Holy God
No, no. I can't ... no. I'm so sorry, holy god, but I can't. I can't do this again.
HIV. With active HIV a victim has a maximum of ten years to live like a normal, healthy human being. Ten years without contracting AIDS. Yes, it's true, if a victim afflicted with HIV begins taking the cocktail immediately after contraction of the condition, it's possible that the HIV could remain dormant, inactive and symptom less an undeterminable amount of time, and yes, in a very small percentage of people the HIV resolves itself and completely vanishes, but holy god ...
I can't take the chance, I don't think.
Roses, rejection, a love song, then this. Holy god.
I don't think that I can do this again. I barely survived this once ... twice? Of course, I know, it's not like ... we're not married, of course. We're not even really dating. But holy Christ. I'm fifty-three years old ... I don't date just for the fun of it anymore. Hell, I don't *date*. She would have been the first ...
I feel like there has to be a reason, there has to be something *there*. I thought there was, too. Maybe there still is, that's the terrible part, I just ... this wouldn't be nearly as hard if I knew that there was nothing there, of course. But that's just not the case.
She's so *beautiful*. Beautiful in a way I thought I'd never see again. And she's brilliant, and different, and strong. And I really thought that maybe.
But I can't do this again. I can't let myself become a part of this, invested in this only to know that I've only got so much time ... I'm on the clock. I can't do that. That's even worse than with Julia. With Julia, I thought I had eternity.
Well, maybe it is better this way.
It's so selfish, I know. I admit that openly. But at some point I've got to start thinking about me, about my family. My children, for gods sake, they sure as hell can't do this again. Hell, Delia would kill me just to know I'd been interested in Linda. I've got to remember that no matter how much I want something, even need it, I need them more. A lot more. I lost them once. I can't do that again, either. Holy god.
Holy God. Either way, I think I've learned that He's not the one to talk to.
No, no. I can't ... no. I'm so sorry, holy god, but I can't. I can't do this again.
HIV. With active HIV a victim has a maximum of ten years to live like a normal, healthy human being. Ten years without contracting AIDS. Yes, it's true, if a victim afflicted with HIV begins taking the cocktail immediately after contraction of the condition, it's possible that the HIV could remain dormant, inactive and symptom less an undeterminable amount of time, and yes, in a very small percentage of people the HIV resolves itself and completely vanishes, but holy god ...
I can't take the chance, I don't think.
Roses, rejection, a love song, then this. Holy god.
I don't think that I can do this again. I barely survived this once ... twice? Of course, I know, it's not like ... we're not married, of course. We're not even really dating. But holy Christ. I'm fifty-three years old ... I don't date just for the fun of it anymore. Hell, I don't *date*. She would have been the first ...
I feel like there has to be a reason, there has to be something *there*. I thought there was, too. Maybe there still is, that's the terrible part, I just ... this wouldn't be nearly as hard if I knew that there was nothing there, of course. But that's just not the case.
She's so *beautiful*. Beautiful in a way I thought I'd never see again. And she's brilliant, and different, and strong. And I really thought that maybe.
But I can't do this again. I can't let myself become a part of this, invested in this only to know that I've only got so much time ... I'm on the clock. I can't do that. That's even worse than with Julia. With Julia, I thought I had eternity.
Well, maybe it is better this way.
It's so selfish, I know. I admit that openly. But at some point I've got to start thinking about me, about my family. My children, for gods sake, they sure as hell can't do this again. Hell, Delia would kill me just to know I'd been interested in Linda. I've got to remember that no matter how much I want something, even need it, I need them more. A lot more. I lost them once. I can't do that again, either. Holy god.
Holy God. Either way, I think I've learned that He's not the one to talk to.