Grave

A Breaking Bad Fanfic By Rainfox88

Disclaimer: I do not own Breaking Bad. This amazingly, awesome, epic series belongs to Vince Gilligan. This is a post series oneshot! So yes, there are SPOILERS! Enjoy! :)

It was hotter than what he remembered. Albuquerque. Six months in Alaska trying to run away from the past and he round up full circle. Back where he started. Alaska was too damn cold anyway. Though Jesse Pinkman had to admit…it was a beautiful place.

He was already regretting stepping back foot into this town. It was a black hole. Nothing but heartache and despair left here for him. He was nauseous, and dark thoughts were resurfacing from a place deep in his mind he had walled up.

Yet here he was. Sitting down on the sun dried grass in front of a headstone depicting the name that made his heart want to seize up in darkness and regret.

Here rests Walter Hartwell White

Loving Husband, Father, and Teacher

September 7th, 1959 – September 7th, 2011

May he who stumbled in darkness find light once more

It was simple and to the point. Jesse stared at the scripture with wide, blue eyes. His thoughts were a maelstrom but were lost to the confusion and storm of emotions that rattled his soul.

They forgot manipulative, fucking power hungry psycho kingpin…

He sighed. Why was he here? Why did he have the idiocy to return? Not only was he still wanted in connection to the Heisenburg case, but he had to come sit down in front of the grave of the man that destroyed his fucking life. Walter White was dead but he still lived on to haunt him. All the time.

Everything he cared about turned to shit. Dead. Gone forever. Destroyed. Shattered. He wished for a time machine. A redo. Yet, a part of him was clinging to feelings he couldn't deny. Despite all that had happened, his stupid ass had regret, care, love, and loyalty to that crazy bastard.

He didn't know how many remembered the true Walter White, but Heisenburg was definitely being remembered. The case and news had died down considerably in the past six months, but returning to town, Jesse saw the Kingpin everywhere. Tattooed on gang bangers, graffitied onto buildings with the words "ALL HAIL THE KING" beneath his face, and criminals slaughtering each other for his recipe.

He briefly wondered what became of his family. Did they leave the city? Were their lives just as destroyed as his? Were they forced to wake up each day and remember it all?

He didn't realize he was crying at first until a few tears dropped onto his hand that was clenched on his thigh as he sat with legs sprawled in front of the gravesite. He rubbed his hands along his baggy pants roughly, jaw locked in a grimace as all the memories replayed in his mind like the worst horror movie ever. There was so much he wanted to say. And he knew he just had to let it out. At least it would be a one-sided conversation. There was no way Mr. White could manipulate or turn his words back on him. All Walter could do now was listen and not speak. He couldn't hurt Jesse anymore.

"I HATE you, you son of a bitch! You HEAR me?! HATE YOU! You destroyed my fucking life! You, you, you, you, YOU, YOU, YOOOUUU!" he shouted, angry, heartbroken, and lost.

"You never gave a shit about me! I was only your pawn, something to control! Fuck you! You let Jane die! You poisoned Brock! Because of you, Andrea is dead! You left me in the hands of some lunatic pricks that tortured me and kept me as a slave! You killed Mike! You lied to ME! YOU ASSHOLE!"

He was on his feet in his rage. He kicked the headstone as hard as he could in his seething anger and hurt. He felt his ankle pop and he cried out, flopping onto his back and holding his leg. The headstone didn't even budge and he cursed.

He was crying again. And shouting at the top of his lungs. His throat burned from the screaming, but he had to let it all out. He stayed on his back for a long time, slipping in and out of consciousness under the intense rays of the sun.

In his lost, wandering mind as he passed out and awoke several times, he would think or dream of different past scenarios that would bring back the other feelings inside him. The stupid emotions he still had that actually cared and respected that sack of shit.

He could hear Hank Schrader's voice echoing in his skull from back when he was helping them try to catch Mr. White. His words on how Walter actually really did care about him for all that he had done for Jesse in the past. He laughed back then. He was dumb to believe that and it got him killed for it too. But in his lost state as he lay on the grass, head burning and eyes screwed shut, he could actually see what Hank meant.

He could see all the times Walt protected him. Even risking his own life. He remembered how he dropped everything to be with him and help him through the remorse of the aftermath of Jane's death. How he paid for the extensive therapy to heal him. He remembered the times that Walt actually treated him as an equal, and how Jesse would light up like a Christmas Tree when he would get praised for his work or ideas. He remembered the times they actually got along and joked and enjoyed each other's company. Hell, it almost felt like he had a real father for awhile.

They had both been outcasts in their own family. Jesse deep down had always craved a father. His real father had always been a douche bag. Jesse realized this is what he felt with Mr. White. Partner: yes, friend: unsteady, teacher: a stick up his ass, but yes, and father: that has to be it. He never really understood what love-hate relationship meant until now.

