Kat used a ray gun to make Phoebe see Dennis as Coop, laughing at the thought of her flirting with Dennis and freaking him out, after delivering a box of chocolates to Phoebe with Coop's name on it. So he was certain of what would happen after he hit Phoebe with the ray gun. Smirking, he left as she walked into Coop's room, where Dennis was cleaning Coop's closet.
" Oh, Coop! " Dennis heard Phoebe call out for Coop, and thought nervously, " Sure am glad I'm not him. " To his surprise, Phoebe snuck up behind him and startled him by exclaiming, " There you are! " Dennis jumped and turned around, exclaiming, " Huh?! "
Phoebe said with gratitude, " I've been looking all over for you, Coop! Thank you for all the chocolates! " Confused, Dennis said, " Uh, thanks, " and thought, " Why does she think I'm Coop? How could she possibly... Oh. Kat! Figures. " Dennis became nervous and panicked after Phoebe walked into the closet with him and closed the door behind her.
" What are you- " " You were so sweet! I just loved the gift! Any gift from you is great! " Phoebe put her hands on his shoulders and said with a loving smile, " Now here's mine, " and Dennis squeezed his eyes shut in preparation before Phoebe kissed him for six seconds with her arms around him in a hug.
At first, Dennis thought he had been kissed by someone else, because he couldn't believe just how content it made him feel. Her kiss was gentle rather than forceful, and her lipstick tasted like strawberries. He felt surprisingly comfortable in her warm, soft, and gentle embrace. After three seconds when the initial shock wore off, Dennis instinctively put his arms around her, returning the hug, and got lost in Phoebe's warm embrace.
After the six seconds were over, Phoebe slowly ended the kiss, sighed in lovestruck bliss, saw that he was smiling, and said softly with surprise, " Coop, you liked it... " This jolted Dennis back into reality and made him come to his senses in a heartbeat. He remembered that his arms were around his best friend's stalker and immediately took them off in a panic, realizing what he had just done. He knew that as soon as the effects of the brainwashing wore off, Phoebe would come after Coop, who would be the exact opposite of supportive. Dennis started stammering in panic, and Phoebe exclaimed happily, " You liked it! " noticing that he was blushing.
" W-W-W-Wait, let me explain- " Phoebe exclaimed happily, " You liked it! You actually liked it! Yes! Ohhhh, this is too good to be true! You've never appreciated my affection before! I can't believe this is actually happening! This is so unlike you! It's too good to be true! It's too good to be... true... "
Phoebe looked suspicious and disappointed, and asked, " What were you going to say? " Feeling devastated, Dennis knew that he would have to reject her, and it would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do. He forced himself to say, " I can't be your boyfriend. " Phoebe asked in annoyed confusion, " But why not? " remembering his reaction to her kiss. Dennis answered sadly,
" Because you don't love me. "
Phoebe gasped and exclaimed, " Of course I do! You're my HERO! I would do anything for you!
I-I would sacrifice my life in a heartbeat for you! I-I-I would take a bullet for you! I, I would stop at nothing to make your life less stressful, if only youwould LET me! If that gets me taken advantage of, great! By all means, take advantage of me! Walk all over me! Ask me for any favor, even if it's DANGEROUS! Because I would settle for anything if it meant I was ALLOWED to make you happy!... Don't you tell me I don't love you. "
Phoebe looked sad, and Dennis was astonished at what she said. She said it with such sincerity, such genuine emotion and passion, that it made him even more upset than ever that she wanted someone else. After a couple seconds, Dennis finally said quietly, " I thought it was just a crush... "
Phoebe explained in a serious tone, " Coop, listen to me... A few years ago, my love was just a crush. Back then, I wasn't willing to do anything to help you, I didn't know you nearly as much as I do now, and I wasn't even a fraction as loyal to you. I bet I would've turned against you if you did something bad enough. In fact, deep down... I resented you... Back then, it was just a crush. But that was the past. "
Dennis listened intently as she continued with a smile, " Things have changed since then! You're different now! You're more than just some boy I like, you're a HERO! My HERO! So now I admire you more than anybody else in the world! You're brave and strong and smart and courageous and you can do anything you set your mind to! My WORLD would FALL APART without you! Without you, there's no point in LIVING, because you are the most IMPORTANT person in my life! You're so important that I pushed you out of the way of a falling chandelier and risked getting crushed to save you, and didn't even ask for a reward, because saving someone like you was its own reward! So what more proof do you need?! It's not just a crush anymore! I love you! "
Dennis was astonished at the overwhelming evidence that Phoebe loved Coop, and wished that she had never doubted her. After a few seconds, he asked, " So there's nobody else you'd ever settle for?" There was a silence. Phoebe looked surprised, and then annoyed, since she had interpreted it as an insult. She didn't want him to think that she was a spoiled brat who refused to get anything close to what she wanted, so she decided to tell him the truth.
