Gryffindor vs Slytherin

by Sanazra Lestrange

AU, Fun one shot. No war, nothing. A quidditch match between the Gryffindor team and the Slytherin team. Alumni and students on the teams. Sly - Tom R, Bella L, Rod L, Lucius M, Narcissa M, Barty C Jr, Blaise Z. Gryff- James P, Sirius B, Fred W, George W, Charlie W, Ginny W, Oliver W. Commentary by Lee J and Draco M. R and R!

Gryffindor vs Slytherin

A/N :Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Completely AU, none of the war things, just pure fun. xD

And oh, Narcissa is half veela (I know that makes Bellatrix half veela too, but lets pretend Bells looks like her dad and Narcissa has the veela genes)

Just so you know, here are the teams-

Gryffindor-

Chaser 1- James Potter

Chaser 2- Sirius Black

Chaser 3- Ginevra Weasley

Beater 1- Fred Weasley

Beater 2- George Weasley

Keeper- Oliver Wood

Seeker- Charles Wealsey (C)

Slytherin-

Chaser 1- Lucius Malfoy

Chaser 2- Rodolphus Lestrange

Chaser 3- Bartemius Crouch Jr

Beater 1- Thomas Marvolo Riddle (C)

Beater 2- Bellatrix Lestrange

Keeper- Blaise Zabini

Seeker- Narcissa Malfoy

Grab your popcorn and relax.. Ok, ready? Good. Here we go!

The pitch was overflowing with students and alumni. Everything was moving so fast, it was a blur. There was a sea of Green and Silver on one side and Red and Gold on the other. Here and there, you could see a few lion masks and Serpent tiaras. The whole stadium fell silent as Dumbledore walked into the pitch wearing his pink referee robes.

"Good morning, witches and wizards! I welcome you to the first ever reunion match of Hogwarts! Today's match is Gryffindor vs Slytherin! Yes, and the proceeds of this match go to 's for-" Dumbledore's voice was drowned, for the Gryffindors were singing "Roar" by Katy Perry and the Slytherin team chanted "We shall Slytherin-to your dorms-and then win!"

"Silence!" Dumbledore yelled, but failed, so he continued anyways. "Lets welcome our two commentators - Lee Jordan for Gryffindor and Draco Malfoy for Slytherin!"

There were a lot of whistling as Lee Jordan twerked to "Thriftshop" by Macklemore and Draco Malfoy showed off his muscles to "Sexy and I know it" by LMFAO.

The crowd settled down a bit as they took up their megaphones.

"Okay, here we go!" Jordan said, "The Slytherin team is crawling in- The no nose, the mad lady, her wimp husband, her unfortunately beautiful sister, Narcissa, who is so absolutely stunning that-"

"JORDAN YOU PERVERT, THAT'S MY MOTHER, DAWG!"

"Oh, yes, yes, she is an ugliano's mom, wonder how that happened, anyway, following Narcissa Jor- i mean, Malfoy, comes her snivelling husband, Lucius Malfoy and the Wannabe Snake, Barty Crouch Jr and finally, Blaise Zabini, a mega prat whose sole purpose in life is NOTHING! And, yes, people-" Here, Draco grabbed the megaphone.

"Here we have the Gryffindor team prancing in like they have no manners, even though they are all purebloods. Anyway, here comes the big headed oaf, followed by his equally big headed best friend and self proclaimed heart throb- but i know for a fact that the only kiss he ever received was from smelly aunt Elladora on the cheek, Hah!- anyway, he is followed by Ginevra Weasley, who was so smitten with Saint Potter, she wrote a poem in second year - His eyes are as green as a freshly picked toad, his hair is as black as a blackboard, i wish he was mine, he is really divine, the hero who conquered my dark heart!- That ought to be self explainatory.. Moving on, here come her twin brothers, Fred and George, each incapable of uttering a coherent sentence - no doubt due to the addling of their minds by their own pranks.. And their other brother, Charlie , who is on his way to becoming another Hagrid. Finally, their keeper, the lunatic Oliver Wood has entered! The captains are about to shake hands-"

Draco was interrupted by Dumbledore.

