A/N: I'd actually written this before the 'Linda finally sees Luci' ep but hadn't posted it here. Thrilled to the bottom of my shallow little soul that my title was the same line they used to end on. Just a little snap of what I wanted to see more of; that the Devil and his shrink were going to be okay. And it does seem they are :-)
[ - ]
They began much as they'd ended; sitting across her office from one another, not speaking. Both frightened behind their masks. Worried. Confused and apologetic. Fearful of…so very many things, really.
They'd seen each other naked. At least she thought they had, until he'd bared *everything*, ripping the skim of her reality away until she was newly bare, too.
That took some time and definitive amelioration of how she thought of everything, including herself. What she was capable of. Adaptation.
Not simple. Not neat. Painful and sloppy and out of control: all things she was used to managing in others, but not herself.
And all of this sharp-edged flotsam and jetsam of emotional confetti swirling between them now was merely collective two-dimensional noise compared to the pan dimensional wonders Linda's mind had been violently yanked wide enough to accommodate.
Barely.
Her brain felt like the tattered shine of torn satin on a moth-bitten corset worn by a rabid hippopotamus who had a raging case of eczema as well: stretched veeeeeerrry thin indeed. She'd finally been able to ground herself well enough to see Maze (although truth be told she really didn't want to 'SEE-see' her). Concept-of-demonic-friend was enough adjustment thankyouverymuch, without the additional requirements of more sanity-rending visual aids.
Still…here they were.
She took a deep breath, steeling herself. Still. 'Be still and think…'
It's what she was good at. Trained for. Wielded superbly more often than not, thank god.
Shit. 'Thank God'. Capital 'G' there, Doctor. This was one instance where she'd definitely renege on any offers for family counseling, no matter the wage offered. Crap – she'd used profanity and thought of God in the same sentence; HAD to be a sin - did that mean she had to go to confession? Was that even a thing? And SHIT, what else did she need to atone for? Shit! No. Dammit. Darn? Jeepers? Was that better? She took another slow breath, willing herself into focus.
'Physician, heal thyself'. Okay. Think this through Linda, chips are down and it's 'go' time.
She resettled herself, smoothing her nervous hands over her skirt hem, momentarily feeling like Schrodinger's cat must've as she fluctuated between the roles of therapist, friend and human-being-meeting-minds with the divine. Seriously, SO not what she'd have expected if she'd had to consider all of them purely as an academic exercise. One would think the Heavenly Host might've had their act together better if even a demon was better adjusted. Jesus.
Crap, NO; not even going to consider him (Him? Capitalized 'H' or not? WTactualF?) showing up on her upholstery with a laundry list of issues.
She gave herself a small shake and closed her eyes tightly for a second.
Enough Linda, come on. Focus. You can do this.
(she was aware one could take positive self-talk to extremes, but gave herself a pass, considering)
She opened them to find Lucifer rising off the couch muttering softly, 'such as mistake, I knew it. sorry doctor; don't know how could I ever expect....'
And with that she was suddenly what she needed now to be. All those faceted roles melded into just completely herself, just 'Linda' and she knew exactly what to do.
Holding out one 'wait, please' hand up she rose and came around the coffee table to sit near him. He was barely perched on the edge of the last cushion – like a bird about to take flight. In her mind a flight a different sort took place traveling on swift wings with a staccato of thoughts for feathers: 'Oh, those scars…from real wings; real…oh no, how sad…STOP, Linda. That's for later and it's on you. This is now him. And me. Us.'
Us together.
Words spoken aloud apparently, given the changing look on his face. Linda reached out to Lucifer and held his hands in hers…and he let her. Tentatively, he returned the press and the barest hint of the hopeful ghosting smile he'd worn after he'd shown her himself (no, not himself. not wholly. part of him. only part, linda) began to warm his mouth as she gently rubbed her thumbs over his knuckles.
She began to smile too, precariously small and soft as she still felt and saw the reflection of it on her face in his eyes. And reflected from him, too. He'd been – was still, perhaps – frightened of all this reveal and denouement as she was, but now they were in it together. They both moved a little closer, hands still gently clasped, knees nearly touching.
