ANNA'S OPERA ADVENTURE

Volume one: This story would make Gaston Leroeux turn in his grave

Caution!;

* This is your final warning aside from that in the summary. Once again, if you don't like crack-fics (because this is one pretty insane crack-fic) then do not read!This story is in NO WAY to be taken seriously! If you don't like frequent cursing, or sexual references and explicit scenes then do not read! And finally, if you like Christine, hate Raoul or just oppose character bashing then do not read. This is intended for immature audiences, so without further ado, here is Anna's Opera adventure!

Today is the last day anyone other than the Phantom will screw me, and I mean it! Thought Anna Sue, more commonly known as the Opera house slut. She lazily put her flute back in its case, forgetting to clean it once more. Today, after much thought I have come up with a flawless plan to kill that horrid bitch, Christine Daae! Anna snickered. She picked up a different case, this one containing a blowgun and several poisonous darts! Anna's jealousy of Christine had led to multiple assassination attempts, but all had failed- due to Christine's cunning ability to move out of the way once fired upon. Anna skipped down the stage, waving hello to anyone she saw; she was in a good mood today, because of her "flawless" assassination attempt. Anna was now behind the stage and out of everyone's sight, she crept to a hole in the set and put her gun in it. She was about to fire when something pushed her down! Anna sue was furious!

"Hey, FUCK OFF-" She began until she saw that her assailant was none other than the Phantom of the Opera himself! "Phantom!?" gasped Anna. He smiled at her and then motioned for her to get up.

"Catch me if you can!" he whispered seductively. Anna followed him into the dungeons, but something wasn't right… Anna sue caught up to him.

"Wait a minute… ANNA PUNCH!" she yelled and punched him right in the face! When she saw no deformity, she realized that it was a fake phony poser phantom! He got up while rubbing his bruised face, and then he came into the light. "What?! Phillipe du Chagney?!" gasped Anna sue. "What the fuck are you doing here!" Phillipe stood with his hands on his hips.

"I am here to sabotage Raoul's relationship with Christine!" he boasted "And YOUR evil scheming would have gotten in the way or MY evil scheming!" Anna sue was left boiling in rage, How dare that fucker!

"Phillipe! You fucking fucker fucked fuck-head fucking… YOU WANNA PLAY PHANTOM? THEN SO BE IT!" she yelled with fury.

-WARNING! THIS NEXT SCENE IS FULL OF DISGUSTING SECKS, AND IF YOU HAVE EYE'S A NOSE OR AN ABILIY TO READ YOU SHOULD NOT READ THIS! IF YOU WISH, SKIP TO NEXT***

Anna sue pulled off Phillipe's shirt, and then went on to his pants…

"No!" he yelled frantically, "You'll see my-"

"Vagina?!" gasped Anna sue upon the new discovery! Raoul's brother was a she-male, who woulda thought? "Well, well, well…. Looks like you and I aren't that different." Anna sue uttered, "Do you know why I'm such a good slut? CAUSE I'M A HERMAPHRODITE!" Anna sue ripped off her clothes to reveal her "Special" Gentiles. She then proceeded to give Phillipe the -not- time of his life, whilst he screamed:

"NO! Mommy said I'd go blind if I was touched there! But it feels sooooo good!" Anna sue withdrew from Phillipe and then pushed his head down to her penis.

"Now, suck it!" she spat as he started to give her a blow job. She came. He swallowed. He died… "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT! MY ACID SPERM!" Anna sue yelled in victory.

********* IT'S SAFE NOW PEOPLES!*********

Anna sue put on the first cloak she saw, and wrapped up Phillip's body in another cloak. She drug his corpse throughout the halls, but stopped on the stage where she saw her best friend; the gay janitor Phillip! He had long, luscious, golden, locks! He had the face of an angel and a swirly French mustache to boot! He looked like Fabio, only sexier.

"Hey Phillip! I think the Phantom killed Raoul's who incidentally has the same name as you!…. Not that I'd know, I mean, it's a VERY strong feeling." said Anna sue, trying not to sound conspicuous.

"Oh…" Phillip groaned sadly, "Don't speak of Raoul… For now I know that he is forever out of my league!"

"Out of YOUR league? Man, you could have him any time you wanted him!"

"I know… But he is in a relationship with Christine Daae!"

"You won't have to worry about her anymore! Not after I'm done with her!"

"What, you tell me EVERY DAY that this is the last time I'll see Christine alive? You don't really have the guts to kill her, do you?!" Phillip spoke.

"Listen, the bitch is more feisty than she looks, and plus stuff keeps… uh, coming up…. Phillip, did you know that Raoul has a brother with your name?" said Anna Sue,

"Did you see him, or are you stalking Raoul now?"

"No, Like I said, stuff keeps on coming up…"

Anna sue glanced onstage, and saw Raoul observing Christine's singing. Suddenly, she caught something out of the corner of her eyes. A disgruntled Ballerina held a dagger in his hands, and was creeping up on the stage! He was going towards Raoul too! Before Anna sue could take affirmative action, Phillip was already jumping into action. The ballerina pushed Christine aside which inevitably caused her to black out, and held the dagger to Raoul's throat!

"This is for coming in and ruining the happiness you FOP!" she squealed in a whiny, immature voice.

"I'm no FOP! What did I even do?!" he said as he reached for his pistol. Unfortunately it wasn't in its holster! It was then that Phillip knocked the rabid Fangirl Ballerina over, causing the weapon to fall out of her hands. He held his mop in a fencing position, and gave the naïve, stupid girl a good swatting, before he raised the mop over his head!

"LONG LIVE THE VICOMPTE AND HIS SEXY BOOTY!" he yelled as he knocked the living shit out of the girl. Raoul was greatly impressed by the man's heroics, and moderately aroused.

"W-what is your name, you sexy-chested man!" he asked.

"Oh, me? I am, Phillip… Phillip the Gay Janitor." Phillip need not say another word, for Raoul was up against him, holding a single, baby-soft finger to his luscious lips.

"I would wish to repay you now…" he said seductively.

"I see.. Would you like to learn 'mopping'?" Phillip inquired. Raoul moaned, and then slipped his tongue into Phillip's mouth. As they stood on the stage, practically molesting each other, Anna sue remembered that she had a body to get rid of.

-that night at the Sienne River-

Anna sue tossed Phillips limp, pale body into the water, and watched as he sunk due to the weights she attached to his ankles. Gee whiz, there's ALWAYS something… she thought Tommorow's gonna be my lucky day, I just know it!"

-END CHAPTER ONE-

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