Hello! Sadly, life's become extremely condensed over the past few weeks, and still will be for another few. Still, I've managed to find time to add to stories and create new ones, like this . . .

Despite some sacrifices . . . I'll come to dinner, soon!

Anyway, that's too much about me. Not too long ago (last holidays, in fact) I came across this fan-created doujinshi (doujinshi, meaning 'fan comics', would naturally be created by fans) that I totally fell in love with the context of. It was: 'Slayers: Hamlet', and anyone who enjoys Slayers, or anime in general, should check it out at some point. It's discontinued, I think, but that's beside the point.

I thought, 'What a great idea!' (After thinking a great deal about download speeds and megabytes.) I thought, 'I've got to try that someday!' (I've got to get enough talent to produce something like that.) I thought, 'What about if I try that with 'The Bartimaeus Trilogy?' (Can I have another reason to procrastinate?) I thought, 'Hang on, does it have enough characters?' (Call myself a fan? I ought to know all personalities off by heart and have a couple of one-shots based around them.)

So, I read the manga, tried to draw, and got hit with schoolwork. 'Twas but a fond dream . . .

Until I hit upon an idea, made a count of characters, made lists, drew comparisons, and struck gold.

Romeo and Juliet!

Let's see what I can do!

Added Disclaimer: (Because Law is cool!) I do not own Shakespeare's work or the Bartimaeus Trilogy! Isn't that a twist?

The Prologue's prologue!

"OK, OK," says ROI, that's me, to her stagehand. "I got this idea, see, where there's this sketch show, and every chapter has a different gag and—"

"No," said Anna shortly.

"OK, how about this quiz show, see, with Canon characters discussing—" she was already bent over the keyboard.

"No," sighed Anna, pressing a hand against her forehead. "No more . . ."

"OK . . . well, how about this play—"

"No."

"I wasn't finished yet!" ROI says frostily, this time shutting her up with a glare. "A really well known one, and we can get characters from the books to fit the characters in the play, and we'll set it up, maybe with some new scenes and lines because I don't like using apostrophes crazily, and we can have interviews just like—"

"Just like the Wizard of Ahz?" suggested the dimmer stagehand Tony.

Anna flinches in preparation of another trademark glare, but instead the author slumps on her desk.

"Don't remind me!" she moans. "I'm already late and don't need reminding!"

"Just what is this play?" Anna asks cautiously, ROI's latest 'inventive ideas'' results fresh in her mind and sour in her pocket.

"Ah!" ROI perks up, happy as always to ramble on about something new nobody's tried yet. "It is the famous, or infamous, depending on your viewpoint: Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare!"

The crew and remnants of the cast gape, whether in amazement or horror it was not wise to reveal to me.

"Cool!" Tony breaks the silence. "I always wanted to wear tights!"

/A Few Mental Days later

The cast stare at their brand old scripts in varying degrees of appreciation.

"I can't believe this is happening," said Kitty.

"Jubilation! I always love wearing tights!" said Makepeace enthusiastically.

"Oh, how romantic . . ." said Jane Farrar blissfully. "Finally, I can have a respectable outlet . . ."

The 'director' (Whee! And some say I couldn't direct a tea party!) walks in, dressed in stereotypical directors' gear with weird pants, ugly top, pointless and flat hat and useless boots (because I can hardly afford to make something original for myself, can I?)

"OK!" shouts ROI, her necessary author powah making her voice loud and clear to everyone. "Now, although all of you got your average half-a-kilogram scripts, you don't have your individual parts yet, right?"

"I'll play any role!" said Makepeace grandly. "Be it heroic or comic spoof! Be it protagonist or antagonist! Be it even male or female!"

Nathaniel could barely disguise his chuckle with his hand.

"Oh, don't laugh Mr Mandrake," said ROI, turning to him. "I THINK YOU— whoops, author powers off— I think you'd make a fine rosy-cheeked Juliet."

Nathaniel blushed in a perfect Juliet— I told him— way.

Bartimaeus was guffawing without restraint. "Oh, you have got to be kidding!"

"Maybe," said the director turning to him. "You could have a very flexible role."

Bartimaeus shut up.

"Now, due to it being a stereotype, cliché, and in my opinion the most boring part of the play, the roles for Romeo and Juliet are most important, so I need to decide that first. Unlike in Ahz; damn it, what was I thinking not even resolute on a Cowardly Lion?"

The cast and crew stare meaningfully.

"Shut up! Anyway, I've written a bunch of names on scraps of paper and put them in this hat," ROI produced a ten-gallon hat by magic. "The two names I pull out will become Romeo and Juliet, depending on personality fits and comic potential as well. Alright, let's go!"

As ROI reaches into the hat, using the 4U7H0R 5K1LL of suspensive slow motion, the cast wait in anticipation.

Please Bartimaeus/Kitty, Please Bartimaeus/Kitty, please . . . Nathaniel thought.

Please Mandrake/Farrar, Please Mandrake/Farrar, OR ELSE though Jane.

Please Mandrake/Farrar, Please Mandrake/Farrar, thought Kitty.

Please Bartimaeus/Queezle, please— wait, on second thoughts, go Nat/Jane, thought Bartimaeus.

"Nathaniel . . ." ROI read slowly.

Oh, alright! Mandrake/Farrar then! Nathaniel allowed.

ROI finally pulled out the second piece of paper (take note: use slow-motion level 3 for mild anticipation results). She scrutinizes it: her expression and the name unreadable.

"Kitty," she said finally, and ate the piece.

At least half the cast was in an uproar.

"What? With a Commoner? Are you mad?" Nathaniel demanded.

"What? With a Magician? Are you mad?" Kitty demanded.

"A Commoner and a Magician? This is mad!" Bartimaeus was practically rolling in fits of laughter.

"A Commoner and a Magician? Nat/Kitty? That is so damn canon!" Jane Farrar shouted.

As the cast either revolted or laughed (or did both, in some talented cases), ROI whispers conspiratorially to the audience.

"Yeah, Canon, but what can you do? The second one said Lovelace!"

"Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Lovelace?" questioned Nathaniel.

"But soft! What light through yonder windows breaks? It is the East, and Nathaniel is the star!" announces Lovelace.

I mean, seriously! What can you do?