Co-written by my good friend wandertogondor :)
Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see. - Helen Keller
Many people debate over what happens after a person's life is over. There is one thing that everyone can agree on though and that is there is no greater loss than that of a child's life. To clip an innocent's wings before they even get the chance to learn to fly is not only an immortal sin but a pure tragedy.
Lorraine Dixon tiptoed into the kitchen. She didn't want to wake the monster as he slept haphazardly in the recliner with an empty bottle of liquor hanging from between his fingers. She pushed the wooden chair next to the counter, close enough so she could reach the bread and take the slices out of the bag, cringing when the plastic made noise. She craned her neck around to make sure daddy hadn't moved before sticking the two dry pieces of bread into a brown paper bag.
She had changed out of her sleep clothes and into a faded dress that once had bright flowers along the hem. She had worn it the day before and it hung like a drape on her small frame but it covered the never fading bruises. The marks she'd receive for no other reason than simply breathing. Even at eight years old Lorraine knew to keep her marks concealed from the world. That world didn't consist of many people though since her momma had dropped her off when she was barely able to sit up by herself. One of Mr. Dixon's one night stands ended with Lorraine being left on the front porch of his trailer. He couldn't have denied her at such a young age even if he tried. It was as if he was staring at a picture of his two boys. The three of them had the most piercing blue eyes you'd ever seen. It was as if they could see past whatever defenses you tried to put up and right into your soul.
When I grow up, Lorraine thought with a far-off smile as she walked to school that morning, I'll be tall enough to climb to the top of the tree without any help from my brothers. And when I grow up, I'll be smart enough to answer all the questions that you need to know the answers to before you're grown up. And I'll eat candy everyday on the way to work and I'll go to bed late every night. I'll watch cartoons until my eyes go square but I won't care because I'll be all grown up!
The long walks through the woods to school were always the best part of her day. It'd be even better when one of her brothers would walk with her but Lorraine was entirely content to flounder and hurry through the trees, under their thick green canopies, in a rush to learn and soak up every fact she could. Yesterday, she learned that blue-jays forget where they keep their winter food a lot of the time. And the day before yesterday she learned that the red spot on Jupiter was actually a tornado that was three times bigger than the earth. And the day before that, that a human's heart beats more than a hundred thousand times a day.
The school day passed too quickly, as always, for Lorraine who loved to learn. The stories she'd hear about far away places had her hopeful for a better tomorrow. As long as she held her head up high and got through the day she would be that much closer to her dreams. Merle had gotten away, Daryl was almost to the point where he could leave too, and then it would be her turn. It was dim but it was there- a light at the end of the tunnel with a hope for a better tomorrow. Lorraine would be able to spread her wings and soar beyond her most unimaginable fantasies.
The walk home was another story all together though and Lorraine would take her time. She'd never run home with excitement and it often took her most of the afternoon to finally wander back to the small trailer that sat on the third to last lot. She would usually run straight to Daryl's room to kiss him hello but oftentimes he wouldn't be there. And when he wasn't, Lorraine wouldn't even bat an eye because she would shed her backpack on his bed and gallop out toward the dense tree line, making a beeline for the stream where her brother would always be.
But today was different.
Today Lorraine ran straight for the stream and frowned in disappointment when Daryl wasn't perched on his usual tree stump. Hands on hips, she turned on the heel of her worn sneakers and shuffled toward the trailer which could barely be seen from where she was.
When she pulled the narrow door to the trailer back, Lorraine caught sight of Mr. Dixon muttering angrily under his breath while rummaging through the cabinets until he found the tall bottle covered in a brown paper bag. He flailed himself onto his recliner and turned the chair toward the small television set as if it held the answers he was once searching for but now could care less about. Lorraine slipped in quietly and cringed inwardly when the door shut with an audible click.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Mr. Dixon's words were slurred but she didn't know them any other way.
She knew better than to answer. She knew he'd slip into a drunken paralysis sooner than he'd be able to correct her for not responding. Lorraine used the brief moments she found to make a beeline to Daryl's room. He was sitting on the floor when she came in, back slumped against the bed and his face turned away toward the wall.
"Sorry I took a long time." Lorraine watched his face as she shuffled forward to sit beside him. "I thought you'd be at the stump so I went there first." She reached her hand out to touch his shoulder but Daryl waved her away without a word. "I promise it won't happen again, Daryl, pinkie promise."
Fearing that he was mad at her she scooted around and saw his split lip. A small gasp escaped and she put her hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry the monster came out." She sat back down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. They sat in silence for awhile until she spoke again so softly that if he wasn't sitting right beside her the words would have been lost. "Is that why Merle left?" Daryl nodded slightly and she swallowed her fears as she asked her next question. "Does that mean you're going to leave too?"
"Not without you," he stated and made Lorraine look him straight on so she could see the promise in his eyes.
"Okay, Daryl, I'll go anywhere with you."
He sat a little taller knowing he had done something right and he'd take whatever his father had to dish out as long as it meant his sister was safe.
"Molly is having a big sleepover at her house this weekend for her birthday. Do you think I can go? I've never been to a real birthday party before."
Daryl nodded. Anything to get her away from this hell was good enough for him. "Yeah, angel."
X-X-X
"Stop your belly aching, Lonnie's going to be on a damn sugar high," Merle rebuked as he packed the truck so he and Daryl could go out hunting that weekend. Daryl had agreed to let her go to the sleepover but he was starting to get concerned about being so far away.
Lorraine came out of the trailer with her backpack bouncing on her shoulders and a huge smile on her face. Merle threw the last bag in the bed of the truck and held his arms open in time for her to jump into them.
