Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, Super Smash Bros., or any of the characters. That'd be awesome, though. Someone get on that.

SMASHING SHENANIGANS

#1: SOME CHEESY FRIENDSHIP ONE-LINER

They said the old two-story house sitting atop the impressive hill right next to the Smashville town gate sprung up overnight, and that its sole resident cared only for the chance to draw his sword and dance through the blood of his rivals.

Wolf was begrudgingly dragged along on an adventure with the ever-so-lovable Captain Falcon, who considered it his duty to ensure that the local loner could make a friend or two. The excitable F-Zero pilot bounded onto the creaking porch of the forsaken palace.

"Come on, Wolf!" he invited over his shoulder.

"Why did you bring me for this?" Wolf asked.

"I dunno," replied Falcon, shrugging it off. He turned back and pounded three times on the door.

"What if this guy's a psycho?" asked Wolf.

"Then he'd fit right in!" replied the captain over his shoulder. "You can talk about gutting that rabbit you hate so much." There was the wiggling sound of the doorknob, and the door slowly opened. Before them was a redheaded man in a wheelchair.

"Yes?" It was quite a beautiful voice- the kind that seemed gentle but troubled, childish but wise, and friendly but dark.

Captain Falcon was surprised by the wheelchair, but he shook it off internally and politely asked, "Can we come in?"

"For what purpose is your visit?" asked the redhead.

"Um... friendship?" proposed the pilot.

"Marth's... not very sociable," the stranger told him.

"Can I try anyway?" the determined racer requested.

"Sure." The redhead put his hands on the wheels of the chair, and trailed backwards and to his right, allowing the two to enter the house. Wolf shut the door behind, and looked around the room to see a spiral staircase in the corner- a notable obstacle for the wheelchair-bound greeter.

"He's in his lounge right now, reading I think," he said. "Straight ahead, you'll see the doorway on the right." Wolf caught up to Captain Falcon and proceeded through a very small kitchen, and into a hallway. On the right, they looked- through the doorway was a eloquent room with a clean coffee table of glass and light wood, with several sofas that looked softer than Wolf's fur after a shower. One of these sofas was host to a man with a copy of Pride and Prejudice, presumably Marth.

"Are you Marth?" Wolf asked. The reader's blue hair was being struck by a gentle light that highlighted the plush nature of each strand.

"I am," he replied, not looking up from his book.

"Well, I'm Captain Falcon!" the pilot suggested. "And this is Wolf! We're here to make friends!"

"Is that so?" Marth asked. He reached down and picked up a simple blue bookmark with a perfectly white tassel, before stuffing it between the pages of the paperback and then putting the book on the table. Finally, he looked up.

"You must be tournament fighters," assumed Marth.

"Yeah, I'm a veteran!" Falcon boasted. "Wolf here just joined last season, but he did a nice job."

"Oh, I never had the pleasure of dueling either of you," Marth stated. "You were both first bracket?"

"Yeah," Wolf answered. "Are you entering the Universe tournament?" Marth nodded. It was at that moment when they heard the obnoxiously loud sound.

"Is that a train?!" shouted Captain Falcon over the roaring of the locomotive.

"Let's go check it out!" Wolf suggested. The two jumped at the chance to have some form of adventure, because that was the one thing that actually made them compatible within the same solar system: they loved adventure.

"You coming, Marth?" asked Captain Falcon, looking over to his blunette host. Marth seemed to be thinking it over in his head for a second.

"Yeah, let's go," he piped, standing to his feet and stretching his arms. He half-spun around and dipped his arm behind the sofa, pulling out a shiny sword that had definitely killed at least nine people.

Chocolate sprinkles were definitely better than rainbow sprinkles, but arguably less satisfying than titty sprinkles- at least, that's what Kirby was insisting upon. Honestly, Lucario really did not care to hear anything from the little pink ball filled with cotton candy and smudged trading cards that fell behind the couch in some loser's living room. The sound of the train came as both salvation and curious to the aura Pokemon. After all, there were no train tracks in or around Smashville!

"What's that?!" Kirby yelled. Somehow, the ball of air's voice eclipsed the intensity that was the train's volume. Lucario, irritated as could be, decided to charge towards the source of the sound. Kirby, on the other hand, found a shiny penny on the ground, and did the only thing that made him happy- swallowed it in a single gulp.

It wasn't a long run. Lucario made it to the top of a tiny hill and gazed upon a wild train plowing through the village at breakneck speeds. There were six train cars, and the fifth one was shocking. Standing on top of it was a stumpy, toadlike man with a jagged moustache and a yellow hat. The doors on either side were slung wide open, and inside Lucario could clearly see hundreds of trophies, obviously stolen from the tournament site referred to as Smash House. Evident was the culprit: the man atop the train, the local cheapskate and resident slob- Wario.

