These are a few little bits inspired by prompts and challenges from different places that I thought I might share here on fanfiction.
Author: plumfanatic
Spoilers/Warnings: possibly any and all books
Disclaimer:
These characters belong to Janet Evanovich and I am not profiting from the use of them, except of course Ranger and maybe some of the Merry Men and that is not financially, just emotionally.Watching her for a moment
Watching her for a moment he realized that she made him smile.
Just because of who she was, she made him smile.
No one had ever touched him in as many ways as she had, but most of all she made him smile.
Every time he heard her name, he smiled.
It may not be visible, but he smiled.
Whenever his phone played her ring tone, he smiled.
It may be just to himself, but he smiled.
Sitting in her parking lot and seeing her silhouette he smiled.
Looking like a loon alone in his car debating with himself, he smiled.
Walking up her stairs at 3AM, he smiled.
How this white girl from the Burg had gotten under his skin and brought back his smile he would never know.
He didn't care. All that mattered was he now looked forward to each and every day just knowing at some point he would see her and she would make him smile.
That thought also made him smile.
He watched her sleep and he smiled.
If she only knew, he thought. And he smiled at the thought of her knowing. It was his full 1000 watt smile.
His body thrilled at how it might be if she only knew.
Then she smiled. She pulled back the covers and patted the bed beside her and she smiled.
He undressed quickly and joined her. He made sweet, tender and yet passionate love to her over and over till neither could move.
And then they smiled.
Stealth mission
Stephanie smiled as she mentally patted herself on the back for the
success of her stealth mission. She had been secretly practicing
stealth techniques and was now testing herself on the master. She
had managed to get into the apartment and was peeking around the
doorway of his bedroom. He would be awed and impressed by her
prowess. She got goose bumps when she imagined him telling her he
was proud of her. Very few things made her feel as happy and content
as when Ranger said, "Proud of you Babe."
Her eyes went wide when she realized he was undressing. His back
was to her. Her pulse quickened as he pulled the shirt over his
broad shoulders and head. His hair seemed to float back into place
in slow motion for her causing her to shudder. She stood petrified
as he unbuckled his belt and she saw the waist band loosen across his
narrow hips. As the pants slowly slid down, he bent over slightly to
pull them off. All she could think was that he must have the finest
ass in the world. Her mind reeled at the sight of the perfection
presented to her causing her heart to race and she could feel her
body heat up. As he pulled the other leg of the pants off she
realized she hadn't been breathing and tried not to make a sound as
she was gasping for breath.
"My ass isn't my best part, babe," Ranger said, smiling at
me. " (Hard Eight...Chapter 10)
The challenge was something for St. Patrick's Day, but since most of the characters are Italian, Hungarian, Cuban or whatever, I thought it was best to go with some limericks.
I really had no idea how to write a limerick since high school was 35 years ago and I have just begun writing in general for the first time in my life, so please bear with me.
Ranger
A mystery man named Ranger
Lived a life fraught with danger.
Though not searching for love
Till was sent from above,
His Babe, and he'll never exchange her.
Rex
Our hero, a hamster named Rex
Was lonely and needed some sex.
While trying to show
That he needed a 'ho
She laughed when he started to flex.
Vinnie
I know of a bondsman named Vinnie
His voice is high pitched and tinny.
He makes lots of bucks
And he sure loves his ducks
Cause his peter is just so damn skinny.
Quandary
Steph's friends all wish they had two
Hot men from which they could choose
One ever so steady,
The other quite ready
Oh my what's our Babe going to do?
Carlos
Stephanie loves a guy named Carlos
Her emotions she just can't compose
His skin feels like butter
He makes her heart flutter
This makes Joe, her boyfriend, morose
Lula
I know a woman named Lula
Call her fat, she'll probably shoot ya
There is no mistakin
The girl loves her bacon
But Tank still loves her to hula
This is the very first thing I wrote and actually posted, it's 3 challenge prompts in one.