"Hi there."
"Hello to you."
"Nice to finally 'meet'."
"Indeed."
Smiles stronger now as their voices were, but both still soft, still being gentle with themselves and each other. They said the next words simultaneously and with mirror-perfect reflection – different perspective but the same image.
"I'm so sorry…"
Then quiet laughter at the congruence. Wash of warm, shared joy in this strange reunion.
"I never meant to hurt you."
"I know, Lucifer. I do. And I for you…all that time and I never…and you always…and then I just…."
"My dear Doctor, do I actually have you tongue-tied over me? Splendid! Beats the speechless quivering bit, truth be told. Give a chap quite a complex and surely I've already enough of those for you to suss, yeah?"
They chuckled together, giving one another's hands a final affectionate press before releasing. Lucifer played a quick riff of silent piano on his knee and Linda tilted her jaw in a small sharp movement. Such little 'tells' of latent apprehension, and because they did know each other well they knew these, too. Both laughed easily to recognize and see each other more clearly within their new context. Linda recovered first and spoke; wry tone flavoring her words.
"Ugh, 'tongue-tied'; don't remind me of THAT. I'm having enough struggle adjusting without bringing more…"
"Sport?"
"uh…."
"Fun? Verve? Pl-"
"Lucifer!" The little scold was familiar for both as well and he let her stop him with the tap of light fingertips over his mouth. She saw him swallow away the fencing farce of his words in a little snicker but the shine in his eyes stayed. He was happier and Linda was pleased to see it.
He caught her looking at him more intently. Nervously, true, but with determination.
"Yes?"
"Will you….will you show me again? Now that I know what to expect?"
His reply was soft. Not trying to hide or escape, just…setting his own boundaries on their new playing field. "I'd rather not, if you don't mind."
"Okay." She felt somewhat thankful, actually. Curious still, but yes, relieved to not see again how stark and raw he'd looked. She smiled a little to herself realizing she already had seen those attributes many times from him; just differently. Word and action. She brushed his cheek lightly with the back of her hand.
"Does it hurt?"
The question could apply to many things, but he knew what she meant.
"It did. When it happened, I mean. More than you can imagine. More than I could have really, having never felt pain before that."
"And now?" She appreciated his honesty as never before and didn't want to push him too far, too fast. Still, if they were to continue on in this aspect of their relationship there were some things she felt were important for her to know sooner rather than later.
"Sometimes. It can catch me unawares. But generally only if I think on it. I've had…quite a long time to acclimate. A long time indeed." He sighed quietly and gave her a resigned smile.
She gave him the same one back, then mulled over one more thing she wanted to say. He watched her closely, nervous still.
"Doctor?"
She answered his questioning look with an affectionate expression, then decided he should hear the words of her answer, too.
"Your eyes."
He seemed to retreat a little, waiting.
She fanned a soft arc in the air between them. "These are expressive. Beautiful."
Still waiting.
"I thought…."
"Yes?"
Quieter. 'Shy, almost' he thought as he heard her words. "I thought the others were beautiful, too. Strange yes, eerie almost. But so – you. What I now know of you."
"They're my real ones. When I'm just me. Just Lucifer; not the Devil or…" he waved a graceful hand over his human guise and all that entailed.
"Well. I think 'just you' is who's supposed to be here when we're like this. Do you?"
"Perhaps."
"So…" Linda took a small breath. Waiting to see what he'd choose.
And then she smiled, equal parts awe and benevolent astonishment shining at him through the twin stars of her own eyes.
Lucifer felt bathed in their calm light, as he hadn't had his own in so very long. Safe here now, with this human friend of his. And it gave him hope for others.
From outside the window a warm strand of evening sun ribboned through clouds, then Linda's office blinds, washing over them both before it faded away.
Neither noticed, but that didn't matter.
It happened anyway, as things such as that will. And have.
And do every day.
Everywhere.