Suicide at Seventeen
Dear Diary,
I'm writing this little note to say good-bye. I love you all but I can't take this any more. Mom, I'm sorry. I know I'm leaving just like Dad did but I can't take it anymore. Goten, be strong little brother, I'll see you again. My prince, forgive me. I know I have no more Saiyan pride than a newborn human but this is the lowest I have ever reached. Do not mourn the passing of this half-blood from this world, just wrap me up in my sheet and be rid of my body.
Pleading Forgiveness,
Gohan
Gohan silently placed his pencil on his diary and closed his eyes. He took a slow deep breath before he rose to his feet and turned around. Lying on the ground at the end of his bed was a crimson red sleeping bag and dark red pillows. He walked over and settled his body on the bag; he figured he might as well be comfortable as well as clean. He took a drink of his grape juice to settle his nerves. He sat the glass back on his little table then quietly leaned back against his bed and allowed his mind to go back over the reasons why he was ready to be a suicide at seventeen. The memories began to flash across his mind.
Start of Memories
1 Gohan stared in surprise as Piccolo moved to defend him. Piccolo raised both hands and sent a weak ki blast toward Cell who broadly dodged only to have it gain speed and attack again.
"Gohan, go" Piccolo yelled as Cell gave a scream of rage, ready to fight. Gohan paused only for a moment before he powered up and blasted another ki blast at Cell.
"I'm not leaving Piccolo!"
Piccolo stared at his young friend and slowly shook his head. Before he could turn back toward Cell, Cell reached him. Cell reached out and grabbed Piccolo's flesh at his shoulders. Instantly he moved his hands and slammed the long nails into Piccolo's neck. Blood jumped to the sight of the wounds and pumped hard with each heartbeat. A sickening scream escaped Piccolo's mouth as Cell began to pry Piccolo's head slowly off his shoulders. Sucking sounds came form Piccolo's neck as the muscles were pulled away from each other and weird grinding noises came from his bones. Piccolo's eyes bugged out of his head as Cell wrapped his leg around one of Piccolo's and drew him closer still. With a yell of triumph and a stream of blood, Cell ripped Piccolo's head off of the rest of his body. Cell turned his blood stained body toward Gohan and threw Piccolo's head at Gohan's feet.
Hatred filled Gohan's eyes as he screamed out a battle cry. He rushed forward only to be slammed in the chest and thrown back, before he could attack again, his father lunged into battle and Goku and Cell were fighting over the top of Piccolo's body. Cell laughed coldly and reached for Goku's throat. He stumbled as he grabbed air then swerved around and laughed once more as his body began to swell slowly. Goku disappeared and reappeared right by Cell.
"I love you Gohan" Goku yelled and the two disappeared.
2 Gohan shivered frightenedly and placed his back hard against the cold stone wall. His wide black eyes focused on the eight soldiers who were seating broadly at the table munching on thick slices of bread. Gohan heard his traitorous stomach growling loudly and he quickly covered it with his arms.
"That is an interesting thing" one of the creatures sneered. "Do you think our little friend is hungry?"
Gohan scrunched down and struggled to blend in with the wall. To be seen was to be put through hell. One of the soldiers rose to his feet and wandered over slowly swinging his long tail. He leered down at Gohan as he walked. He knelt down far enough away that Gohan would have to come of out of his safe little corner.
"You want this?" the older Saiyan pulled dot a thick chunk of bread. Gohan focused his black eyes hopefully on the bread.
"It will cost me" Gohan whispered. The older Saiyan smiled coldly and nodded.
Gohan eyed the bread hungrily and considered. It would probably cost him another beating. Gohan shifted slightly and bit his lip. He was used to being beat, he could handle a beating. He glanced toward the older Saiyan and his courage wavered. He didn't know this Saiyan. Gohan had never seen him before. Finally Gohan's hunger won out over his fear and he moved to retrieve the bread. An instant later Gohan was slapped across the face and sent back to his wall. Gohan scrunched down and watched the Saiyan in surprise. The Saiyan narrowed his dark eyes and frowned at Gohan.
"You must not be hungry. When you are hungry enough to fight for it, come get it."
The Saiyan started to move away but Gohan slammed his head hard into the man's stomach and ripped away the chunk of bread. He bit a huge chunk out of it and scampered back to his corner before the older Saiyan regained his breath.
"Not bad kid" the Saiyan growled then slammed his fist into Gohan's head and knocked the little eight-year-old out.