Challenge: January 2007 Challenges: Let it snow!, Surveillance and This is My One Phone Call
Author: plumfanatic
Title: Plum Pro in the Snow
Rating: (G to NC-17) Some adult language
Spoilers/Warnings: None
.
Thank goodness Trenton was experiencing unseasonably warm weather for November. It was one week before Thanksgiving and there still hasn't been any snow and the temperature was in the seventy's all day long. So Stephanie wasn't too concerned about her surveillance/distraction job tonight. She was going to be scantily dressed and would prefer not to freeze off her assets.
The job tonight was an easy one. All she had to do was wait for Benjamin Dover to come home from his night of partying. He was usually fairly well intoxicated and it should be a snap to get him to fall for the bait, which of course was Stephanie. Ben Dover had been arrested for solicitation and exposing himself in public. He had been walking home from a party and came upon a very fine looking woman in a short skirt and tight sweater. He thought she was a pro and offered her 100 to go in the alley with him and bend over for a quickie. Unfortunately for him, she was an off-duty policewoman waiting for her husband to bring the car around. She might have let him off if he hadn't already had his pants unzipped massaging himself and the money in the other hand.
Some people just shouldn't drink, because they obviously can't afford the loss of any more brain cells.
Apparently, Ben Dover hasn't recovered any of those brain cells. He failed to appear for his court hearing and now Steph was going to assist him.
So here she was, sitting a few blocks from his apartment building waiting for him to come home. He was an early night kind of guy and so she was hoping she wouldn't be here too long. It had been a tough day and she hadn't had time to take a nap. She was wearing a tight knee length black skirt with a slit up the back, a plunging scoop neck blouse and her purple FMP'S. She really wanted to get out of these clothes and just climb in to her bed. But, Christmas was fast approaching and she needed the extra cash, so hurry up Benny.
Lula was in her car a few blocks on the other side of Ben's apartment building so she could call Steph in case he came from the other direction.
Between the two of them surely they would spot the guy and have no trouble bringing him in…yeah, right.
Lula quickly became distracted listening to Justin Timberlake bring his "SexyBack" on her headphones and flicking through a magazine.
Stephanie tried hard to stay alert but sitting in one spot for very long drove her crazy and claustrophobic. She tried to fill the time by thinking about the men in her life. First and foremost was Rex, her hamster. He was the best, throw him a few goodies and clean out his home once a week and he was the greatest roommate possible. Then there were the other two. She loved them both…but what did that mean? Did it mean she was fickle, kinky, over-sexed, greedy or just plain confused? How could this have happened to her? She never planned on falling for two men at once. Hell, one man at a time was more than enough to handle. It's not as if she could have an intimate relationship with both, she just wasn't built that way. If her hormones and her sanity weren't already in an uproar, they surely would be if she was bed hopping. Not to mention having sex with Joe "The Italian Stallion" Morelli AND Ranger "The Cuban Sex God" Manoso would probably drain all of what little energy she did have and she would definitely be walking funny. All of this just made Stephanie drowsy and soon she drifted off to la-la land. The dream began immediately…or was it a nightmare…or maybe just a cruel joke her mind was playing on her. She was married to Joe. She was a Burg housewife (ok, must be a nightmare) with two children, (Joe Jr. and Violet) a dog, (Mel) a cat (Ody) and of course Rex. Her days were filled with car-pooling, housework, cooking, laundry, running errands and all of the wonderful things that Burg wives fill their days doing. Joe told her she could still work for Vinnie in her "spare time". The worst part of it all is Joe gave her a routine, an ACTUAL SCHEDULE, as in getting up at the same time six days a week to get the kids dressed, fed and to school or whatever activity was planned for Saturday. She had a specific time to take her shower and different chores and days and times when to do them posted on the huge wall calendar. It was also filled with doctor appointments, birthday parties, soccer practice, music lessons, veterinary trips, recycling, exercise?, menus, time for mending and sewing, time allotted for phone calls to friends, help kids with homework, time for grocery shopping and shopping for the kids, (when do I go to Macy's?) and on and on until finally yes, there it is: sex: Saturday night 11:00-11:15. Mrs. Happy Housewife…NOT!! Her cell phone rang…no, can't be, it's not on the schedule. SHIT!! Stephanie woke up in a major panic, holy domestic overload batman, what a nightmare!