Needless to say, problems would surely arise from the loss of the trophies, as opposed to the celebration that would be held in honor of the hero that got the garlic vacuum removed from the town and every subsequent tournament. Lucario, being a noble and adventurous spirit, decided to take off towards the train.

He was quick to notice that he was not alone in his endeavor. Trailing behind the train were three other residents: Marth, Wolf, and Captain Falcon. Lucario knew all of them, though not very well. Captain Falcon, he tolerated; Wolf, he somewhat liked; Marth, he found mysterious. Evidently, they had formed a compact and prepared to save the day. Regardless of the circumstances, Lucario was willing to share in the experience with the three of them.

Coming from the side allowed Lucario a successful attachment to the last car in the set. With a simple bound, he gripped the side of the train and clung to it with talent. Using his extreme speed, he narrowly avoided smashing through a fence and relocated to the back end of the caboose. Captain Falcon was edging closer and closer to the railing. Lucario extended his paw out, giving the pilot a tether to pull himself onto the caboose.

"Thanks, Lucario," he said between breaths.

"Anytime," replied Lucario.

Since there was nobody controlling the train, or any tracks to follow, the two were slung about quite violently, and the train smashed through houses and fences and gardens and children. The constantly battery slowed the train down on impact, giving Marth and Wolf a chance to join the others on the back of the train.

"Alright," Captain Falcon began. "What's our plan?"

"Huff..." Marth started. "That slob on the top of the train hasn't seen us, and he's massively outnumbered. We need to do something about him, but we also need to stop the train before it destroys the entire town."

"Good call," Wolf said, nodding. "Uh, how is stopping the train going to work, exactly?"

"Well, we need to get someone up there as fast as possible," Captain Falcon said. "The fastest path would be to run along the top, but Wario will notice us when we get up there."

"Lucario, you're pretty athletic, aren't you?" asked Wolf.

"I am," replied Lucario.

"You can crawl up the side of the train and subdue Wario, then we climb up and finish the job," Wolf suggested.

"Very well," Lucario responded. "Let us go." The group moved through the caboose quickly but conservatively. The Pokemon clung to the side of the train and began to travel around the side.

"Are you ready?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Let's go," Marth proposed. The three of them jumped on top of the train just in time to see Lucario kick Wario down onto his face. Captain Falcon sprinted on ahead, jumping over the fallen couch potato, and advancing towards the front of the train as fast as he could.

"You follow the captain," Marth said. "I'll help deal with Wario." Wolf nodded, and the two sprang into action.

"Wah?!" Wario shouted, as he looked up. "What are you idiots doing here?! Leave me alone!"

"Why are you stealing these trophies?" asked Lucario.

"They're, um, Christmas presents- for friends, yeah!" Wario insisted.

"Friends, huh?" Marth asked, joining Lucario as Wolf dashed by to assist Captain Falcon in the front.

"Yeah!"

"Name five, then," Marth commanded.

"Um... Waluigi... Walgina... Walpaper... Walflower... and um... Wal...mart," Wario listed off.

"Damn, his story holds up," muttered Marth.

"Doesn't matter," Lucario told him. "You stole those trophies. We're taking them back."

"Never!" Wario sprang up and grabbed Lucario, before pushing him off the side of the train. "THEY'RE MINE!" He spun around and attempted to punch Marth, but the swordsman sidestepped it and thrust his sword precisely into his attacker's sleeve. Majestically, he spun around and pulled Wario's arm behind his back before putting the sword through the other sleeve and pinning the garlicky menace to the floor.

"Good work," Lucario noted, poking his head up from over the side of the train.

"How's it going, Captain?" asked Wolf as he dropped into the train through the window.

"I can't find out which one stops it!" Captain Falcon panicked. "I think it's the red one!"

"No, I don't think so," Wolf thought, looking around. "I think it's this one." He pointed at a brass level that flipped horizontally across the front of the train.

"What makes you say that?" Captain Falcon asked.

"It worked in Polar Express," Wolf shrugged.

"Fair enough," Captain Falcon admitted, turning around and flipping the level. Sure enough, the piercing sounds of the screeching wheels and plowing dirt rang through the air. It was then that the train slowed to a stop.

"We did it!" Wolf cheered.

The four reunited outside of the train, surrounded by cheering townsfolk and screams of praise and professed love. Some guy even proposed to his girlfriend (she said no, though, since the ring was made out of a tab taken from a Wii Soda). Master Hand approached the group and commended each of them. Wario, on the other hand, was kicked out of Smashville, permanently.

That day started a beautiful friendship.

TO BE CONTINUED