Hold Me Close
Cold winds pierced through the moonless night as clouds hovered overhead. It was only a moment before tears from heaven began to fall. The usually silent forest had come alive; the wind whipping the cherry blossoms in every direction.
A woman stumbled through the rampage, hugging her arms to her chest. Her raven flavored hair whipped wildly around her as her large brown orbs gazed ahead. Her slender frame shook from the icy winds.
She was almost there. To the last place she saw her beloved before he was ripped from the land she walked upon. Her legs felt like lead and a sharp pain took a hold of her heart with each step. Her mind was blank except for one word that kept repeating in her mind.
His name.
It wasn't long before she found where the earth dipped to form a small crater. The rain soaked her to the bone, but she didn't care. Her heart pounded frantically in her chest and her eyes glazed over with unshed tears.
Tightening her grip around her fragile being, she began her descent into the gouge that had been produced. Her bare feet were now numb from the cold that the grass held. Her mind and heart were set on one intention.
To see him.
Before she could scream, her feet slipped on the fresh dew. Wrapping into a tight sphere, she rolled down the endless hillside. Stray branches scraped against her skin as leaves stuck to her hair. It felt as if minutes had passed before her body came to a halt.
She laid there for a moment at the bottom of the crater, trying to regain her senses. The wind still howled around her and the heavens continued to cry. It was as if the sky was reflecting her emotions, showing the world how broken up she was inside. Her flawless skin was pressed to the cool ground as her body weakened. This feeling, it used to be a complete stranger to her.
Until he left.
How she hated that fake little smile she put on, trying to convince everyone she was fine. The way she forced laughter, trying to make things seem okay. The way she woke up in the morning, believing it was all a nightmare. Only to find out how wrong she was.
Struggling, she forced her body weight off of the drenched ground, bringing herself up to her hands and knees. Her hair fell damp around her face as the rain encircled her. Dull, lifeless orbs gazed at the mud beneath her, completely unaware of the condition of her torn clothes. Her hands dug into fists, enveloping wet dirt into her palms.
Why?
It was the same question that had occupied her mind since his last breath. The heavens never answered her pleas, never gave her reasons. Maybe it was her. Maybe it was fate that she was to suffer like this. Since the beginning, it had been one horrible incident after another.
Scars were the only thing left of her heart. They ran deep into her soul; never healing, never fading. Time after time she had been hurt with the burden of loss. She never thought she would smile again, never thought she would laugh again.
Until he came.
Her warm smile once again caressed her lips. Eyes of the deepest brown shown happiness once more. He filled her heart with song that took over whenever he was near. The song of pure love.
She smiled at the thought. Those four little letters; that one word. How long had it taken for her to confess it to him? It didn't matter, not now. She shook her head gently and closed her eyes. Allowing memories to play in her mind.
Memories of him.
She remembered the first time he said her name, how her spine shuddered. The way his voice looped around the two syllable word that belonged to her. She remembered his warm touch as it soothed her aching body. The way his hands strummed in tune with her soul, trying to piece together her shattered heart. She remembered his eyes filled with lust and happiness. Just being in the presence of him caused her heart to melt.
Now it was all gone. Never again would she feel his tender kisses, never again would she feel his warm embrace, never again would she see that crooked smile. In one life-shattering moment, her entire world was torn away from her.
He was her world.
She lifted her hands off of the cool ground and rested them on her knees. Her breathing was heavy from the weight of those memories combined with her heart ache. She raised her face up towards the heavens, closing her eyes as the rain pelted her visage. What was her reason for living? Why did she continue to take another breath?
Once again, she hung her head. Her eyes still closed, she rose from the softened earth. After stumbling a bit, she regained her balance and turned to look at the center of the small crater. There it was. Her connection.
Her connection to him.
That one solid piece of cold stone was the only comfort she had left. It was the only thing that convinced her that his life wasn't just a dream. The love they shared had happened and then he was whisked away. Every day she would replay memories of him in her mind, making sure she would never forget.