She found her phone and answered it. It was Lula and Ben Dover was coming from her direction. Lula told her to get out and start struttin' her stuff. Steph threw down the phone and jumped out of the car not quite awake. She was on her butt before she knew what had happened. Why in the hell was she so fricking cold and wet? Damn, she looked up at the huge, white fluffy snow falling all around her. How long had she been asleep? The temperature had taken a nose dive and there was now three inches of snow on the ground and she was lying on the sidewalk wearing mostly nothing. It must have started out as rain because there was a sheet of ice under the snow. There must have also been some really heavy snowfall while she was asleep too. Maybe that's why Ben Dover was so late tonight. He probably just had a few more drinks to wait out the heavy snow.
Okay.
Move, she told herself, he's going to get away. It would be so much harder to get him out of his apartment. She just needed to lure him into her car and everything else would be a piece of cake, preferably a TastyKake. Hmm, sounds good about now after that evil dream.
She stood up, brushed herself off, took one step and was flat on her ass again. She lifted up a leg and stared down at the purple FMP on her foot and cursed a blue streak. Isn't this going to be fun? A sane person would have gotten back in the car and called it a night. But no, not Stephanie Plum, crime fighter extraordinaire, Trenton's own Wonder Woman, She was going to get her skip come hell or high water (even if the water is in the form of snow).
This would actually be a fantastic night to be snuggled up to a nice firm male body with a fire blazing and watching the snow fall through a nice large window say maybe from a seventh floor apartment to give it the full view affect. Hmmm, perhaps something to think about for later…Let it snow.
Her phone rang again.
Lula.
"What?" she quietly yelled into the phone.
"Git yo' skinny white ass movin' or we be losin' this fool." Lula said. "Whatcha doin over there?"
"You try walking in these shoes on this ice; I'm going to break my neck." Steph said. "Be ready, I'm going to bring him to your car."
Steph walked as fast as she could towards Benny. She saw him about a block away. His building was halfway between them. She just had to get his attention before he got to the building. This wasn't hard to do as her feet went flying out from under her and she landed spread eagle. This definitely got him to notice her. He came rushing over to her, okay so he was smart enough to be wearing proper boots, and stood gaping down at her.
"So," he said, "We could do it here or my apartment is on the third floor. What's your pleasure?" He pulled a wad of money from his pocket.
The asshole didn't even try to help her up.
Stephanie just stared at him for a moment. Could this guy be for real? How does she end up with these losers, oh wait, it's her job. Normal people usually don't go FTA. Oh well, go with the flow.
"It's a bit cold and wet down here, and I don't go into places I don't know, but we could 'do it' in my car." she said in the sexiest voice she could manage in the situation. "I have a really big back seat."
"Awesome," he slurred. "where is it?"
Steph rolled her eyes and did her best impression of a woman NOT getting ready to kick this idiot in the balls.
"Sweetie, if you will help me up I'll show you to my car, the backseat and a few other things you probably haven't seen in a while." Steph said while thinking, like handcuffs, the cop shop and a nice warm (or maybe not so warm) jail cell.
His eyes lit up, "Absolutely, babe." he said.
Steph shuddered when he used the word babe, the term of endearment that Ranger used for her.
He grabbed both of her hands and started pulling her straight up which just doesn't work when you are on ice and snow and wearing three inch FMP'S. She was only a third of the way up, when her feet went out from under her and he came crashing down upon her.
"Damn!" Steph yelled.
