100 Things Zaria Radova And Tony Stark are not allowed to do in Target

by LethalCrown

This is a list of rules about things that Tony and/or Zaria have done in Target that they are no longer allowed to do by the order of Irina. She posts lists of things they should not do in the elevator, and Tony and Zaria tape up why they are not allowed to do these, because they like to hear the choking laughter that comes out of the elevator. This doesn't stop their shenanigans.

I know I have to update my stories, but I really wanted to write something more funny. The way this will work is I will write ten rules, then upload ten one-shots of at least 1,000 words, one for each thing. Ideas are welcome, but I can't promise I will use all ideas.

Disclaimer: If you have read Is life worth living, you know which characters I own. I do not own any Marvel characters.

100 Things Tony Stark and/or Zaria Radova are not Allowed to do in Target

1. Steal one of the little cars that push lines of shopping carts and attach a line of carts to it and drive it through the store terrorizing people.

2. Play an epic game of baseball using those large beach balls and wrapping paper rolls.

3. Set up all of the little superhero action figures from the toy section in battle formation and attack people with either your ninja assassin skills (Zaria) or your virtually indestructible Iron Man suits (Tony) when they disturb them. While loudly proclaiming that it is the battle map of the Pharaoh Nectanebo II and that they have drastically altered reality forever. (Kane Chronicles reference)

4. Go to checkout and take all of the little boxes of Tic Tacs in all of the checkout lanes and buy them. Then, as soon as you get through, start opening them all and shaking them onto the ground. (What exactly were you thinking, Zaria? This is crazier than usual, even for you.)

5. Drag all of the clothing racks into one spot and make them into a fort. Defended by Iron Man suits.

6. Use the extreme strength of the Iron Man suits to do the same thing with the toy shelves.

7. Hold shopping cart races. This means both races where you are running and pushing the carts, and races where you strap Iron Man suits under the basket to propel it forward while riding in the basket.

8. Hack into the loudspeakers and criticize what people are wearing, as well as telling them their makeup makes them look like clowns. (Zaria, there is absolutely no filter between your brain and your mouth. You can be brutal with insults.)

9. No challenging cashiers to insult sword fights, like in the computer game Monkey Island. Also no calling people Lady Chaos and asking the following questions: 1) Where's your scythe, 2)Why don't you look like Loki in Jotun form in a blue female figure skater costume with blue devil horns, 3)Are you wearing colored contact lenses, because your eyes aren't red, and 4)Why do you want to tear the fabric of reality apart. (Zaria, you are the only one to play those computer games. I do not care if you have persuaded Tony to play them too. Actually, I do, because now he has started to call Thor Rusty Nailbender, so stop it with your obsession.)

10. No standing on the shelves and pretending to do commercials for the various items. If I ever hear Tony Stark start another monologue again (Hi, people! Now I think you really need this extremely hideous barf colored nail polish, which will give you cancer and make you puke, for a multitude of reasons, the first of which is…) I'm going to puke WITHOUT any nail polish.

This list of rules was posted on the wall in the stark tower elevator by Irina N. Spasky, Cat Enthusiast.