The pounding of the rain continued on, only increasing as the woman's heart ache escalated. She made a few steps towards the stone tablet of marble that resided as her lover's final resting place. She stood a moment before it, her eyes wandering over the inscription. Her heart couldn't take seeing those words. Those words proved that he was gone, never to return. Collapsing in pure agony, tears cascaded down her pale cheeks.
He was gone.
Yes, she had come to realize that his life had ended. She had comes to terms with herself, accepted the fact that she would never see him again. But it still hurt. It pained her like nothing ever had before. He had always been the strong one, always the one to protect her. Yet, in his one time of need, she was helpless to protect him.
They had been warned countless times that this would eventually happen. And countless times they had worried. Even so, they continued on their journey, continued their quest. His fate was pushed to the back of their minds. They never thought that his death would be in the near future. She thought that they had more time, but alas, she had misjudged.
His fate had been sealed.
The woman didn't know how long she knelt by his tombstone, the tears falling freely from her chocolate eyes. The rain never lifted and thunder could now be heard in the distance. The wind grew sharper, piercing through her very being. Stabbing her like a hundred knives.
She didn't feel a thing. No emotions clouded her heart. It was at the exact moment that he took his last breath that her entire being was crushed. As time passed, her emotions eventually returned, but it had been a very long grieving period. She couldn't count it by the days or months. Only the sleepless nights and the waning days gave her light to how much time had passed.
Her friends supported her, gave her encouragement. It was little comfort. They had no idea the anguish she suffered each day. Of course they wouldn't. To them, he had been a close friend. To her, he was everything. She often asked herself how she was able to breathe without his presence.
She was her reason to live.
The woman traced her gentle fingers over the engravings on the marble, a sad smile playing on her lips. There was one thing that her beloved had left her, one thing that she would cherish until the day she died. It was their daughter. It had only been a few months after his passing that she found out. She had been overjoyed.
Every time she looked into her daughter's eyes, it reminded her of him. The man who stole her heart. The way her daughter flashed that crooked smile; it was his. She was a rambunctious girl, always looking for trouble. And yet…she was sweet and innocent. Qualities she had gained from her mother. Then a thought crossed her mind.
He would never be a father.
Her daughter would grow up without a father. She would never get to use the word 'daddy'. The woman's smile vanished from her rose petal lips as she thought this. Why did all of this happen? Again, the question continued to thrash around in her mind. It would go unanswered until the heavens felt it was time to respond.
Lightning streaked across the northern sky as the rain continued to fall. A low rumble of thunder could be heard near the mountains. The marble felt cold against her skin as she leaned her head against it. How long had it been since his demise? Months? Years? When she came to visit him, all value of time was lost.
He was lost.
Sobs wracked her tiny frame as the memories of his final moments came back to her. Their final battle with the devious hanyou that made her blood boil. He was her torment, their torment. They had been fighting alongside their comrades. The fight lasted for what seemed like days, but really it had only been hours.
The day had been surreal, with the morning light peeking just over the horizon. Pink and golden hues filled the sky as white puffs dotted the large canvas. It had been eerily silent that day because of the danger that was approaching. The six friends, each with their own technique, stood their ground. They only had to wait a moment before the devil himself appeared.
Naraku had chuckled in a wretched manner, sending shivers down the woman's spine. No fear had been evident in her comrades' eyes as they faced their fiercest opponent. It had all happened so fast. A blur of red here, a bright light there. It was all she could do, but to focus on the objective at hand.
She watched as each of her friends was brought down. They were tiring from the long waged battle. Her eyes were still fierce even as her body begged for rest. Her heart protested, knowing she couldn't leave her friends to die. Before she could take any action a shout was heard as a huge gust of wind came from nowhere. Her eyes went wide as she whipped her head in the direction.
There had been her beloved, sucking up the poisonous insects with his cursed hand. She shouted his name, pleading for him to stop. But it was too late. Naraku was being dragged into the void as well, hopelessly trying to evade death. It was futile and soon he was within arm's reach.