" Do you promise not to tell? " Phoebe asked in annoyance. Curious, he nodded, and she said reluctantly, " I'd settle for Dennis. " He exclaimed, " You would?! " trying to hide how happy he was that he had a chance with her. " Yes... To be honest, a few years ago I wouldn't have given him the time of day, but my opinion of him has changed since then. He has done EVERYTHING possible to earn my RESPECT. I admit it, I ADMIRE the guy! He can be pretty brave, too! Sure, I don't want to be anything but friends right now, but he's still the second most IMPORTANT person in the WORLD to me, and that means a lot coming from me! "
Dennis smiled. That did make him feel a little better. Considering how much Phoebe admired Coop, to be admired by her almost as much, meant a lot coming from her, and he couldn't help but feel honored at that. He thought, " What exactly did I do to earn such respect from her? All I can think of is saving the world from Kat, but how would she know about that? Nah. If she knew Kat was an alien, she'd tell me!... Right? " After a brief hesitation, Dennis asked nervously, " So, what- " " So then why can't you be my boyfriend? " Phoebe interrupted in confusion, preventing him from asking the question.
There was a silence as Dennis looked nervous, knowing that he couldn't tell her the truth but desperately wanting to. " I told you that I love you!... Don't you believe me? " she asked sadly. Dennis said, " Yes, I believe you! But... that's not the only reason I can't be with you... I-I-I, I'm, I'm not... "
He sighed and said, " Oh, you would never believe me... " looking away from her sadly. Since he was looking away, he was unable to see that Phoebe looked shocked and intrigued. After a few seconds, Dennis turned back to her, and put his hands on her shoulders.
" You can't... Because you're going to get hurt. " Phoebe looked sad and disappointed, but oddly not startled. Dennis said sadly, " I don't want you to get hurt, " as he held back tears. It became clear to Phoebe that he wasn't just making excuses. He desperately didn't want to reject her, and doing so was making him miserable.
" Look, I don't want to reject you! I promise! You have no idea how hard this is for me! You're sweet and beautiful and I appreciate your love, but I can't be with you! It's just that the CIRCUMSTANCES make it WAY harder than it should be for me to be with you! And you don't deserve to get HURT! You don't deserve to go through all that! You don't deserve to be constantly put in DANGER! " Catching his mistake, Dennis quickly stammered and clarified, " Of heartbreak! " not wanting Phoebe to figure out the terrible truth about Kat.
There was a silence, and Phoebe seemed disappointed, but oddly accepting. Finally, she sighed, lifted her head up and said melancholically, " You're right... I don't deserve it... I knew you'd say that... I wish I never got the courage to ask... " Feeling guilty, Dennis asked, " So you understand? " hoping she wasn't mad that he shattered her hope into pieces. " I understand completely. " Dennis said, " You do? "
" Yes. You want to protect me. Because I'm a girl your little sister's age, you think I can't handle getting hurt. You think I'd freak out. You think I can't take care of myself. " Suddenly, Dennis remembered how Fiona reacted to Coop wanting to protect her, and became frightened at what seemed like a prime example of tranquil fury.
He was surprised when Phoebe begged, " But I can! I promise, Coop, I'm READY! Please, just give me a chance! You know I'd go through anything for you! Whatever I have to deal with, I can HANDLE it! I promise! I don't blame you for thinking I can't handle it, but you're wrong! No matter how much TROUBLE it is helping you, it's WORTH it! Because ANYTHING is better than the way things are! Sure, your life is HARD, but at least it's not BORING, POINTLESS AND UNFULFILLING, like MINE! Anything is better than being TRAPPED as a USELESS stalker! "
She looked like she was forcing herself not to cry. Rejecting Phoebe was the hardest thing he had ever tried to do, and it was getting harder by the second. Every second just prolonged the pain. He felt extremely sorry for her as she begged, " So please LET ME HELP YOU! I don't care WHAT I have to AGREE to! I'll do ANYTHING! "
" Stop, stop, STOP! Okay, I'll think about it! But I'd have to ask my friend if it's okay! So... if the answer is no... don't blame me. " Phoebe wiped away tears, and smiled nervously, shocked at the response she was lucky enough to get. After a silence, she said,
" Okay... Thank you... I'd NEVER blame YOU, Coop... I never did. " As Phoebe stared into his eyes with a lovestruck smile, Dennis stared back in amazement. She had the sweetest smile, and he couldn't believe he never appreciated it before. He knew that this would be the last time he would ever be able to show her that he loved her, and he had to take that opportunity, because if he didn't do it right then and there, he would never forgive himself.
Unable to resist any longer, Dennis quickly put his arms around Phoebe, ducked her like a pro and gave her a six second kiss. She happily returned it in lovestruck bliss, hugging him back, unable to believe her good luck. It was perfect, and the moment seemed to last forever.
Six seconds later, he ended the kiss, and carefully let her go. " Thank you... " Phoebe said softly to him. " It's... it's too bad we can't be together... " She stroked his hair and face while saying,
" Because we would be perfect together... " Still overwhelmed with happiness, Phoebe kissed his cheek, sighed and left the closet, leaving him all alone.
His lovestruck smile gradually faded into a heartbroken expression as Dennis snapped out of the bliss and remembered that he would never be able to kiss her again. After all those years, he finally understood how Phoebe felt. Love could be a beautiful thing, but unrequited love made people miserable. After that one last kiss, his every next encounter with her would be full of heartbroken longing for her, as well as jealousy that she wants his best friend instead of him. Kat didn't just give him a prank. He gave him a curse, and without even realizing what he did.