her seated even though all she wanted to do was to get up and return to the Q-Bureau. Or somewhere else. It really didn't matter as long as it meant that talk with Francine didn't happen – she really could do without the dressing-down she was sure she would receive.
"I really should get back to work", she finally said. "Can't this wait?"
Francine sighed and shook her head.
"No, Amanda, this can't wait. And what you should do is go back home and rest."
"I'm fine, really."
"Just not fine enough to run up the stairs from ground level to the first floor without looking like you're about to have a heart attack."
Amanda couldn't argue with that. Her shoulders sagged. She looked down at the tips of her shoes.
"Yes, that was probably a stupid thing to do. But I was feeling fine this morning. Not tired at all and I'm … there's … so many things people keep telling me that I shouldn't do."
"People?" Francine asked.
"Lee. My mother. Even the boys."
Amanda looked up at her.
"It's not like I'm … I don't know, going to collapse just because I'm carrying the laundry basket to the first floor myself."
Francine could plainly see the spark in Amanda's eyes. Annoyance? Defiance?
"It's just … I wish people would stop fussing about me all the time", Amanda said. "Even you now."
That was just the opening Francine needed.
"Fussing?"
She raised her eyebrows.
"You think we're fussing?"
Amanda opened her mouth to say something in reply but Francine cut her off with a wave of her hand.
"No, you just keep quiet and listen. We're not fussing, we're worried about you – because we care about you. Even I, believe it or not. It takes time for such injuries to heal properly. We all wish you'd take that time, but obviously, you're too stubborn or whatever your reason is for coming back to work so soon."
Amanda looked down again.
"When you were shot, you were back after a week", she said softly.
"What?"
Francine gave an incredulous laugh.
"Amanda – I was shot in the leg. The bullet went right through and there were no complications at all. You, on the other hand, were shot in the chest and you almost died. Now, if that were me, there's about a dozen places I can think of where I'd be now instead of here."
Amanda didn't say anything, but the look on her face was somewhere between miserable and mutinous.
Francine sighed.
"Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. But it won't go away just because you try to ignore it or push it away."
"I really have no idea what you're talking about," Amanda said, her expression changing to part stubborn and part wary.
"Well, let me be more precise then. You wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. And then you start thinking. You wonder what would have happened to your family and to Lee if you hadn't made it. Whether you still want to stay on this job. Whether you can stay on this job now that you know first-hand how things can turn from harmless to deadly in less than a moment. Unexpected sounds or movements make you jump. You know the people you care about are worried about you, but sometimes you want to scream at them to just go and leave you alone and stop giving you those looks and stop whispering behind your back. Do you want me to go on?"
Stunned, Amanda shook her head.
"How do you know?" she asked.
"I know because I've been there."
She really shouldn't be so surprised to hear this, Amanda told herself. After all they were all human and thus, not invulnerable and this was a dangerous job.
"What happened?"
Francine shrugged.
"I got stabbed and if it weren't for Billy, I wouldn't be here now. That's not the point, though. The point is that after they let me out of the hospital, I took a long break. In fact, I'd only been back to work for two months when you first showed up here. I kept away from everyone and everything connected to the Agency and did some thorough thinking. And came back because I really wanted to not because I felt I had to in order to not let anyone down."
"So you're telling me to do what?" Amanda asked. "Tell everyone I'll be gone for a while and just disappear for a few weeks?"
"No, that wouldn't work for you, you're not the type for that kind of thing. But pretending that nothing happened won't work either. You have to give yourself enough time to heal. And you have to find an answer to all those questions."
Francine smiled.
"Sounds pretty easy, doesn't it?"
Amanda sighed.
"If only …"
Although it did help to know there was someone who seemed to understand exactly how she felt. A thought struck her.
"Did Lee ever … you know …"
"Not that I know of," Francine said. "He did get a wake-up call a few years back, though, that showed him he's neither invulnerable nor immortal. Why don't you talk to him? It might help."
"Maybe. It's just …"
Amanda bit her lower lip.
"I don't want him to worry about me."
Francine shook her head.
"Amanda, right now he's worrying about you no matter what. Actually, talking to Lee might help him just as much as you."
"I didn't consider this," Amanda admitted.
"Why don't you give it a try and see if it works?"