"Captains, you have come here for hand shaking, not hand breaking, easy now..." Dumbledore gently pushed apart Charlie and Tom.

The crowd went silent as Dumbledore held up the snitch.

"Let the match... BEGIN!"

10 minutes into the game

"... Lucius, the glorious Malfoy passes the Quaffle to Rodolphus and he races to the go-"

"An amazing bludger from Fred knocks him out! Well done, Fred! I hope he is dead! Sorry, professor.. Anyway, the Quaffle is taken by Sirius Black, who contrary to whatever Malfoy thinks is- OH NO!"

"Bellatrix, my sweet, misunderstood aunt hits Sirius, her cousin with a Bludger! Oh, wait.. She is saying something! Shut the hell up, everyone!"

But Bellatrix's gloating was audible to everyone. "I HIT SIRIUS BLACK! I HIT SIRIUS BLACK! YOU COMING TO GET ME? YOU COMING TO GET ME, JAMES?"

James Potter, furious, attempted to hex her, but he was diverted.

"Barty catches the dropped Quaffle and zooms towards the Gryffindor hoops! Oh no- watch out Barty!"

"Good aim, George. I hope he is-Oh."

"YES! Barty ducks the bludger and is now facing the Gryffindor keeper. He shoots and…..Why did he drop the Quaffle!" Draco's enraged voice filled the stadium.

"Haha, he- WHAT!?"

"My Father Catches the quaffle and SLYTHERIN SCORES! Ten-Zero! Take that!"

The crowd went super crazy and it took 5 whole minutes for Professor McGonagall to shut them up as she tried to deamplify their voices. Professor Snape silently tried to amplify them, so overall, nothing happened.

Half an hour later

"…That's Sirius Black! Good job, Gryffindor! Slytherin, one more and we will be 60 points ahead of you! Ok, now Sirius passes the Quaffle to- Oh, no! It looks like Narcissa has spotted the snitch! Race her Charlie, knock her off her broom!"

"GO, Mom! GO, GO GOOOO! FASTER! HE IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

"YES! They are equal now! Just catch the snitch, Charlie! Do not waste a moment!"

"Strectch your hand, mom! Stretch your hand! A bit more- DUCK!"

A bludger from George Weasley narrowly missed Narcissa and a furious Bellatrix hit it hard and it knocked James Potter, but nobody cared.

"Just a few more centimetres, Charlie! Do it, Do it!" Jordan yelled himself hoarse.

"Oh no, Oh no…MOM! HE is going to catch it! You know what, SMILE AT HIM!"

"Just knock her off, and catch the snitch, Charlie!"

"Look at him and smile, mom, for heaven's sake-"

"NO! CHARLIE, TURN AWAY!"

"YES! YES, MOM, NOW WINK!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Jordan nearly made everyone deaf as Narcissa winked at Charlie Weasley, whose outstretched hand now moved to his mouth to wipe off his drool. He started singing and acting weirdly. Narcissa giggled at him and closed her manicured fingers on the snitch.

"SLYTHERIN WINS! GO DADDY! GO MOMMY! GO HOME, GRYFFINDORS!"

"CHARLIE, you Goddamn little M! #$$$^ &#%$$$! Not sorry at all, Professor….. You Bloody S! ## $$$!"

Even Professor Dumbledore couldn't control the sea of green that washed the pitch. He amplified his voice to make the final announcement, "Congratulations Slytherin, for winning! And now, best player award goes to Bellatrix Lestrange for being a professional and putting the game above her family. Great match, both teams! Now lets all sing the school song!"

And the school sang the song happily, forgetting all the lines that divided them.

A/N: I would be a mega asso if I didn't thank my wonderful sister, Simi (Simevra Lestrange) for betaing this, and also giving me some pointers.

Happy Valentine's day. *throws pink confetti*

Now, Review, lovely hearts.