When Gohan slowly awoke, he was lying on the floor in a dark room. He shivered slightly and wrapped his tail tightly around his naked groin. He sat up and glanced down seeing all of his clothes gone and the jet-black ki-controller missing from his wrist. He drew his legs up close to his body and looked around the bare room. The only things of interest were the high window and a large bed in the middle of the room.
"So, you are finally awake" drawled a voice from the bed.
Gohan froze in terror as the powerful Saiyan he had head-butted slid slowly from the bed. The Saiyan moved slowly through the dark with a simple ease. He paused and watched Gohan with a slightly crooked grin. Gohan rose to his feet and tried to prepare for battle.
The older Saiyan was inches from Gohan before Gohan was ready. The Saiyan grabbed Gohan by the throat and lifted him off the ground. He pressed Gohan against the wall and watched the boy struggle to breathe.
"You are going to pay for head-butting me brat."
Gohan gagged and tensed his body for the blow, but it wasn't enough to prepare his self against what the older Saiyan did. The Saiyan reached down and ran his fingers along Gohan's penis.
Gohan gave a frightened whimper and stared bug-eyed at the older Saiyan. The older Saiyan smiled coldly and grabbed Gohan's hand. He forced the fingers open to a flat palm and ran Gohan's hand along his penis. Gohan tried to yank his hand away form the older Saiyan but received a vicious sneer in response.
"It's time for you to pay, mangy brat" the older Saiyan tightened his grip on Gohan's throat and leaned in closer. "You have less pride than a newborn human, you little trash."
The older Saiyan easily jerked Gohan away from the wall and threw the boy in the direction of the bed. Gohan slammed his head hard against the metal frame board of the bed and his forehead started to bleed. Before Gohan could turn and fight, the older Saiyan had the boy by the tail.
Instantly Gohan's body tensed for the pain pulsating from his lower back. The older Saiyan easily lifted Gohan and placed him gently on the bed, never releasing Gohan's tail. The older Saiyan leaned up against Gohan's back and whispered in the boy's ear.
"This won't hurt a bit."
With Gohan incapable of battle, the older Saiyan pushed Gohan down on his stomach and shoved Gohan's legs apart with his knee. With a cold, evil laugh, the older Saiyan forced his self in Gohan and raped the eight-year-old boy.
When the older Saiyan finally tired, he collapsed heavily on Gohan and rolled off, pulling the boy close to his body. Gohan started sobbing and shaking in great heaving sobs the Saiyan pulled him closer. Gohan tensed in terror as the Saiyan held him close.
"Sleep my little one" the older Saiyan whispered. "Sleep."
Then the Saiyan took his own advice and fell asleep. Gohan wriggle free and blasted the older Saiyan's head off.
3 Gohan plopped happily down beside his best friend. The young girl had long jet-black hair and wide emerald eyes. She grinned over at twelve-year-old Gohan and settled in fro the movie.
"I'm so glad you are here Gohan" the little ten-year-old whispered. "It is scary here by myself."
Gohan wrapped his reddish brown tail around her waist.
"Don't worry December; you'll be just fine with me."
December beamed happily and laid her head on Gohan's chest so that they could watch The Lion King.
Just when Nola and Simba were about to go to the elephant graveyard in the movie, Gohan realized something was very wrong. He turned away from the movie and listened quietly. Just below the volume of the movie, footfalls shuffled. One look at December's face let Gohan know that she heard it too. She sat up and quietly paused the movie.
"Maybe it's Daddy" she whispered doubtfully. Gohan gently nudged December off him, so he could attack if need be. He watched the shadows before him and December glanced over the back of the couch.
"Little December" a sing song voice called from the shadows. "Who is your little friend?"
December instantly scrunched down into the couch with bug-eyed terror. She slammed her jaw closed and drew her legs up to protect herself. He frightenedly started shaking her head. Gohan stared at his friend and heard a dark feral growl. He blinked in surprise as he realized it was coming from his self. He knew the terror in December's eyes, had once faced the very terror she was trying to hide from. Gohan began to gather energy in his hands.
"That won't work little boy" a soft voice said.
Suddenly there was sharp pain shooting from his tail into the small of his back and through the rest of his body. Gohan hit his knees with tears welling up in his eyes. His pain filled fingers released the ball of energy which slammed against a powerful man in front of them; it illuminated the man briefly then died away.
