Rated M, contains frequent coarse language, adult themes and religious themes that may offend, cant say i didnt warn you, thanks :)
Twilight: The Love Twi-strangle
"To Fakeob Quack
Me and Eggward have bin so happy together in our totally cute as house one month after our wedding yaaa, but he-he left me! EGGWARD SKULLHEN LEFT ME! I just don't know how much longer I can bear it yaaa, it has bin a whole ten minites! He has never left me alone for more than five before! OH MY GOOOOSH! Help me Fakeob, I need you RIGHT NOW!
Love from Shella Kwong"
Read the letter that Fakeob received in the mail from a rather distressed Shella.
"Holy Jesus, Christ, lord, mother of god!" Exclaimed Fakeob as he read the ridiculous letter
"Did she actually just say their house was cute? What the hell? It is the holy-est hole to ever be dug in the ground!" Pondered Fakeob obviously missing the point of the point of the letter
"Oh my lord! Right, I should probably get my holy ass over there before she gets all Satan on me, but first... FRIDGE RAID!"
5 minutes later Fakeob stops raiding the fridge and is on his way to Shella's house;
"Dum-de-dum-de-dum..."
*CRASH**BANG*
"OUCH!" Exclaimed Fakeob and Eggward instantaneously
After the initial shock Fakeob started to think;
"Skullhen, what are hell god you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Shella? She's worried sick about... well herself REALLY, but that's not the point, what is your sparkly ass doing here?" Asked Fakeob inquisitively
Eggward looked uneasy;
"Well... you see its-its Shella..." Murmured Eggward
"God, that's god damn awful! ... Wait, what the hell is wrong with Shell?" Exclaimed Fakeob, pleased with himself for rhyming;
*Laughs* "See what I did there? God I'm good!" He laughed
A look of confusion and "WTF?" crossed Eggward's face;
"No, nothing is wrongwith her, she's fine, really in great health, absolutely dandy... it's just that well...I mean WTF is with that screwed up smile of hers, she looks like a seedy Cheshire cat! And like what the heck is with how she says "No waaaay"? She sounds like she's constipated or something! And like her face is just fucked up in general man, it's like she is dying I mean she just looks like she's pain half the time I mean WTF was I thinking! I'm a sparkly vampire that will most likely eat her and all she firkin wants to do is have sex with me and destroy a perfectly good bed in the process!" Blurted Eggward, flustered from saying too many things in such a short amount of time
"Woah, holy shit lord man!" Said Fakeob rather stunned at what had come out of Eggward's old-fashioned mouth
"But the best part of all of this is that she wants to have a fucking kid! I mean, can you imagine WTF that kid would look like? It would be like Shella's smile but with bloodstained teeth and a horny, creepy-eyed, sparkly, constipated kid that never washes its hair attached to them speaking like it has a fucking plug up it's nose topped off with it being awake 24 fucking 7!" Exclaimed Eggward feeling overwhelmingly exasperated
"Excuse me one moment..." Said Fakeob running to the bushes;
***VOMIT**HURL*
"Um, sorry about that..." Apologised Fakeob;
"I just remembered that I kissed...that...wow...Jesus Christ that is bad!"
"Quack?" Asked Eggward
"Yeah?" Answered Fakeob, now a little suspicious about what Eggward wanted
"I need your help"
To Be Continued... REVEIWS AND IDEAS ALWAYS APPRECIATED