Kitty ran over the disclaimer saying that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. Just more fun madness from my deranged little mind. I was going to post this on Halloween, but due to a massive power outage in New England with the October Nor'Easter I wasn't able to. Since Halloween has been moved back to today, I might as well publish this little tale of highway terror!
Driving With Miss Kitty
"Okay so we mailed a few bills Xavier wanted to get in the mail and you are getting better at driving," Logan let out a breath. "Didn't do too bad getting here. You only hit two parked cars, barely made it through one red light and went on the curb once. For you, that's an improvement."
"Yeah I really think I'm getting the hang of this driving thing," Kitty nodded as she sat behind the wheel of the X-Van. "I'm glad I suggested to the Professor that I could practice driving while doing some simple errands."
"Uh huh. I made a few suggestions myself but I was over ruled," Logan grumbled. "Okay now we're going to pull out of the driveway at a safe, reasonable speed…"
VRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"I meant a safe reasonable speed for downtown traffic! Not the Indy 500!" Logan yelled.
"I just want to beat the light!" Kitty said. "WHOO HOO!"
"Kitty! This is not a video game! You don't get points for…WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Logan shouted.
"Taking this short cut," Kitty said.
"Kitty! Kitty! This isn't a road Kitty!" Logan shouted.
"Yes it is. There's a road right here," Kitty said as she drove.
"Kitty this is a path!" Logan shouted. "The fact that it's not paved should be your first clue!"
"AAAAAHHHH!"
"And those joggers screaming in terror should be your second!" Logan snapped.
"Oh relax Logan I know what I'm…" Kitty stopped the car. "When did they put that lake there?"
"When they made the park a few decades ago!" Logan snapped.
"Okay, okay I can figure this out," Kitty looked around.
"That is what I am afraid of," Logan sighed. "Look Kitty maybe you should just let me…"
SCREEEECHHHH!
VRRRROOOMMM!
"AAAAAHHH!" Logan shouted. "WATCH OUT FOR THE STATUE!"
"No prob," Kitty waved. "See we phased right through it."
"Well there's a couple of pigeons that are gonna have nightmares for quite a while," Logan groaned as he looked back. "But it looks like they've cured any bowel movement problems they might have had."
SCREEECHHH!
"Kitty! Stay on the path! Not on the lawn!" Logan shouted. "This isn't the way out of the park!"
"So I'll take a shortcut," Kitty make a hard turn left.
VROOM!
SCREEECH!
"There's another lake?" Kitty stopped the car.
"No it's the same one! We're on the other side!" Logan snapped.
"Okay I've got this! I'll just turn this way!" Kitty revved up the van again.
"Kitty! Wait no! Watch out for the people in the park!" Logan shouted.
"No problem! Just phase right through!" Kitty said cheerfully.
WHACK!
Logan was then hit by a Frisbee in the head. "Stupid kids!" Logan snapped. He threw the Frisbee out of the window. "Stupid Frisbee!"
"Sorry! Oh boy…Hang on!" Kitty made another turn.
"KITTY! KITTY YOU'RE HEADED FOR THE LAKE!" Logan shouted.
"Just the edge of it! I've been practicing my phasing! Watch!" Kitty revved up the engine as she used her powers while driving. "See! Went through and back on the road! And we didn't even get wet!"
"Quack!"
"No but we picked up an extra passenger!" Logan was stunned as a duck flew up onto Logan's lap.
"QUACK! QUACK!" The duck pecked at Logan's face.
"KITTY! OW! KITTY! GET THIS STUPID BIRD OFF OF ME!" Logan tried to protect himself from the duck.
"Don't hurt the poor duck! Open the window!" Kitty snapped.
"Don't hurt the duck? OW! Tell the stupid bird to stop pecking me!" Logan yelled as the duck kept attacking him. "OW! You want to be drizzled in orange sauce bird?"
"For crying out loud," Kitty opened the window on Logan's side using the van's automatic controls. "Here! Do I have to do everything?"
"You are the one doing everything! Everything but keeping me from having a heart attack!" Logan shouted. "Get out of here bird!" He grabbed the duck and threw it out the window.
"Logan!" Kitty snapped.
"It has wings! It can fly!" Logan shouted. "It's a lot safer than I am right now!"