A bright, purple light appeared where the wind tunnel should have been. Her mind wasn't able to comprehend what was happening. A red blur swooped her away, along with her small feline. She tried to call out, tried to scream his name; but she found she had no voice. Her body had gone numb, restricting any movement. Her eyes could only stare as her husband was sucked up by the wretched curse that the vile hanyou had set upon him.
Debris blew past her as her captor quickened his pace away from the threat of danger. Cherry blossom trees began to surround her as the sight before her disappeared from view. His screams floated over the tree tops as she was whisked away into the forest. She wanted to run to her beloved's side, protect him from the pain that he was enduring.
It wasn't long before the strong winds and the sounds of his screams faded away. It was just the five of them now, in the middle of a clearing. She was gently set down upon the grass, her eyes fixated at the last spot she had seen him. It was then that she heard her name being called.
"Sango," a masculine voice called for her.
She slowly turned her head in response, only to be met with amber eyes. Inuyasha's face had been consumed with worry and guilt. She looked beside her to see an unconscious Kagome with an injured Shippo wrapped in her arms. Kirara sat close by, trying to comfort her master.
Then all at once it hit her. The man that she had pledged her love to, the man who only wanted her, was gone. "Miroku," she whispered, afraid to say his name any louder. She leaned forward onto her hands and knees, her eyes never leaving the forest. "Miroku," she spoke again in a questioning manner.
Slowly, she crawled towards the last place she saw him. It wasn't long before she lifted herself up from the ground and began running. She ignored Inuyasha's calls from behind her, knowing he had to stay with the others. I have to know…
The pounding of her footsteps on the forest floor was the only sound. The rest of the world was completely silent. As she drew closer, no longer could she feel the gusts of wind from his hand, no longer could she hear his pleas for help. As the trees began to part in front of her, she slowed her pace to a staggering walk. Right where she had last seen her beloved was a small crater. "Miroku?"
In her heart she knew he was beyond her reach. Her hands couldn't touch him, her voice couldn't reach him. He was gone, yet her mind refused what her heart was telling her. Even though the despicable hanyou had met his demise as well, it was too late. They were too late.
Sango had collapsed to the ground, her blank stare never leaving the last spot where his feet had been planted. It was her fault. If only she was stronger, she would have been able to defeat Naraku before her beloved had to use his wind tunnel. Unknowingly, it was the last time he spoke, the last time he breathed.
The woman was still kneeling near his tombstone, sobbing her heart out. Why was it that she was tortured like this over and over again? She had lost everything; her family, her home. Now she had lost the only man she had grown to love. The thing was…she never got to say goodbye.
When her fellow demon slayers went to Naraku's castle that fateful night, their only thoughts were to defeat the demon and return to their village. Sango didn't know that her comrades would never see the light of another day. She watched horrified as her younger brother, her flesh and blood, tore down her family. After the incident, the rest of her village was slaughtered. The last words she spoke to her father, she couldn't remember. She just knew it wasn't goodbye.
By this time, her body had gone numb as well as her heart. She had stepped into that void, where no emotions resided. The clouds began to darken still as the rain turned into a heavy torment. She sat there next to his resting place, grieving his death. No longer could she feel the rain against her body or the piercing wind. Her eyelids became heavy; heavy from grief, from heartache, from suffrage. Her friends' voices were carried through the wind, calling out to her. They faded away as they headed off in the opposite direction.
Slowly, ever so slowly, she curled up on the ground next to the stone tablet. Then it came. The presence she had longed for. She felt his gentle arms embrace her frail being and she no longer felt cold. Her thoughts became clear as insanity invaded her mind. She felt a soft tickle of breath against her neck and knew it was time. For a brief instant, images of her daughter flashed through her mind.
"She'll be okay," a whispered voice was carried through the wind. Finally, Sango allowed her body to relax into the familiar embrace, allowed the pain to be taken away.
"Goodbye, Kimi. I love you." As she muttered her daughter's name, a sense of peace washed over her being. Her heart wasn't strong enough. Without her beloved by her side, she couldn't deal with the pain of life. Chocolate orbs became unseen as her eyelids closed in a never-ending sleep, a sad smile perched on her lips.
She was going home, going to see him.