A Day in the Life of the Task Force
madjack89: Howdy, everybody! Well, here's my first shot at a Death Note story, so yeah. It's about a day in the life of the task force. It's mostly gonna be humorous, so it doesn't really have a set time in the plot of Death Note, but on the plus side, that means everyone can be in it! However, for humors sake, Light and L will have the handcuffs on.
Light: Hooray. The handcuffs. Just what I wanted. Yeah.
madjack89: Don't sound so excited, Light.
Light: …..I hate you.
madjack89: Already? Wow, that was fast.
Light: madjack89…hit by truck…2:54.
madjack89: Ha! That's not my real name!
L: That was pretty stupid of you, Light. Maybe you're losing your touch.
Light: You are so dead!
madjack89: Alright boys, time to begin the story. On with the cuffs!
Light: Why do I have a bad feeling about this…?
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note because if I did, it wouldn't be as cool.
--
"Hey guys, I'm here! Sorry I'm late, but it took me forever to find a blue-furred puppy," said Matsuda, walking into the task force headquarters. He held up a puppy with blue fur for everyone to see.
Aizawa and the Chief grinned weakly, making thumbs-up signs. As Matsuda put the freak puppy down, the Chief leaned over to Aizawa and whispered, "Where in the hell did he find a blue puppy?"
"I have no idea, sir. I thought this would get rid of him for sure!" Aizawa whispered back.
"What are you guys whispering about?" Matsuda suddenly asked, making the other two jump.
"Well, uh, we…" the Chief stuttered.
"Hey, wait a minute. Where are Light and L?" asked Matsuda, noticing that their chairs were empty and the room didn't smell like cake.
"Oh, they called down and said they'd be here in a few minutes. They've been having trouble getting ready in the morning with those handcuffs on," said Aizawa.
"It slightly disturbs me that L never lets Light take them off…" said the Chief, shuddering.
"Well then, let's get started!" said Aizawa. Everyone was silent for a moment.
"Um, what do we do?" asked Matsuda.
"Oh come on, Matsuda! We can get work done without L and Light," said Aizawa, crossing his arms. There was once again silence.
"Wow, we really suck, don't we?" said Aizawa.
--
"Take that blindfold off, and I swear I'll kick your ass!" said Light, tying a blindfold securely over L's eyes.
Then he began to prepare for his shower. I swear L made this chain so small on purpose, thought Light, pulling off his shirt cautiously and sliding it down along the chain.
L chuckled. "Light, what would make you think I would want to see your tiny…"
"Censored," said Ryuk.
"What the hell was that?" asked L, turning around.
"Um, the wind?" said Light, climbing into the shower. "Ryuk, what'd I tell you about censoring our show?" he whispered accusingly.
Ryuk recited, "Censoring is for loser shows, like Digimon." (Takuya: At least we aren't a bunch of gay detectives!)
After his shower, Light went to the bathroom mirror to brush his hair. L stood behind him, quietly observing. Light looked up and frowned.
"You know, you could brush your hair every once in a while," he said, seeing L's dark, messy hair.
L smoothed his hair with his hand. "There, all done," he said, smiling.
Light turned around, eye twitching. Must…resist urge…to bash in…his head…with toaster.
--
Light and L emerged from the elevator a few minutes later into the task force's meeting place. Matsuda, Aizawa, and Watari were playing go fish (Watari was winning 10-0) and the Chief was reading the newspaper.
Light and L hung their heads, exasperated. "You guys really can't get anything done without us, can you?" said L, taking his usual seat in his swivel chair.
Why don't we get swivel chairs? thought Matsuda glumly.
"Okay, first we should check on Misa. Light, do the honors of calling her," said L, getting down to business.
Light grumbled, picking up the phone and dialing Misa's number. He put it on speaker so everyone could hear. "Hello?" said Misa's voice.
"Hey, Misa," muttered Light. "You okay up there?"
Misa gasped. "Oh my god, hi Light, I haven't seen you in five hours, that's way too long for us to be apart, we should go on a date sometime, I love you so much, did I mention I love you-"
Light clicked the phone shut. "She's fine."
Suddenly the blue puppy jumped up on the monitor's dashboard, wagging its tail happily. L picked it up, petting its head. "Aw, someone got us a mascot."
"But L, didn't you want the puppy in order to further our investigation?" asked Matsuda, referring to Aizawa's lie. Oh crap, thought Aizawa. We never told him we lied.
L cocked his head, confused. "Uh, no. But it's a cute, if not creepy, little thing. I think I'll name it…Steve."
"Why Steve?" asked Light.
"I like the name Steve," said L, putting Steve back on the floor.
Light looked at L quizzically. Note to self: L's name might be Steve.
"Okay Aizawa, did you get what I told you to get?" asked L, turning to Aizawa.
Aizawa sighed. "Yes, L. Here are your chocolate cupcakes," he said, handing a bag to L.
"Sweetness!" exclaimed L, grabbing a cupcake and taking a bite. "You want one, Light?"