As luck would have it the newest of Trenton's finest pulled up to the curb at that moment. Stephanie had heard there was a new rookie but hadn't met him yet. He had no clue she was The Bombshell Bounty Hunter either.
Officer Ray Gunn got out of his cruiser taking in the situation. Since only a hooker would be out on a night like this dressed looking like a hooker he assumed she was a hooker. And Ben Dover was obviously trying to get her to "do it" right here on the sidewalk since he was on top of her still clutching the wad of bills in his hand. So, naturally he decided to haul them both in. Stephanie tried to tell him that if he would just talk to the woman in the red Firebird sitting right across the…oh shit, she was gone. Lula just couldn't stick around whenever the cops showed up. Being a former prostitute she just got the willies and ran away.
Officer Gunn didn't even want to hear about her car being parked down a few blocks with her apprehension documents and identification inside. He put them in the squad car and headed for the station.
Talk about humiliation. The guys at the station were never ever going to let her live this one down. She wondered if there was a pool going for something like this happening to her.
Shit, shit, shit, shit and double shit.
At the station Officer Gunn put them in holding cells while he went to find someone to help with the processing. Stephanie yelled at his back as he walked away that she was entitled to a phone call and she wanted it NOW. Ray Gunn just said, "Yeah, yeah, when I get around to it."
Steph just wanted to get out of there before someone she knew saw her there. If her mother found out she was busted for prostitution she would be tipping the bottle and ironing at the same time.
But, who the hell was she going to call? Obviously not her parents.
Mary Lou or Val?…no she would wake the kids.
Sally, no, he had a late night gig tonight.
Connie was out on a date and Lula wasn't going to come anywhere near the cop shop.
Joe was absolutely out of the question. As soon as he found out about this he would start talking about marriage, quitting her job and how the mother of his children couldn't go around being kidnapped, shot at and busted for hooking all of the time. She needed to grow up and become the Burg wife as was expected of her. Nope, can't call Joe.
That really only left one person she could count on, as always.
Officer Gunn finally came back and let her have her phone call.
She was nervous as she dialed the phone.
It only rang once and then she heard him.
"Yo" he said.
"Yo yourself", she stammered.
"Babe, why are you calling from the P.D.? Did Lula ditch you again?" Ranger asked her.
"Well, sort of…This is my one phone call Ranger and I really need you.
" she was so dying of humiliation.
"Babe, what's up?"
"I'm in a holding cell, I was arrested for soliciting." she said the last part really fast and waited till the silent laughing stopped on the other end of the line.
"Be there in five, Babe." and he disconnected.
Ranger was true to his word. He had been on his way in with a skip of his own. Together they got everything straightened out, but oh the stories were going to spread like wildfire in the morning. The phone lines were going to be humming.
Ranger never laughed once through the whole story. She was so grateful that he never criticized or made fun of her.
When they were in Ranger's truck she thanked him with a kiss full of love, not lust, hopefully that would be a little later.
After she finished thanking him, he asked, "Hungry?"
"Starved." she replied.
"It's late, bar crowd will be hitting all the restaurants, my place okay?" he asked.
Stephanie thought back to the dream she had earlier and looked directly at him and said, "Once you told me if I wanted to know something to just ask. So, can I ask you a few questions before I answer that?"
He grinned at her, and said, "Of course, doesn't mean I will answer everything you ask, but what I do answer will be truthful."
"Fair enough." Stephanie took a deep breath and started with her inquisition.
"Do you think I should quit my job?"
"Not if it is what you want to do and it pays the bills."
"If we were living together, don't panic this is just hypothetical, would I have to cook, clean and do laundry?"
Ranger laughed, "No, Babe, I don't do any of that and wouldn't expect my partner to do so either. I can hire someone to do any of that. If we were living together it would not be because I need a maid or cook."
"Do you want more children?"
He smiled at that one. "Someday perhaps and only if my life partner wanted to have children. I don't want to bring another child into the world and not be involved in the child's life."
