No Shortcuts – Part 1

Booth woke up early the next morning. When he turned to look at his alarm clock to see exactly how early, he realized that he was alone in his bed. He took a deep breath of air that still smelled like her and them and let out a sigh. He wondered what waking up alone meant as he got himself out of the bed and opened the door to the living room. He was relieved to see that at least he wasn't alone in his apartment just yet.

"'Morning," Brennan said giving him a tentative smile when she noticed him watching her sitting on the still made up couch putting on the last one of her socks. Her hair was wet and she looked so beautiful to him, yet he felt a big heavy lump in his stomach.

"'Morning," he said leaning sideways on the doorpost.

"I didn't mean to wake you. You need to be well rested so you can get Broadsky today," she started "I borrowed a towel. Hope that was ok." She nodded towards the still wet towel hanging across one of his chairs.

"Sure," he said "I had hoped you had woken me though. I got worried when you weren't there."

"I think you would have noticed if Broadsky had gotten in here in the middle of the night and taken me," she told him seriously.

"That's not what I was worried about," he looked at her intensely. "I thought you'd left."

"I hadn't," she simply said.

"Not yet," he looked sad. He wasn't sure that he wanted to know, but he needed to know. "Do you regret what happened last night?"

"I … I" she started. She wasn't ready to have this conversation now. But she also knew that she needed to give him something so that he would know that they were ok. "I'm not sure that I'm strong enough for this yet," she said looking down at her hands "Last night I really needed you," she continued as she forced her head up so that her eyes could meet his " Your comfort, I guess, and to feel something other than … But no I don't regret it."

Booth looked at her like he wasn't sure that he could trust what she was saying. He thought that she might just be saying that so he wouldn't feel bad. Although that wasn't really something he expected from Brennan. She always told the truth regardless of the consequences.

When she saw the doubt in his eyes, she got up from the couch and walked over to him.

"Booth, we'll be ok," she said putting her arms around his neck and talking right into his ear. "I need to get to the lab so we can get that evidence and you can get Broadsky."

"Yeah, we'll be ok," he said wanting to believe it. He held on to her tightly and inhaled the scent of his shampoo in her hair. They broke the contact and she picked up her bag. "You need a ride?" he asked.

"No, Hodgins and Angela are swinging by and picking me up on their way," she paused "We arranged that yesterday. They're probably here any minute. We want to get an early start."

She gave him an encouraging smile and turned to walk towards his door. He decided that he had to believe her. That there were no regrets.

ooo

When the vehicle transporting Vincent Nigel-Murrays remains was out of sight they all turned to walk back into the lab. Brennan had linked her arm with Booths and leaned into him as they were the last to follow. Booth had felt proud and reassured when she had showed up with that potted plant. He couldn't help thinking about how far she had come since he first got to know her. How far they had both come.

"I'm glad you came," he told her as he entered the building behind the others. "I didn't doubt that you would, but …"

"I'm relieved to see you're ok," she filled the silence between them "I have the outmost respect for you as an agent and a sniper, you know that. I think you're very good, but I must admit I was afraid that you wouldn't come back from that harbor."

"So was I," he admitted.

They all sat down in the lounge area over the platform and Cam went to her office and came back with a bottle of sparkly rosé wine.

"It was a Christmas present," she said when she noticed Booth looking at her with disbelief "I think it's what we all need right now."

"I sure could have used that right now," Angela agreed.

The rest of them took a glass and with a silent toast they honored their lost friend. They weren't talking much, but they all needed this time together with silent contemplation to start getting some kind of closure. Eventually they started to get up and leave to go home.

"I can give you a ride," Booth said to Brennan when they were the last two remaining.

"That's not necessary. I have my car here since yesterday," she said and started to put her coat back on.

"Bones …" he started protesting.

"Meet you back at my place?" she looked at him with a calm expression on her face.

He sighed with relief and nodded. At least she wasn't running away from him.

"I'll get some take-out on my way over," he said and smiled back at her. He didn't think either one of them had had that much to eat during the day.

ooo

Forty-five minutes later Booth knocked on her door and Brennan came to open up.

"Hi," she was unsure how to greet him. The relief to again see him well and unharmed after everything that had happened the last two days made her want to throw herself in his arms now that they were finally alone, but she simply settled on relieving him from the bags of food.

"Hi," he said back "I might have gone a little bit overboard with the ordering. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I was at that Thai place."

He took off his jacket and hung it up on the coatrack before he followed her into the kitchen

"Do you want to sit here," she nodded towards the kitchen table "or in the living room?"

"It doesn't matter," he shrugged his shoulders and went to get two glasses from the cupboard and started filling them with water.

Brennan started to unpack the continent of the bags he had brought and arrange it all on the kitchen table. They both sat down at the table and started to pick at the food.

"We need to talk," Booth finally said. He was not at all comfortable with the silence.

"I know," Brennan simply said, but not making a motion to start.

"I'm sorry about …" Booth started.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Brennan protested forcefully.

"I don't?"

"No, you don't. Well not towards me at least," she continued "You asked if I regretted it and I don't, but I guess I didn't ask how you felt about it. Do you regret us having sex last night?"

"No," he said slowly "But I wish things were different between us now."

"Booth, I'm not ready for that," she said knowing she was disappointing him, but unable to say anything else and still be true to herself.

"You want us to go back. Be just friends and partners," he nodded and sighed. In a way he wasn't at all surprised. It was what he had suspected all day. He was only waiting to hear a lecture on human's responses to chock, biological urges, stress related hormones or something like that. But it didn't come.

"I don't think I'm strong enough yet to give you all those things that you want from a relationship. The 30, 40, 50 years, I might never be ready for that."

"But that's no reason to …"

"Do you still want those things?" Brennan interrupted him.

"Yes," he sighed "With you."

"I may never be able to give them to you even if I try," she said "I was telling you the truth when I said you're the one who needs protection. I don't want to hurt you."

They sat quiet for a while. Somehow they had both managed to eat some, but there was still plenty left. Moving the food around was a way to focus on something else.

"Are you angry with me?" she finally asked.

"No, I'm not," he said "But I keep thinking about when you told me, you know that night in the car, that you didn't want to have any regrets. What were you really saying then?"

"I … I regret not giving us a try last year. However at the same time I feel very uncertain about how that would have ended. I guess I thought if we'd tried it, tried us, there's a chance things would have been better between us than they were back then. And we would have been happy for a while. And I don't think I would ever have regretted that, regardless of the pain."

"What makes you so sure it would have ended?"

"I'm not absolutely certain, but … you wanted more from me, than I could give you."

"You think I still do," he concluded.

"Do you get that I'm not saying no? I'm saying not yet," she paused "I think I'm still improving, I'm getting stronger. I still want to work towards that, towards us, I'm just not there yet. Us having sex doesn't change that. The date I wrote on that paper still hasn't passed."

"I know," he said and smiled mischievously.

"You do?" and then she realized what he meant "You peaked," she accused him and batted him on the arm.

"You were practically sticking it up my nose," he laughed at her.

"I was not. You peaked," she repeated.

"I want this," he said seriously "Us. Laughing and bickering. Caring about each other."

"I do too," she said just as seriously and then she leaned forward towards him and looked him straight in the eyes "And at least now we know that once we really get there, the sex will be as satisfying as we thought."

"Bones!" he protested, but she caught the sparkle in his eyes.