"You are so grouchy today," Kitty said.
"Gee I wonder why?" Logan groaned. "I've only been attacked by a killer duck and have had twenty years taken off my life with your driving!"
"I'm a new driver! And you said so yourself I was improving!" Kitty snapped.
"That was before you nearly killed everyone in a public park!" Logan snapped.
"You're so judgmental! Just like Lance!" Kitty rolled her eyes.
"Kitty please, I can't handle another rant about your ex-boyfriend right now," Logan moaned. "My healing factor is working overtime as it is."
"You know Lance could not take the tiniest suggestion about how he should improve his life but he had plenty to say when it came to me!" Kitty went on.
"She rants anyway," Logan moaned.
"I just find it funny that with all his obvious flaws he has to complain about the few I have!" Kitty snapped. "Face it! I was a great girlfriend and he blew it!"
"Or maybe he just dodged a bullet?" Logan groaned under his breath.
"The more I think about all the time I wasted with that loser, the madder I get!" Kitty snapped. "I don't know what I saw in him! He's an insane maniac who doesn't care about what destruction he causes as long as he gets his own way! Who can put up with that?"
SCREEECH!
HONK!
SCREECH!
"SAME TO YOU BUDDY!" Kitty shouted. "Try to cut me off! Ha! Ended up in some guy's bushes! Got what he deserved! Crazy driver."
"Kitty please can we just go home?" Logan moaned. "I am getting a headache. And it's not all from the duck attack to my face!"
"Oh look there's Lance driving his jeep," Kitty had an angry gleam in her eye.
"Are you sure?" Logan blinked.
"It's an idiot with a jeep and a mullet. Yes, I'm sure," Kitty growled. "You know, maybe I should teach Lance a lesson about messing with me?"
"Okay Half Pint, normally I'd tell you that you not liking the rock tumbler anymore is a good thing and that I'd be okay with you having these sort of feelings about him," Logan gulped as Kitty sped up the car. "BUT NOT NOW!"
VRRRROOM!
"Tell me I'm not a good girlfriend! Oh he is so gonna get his!" Kitty snorted. "This is gonna be great! I just have to cut him off on this road here…"
"HALF PINT ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?" Logan yelled. "THIS IS A ONE WAY LANE!"
"Don't worry! I can phase right through," Kitty focused her powers.
"WHAT? NO! DON'T! DON'T!" Logan yelled as Kitty used her powers and drove right through a house at the end of the block. He didn't even dare breathe until she returned to the road on the other side of the house. "Kitty…"
"What? Nobody was home and there was no damage," Kitty waved. "Good! There's Lance! HA! Got you now!"
"Kitty…What are you going to do?" Logan asked. "Kitty…Why are you speeding up? Kitty! KITTY! YOU'RE HEADED RIGHT FOR HIM! KITTY STOP!"
"DIE LANCE DIE!" Kitty yelled.
"AAAAAHHHH!" Lance screamed. He couldn't get out of the way of the car in time.
Kitty then phased the car so it passed right through Lance and his jeep. "YES! I BET THAT MADE HIM WET HIS PANTS!" Kitty cackled with glee as she drove away.
"Well it certainly worked with me," Logan moaned.
"Oh that was awesome!" Kitty laughed. "Did you see the look on Lance's face? That'll teach him to break my heart! You were right Logan, sometimes you have to take action and deal with your problems head on!"
"I didn't mean you should drive head on into someone and run them off the road!" Logan shouted.
"Why not? You do that all the time," Kitty asked. "Remember the last time you drove us to the mall and you saw Sabertooth on the highway?"
"All right I know it's a cliché to tell you to do as I say and not as I do," Logan moaned. "But seriously there's a difference between my feud with Sabertooth and yours with Lance!"
"Yeah! Lance deserves it more!" Kitty snapped. "Next time I'm gonna drive through his stupid living room! HA!"
"No, I mean Sabertooth can take it. Alvers can't!" Logan shouted. "On second thought I'm not so sure I can! Kitty…Where are we going?"
"Just a little shortcut," Kitty smirked.
"Not another one!" Logan moaned.
"This is fun. I think we should do this more often?" Kitty said brightly as she drove. "You and I spending time together."
"You know Kitty maybe we are spending a little too much time together?" Logan moaned. "Kitty where are we going? Kitty is that where I think it is?"