"Would you expect your partner to follow a rigid schedule, get up early in the morning, quit her job and change her life to suit yours?"
"Babe, are you sure you're alright?" he was beginning to be concerned. She told him she had fallen several times this evening and maybe she hit her head a little too hard.
"I'm fine. Just humor me, please Ranger."
"Babe, I would never change anything about you. If I did, you wouldn't be the woman I love. So what would be the point?"
"Wow!" was all she could say.
"One more question," she smiled. "Do you know where I can find a blazing fire, a nice strong, firm male body that likes to snuggle and make out with a large window for watching snow fall…say, maybe from a seventh floor apartment?"
Ranger brought out the 200 watt smile and simply said, "Babe, you never disappoint." He pulled the truck out of the P.D. parking lot and headed towards Rangeman and that seventh floor piece of heaven.
Author: plumfanatic
Title: Stephanie's Description of Ranger (while on a stakeout for the PP challenge of like ages ago) and including this weekend's challenge of Ranger's POV including the following words in your challenge: black, creamy, distraction and seatbelt
I needed to have my head examined! What in God's name was I doing on a stakeout with Ranger? Ever since the Scrog nightmare I've done my best to keep my distance. The only time I've done any work with him was when "Dickie the Deceiver" was supposed to be dead, not shacked up with Joe.
We were doing so well as long as we didn't spend too much time alone together. Things were strained between us, but it's safer that way, right?
Even now I could hardly claim that I had a grasp on this deceitfully impassive, dispassionate and detached man's true being. Of course that didn't stay my heart from falling deeper into the emotional abyss that had begun to grow when he helped me out of those wretched cuffs in my shower. He could have abused me then in so many ways. Instead he treated me with more respect than anyone other than my own father would have.
He's a man true to his convictions doing his best to save a small part of the world. Okay, maybe that's a big chunk of the world, who knows where he goes and what he does when he mysteriously disappears. But he is honorable to a fault, in his own way.
And geez, he's even a good father. He may have allowed Julie to be adopted, but he did it because it was the right thing to do in his mind, not because he didn't love her. And even though Julie has been adopted, he still provides for her financially out of love. He sees her when invited and seemingly jumps on those opportune moments. He would have given his life for her…and me.
I don't think he has ever lied to me, unlike most men in my life. He encourages me to use my wits, and that damn gun, to get the job done without ever insinuating that I'm an incompetent disaster. He makes me feel important, even special with one word, one touch. And capable, dear lord, when I'm with him I truly could be Wonder Woman.
Safe, he keeps me safe from all of my fears both real and self-imposed. But can he get me past the fear of loving him? Why can't I accept the love he has offered me? It's a lot more honest than my relationship with Joe.
I thought I owed it to Joe to give our relationship a real chance, besides, bachelor number two over there doesn't come with a ring, just a condom. Of course Joe hasn't come forth with a fucking ring either and he's getting laid on a regular basis. Sure it's good, great even, but he isn't Ranger.
Joe's body is a wet dream, but Ranger's…oh yeah…Ranger's is perfection incarnate. Just look at it. Even fully clothed I could climax without touching him. If only I could take the leap.
"Babe, you asleep?"
"Huh? NO! Who, me? Fall asleep on a stakeout? Puh-lease." she replied in a defensively cocky tone. God she hoped his ESP or telepathy or whatever the hell he had wasn't working.
"You've been quiet for fifteen minutes."
She shifted in her seat to look more professional. "I can be quiet longer than that, Professor Higgins taught me well."
"Steph, you haven't moved in all that time, something's up." He was worried about her. She seemed lost and on the brink of something.
"Well, I can sit still too, contrary to popular belief." Damn man, he knows me too well she thought.
His lips formed a crooked smile as he turned back to his never ending scanning of his surroundings.
He was well aware of the turmoil in her mind and her heart. His soul would have a black stain on it from this scam he was running on her. But he couldn't continue the way they had been going. Ever since he had been shot they were acting like strangers.
