I never thought I'd say this but I am almost dreading Camp Rock this year.

It's been almost a year since dad died and I still feel like half of my heart is missing.

Tears still come to my eyes if I see a photo of him or someone says his name, but mum and I are trying to stay strong, for both our sakes.

School has been a complete bore, I told no one, not even my best friend Sierra of the events that occurred last summer.

At school I am simply known as 'the girl whose dad died'.

And to be honest, it sucks.

As for the friends I made at camp, like Shane suggested, I completely cut ties with everyone, except for the occasional catch up with Caitlin, who was so good to me those few weeks after my dad died before school started again and we had to go our separate ways.

Speaking of Shane, he seems to have completely reverted back to his bad boy ways; he's been seen out drunk with a different girl every night.

His parents and band mates Nate and Jason from Connect 3 fear that he is spiralling out of control.

And frankly, it breaks my heart that every time I turn on the TV or open a magazine there is a picture of him passed out in a gutter somewhere in Hollywood.

He was losing control.

But one thing is certain.

He's coming to Camp Rock this year.

One word that comes to mind is awkward.

But mum and Caitlin finally convinced me to go, saying that I wasn't going for Shane I was going for me.

The day has arrived.

I put my bags in the truck and wait in the car with the radio on full blast for mum to finish closing up the house.

Something we had completely forgotten about due to the fact that every other time we had had a mother daughter trip dad had been home and it wasn't necessary to lock up anything.

Weird that we forgot that, but it had just never occurred to us before now.

So now mum was taking extra long to close the windows because she doesn't want me to see her crying, and I'm not rushing because I don't want her to see me crying either.

You see we are trying to be strong for each other but every time we come close to waterworks we have to run away and hide in some room, as if it's not completely obvious why you ran off in the first place.

Once she was finally done, she comes out and puts her stuff in the back and climbs into the car.

"We already to go!" she asks with fake enthusiasm.

You can tell she's been crying because her mascara has all run and she's smudged it even more by trying to take it off.

"Yeah, for like the past hour" I laugh nervously.

"Oh, I'm sorry honey; let's get this show on the road!"

Wow, she's keen.

On the ride to Camp Rock I find myself getting really nervous, which is ridiculous.

Some of my many concerns were:

What if no one talks to me?

What if Shane wants to get together?

What if Shane doesn't want to get together?

What if I can't sing?

What if, what if, what if.

God, I'm a train wreck on roller skates.

That was weird.

When we finally arrive I race to the cabin Caitlin stayed in last year, hoping to be able to room with her.

When I arrived, her and Nate were sitting on her bed talking; the other bed was unoccupied so I decided I'd interrupt.

"Hey guys, is this bed taken?" I ask pointing at the bed at the opposite side of the room.

"Mitchie! Oh my gosh, it's so good to see you!" Caitlin yells as she flies off the bed and bowls me over with a hug.

"Whoa, down girl" I laugh

"Of course it isn't taken; I've been saving it for you silly"

"Great I'll go get my stuff" I say, heading out the door.

"I'll help" offered Nate.

I could feel the tension in the air already.

"I need to talk to Mitchie about something anyway"

"Okay, thanks" I say, gratefully.

We walk out the door and once Caitlin was out of earshot he spoke.

"So, I need to talk to you about something" he turns to face me, looking very serious.

"Sure, whats up?" I smile, trying to lighten the mood.

It fails.

"Well-"he stops, as if unsure how to place his words "- It's about Shane"

"Oh"

I had kind of figured, but when he said it, it really hit home.

"Sure, what about him?" I ask

"Well to be quite honest he's a mess Mitchie, he started drinking again and dating tonnes of girls."

I winced at that.

"He gets angry at the slightest thing, I'm" he stops and corrects himself, "We are all, worried about him."

"I'm not quite sure why you're telling me this Nate"

That was a lie, I knew exactly why he was telling me, I just needed some clarification.

"We know how you are with him Mitch, he'll listen to you, he trusts your opinion because you don't tend to take any crap, he likes that about you."

I smile at that.

"I don't know Nate, what if he's too far gone for even me to reach?"

"Is that what you really believe Mitchie?"

"Yes it-"

Wait, I heard words but his lips weren't moving.

I turn around and surprise surprise guess who it is.

Shane.

"I don't know what to believe anymore Shane" I answer truthfully.

"Take a walk with me" it wasn't really a question.

"I have to get my stuff" I say, looking for an excuse not to go.

"I'll get your bags, don't worry" Nate says, hurriedly

Damn.

We walk at a reasonable pace in silence.

We stop by the lake and sit down on a bench.

He speaks first.

"You really believe there's no hope for me?" he asks, sounding hurt.

"From the way I've seen you on TV I don't know what to believe Shane"

"From the TV?" he's angry now.

"You don't know anything, you didn't try to contact me once, not once Mitchie!" he spat.

"You didn't want me to, I was just respecting your wishes" I say as calmly as possible,

Why is he acting like this?

"I only acted like that to try and get your attention!" he yelled at me.