"What if –"
Amanda hesitated.
Francine gestured for her to go on.
"What if there's something I don't want to discuss with Lee?" she asked. "And not with any of the Agency shrinks, either? I mean I know they're good at their jobs but –"
She shrugged.
What she really wanted to ask but didn't quite dare to do directly was whether Francine might also be willing to talk or just listen or maybe even offer some advice like she just had. Talking to Pfaff or Quidd about how she was feeling – it seemed so odd. She didn't know if she could do it. Confide in complete strangers, tell them things she didn't even want to tell Lee. Francine was different. She was – well, maybe not exactly a friend. Not yet. But Amanda was sure they would arrive there one day not to far off, provided Francine allowed it to happen.
Francine didn't ask. She only nodded as if she understood exactly what Amanda meant. Maybe she did.
"Well, you have my phone number", she said. "That is – you can look it up. And if you don't feel like talking on the phone, Alexandria's not that far from Arlington. You can always just come over."
"Really?"
"No, of course not."
Francine rolled her eyes.
"Would I say it if I weren't serious?"
Amanda shook her head and smiled.
"No, you wouldn't."
"Right. So – will you promise me to take it easy? At least for a while?"
Suddenly Francine had gone all serious again.
"Well –"
Amanda shrugged.
"I'll try."
"Amanda –"
It was impossible not to hear the warning tone in Francine's voice.
"I'll really do my best!" Amanda assured her. "But – well, you know how things can get."
Francine sighed.
"Oh yes, I do."
There was a knock on the door. It opened and Dr. Kelford entered.
"Uh – sorry to interrupt but I need this room back now", he said.
He was followed by – Amanda didn't remember his name but she recalled Francine and Lee both had referred to the nice-looking Asian man as Dr. Pain. He supported Effrom Beaman who was wearing a white karate suit and tried to straighten and keep moving on his own when he saw Francine.
Francine, for her part, arched her eyebrows at the two.
"Oh my. You do know that you're supposed to examine us, Stanley, not eliminate us, don't you?"
"That's what he was doing", Beaman said through gritted teeth. "It's nothing."
"Just a twisted ankle and probably a dislocated shoulder", Stanley Chow added with a cheerful smile.
"Really? That's pretty good. I seem to remember someone who couldn't walk for a week after their first turn with the infamous Dr. Pain."
Francine turned to Amanda and mouthed "Fred Fielder". Amanda couldn't stop herself from grinning.
"Ladies …"
Kelford gestured at the door.
"Please."
"Alright, alright!"
Francine raised her hands and pushed off the wall.
"Come on, let's get back to work."
"Poor Beaman", Amanda said when they were out in the corridor and she had closed the door behind them.
Francine shrugged.
"He'll survive. And if he really wants to get more active in the field he'll have to become good enough to at least be able to hold his own against Stanley."
Which was true enough. She herself would have to get there, too, at some point. Or so she guessed. Tricky. She couldn't see herself hitting or intentionally hurting anyone. Maybe something else she could talk about with Francine at some point.
When they arrived back at the Q-Bureau they found Lee there, sitting at his desk and studying a file. He looked up and frowned when he saw Amanda.
"Aren't you supposed to be back home?" he asked.
"Oh, she just dropped by for a little chat, didn't you?" Francine quickly said, turning to Amanda with a smile. "She was just about to leave again."
Amanda wanted to protest but didn't when she saw Francine's look.
What did we just talk about? it seemed to say.
She took a deep breath.
"Right. And I also wanted to ask whether we could have dinner together tonight", she told Lee. "I think there are some things we need to talk about."
Lee gave her a surprised look at this – maybe with a hint of alarm – and nodded.
"Sure. I should be able to finish early. Seven?"
Amanda smiled.
"Sounds great. See you then."
She turned.
"Bye, Francine."
Francine just nodded at her and returned to the Vault.
Lee glanced at the Vault's door, then back at Amanda.
"Are you okay?" he asked in a low voice.
"Oh, I'm fine", she told him. "But that's one of the things we need to talk about tonight."
It wouldn't be easy, but seeing the concern in Lee's eyes, Amanda had to admit Francine probably was right. It really might be better to address these issues rather than just hoping they would go away on their own.