"Um, no thank you," said Light.
"Can I have one?" asked Matsuda.
"Okay guys, tell me what you found out about the Disney Corporation," said L, ignoring Matsuda's request.
"We have Mello and Near on the case right now," said the Chief, holding up a cell phone.
"Excellent! Call them up right now."
Light stared at L, exasperated. "But L, I think it would be smarter to try investigating Yotsuba further, like I said…"
"Light, who is the head honcho around here?" asked L, eating another cupcake.
Light sighed. "You are."
"Good boy. Besides, I've always known that Disney was up to no good." said L, narrowing his eyes. "All I need is some solid proof. Now call Mello and Near!"
"Yes sir," said the Chief, flipping open his phone.
How come the Chief gets to have his phone? thought Matsuda.
The Chief dialed the number and put his phone on speaker.
"Hello?" Mello's voice came from the other line. "Who is this?"
"Mello, its L! Who else would it be? I gave you that phone specifically so I could contact you during investigations!"
"You mean you didn't just give me this phone as a gift?" asked Mello nervously. "Oops."
"What do you mean, oops?" asked Light flatly.
"Well, I might have given this number to a few…twenty other people," said Mello lamely. "Sorry guys, by bad!"
L shook his head. "Mello, you idiot," said Light.
"Hey, for once it wasn't me!" exclaimed Matsuda excitedly.
"Shut up, Matsuda!" cried everyone. Matsuda hung his head dejectedly.
L sighed. "Well anyway, let's get on with the investigation. Mello, what have you and Near been able to uncover?"
"Well, I pushed Near up into an air ventilation shaft about an hour ago," said Mello. "You see, he's gonna climb through the network of pipes around the building and eventually end up over Disney's main office, where they're currently having a meeting about something or other.
"He's gonna record the whole thing on the cell phone you gave him-"
"For the investigation," interrupted L.
"Yeah," said Mello impatiently. "He's gonna record it and hope for the sake of us that you're right about Disney."
"What do you by that?" asked Aizawa warily.
"Well…let's just say Minnie has a killer left hook," said Mello sheepishly.
"Wait, you were caught?" exclaimed Light. "Where are you?"
"Um, locked in the cellar of Disney's main office building," Mello mumbled. "Speaking of which, could you possibly get Wedy to, like, fry the security system or something? You know, so I can get out? I can't fit in the ventilation shaft because my leather keeps getting stuck to the metal of the pipes."
"Sorry Mello. Wedy's on a trip to Cancun for a convention of overly extravagant dressers," said L. "You're just going to have to cope for another…uh, six weeks."
"Six weeks! L, they aren't feeding us! I'm gonna die down here unless you do something!"
"Yeah, good luck with that," said L, petting Steve and stuffing another cupcake in his mouth.
"Remind me again why I idolize you?" Mello asked sarcastically.
"I've been wondering that since your introduction into the series. You know, when you kidnapped my sister and caused the death of the chief of the Japanese police?" Light snapped. "Dad, just hang up."
"Whatever," said the Chief, snapping the phone shut.
"Well that was useless," said Aizawa.
"And we get to do it all over again tomorrow," Light muttered, exasperated. "C'mon L, let's just go watch TV or something."
"Sure," replied L, picking up Steve. "You guys just do whatever you do when we aren't here. I don't really care," said L to the rest of the task force.
"In that case, I'm gonna go purchase some alcoholic beverages using Aizawa's ID," said Matsuda, rushing out the door.
"I was wondering where that went," muttered Aizawa.
Watari, Aizawa, and the Chief stood there silently for several moments. Then Watari said, "So, want to spy on your son and L?"
"Sure," said the Chief, taking a seat in L's swivel chair.
"Sounds good," said Aizawa.
Watari pushed a few buttons and an image of Light and L sitting on a couch and watching TV flashed onto the giant screen.
There was a banging on their door and Light sighed. "You want to get it, or should I?" he asked sarcastically, getting up and heading for the door, dragging L with him.
Light opened the door to find Misa standing there in one of her skimpiest pieces of lingerie. "I'm ready for our big sexual night of sex, Light!" cried Misa happily.
"Our what?" exclaimed Light, backing up a bit. "Misa, first of all, no. Second, L would be watching us if we tried that!"
Misa hung her head, disappointed.
"Well, this could further our investigation if we get her on our side," murmured L thoughtfully, glancing at the handcuff around his wrist. "We may need a longer chain."
"Okay, well, I think I'm gonna leave now," said Aizawa quickly, headed for the door.
"Wait for me," said the Chief, following Aizawa out. "Light's a big boy. He can have sex all on his own now."
Watari was left alone in the room, staring at the screen. "Time for the show to begin," he said, grinning.
--
madjack89: Well, there you have it! Tell me what you thought in review form!
Light: That sucked.
madjack89: Except you, Light.
Light: grr…
madjack89: Alright guys! See ya later, alligator!