A/N: This little bunny was born because of the questions some of my readers posed when they read how badly some of the main characters (mostly Fai and Syaoran) got treated in my torture fics. I'd like it if you guys actually took out the time to read this note before you proceed to reading the actual story.

Okay, first and foremost. This is a Crackfic. Obviously, it wouldn't be my fic if there wasn't something dark and screwed up thrown in the mix but despite a few of the darker themes, it's crack all the same ;)

The characters will be bound to act OOC and there will be mentions made to a few of my other stories, mainly 'Shattered Secrets', 'Whispers in the Dark', 'Prisoners of War' and 'Broken'. It'd all make more sense to you all if you've actually read those before.

The question that prompted me to write this story was how I'd react to a situation if I was the one going through some of the stuff I put Fai and Syaoran through in Broken. It's more or less like a personal challenge. I wanted to see if I could actually do it or not. Although I usually don't approve of them, but seeing as this is

a) a crackfic

b) a crackfic that pokes fun at my own writing

I think it's perfectly okay for me to say to that this is a 'self-insert fic.'

Hmm… I don't think I had anything else to warn you guys about though I'll just add it to one of the future author notes if I remember something that I might have missed right now.

I hope you guys enjoy it all the same.

Prologue:

"Argh!" I screamed in shock as I flew through the air before finally colliding with the floor with a dull thud, the impact jarring every bone in my body as my scream turned to one of pain.

Rolling to my side after spending a few precious moments staring above me in a daze I pushed myself up on shaky limbs as my muscles screamed in protest. I looked up towards the hole in the roof through which I had been thrown only moments before. My eyes watered at the bright light that was pouring into the dark… I squinted my eyes to observe my surroundings only to find that I was in a dirty round… room would be too elegant a word for it. This place I was in… I suppressed an involuntary shudder as I realized how wrong everything was. I looked back up again only to see fleshy blobs in place of the faces of my kidnappers as they looked down at me from above. Darn it! They could have at least had the decency not to break my glasses! How am I supposed to tell the police about who kidnapped me if I can't see their faces? Although… I seriously doubt they'd ever believe me even if I could see properly and describe their appearances.

"We hope you enjoy your stay here." A silky voice floated down to where I was, bringing me out of my mental tirade. I suppose I should be hyperventilating right about now. Or panicking at least… I mean that's how I had always written it out to be, right? But for some odd reason, my mind felt disconnected yet hyperaware of everything around me. It was like… I was there… yet not there at the same time.

The rusty trap door creaked ominously as they began to slide it back in place and the light streaming down from above began to lessen in intensity…. And cue panic attack. Or hysteria. Or denial. Call it whatever you want. I don't care.

My breath came in short, rapid pants as I tried to look around me, my eyes straining wide against the pitch black darkness of the place I was in. Tremors shook my body as I tried to hold my breath, tried to silence myself. I hate the dark… which is a bit ironic and funny in a morbid and roundabout way since I can never seem to be able sleep with the lights on. My room has to be pitch black before I go to sleep. It's something my sister and I always used to fight about before I started university and moved to the dorms. My roommate had to learn to live with my obsession for complete darkness when going to bed too.

I heard a small scratch somewhere to my right and my breath caught up in my throat in fear.

I had written about places like this so many times. The dank, slippery walls made out of rough dark stone covered in slime. The dirty, grime covered floor. The deathly putrid stench of sweat, blood and things I'd rather not think about filling the air. But that's the thing! I always wrote about stuff like this. Things like kidnapping and dungeons and torture cells don't happen in real life! At least… not in the real of someone like me.

"This… this isn't real…" I whispered shakily, trying to ignore the feeling of the wet, slimy grit under my smarting hands. "Gah!" I screamed, rapidly pushing away from where I was until my back collided with the wall behind me. Something warm and furry had just crawled over my right hand. A shudder of fear and disgust crawled up my spine as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Not real… Not real..." I whispered frantically, praying with all my heart that when I opened my eyes, I'd be in bed, waking up from an all too realistic nightmare. I'd calm down my breath and look around me to find the annoying streak of golden light spilling in from the small gap in my closed curtains and I'd groan and check the time on my cell phone, mumble something about it being too early before rolling over to go back to sleep. I'd wake up cursing a few hours later, rushing about frantically to get dressed since I'd have slept in again and I'd be late for my class.

Something warm brushed against my leg and I felt a whimper form in my throat. I curled up further into myself as warm tears prickled my eyes. No matter how brave I made up the characters in my stories to be… I was nothing like that. It was easy to make fictious characters act foolhardily and oh so bravely. But it was easy because they weren't real! They were imaginary, nothing but mere conjurations of my imagination or borrowed conjurations of someone else's imagination. I was a coward. I was clumsy. I was lazy. I was good at sketching and cooking and I enjoyed listening to music and I loved to procrastinate but I rarely was late for submitting my assignments. I always ranted my friend's ears off when something went wrong and I was quick to cry too though I never shed tears in front of others because I hated crying in front of people. My nose always turned red and my eyes got all puffy and I hated the way I looked at that time and- my internal monologue was broken when the warmth crawled over my left foot and brushed past my thigh.

"Not real… Please…" I begged, a distant part of my mind laughing at the image I presented at the time, "This can't be real."

This was too bizarre. This had to be some sort of twisted, demented nightmare brought on by my insomniac mind. Sleep deprivation led me to have the strangest of dreams whenever I did actually manage to fall asleep so maybe- the little constant critch critch sounds around me sounded too real to be actually a part of the dream though. And the pressure that accompanied that warmth as it brushed up against me once again, the prickly feel of the coarse bristle-like fur that coated the creatures in here with me, too was too real to be a nightmare. But…

A hysteric laugh bubbled up my throat as I let my head fall back and collide with the slimy wall I was leaning on. The reality of it all was finally beginning to set in.

"Shit" I laughed weakly, my body trembling in disgust as I realized that I was leaning against a wall covered in stinking, smelly slime. "This is fucking insane…"

Stuff like this didn't happen. Wasn't supposed to happen. I mean… it was part of one of those things that fall under the category of 'Strictly, you-seriously-need-to-see-a-shrink-if-you-think-otherwise, never-in-a-million-billion-gazillion-years-possible impossible.' With the possibility of something like this happening pretty much a ten raised to the power minus infinity, I bet anyone would have a reaction like mine had they been kidnapped by the antagonists from fictional stories they wrote.

A/N: Okay so this was the prologue. Nothing really funny here I know. But trust me. The next chapter is quite funny in a very disturbing sense since there will be OOCness abound. ;) ;)

So I tried to keep my reactions as close to the way I think I'd react if I ever get caught up in a situation. I can't really recall who asked me that question in the first place but you've got your answer right here. I'd be a complete scatterbrained mess by the end of the fourth day. Umm… I say four days because seriously, no one in their right mind would actually… no never mind. I'd be crying for my mummy dearest by the end of the first day. *sweatdrops* But that's probably because I'm not an anime character. Keep in mind that I might and I most probably will be exaggerating my reactions to certain cases for the sake of adding humor to the story so it's not an exact portrayal of how I will act… I'm not really sure why I'm even explaining it to everyone. Well, if you have any questions of comments, feel free to let me know. Heck you can even poke fun at my poor kidnapped self if you want. ;) ;)