He recalled feeding her that silly birthday cake she had brought him after that miserable stint in the hospital. Christ, when she sat on his desk and crossed her gorgeous legs right there not two inches from where his hand was resting. All he could think of was the ecstasy that could be had by running his hand up her creamy thighs to find nirvana. If only he had had the courage to be the opportunist he claimed to be they wouldn't be sitting here in front of his home waiting for a non-existent FTA.
All he wanted her to do was make a move, give him a sign that this is what she wanted. He could take it from there. He needed to make her a part of his life before the distraction she caused him got someone hurt. She was consistently popping up in his thoughts at the most awkward times. He really missed having her work take-downs. He had always taken great satisfaction in seeing her transformation when assuming a role for manipulating a mark. Not to mention how hot she looked in her work clothes. He wondered if she was wearing her RangeMan panties tonight.
In the corner of his eye he saw her fidget a bit and then turn to face him. Was she going to admit what was bothering her. He was well aware that after the eternity of avoiding each other it would be hell for her to be alone like this with him. He was confident of her feelings for him, but he wanted her to take the first step, no pressure. Well maybe a little.
He felt a need to adjust his pants as he watched her lick her lips nervously as she flipped her hair back.
"Ranger?"
"Babe?"
"I've been thinking."
No shit he thought, her thought process was heating up the car. He could feel her running every possible reason to avoid the inevitable. And it was inevitable. She needed to give in to it as he had done so recently.
"Please don't be mad, I would rather give up sex forever than destroy our friendship. I want to, need to tell you that I…" she stopped, searching for the courage, wringing her hands in her lap.
Ranger reached over to still her hands and hopefully give her strength.
"That you what Stephanie?"
"ThatIwantyoutotakemetotheBatcaveandisitreallyforeverandIthinkIloveyou!" she spit out as fast as her mouth would move before she lost her nerve.
Ranger let out the breath he had been holding. He cupped her hands in his and brought them to his mouth. He spoke softly.
"Now?"
"Y-yes, please?"
"It really is forever Stephanie. I don't make commitments lightly."
"I know, neither do I."
His heart soared and the smile lit up the car. "To the Batcave then, and Stephanie, you've always known you had my heart."
His mouth found hers in a tender passionate kiss.
"Let's go Tiger."
Steph pulled on her seatbelt both anxious and frightened as he started the car.
He pulled into the driveway of the house they had been watching as he pushed a button on a remote control. Her head snapped to look at him as they pulled into the huge garage.
"This is the Batcave?"
He nodded his head with his gotcha smile in place as he parked the car and closed the garage door.
"But how did you know I would, hell I didn't know."
"Faith Stephanie. I had faith in the bond that we share and our love. And if that didn't work, I was going to do this."
He pulled her across the seat and into his lap capturing her mouth. His assault was filled with the passion that had consumed him ever since he had taken those bullets.
Now this was an attack she didn't want to escape from. This she could handle with all the skills and weapons in her arsenal, and she planned on using the big guns.
If Only
Stephanie felt a hundred years old as she stepped out of the shower, towel on her head and wrapped in the coziness of the enormous towel she had commandeered from his bathroom. It held his scent in the soft fluff of the last towel he had ever used. Strange that Ella hadn't already washed it. But then she was suffering too, as they all were.
Gazing at her reflection in the mirror, she remembered that one glorious night they had spent together. He was truly the master of making love, at least for her. She had to admit now one of the truths she had been denying. He had made love to her. It hadn't been sex. For both of them it had been the first and only true joining of love they had experienced. They had made love right here where she was standing, watching each other as they joined in euphoria that night.
A tear slid down her face as she forced the memory to the back of her mind. One of countless missed opportunities to lose herself in for many lonely years to come. If only she had been strong enough to give in, let herself admit the love that had swelled in her heart to overflowing.