But it didn't matter now. All the betrayal and hurt he caused. Heisenburg had long taken over Walter White, darkening his heart and turning him into that highly dangerous, always a few steps ahead, manipulating monster. Monster. Yeah. That's the word.

Thinking on it, he realized when Walt showed up that night to finish Todd, Jack, and the other White Supremacists at the compound that he came to also finish Jesse off for his betrayal. But he remembered the look in Walt's eyes when they dragged him into the club house all chained up. Jesse didn't see it until now, back then his mind was dark from the torture they put him through and seeing Walter the way he was caught him off guard. The Great Heisenburg had turned into nothing but an old, lost, dying soul. But Walt had looked onto Jesse like he was watching a beaten dog whimper before him with its tail tucked between its legs. And Jesse could actually understand that look now. That last shrivel of humanity left in Walt had resurfaced. How he really cared about Jesse was found again in that moment as he tackled him to the floor to save him from his diabolical trap to kill everyone in that room. And ended up taking the bullet for him in the end.

Jesse blinked his eyes open, suddenly feeling cold. The sun was gone. He quickly sat up, looking around. It was night time. The stars and the moon were cast across the dark sky, presenting a new world beneath. The light of the stars blanketed the cemetery with a mystical, silver-blue light. He could hear the noise of the highway in the distance, with headlights coming and going.

"Damn it, why am I still here?!"

He was aggravated with himself. He needed to get up and leave. He brooded for the next several minutes, chewing on his lip and playing with his fingers. He lit a smoke to calm his nerves. He couldn't think of anything more to say. Fuck you, asshole. That had to be to the point of his feelings, right? So why was he still here? What was he waiting for?

"Well, you look considerably better than the last time I saw you."

Jesse tensed at the voice. He slowly looked up to the right, seeing the silhouette that had been standing there for a long while in his disturbed slumber. He blinked, tears coming up as he became flustered. Did he smoke a doobie before coming here? Did he shoot up? Was he hallucinating? He swore he hadn't touched any drugs since bailing out of town six months ago, too afraid of what kind of dreams or illusions they could cause…

"Mr…Mr. White?" he choked.

Walter sat down next to him, sighing. He stared forward onto his own grave, twitching a smile as he read it. Jesse was appalled, staring at him and shaking like he was seeing a ghost. Fuck, he was seeing a ghost! But this Walter White looked different. This wasn't Heisenburg. This was the real Walter White…the family man that hooked up with him in the beginning, and he looked healthy.

"W-what…is this? Why are you here? Leave me alone!" Jesse spat, clenching his fists and trying to scoot away from him.

"Hey, you are at my grave," he said, turning to look at him. There was a look in his eyes, one Jesse couldn't recognize at first. It was compassion. Something Heisenburg had long ago killed in Walter White.

"Well…you…you heard my speech right?! Go fuck yourself, asshole! I hate you!"

Walt was quiet for a moment, frowning as he slowly nodded. "I know. I won't make excuses. I'm sorry, Jesse. For everything."

"Stop lying!"

"Why would I lie? I'm dead. Kind of pointless, don't you think?" he retorted.

Jesse clenched his jaw, looking to his lap. The burning ember of the cigarette tip gave this lonely glow in the darkness of the night. He felt a hand clasp his shoulder, and for a moment his heart spiked. His soul was torn, fighting with surging emotions and he couldn't grasp them. He just wanted to lash out. But he didn't. He stayed where he was, silent, and trying to keep the dam from bursting.

"It's all over, Jesse. You should get out of here. Forget about me. Move on. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are free! I will always be sorry for what I have done to you. I don't seek forgiveness. I just want you to be happy. I care about you, Jesse. You were…are…like a son to me. And like Skylar, Walter Jr, and Holly, I forsaken you as well. I forsook my family, and I deserved what I got. All that I did…was for me. It was my resentment. Resentment for the life I had lived all my life…all that I had feared, loathed, and regretted. And in the fallout of it all, I lost what was most important to me."

Walter removed his hand from Jesse's shoulder. Jesse felt him slide down to lay on his back and look up at the stars. He slowly looked over to his old mentor and partner. He looked content staring up at those endless stars.

"It has been…a very long time since I have looked at the stars like this. Beautiful isn't it?"

"Y-yeah," Jesse whispered, also looking up to the night sky.

"Did you know that stars are made out of dust clouds scattered throughout space? The turbulence within these dust clouds give rise to knots which later on develop mass. It allows gas and dust to collapse. While a cloud collapses, the object that is present at the center starts to heat up. It becomes a hot core, so to speak, and it becomes a star much later."

Jesse lightly snorted, shaking his head. Alright, now he knew for a fact it was really Mr. White next to him. Who else could suddenly sputter random facts of whatever out the top of his head? Truthfully, it brought him some happiness. He used to hate how he would go off on these lectures that were so awfully boring. But now…he realized just how much he liked them.