"You going to go kill Bambi?" Her little hands played with the chain he wore around his neck.
He chuckled, "Now what did I tell you 'bout that? You don't kill Bambi…you kill Bambi's mother."
Merle set her back on her feet and she put her hands on her hips, glaring up at him with as much authority as she could. He smirked at her Dixon attitude but waited to see what she was going to come out with this time. "No killing Flower! You'll come back all smelly." Merle shot Daryl a look over her head and Daryl raised one shoulder in response not having a clue what his sister was talking about either. She sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes. "Flower is the skunk from Bambi. You two need to watch more movies."
"Oh I watch plenty of movies, Lonnie," Merle's face nearly split in two at the size of his toothy grin. He was just thinking about all those adult films that had him wanting to find his own nurse to take special care of him.
"Got everything you need?" Daryl questioned quickly before she had the chance to ask what kind of movies Merle enjoyed and smiled when she nodded enthusiastically. She certainly was a ball of energy that he wished he could bottle and save for a rainy day.
Daryl followed her toward the front of the truck and opened the heavy door so she could bound into the front seat, laughing a bit when she swatted his hand away when he tried to help.
"You gonna scooch over?" Daryl asked when she didn't slide into the middle between him and Merle.
With a mischievous grin, she shook her head, squealing in delight when he shoved her playfully into Merle so he could resume his seat by the passenger window. Lorraine squirmed between them as soon as Daryl had shut the door and Merle had the engine rumbling to life. She was rambling on and on about the things she learned at school and the books she wanted to read when she was older and Daryl almost wanted to put his hand over her mouth to make her shut up for just a minute. But instead he just smiled, threw in a word or two in here or there so she'd know he was paying attention, and watched the bright Georgia roads pass by through the window.
X-X-X
Lorraine tiptoed into the trailer leaving her shoes by the front door early the next morning. She had anticipated on staying at the birthday party until the afternoon but Molly had suddenly gotten sick and Lonnie was the first to be pushed out the door. Molly's sainted mother had whisked her to the door, shoving a meager goodie bag into Lorraine's hand before slamming the door shut. So, Lonnie ate the few pieces of candy in the baggie and carefully left two for her brothers.
Home was always scarier when her brothers weren't around but she'd never tell them that. She wanted nothing more than for her brothers to be happy and hunting was what made them smile even if it meant the nightmares came more frequently. There wasn't much that Lorraine was afraid of. There weren't any monsters under her bed or hiding in her closet. The only monster in her life was the one she had to call Dad.
The monster was waiting for her when she made it into the living room and she froze in her spot. Mr. Dixon was nearly foaming at the mouth hollering about things Lorraine had no idea what he was talking about. She prepared herself for the first blow and held strong when he pulled the leather belt from the loops on his pants. She prayed he'd stop soon because each breath was getting harder to pull into her lungs. Her screams and pleads would fall on deaf ears that morning, fading out all together by the time the sun rose. The last image in her mind as she closed her eyes for the final time was her brothers out in the woods, safe away from the monster.
X-X-X
When they approached the ramshackle trailer later in the afternoon, having sped home from Molly's house, Merle and Daryl heard loud sobbing coming from the other side of the trailer door.
"Huh," Merle scoffed, poising his hand on the handle of the door. "Ol' man's pity-partying himself, again. Nasty sonuvabitch."
Yanking open the door, the Dixon brothers were about to barge in but the scene they saw made their footsteps fall short. Merle's eyes first caught sight of his sister's raggedy shoes by the door. He was always meaning to get her new ones. His eyes trailed toward where his father leaned against the counter, bawling like a child into a whiskey bottle. But Lorraine's still body was where Merle's eyes buffered. Her skin was paler than usual, her tiny frame covered in ugly black spots that didn't have the chance to bruise, her face beaten so bad it was almost unrecognizable, and the there was a distinct outline of a hand print seared into her neck.
Daryl was crouched by her side in an instant looking for a pulse and when he didn't find one he thought he was going to be sick. Merle didn't need to check, he knew his Lonnie was gone, and the bastard in front of him was to blame.
"I-I-I didn't mean to," Mr. Dixon stuttered as Merle slid his hunting knife from its sheath. "She came home and that bag-"
Merle didn't even let him finish before he was on his father beating and slicing into him for all the destruction he had caused over the years. A punch for Daryl, a slice for Lonnie, and a kick for his own demons.
She was just a child.
X-X-X
That sight was exactly what played through Merle's mind, over and over, as he cut the engine on his motorcycle and sat outside of the cemetery. He could see her headstone from where he was sitting and if he leaned far enough to the side he would be able to see his old man's plot of dirt too. But Merle couldn't move an inch. He should have been there, he knew what his old man was like, it was the reason he left in the first place. When he closed his eyes he could still hear her voice as clear as day.
"I'mma make you real proud one day, Merle."
She'd peer up at him through her long lashes, the very same blue eyes twinkling back at him with a huge smile on her face. He'd roll his eyes and make some comment that she wouldn't understand because of her naivety. It was the same innocence that had been taken away from Merle, and Daryl too for that matter, that he couldn't see the abuse. Maybe he didn't want to see it, maybe somewhere deep down he thought things would be different for her, but even at such a young age she was able to mask the anguish with a smile. His Lonnie never once had a bad thing to say. He had blamed himself for years after that horrid morning. Nightmares plagued his sleep and the drugs only numbed the memories but not the pain.
Lorraine Dixon would now, and forever be, a concrete angel.