"Let's see how much traffic is in the Loserhood living room?" Kitty smirked.
"Kitty! No! Don't I forbid you to…" Logan began.
VRRRRRROOOOOOOOM!
"AAAAHHHH!" Todd was heard screaming.
"WHOO HOO!" Kitty whooped as she used her powers to phase through the house harmlessly and drove through it. "That was great! Did you see the look on Toad's face?"
"I was too busy seeing my own life flash before my eyes," Logan moaned. "What I could remember of it."
"Oh relax! We were phased the whole time! It's not like we did any damage," Kitty said as she drove. "Actually that place would have looked better if we did do some damage!"
"Kitty if you slow down right now you never have to get up at five in the morning to do a Danger Room session again!" Logan screamed. "I SWEAR! JUST STOP THE CAR! STOP THE DAMN CAR RIGHT NOW!"
SCREEECH!
"Move over! I'm driving!" Logan barked.
"But I…" Kitty began.
"MOVE!" Logan yelled.
"Okay! Okay you don't have to yell," Kitty rolled her eyes as she unbuckled her seat belt and got out of the driver's seat. "What is your problem?"
"What is my problem? What is my problem?" Logan barked as he changed places with Kitty and started to drive. "My problem is you! You are insane! That is my problem!"
"Uh Logan…" Kitty began.
"No! I talk now!" Logan barked. "You are reckless! You are irresponsible! When you get behind the wheel of a vehicle it is not an invitation to participate in a demolition derby!"
"But Logan…" Kitty pointed.
"NO! Listen to me! You have to obey the rules of the road! Pay attention and keep your mind on the road and off your ex-boyfriend! You can't just drive around however you feel like it or…"
WHOOO! WHOO!
"Or else you'll get pulled over by a cop car," Logan winced when he saw the flashing lights in the rear view mirror.
"I tried to tell you," Kitty said.
"I don't freaking believe this…" Logan moaned as he parked the car and waited for the officer.
"Well Logan you did go through a stop sign," Kitty said. "You should really be more careful when you're driving."
Logan gave Kitty a dirty look and made a grumbling sound. "What?" Kitty blinked.
An hour later…
"I can't believe you got a parking ticket," Ororo shook her head at Logan while they were sitting in the kitchen. "How could you be so careless? And with Kitty in the passenger's seat! Logan I thought you knew better?"
"Well obviously I didn't!" Logan snapped as he poured something from a flask into his coffee. "But I do now! Boy have I learned my lesson! Never again! Never, ever, ever, ever!" He took a sip of his coffee. "Never!"
"Logan are you drinking? You really think that putting alcohol in your coffee is a good idea?" Ororo gave him a look.
"You're right. It isn't," Logan agreed. He looked at the flash and drank straight from it. "Ahh! That's much better!"
"Logan this is a school! You can't be drinking like that around the students! Especially Kitty! You know how impressionable she is!" Ororo chastised. At this Logan made a strange funny laugh. "You think this is funny?"
"Yes I do!" Logan said. "Face it! I'm a bad influence! In fact, I should never be alone with Kitty again! Please! Send me away! Lock me in the Danger Room on Level 30! Anything but never leave me alone in the car with Kitty again!"
"What happened?" Ororo sighed.
"Bad things Ororo," Logan took another sip from his flask. "Really bad things.."
"How…?" Ororo began.
"Storm, I once drove through a minefield filled with live mines and German troops shooting at me," Logan said. "And even that wasn't as scary as what Pryde put me through today!"
RRRRRUMMMMMBBLEEEE!
"KITTY! WE NEED TO TALK!" Lance could be heard shouting outside as the ground shook on the inside for a minute.
"Avalanche! What is he doing here?" Ororo was stunned.
"I think I can guess," Logan groaned. "And for once I can't say I blame him."
RRRUMMMBLE!
"KITTY!" Lance shouted.
"I'm surprised," Logan sighed. "Kid's just a glutton for punishment. I'd better go out there and make sure nothing happens."
"Logan I'm sure Kitty can protect herself," Ororo said.
"Who said anything about protecting Kitty? I'm going to protect Avalanche!" Logan yelled as he went out the door. "Poor kid doesn't stand a chance against her!"