Disclaimer – characters and premise aren't mine. Just takin' them for a ride. Cheers :)

This story takes off from the conversation Christy has with Fairlight in The Road Home, where Christy realizes who she really wants. Why is it different? In this version Christy never went to El Pano to confront Margaret, never gave her the impetus to return. So Margaret is not at Neil's when Christy arrives...

Christy reigned in her horse and slid from the saddle. As soon as he was tied up she realised what she was about to do and stopped, stunned and still at the bottom of the steps leading up to Neil's cabin. Slowly, she climbed the stairs, her mind raging with a battle between full disclosure and coy excuses. She raised her hand to knock on the door, took a deep breath, paused. She had to decide before she saw him or it would be too late for a careful, thoughtful, decision.

"Can I help you?" Neil swung the door open, "Oh, Christy. Is everything alright?"

"Ah, yes. Fine. Everything is fine."

He smiled. "Good." A moment's hesitation and he invited her in, returning to what he'd been doing, presumably, before her arrival – building a fire in the hearth. "I just got home – I'd offer you a cup of coffee but as you can see, it might take a while."

"I'm in no hurry."

"Excellent. School out early?"

"No, David's taking lessons this afternoon."

"Lucky you. Though, I suppose you'll tell me that I'll have my very own substitute in Dan Scott soon enough."

"Sounds like I don't need to say a word – you can read my mind."

"I doubt that." He flicked a match and lit the brush beneath the kindling in several places. "Will you sit?"

She had hovered near the doorway till then. He was so relaxed – it made her feel even more nervous. She nodded and sat in front of the fire.

"Was there something particular you wished to speak to me about?"

"Yes."

He watched her, waited, smiled, laughing at her without making a noise.

"I was just up at Bear Ridge with Fairlight."

"That's a fair hike."

"I suppose – I've been up there a few times now."

"You're on your way to becoming a real mountain woman."

She smiled. "It was just something she said – it got me thinking, and what I thought, I thought I should tell you." She sighed, "But now that I come to it, I'm not so sure."

"Well, you'll have to tell me now or the curiosity will kill me."

She cocked her head to one side.

He moved to sit beside her, the fire doing well on its own. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me. I'm pretty certain you know all my worst secrets."

She looked into his eyes and found the courage to be honest. "You are my dearest friend."

He smiled, waited for her continue, and she lost her nerve. "Was there something else?"

"Well, I... maybe."

"Take your time."

"Neil, this isn't funny."

"I don't think it's funny, Christy."

"Don't you see the problem? I confide in you, rely on you – I trust you completely, but I'm just so confused."

"I can't tell you how much it means to me, to have your trust. But what are you confused about?"

"I just didn't realise before."

He waited for a coherent explanation, watched her closely, concern growing.

"I knew – I have known for a while – that you care for me. I ignored it, I suppose, knowing nothing could come of it – but then today I realised,"

"Realised what?" He couldn't bare to wait when she hesitated.

"I care for you – you're my best friend and I need you." She found it hard to keep on looking into his eyes, the mantra running through her head were the next words she'd meant to say, but lacked the courage to do so: but you're married. You're married. You're married.

"I need you too Lass."

"But you can't – we can't. Margaret is..."

"On her way to Atlanta, I imagine."

"You're married to eachother."

"I'm aware." He stood up, turned away from her, paced.

There was nothing more to say. That was it. She'd told him the truth – they'd reached the same, logical conclusion. She should leave.

She stood. "I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have come." She walked toward the door.

"No – I'm glad that you did." He turned to her.

She nodded, not looking him in the eye. "What now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do we just go on like before?"

He walked over to her, took hold of her arms. "We've done nothing wrong."

"No." She had to agree.

"I do care for you, and I wish I could offer you... everything, but I can't. Grantland's right about that."

"What did David say to you?"

"I can't make you happy. I can't give you what you need. And he's right."

She wondered how that had come up in conversation, and what else had. "I don't think that's quite true, Neil. But you won't – and I won't let you."

"I know that."

"But I'll go on being your friend, if you'll..." she felt the sob in her throat and couldn't speak without it escaping.

"You'll always have my friendship."

"Thank you." Tears pricked at her eyes and she blinked them away, swallowing, willing herself to control her emotions.

"Don't mention it." He turned away again.

"I should go." She opened the door and stepped out.

"Just don't marry him."

She turned at the request.

"I couldn't bare it. I know I've no right to ask it of you, but there it is." He took a step toward her. "Don't marry Grantland."

She shook her head and then turned and left him.

Out of sight of Neil's cabin, she let herself cry – and what a relief! But all too soon she was in sight of the Mission. School was not yet out. David would want to go over what had been covered in the afternoon's lessons. She pulled herself together and slid off her horse, tying him to a post.

David strolled out of the school, immediately recongnizing that she'd been upset – that she still was upset, but trying to hide it. His concern was touching and she was too tired to resist the comfort he offered. A hug was exactly what she needed. She didn't expect it to precede a proposal of marriage – but she should have. He'd warned her – he would put his ring on her finger or leave the notion of their marriage together behind forever.

His timing could have been better.

She pulled her hands away, leaving the ring box in his hands. "I'm sorry, David."

He steeled himself, snapped the box shut, turned away. "What are you doing out of your seats?" He demanded of the children and immediately followed them inside.

She watched him for a moment, then untied her horse and walked him back to the mission house. The tears rolled down her cheeks but there was nothing she could do to hide it, and there didn't seem much point in trying.

Miss Alice was crouched in the vegetable garden and looked up as Christy approached. Her smile vanished on seeing Christy's face. "What happened?"

Christy shook her head – what to say? What not to say?

Alice took the horse's reigns. "Is thee alright?"

"I... I'm fine. David..."

Alice nodded, "You have rejected his proposal?"

Christy nodded once.

Alice inhaled, long and slow. "Thou hast made a difficult decision."

Christy wiped the tears from her cheeks, trying to pull herself together.

"Was there something else?"

The tears welled again. She bit her lip and shook her head.

"You're under no obligation to tell me – but thee needn't pretend."

Christy reached out and Alice enveloped her in an embrace. "I don't know what to do."

"Must thee do anything?"

"I must do nothing."

"This is about Doctor MacNeil."

Christy braced herself.

"Thou art absolutely right."

"I've always been better at taking action."

"I know how you feel – my annual retreat is my desperate attempt to for once do nothing. Perhaps you should consider taking a retreat yourself."

"No, there is work to be done. I will work. Forgive me, Miss Alice, but no amount of thought and prayer will change... – what I mean is that I simply must go on. We must go on as we always have."

"If you wish – but I warn you not to underestimate the power of prayer."