Learning to Trust Again
By Gilly
AN: This story is not an add on to my previous story, Faded Smile. My beta (my husband) mentioned that the story line was similar enough to make him wonder about that point. This story will have more chapters, never fear! Please read and review! -Gilly
Chapter 1
Leaving Him and Finding Her2004
Six years post HogwartsA small 2-story house in Hogsmead
He stared out the window at her shadow-cloaked silhouette. She had just left him again, after a night of screaming, of glass breaking, of tempers flying. Severus never could blame her when she left, and yet each time, he prayed that Hermione would be back to go through the whole cycle again. And she usually was. Only this time was different. This time, she took the album with her. It was silly, really. Just a small thing that would mean little to anyone watching from the outside. But he knew how much it meant to her. He knew that the album was all she had left of a family long since gone.
Hermione would never leave for good, so long as she had to come back for that. But not tonight. Tonight, she just stood in front of him, her amber eyes flashing in the candlelight, silent tears trailing over her cheeks, and she told him good-bye in the softest voice he'd ever heard her use. And then she turned and strode purposely towards the bedroom, where she grabbed the album before turning to walk out of the small two story house.
Severus just watched her form disappear down the road. Her movements were slow, almost as though she expected him to come after her, to beg her to stay. But he never did, and he was never even sure just why he wouldn't ask her – no, beg her to stay. Perhaps because Hermione had always had a reason to come back. This time though, she would have to come home for him, and not for memories lost.
He had no confidence that he was enough to bring her home. Not this time. As she disappeared from sight, he leaned his forehead against the window and let his own eyes close as his tears dripped down the glass.
§
Hermione clutched the book nervously, her hands shaking as she walked slowly down the deserted road. She could have just apparated out of there, but she had nowhere she wanted to be, or nowhere she even could be. Her friends were all gone now. Her parents and grandparents were dead many years over between them, and she couldn't even go back to her own place because that was her own place.
It hurt too much to stay anymore, though. The fights used to be so sparse, but over time, as with anything, things changed. The fights started coming once a month, then once a week. Now, not a day went past with out a fight of some sort. She just couldn't handle it anymore. It hurt walking away. It hurt more to stay.
And the kicker was that she knew Severus loved her just as much as she loved him. Love was never the problem with the two of them. Perhaps they were just too similar, too alike. Both stubborn and eager to hold their stance in whatever fight they were in at any given moment. It never seemed to matter in the heat of a fight who was right, and long before the fight would end, the reason for it would be forgotten.
And every time they fought, she hated herself for the hurtful words that came out and for the pain she knew she caused. But Severus caused pain, too. No, the past three years had not been without pain, or without tears. Those two things were in abundance. The apologies were always heartfelt too, but after a while, they only meant so much in the face of such anger.
Hermione kept walking and after what felt like hours, she slowly raised her wand and waited for the knight bus to come and pick her up. As it came to a screeching halt in front of her, she paused only long enough to look back once. Then she entered the bus and found her place to sit. When asked where she was headed, she simply shrugged, then mentioned Diagon Alley. They were on the way again before she could blink.
§
Hermione walked slowly down the hall. It was late and she was tired, but that didn't stop the child from screaming for food. It had been over a year since she had disappeared from the world she once knew. She still poked in on the magical community and still used a wand even. However, she carefully covered her tracks. Her long brown curls became straight, shoulder-length auburn hair that was dark in color. Her warm brown eyes were cold blue now, an icy color. Clear golden toned skin became pale freckled skin. Her hair and eyes she changed the muggle way, with colored contacts and hair dye. She didn't want to take the chance of someone dispelling a glamour.
The biggest change of all: Hermione Snape became Grace Wallace, a young widow with a small baby boy named Sebastian. Severus hadn't known back then that she had just found out she was pregnant. Hermione had planned to tell him that night. But instead, she walked out, sobbing to herself as she realized that her child couldn't be raised that way. She deserved more than that. Sebastian deserved more than that.
§
Severus glanced down at the parchment in his hand and then at the tiny village in front of him. It was a muggle village and a muggle address. All that was listed on it was the address and a wand description. Eleven inches, oak, with a dragon heartstring core. Nothing unusual, but still… he felt compelled to search out the owner after a report of what else was purchased.
He had been looking for Hermione since the day she left and nothing had turned up. She has disappeared into thin air. Her so-called friends had turned their backs on her years ago and have since shown no interest in her location, or any knowledge in her location. Hermione had not gone back to the school, and he hadn't found her in the house she grew up in. The house had been abandoned since her parents' deaths. Hermione owned the deed to it, but she refused to set foot inside or sell it. It just sat empty and decaying.
He tried watching her parents' graves, but she never showed up. Though there were always fresh flowers on the stones, he never saw anyone placing them there. They always came when he had his attention turned. Quite literally, there was simply no trace of her. But there were clues towards another person which he had tirelessly followed. Now, almost five months past the first clue, he had an address. It brought him here, and hopefully it brought him to her. Severus refused to get his hopes up. He just couldn't do it, not when he felt that she was forever lost to him.
Severus couldn't even begin to imagine that this was going to end as he wanted, but he still had to try. In the beginning, not a day passed without him searching. However, as time marched on, his searching slowed down until he spent no more than a day or two in a month looking for his lost love. So many people had tried to get him to forget her, but he couldn't do it. Her smile was burned into his mind. He could swear he heard her laugh miles away, all the time. She was everywhere to him. Everywhere, that is, except next to him.
§
Hermione rocked Sebastian slowly, with her head resting against the back of the chair and her eyes slipping shut occasionally. Sebastian curled around her with a finger in his mouth and the other clutching the front of her robe. His silky tufts of black hair tickled at her chin as she rocked him. He took after his father too much for her own comfort. Dark eyes, so dark they appeared to be black at times. Pale skin and black hair finished the picture of Severus.
She missed him more than she cared to admit, but she had loved him with all her heart and probably still did for that matter. He never meant to hurt her, just as she never meant to hurt him. But that's how it always ended. She couldn't raise her baby that way. It was too hard for her to live that way and she couldn't imagine trying to make a baby grow up that way.
Hermione turned her head slightly to glance at the digital clock she had in Sebastian's room and sighed sleepily. It was after midnight and she had to work at six the next morning. Sebastian stirred slightly, but remained sleeping. She waited a few more moments, then carefully stood and laid him down in his crib. She only waited a moment longer before turning to stumble down to her room.
§
Severus watched from outside the house as the light in one room snapped off. He studied the small house for a minute, and his eyes came to rest on a room with a soft glow coming from it. He hadn't noticed the dim light before, but now that the other light was off, it was easier to spot. All he could tell right then, was that there was a witch close by, which he found out with some aid from his wand. More than that, he felt her. He couldn't explain it, but he felt like he was being tugged closer, like she was calling him. He was close, he knew it.
TBC