"Told you it wouldn't work" the voice said. The owner of the voice lifted Gohan off the couch and held Gohan to his own thick chest which smelled of sweat and cigar smoke. Gohan gagged slightly but didn't try to struggle as the man behind him still had a loose grip on Gohan's tail.
The man in front stepped forward and watched Gohan with cold, stark blue eyes. He sneered in disgust at the young male before turning back toward December.
"Did you really think that that little boy could save you, my little December?"
"I didn't want to be alone" December cried through clenched teeth. "I'm sorry Gohan."
The man reached over and gently ran his fingers through December's soft hair. December tensed and curled up tighter in the far side of the couch. The man smiled and touched December's pale face instead.
"Leave me alone." December tried to bite the man's hand.
"Now, now December" another man behind Gohan drawled. "You know better then to fight."
The speaker stepped forward and ran his knuckles gently down Gohan's cheek.
"So soft" he whispered. "What would you do December, if we used your little friend too?"
December's eyes blazed with hatred and she moved to attack him but Gohan shook his head ever so slightly. Gohan knew exactly what would happen if December attacked. Just then, the man behind Gohan released his tail. Without wasting another second, Gohan slammed his head hard back into the man's chest making him grunt and release him. Gohan swerved around and blasted a ki-attack at the newer male. The man screamed and disappeared. Before Gohan could attack again, the man who had been holding him disappeared as well. Gohan swerved just in time to see the powerful leader grab December up and easily cut her throat.
4 Gohan tried to concentrate on the book before him but his mind kept wandering away to his girlfriend. Something else suddenly caught his attention, however, something he thought he had been rid of ten years before. There were five high level power levels coming toward him. Gohan started shivering frightendly and scrunched his body down tightly to control the urge to run.
"Hey" he yelled unashamed at the high pitch. "Hey someone's coming." Gohan rose unsteadily to his feet and stumbled his way toward the front of the house.
"Hey there, baby boy" a voice called stopping Gohan in his tracks.
"Just a cowardly as ever."
Gohan turned to stare in horror at the five powerful Saiyans that stood before him. They were not the looming, menacing warriors Gohan remembered but then Gohan now stood eye-level with them. They leered at Gohan as if in their minds, he was still a little boy. Gohan tensed trying to fight back the fear when the five lowered their bodies down on one knee.
"Prince Vegeta" they whispered in awe.
Vegeta stepped up and stood beside Gohan feeling the boy's terror. Vegeta glanced side-ways over at Gohan but had to glance back toward the men when they spoke.
"Prince Vegeta" the leader called. "Kakarot sent us here to help train his family in the ways of the Saiyan. The Great Kai has said that we will be allowed to stay as long as we behave ourselves, no matter what people tell us."
Gohan's eyes widened slightly, knowing he would never be rid of his enemies now. He looked over at Vegeta and Vegeta forced a nod.
End of memories
Gohan leaned heavily forward and sobbed softly. He stuffed his fist in his mouth to silence the sound then he curled up tightly on his blanket drawing his legs as tightly to his body as possible. He shivered viscously and lowered his head in shame. No one knew what he had suffered through and he wasn't going to tell them. He wasn't going to face against this family and friends and see the disgust and disbelieve that would show upon their faces. Hey wouldn't believe that he had been raped and then those that had raped and beaten him were living so very close, so very peacefully. Gohan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He knew it was cowardly to back down from his own family but he could face that same, besides he had warned the boys to avoide the senile old Saiyans so there was no point in worrying. Gohan leaned back and hoped Vegeta didn't look down on Chi-Chi and Goten. The two of them would need the extra protection when he was gone. Gohan took another slow breath before reaching for his twin blades. He paused for a moment to admire the dragon shaped hilts and the long sharp blades. Emerald jewels glimmered from the dragons' eyes, making Gohan feel slightly afraid. The blades were going to watch him die. He shivered again and lay back on his pillow. He raised both arms above his head and crossed the blades to touch each wrist.
He yanked them apart hard slicing his wrists open and causing blood to jump to the wound and fell upon Gohan's face. Just as Gohan's arms began to fall from lack of blood, the door opened. Gohan moved his head to the side slightly and stared in fuzzy recognition at his baby brother. Goten's eyes were wide with terror as he stared down at Gohan. The happy-go-lucky grin slowly disappeared into a look of pure terror as he stood watching his brother die. Finally the boy stumbled backward then ran away screaming in terror. Gohan closed his eyes and wished he had locked the door. With that last thought, he slipped into the realm of the dead.