Jesse laid down on his back next to Walter and also looked up to the stars. They were quiet for a long time. "Is it true that when you look at a star that it's actually dead and long gone? Like…the light take forever, some crazy ass long time to reach us, so what we might be seeing up in the sky has actually been gone for a long time?"

Walter deeply nodded. "That is quite true. We are actually looking into the past as we speak…millions of years into the past."

"I remember seeing something on that on Bill Nye the Science Guy. Used to watch him a lot when I was a kid, man he was so damn awesome. Pshhh, I almost forget I used to be interested in all that kind of stuff, ya know? What happened to that? Stupid choices…that's what."

"Now, don't be saying things like that. You start rethinking all your choices, you will get trapped doing it over and over. Trust me. It's a vicious cycle. But…the fact that you actually watched Bill Nye…no matter how comedic and childish his show was…well I got to say I was not expecting it." Walter chuckled lightly at the last sentence.

Jesse smacked him lightly. "Yo man, that show was the bomb! Give me some slack, I was like nine or ten."

They were both laughing. Damn did it feel good to laugh. Jesse embraced the feeling. It was good to know that part of his soul still remained. He sat up, putting his cigarette out. He went to flick it, but his mentor cleared his throat.

"I don't think so."

Grumbling, Jesse pocketed the bud. They sat in silence for a long time. The night was cool, the wind lightly sweeping along in a drifting dance. Jesse had a lot on his mind. Apparently, Mr. White did as well.

"I'm going to miss you, Jesse."

He looked to his old mentor and partner. He looked solemn now. No longer peering at the stars, but studying the scripture on his gravestone in the light of the moon. Jesse didn't say anything. Walt slowly got to his feet, brushing himself off. Jesse quickly got to his own feet, suddenly afraid of being alone again.

"Mr. White…umm…" He had no idea what he was struggling to say. "I…I'm sorry."

Walter looked at him, confused. "For what?"

"Sorry for all that happened..."

Walt slowly nodded, lips thinning for a moment. "Me too."

"I…forgive you."

Walter smiled softly, tears brimming up. Could ghosts even cry? He reached forward, pulling Jesse into a strong hug. It lasted for only a moment, but it was something the two needed from each other.

"Thank you," Walt said softly, before pulling away.

Walt put his hands in his jacket pockets, looking like he was about to leave. He cleared his throat, looking to the ground for a moment. "Jesse, I can't remember if I ever told you this, but…I always wanted to have three kids. That was the plan. I'm glad I was able to get that. Just know that when I think of my family…You are in that picture frame."

Jesse felt the sudden onset of burning tears, and he barely dipped his head. "Y-you too, Mr. White. You have been more of a father to me than my real dad ever was…so…thank you for that.

Walt looked so happy now. With a warm smile, he extended his hand. Jesse was smiling too. It felt like ages since he stretched those muscles. It felt so surreal for a moment feeling this happiness that had forever been engulfed by loneliness and despair. Jesse took Walt's hand and they shook.

"Goodbye, Jesse. Now get your ass out of here and go live your life. To the fullest."

"You got it."

Walter turned and was walking away, disappearing into the darkness. Jesse watched him go, hesitating once he was finally gone. He remained before the headstone, however, hovering with a sudden wash of uncertainty. He looked to the stars again, now feeling how emotionally drained and exhausted he was. He laid down on the grass.

He awoke all too suddenly. It was morning. He was starving, his stomach loudly complaining. Jesse groggily got to his feet, his mind reeling on the dream he had. Why in the hell did he have a dream where Walter White came to him? It couldn't have been real. His mind was at a lost for explanation, but he felt at peace now. He was better. There was no hatred now, no sorrow. He needed closure. That's why he came here. It all made sense now.

Sighing, he started to leave, but something glinting in the sun's rays on the grass by Walt's headstone made him growl and cover his eyes. He looked again, bending down. Grunting, he picked up the wristwatch he had given Mr. White for his birthday over a year ago. Where the hell did this come from?

Jesse looked around, trying to find out who was playing this horrible joke on him. There was nobody. He slipped the wristwatch on, smiling to himself as he checked it out. Now he was not so certain that was a dream he had…

You were always a few steps ahead of everyone else…

Jesse put his hand on the headstone for a moment, his head bowing and eyes closing. He was lost for a moment, taking in the peace he now felt. He could walk away now and live his life. Free. He was ready.

"Goodbye…Mr. White."

A/N: My first Breaking Bad fic! I have been out of commission on here for a long while! It's time I start getting back in the game! Hope everyone enjoyed this short oneshot. This is dedicated to Walt and Jesse, two characters that have the best love-hate relationship I have ever seen lol. I am very sad the show is over, it was one of my all time favorites, and still is. Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing! I plan to dish out some more! :)