Sex toy
"Danna, un?!"
Sasori turns around to face me upset.
"Don´t disturb me now, brat! Let me alone!"
"But danna..."
"Go. Away," he groans.
His eyes... his beautiful brown eyes watch me cold-heartedly. There´s no warm feeling for me. Nothing but annoyance and anger. Sadly I turn away to hide the tears which start flowing down my face. Confused and hurt I run as fast as I can away. Away from him... Away from the devil who stole my heart without giving a damn about it. Now I understand. I´m the only one of us who cares for the other one. Until now I had the unrealistic dream...wish... that he loves me... at least cares for me... that our nights mean more than lust to him. But now the reality hits me hardly. He doesn´t love nor like me. I´m just his toy... his sex toy for his entertainment when he´s bored. I feel like shit... unneeded... unwanted... worthless... like I was nothing.
Soon I arrive in the forest near our hideout. Here I always calm down when something makes me upset. The trees... the birds... the wind, they make me feel saved. As it I was in my own little world where nobody can reach me... hurt me. So I let myself fall into the fresh, green grass. Here I don´t try to hold my tears back any more because I know that nobody will find me nor even try to do so. While the pain burns a hole into my heart I curl up into a ball and hug my legs.
Why? Why doesn´t anybody care for me? Love me? Why danna? I want you. I love and need you so much! But... you... treat ma like shit. As if I was one of your fucking puppets! As if you could use me and push me away any time you want to... I don´t want that! Want to stop you! I want to treat you the same way! Want to letyou suffer the same way! But... how could I? That´s the difference between you and me. You can behave like this because you don´t have any feelings for me. But I can´t... because I love you. So...what can I do? I´m worthless! I don´t have any weapon. I...have...to...stop...this! Don´t want to feel like now ever again. Don´t want to feel so small ever again. So...I´ll refuse to speak to you! Refuse to be your uke... even if it will be the hardest thing ever.
After some time I finally stand up. For a moment I watch the beautiful, free, blithe birds. Then I walk back to the base. It´s evening. The sun disappears and the moon arises behind the clouds.
It´s hard to hold back the wish to run into our shared room to grasp you as tight as I can. No!
Now I head for the living room. Nobody nut Hidan is there. I sit down besides him. Hidan is my friend. He somehow likes me even though we both don´t know why. It´s good to have at least one friend though that isn´t really what I want. Yeah, friends are worthwhile and I should be happy to have one but I only want to be loved...
"Hey Deidara, you little motherfucker," he grins.
Normally I would fight because of this word. It isn´t really honest to call your friend like this but right now I don´t care. I´m too exhausted.
Hidan notices that something´s wrong. He watches me confused.
"Is everything all right, Dei?"
I don´t want to talk now. So I shake my head from side to side then lean against him. Letting my head rest on his shoulder I close my reddened eyes. He saw them so he must know that I cried. Without another question he lets me fall asleep. And I´m thankful therefore.
XXX Hidan´s POV XXX
Poor blonde! He appears to be really weak. I wonder what that motherfucker did this time... fucking Sasori! I knew that they wouldn´t have a future together. At least not in this life.
After some time Sasori walks in looking for Deidara. His cold brown eyes rest on him for a moment. Then he faces me.
"What...?"
"Shut up, idiot," I whisper rapidly, "Let him sleep in peace and leave now!"
"Why should I?"
"Argh, you´re such a pain in the ass! Because you were mean to him! And he´s my friend! So I protect him. Go. Away. Fuckhead!"
"Hmpf," he groans but walks away.
I sigh released then lean against my dear friend to sleep, too. I hope Kakuzu won´t be upset because he can´t fuck me tonight. But now Dei is much more important than Kuzu´s needs!