Dragging herself to the closet she wondered why she hadn't gotten her dress from the back of the closet earlier. It would probably need steamed at the least. Damn. Pushing the clothes around until she found the dress she would wear for the last time. There was no way she could ever put it on after wearing it to his…her body trembled, she couldn't bear to even think the thought…his…funeral. The tears flowed freely once again but she forced herself to continue the arduous search.
Her hand fell on the black dress. With a shudder she pulled it out.
Her heart stopped. She swore she felt her heart explode as she pulled the plastic off of the dress. It wasn't the anticipated black dress she kept in the back of the closet for "solemn occasions". Her knees buckled under her, no longer able to bear the ton of weight of guilt, grief and despair Stephanie had gained in the last couple of days. Her body quaked with the irrepressible sobs and wails of her anguish.
She had let him down. He walked into that room knowing full well he was going to die. Knowing it was his last seconds on earth, he had told her and she knew it all. She was his reason for living and for dying. He loved her as no other, always.
She stared at the little black dress once more and remembered what he had said when she showed it to him. "If you knew, you wouldn't be standing here," Ranger said. "If you
knew, you'd have yourself barricaded in the bedroom with your gun in
your hand."
If only
she had been honest when she had made that stupid phone call, it would have been Ranger she answered the door to not Morelli. And now it was too late, he would never have the chance to…her cell phone rang. She ignored it. She wasn't sure she had actually heard it. A few minutes later her land line pealed. It rang and rang. Why wasn't her machine picking up? And why the hell didn't the idiot get the idea she didn't want to talk to anyone? Couldn't they understand what she was going through? It stopped finally and she sat transfixed in her spot without any desire to move again.She must have fallen asleep. She was dreaming that Ranger was gently massaging her arms and planting butterfly kisses on her face. He was trying to wake her up. And that damn phone, why wouldn't it quit ringing? Oh, if only he were really…
Stephanie woke when Ranger's lips finally found her mouth as he spoke softly against it. "Wake up Babe, it's another nightmare. I'm safe, Julie's safe." He lifted her tenderly into his embrace. "And, by the way, you are my life and my breath. Seré siempre aquí para ti mi amor."
Pie Challenge
Morelli watched from behind the curtains his Aunt Rose had left as
Stephanie ran out of his door and into the arms of that Cuban
bastard. He felt the greed and need of their embrace. He could
almost feel the passion as they kissed voraciously right there in
front of his home. Christ, were they going to do it on his sidewalk.
He couldn't tear his eyes away as Ranger lifted Steph's legs and for
a brief flash he saw the impressively huge evidence of Manoso's
arousal. Fuck, Joe knew he was more than well endowed himself, but
compared to what he just witnessed, his own manhood was nothing more
than a wet noodle.
He continued to watch as Ranger carried his cupcake to the
passenger side and somehow got her into the tiny sports car without
ever pulling his mouth from hers.
Manoso ran around the car, got in, but didn't drive away. He
imagined they were getting very hot and heavy and Stephanie probably
even came at least once before they finally pulled away from the
curb.
Joe realized after they were out of sight that he had his
aforementioned wet noodle in his hand and it was now very hard and
needed some release.
Shit, this was pathetic, he was fucking whacking himself off while
watching his girlfriend, oh wait, now ex-girlfriend, dry humping his
nemesis.
To hell with it, he deserved a good hand job after the day he had.
Hell, not a hand job he thought. He needed something warm and moist
and slippery to blow this wad into.
Joe stroked himself vigorously as he walked through the house
searching for just the right place to stick his...there it was.it
was a sign. His mother had dropped off a steaming hot fresh baked
plum/apple pie right in the middle of the blowout with Stephanie. It
would be cooled down enough by now. He stuck in his thumb and pulled
out a warm plum. The irony escaped him as he sheathed himself in the
warm, soft, gooey goodness. He was quick in coming into the pie and
squelched the screaming of her name by sticking the plum into his
mouth as he shuddered his release.
Ranger just ate Plum pie.