TITLE- Politically Correct Magical Maid Sama Oneshot.
SUMMARY- Nobody can take offense of your oneshot if its POLITICALLY CORRECT, right?
Not-so-Little and Re-ooops, BLACK-Clothed Misaki is going to the forest to give her grandma Minamo some fruits. Well, but here comes *author twist* ;-)
PAIRINGS- ?
RATINGS- T++++++++++
GENRE- WHAT THE FUCKK DID I JUST READ. IDK if you find it funny or not, but you'll be surely be like 'WTF?!' while reading it.
BTW, if you're deep reader, chances are you will be able to decode my sarcasm on politics of these days.
INSPIRATION- Book and Stories –
1."Politically Correct Bedtime Stories.".
2."Little Red Riding Hood."
OC USED- Gaihla – Druid/Nymph/Sorceress of Nature. [No significant role, the purpose is to introduce this oc so I can later use it comfortably in my future one shots. Please note her too!]
Appearance – Orange hair, Blue eyes, Green flowery clothes. Gorgeous appeal!
2.?- Black haired, brown eyed handsome young man. Name will be revealed later on. (I bet you guys can't guess who this is.)
WARNING- This work is going to be a HUGE disappointment, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR LOGIC but I can't help posting it XD. FORGET ALL LOGIC YOU GOT WHILE READING THIS.
There was a young and definitely-not-a-kid 'wommon' named Misaki who had raven black hair of average beauty. Because of womyns sense of clothing and untold rule #4, she always wore a black hood around her just because it's colour was matching with her hair. Because of this, people around her lovingly called her 'Black Demon of Death' and were always 6 feet away from her.
One day, her mother Minako asked her to deliver some fruit, snacks and R.O. purified mineral water to her grandma, not because it was a wommon's work, but because it was a generous deed, helped engender a feeling of community and strengthen the bonds of family. More ever, her grandma was NOT sick (How dare you assume an old woman can't take care of herself!). Her grandma, Minamo, was a perfectly healthy not-so-young woman, was physically, mentally and psychologically fit and fully capable of taking care of herself ALONE.
Back to the story, her mother asked Misaki to deliver the goods to her grandma because how good the deed was. Further, it would grant her power to make Misaki the role-model for her sibling, Suzuna, and thus, illegally exploit her by giving her household chores… despite the rights made related to working by International Labour Organisation and United Nations.
So, our Black-Clothed Demon of Death was jumping up and down merrily on the empty street because the people, on sensing her, hid in their homes. This is not to say that they did anything unconstitutional. They had every right to be where they want, at any instance of time.
After endlessly walking through the city, two deserts, four mountains and fifteen plains in a duration of one-twenty one minutes and thirty-seven seconds, she arrived in front of a very dense forest.
"Why does grandma live here anyway?" She asked herself, but then discarded the question because her wisdom as above average. She respected her grandma's rights to live wherever she wanted.
The forest was said to be a forbidden and dangerous place. But our Black-Clothed Misaki was NOT afraid. Why? Because she was extremely confident on her budding sexuality. Further, she had received proper knowledge on gender rights and equality, so if boys can go there, then, why can't she? (Also, she came to the forest on a weekly basis.)
So, our Black-Clothed Misaki was walking through the forest. However, as she was walking, suddenly the leaves and branches of a nearby bush moved. She stopped to watch it. The leaves moved again, making her tremble NOT because of fear, but because her body suddenly felt cold even at fifty-seven degree Celsius.
Suddenly, a big blonde wolf sprang up from bushes and jumped just in front of her.
She stared into his emerald green eyes while he did same into her amber orbs. They stared each other for fifteen minutes (Not that it was illegal!)
"Are you not going to run?" the wolf asked.
"WHAT?! NO!" She scolded him, "I am an educated and culturally above-average wommon. It would be so lookist of me to judge you to be dangerous by your mere looks!"
The wolf took five minutes to absorb what she said. He opened his mouth but he couldn't argue against her logic.
( She was politically correct, you know!)
"Where are you going?" he asked her, clearly interested in her. "You know, if you're free, I know a good cave where I have some food and we ca-"
"Sorry, but no." Misaki immediately rejected his offer, NOT because he was a wolf, but because she was a responsible mature wommon, and thus, never free of duties.
"Why?" the wolf asked.
"I have to deliver this healthy fat-free food to my grandma who is perfectly healthy and capable of taking care of herself." She replied.
"Can I come with you?" he asked.
"…No" She said after thinking for a while. "I can go much faster alone." And after saying this, she started walking.
However, the wolf kept on following her, and she was aware of it. She went faster, but the wolf also sped up. She climbed a rock, took a long detour by the densest part of forest, swam a river, but the wolf was always behind.
"Why are you stalking me?" She hissed at him.
"What? I am not following you." The wolf said, "You're going everywhere I want to. Furthermore, I am just using my right to walk where I want."
Misaki couldn't argue further, because the wolf was politically right.
"Besides, its dangerous for a girl like you to walk alone in forest." The wolf added.
Misaki looked at the wolf furiously and said-
"I find your sexist remark offensive in extreme, but I will let it go given your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which made you develop a your own, although gender-biased, worldview." She said.
The wolf, whose education is not known at this moment, felt its head spinning on hearing so many and so political words. When he came back to his senses, he found that Black-Clothed Misaki was already gone. And from that he knew that she was lost in woods, NOT because he doubted her abilities to take care of herself, but because her grandma's house was just to his right.
"Seriously, how can she miss that big and only house in the forest? "The wolf shook his head.
However, he was curious about her. He decided that since it was hopeless looking for her in the forest, he could go to the house because ultimately, she'd go there.
He approached the door's house and was ready to barge in, when he remembered that it was illegal.
"Owner's permission was needed to trespass his/her property-no matter the intention", as said under Section 374C of Vijju123's constitution of Maid Sama.
"Hello, is anyone here?" the wolf asked. However, no reply came, signalling that the house was empty.
"May I break the window and come into your house?" he asked, "I will treat your silence as yes, in accordance to my worldview, which I have a right to hold."
On receiving no reply, he threw a stone at the biodegradable window (which was economically made using goods indigenous to that area) and entered the house. What? He could now enter the house legally, and even if they try to sue him, he has contacts with the best lawyer of kingdom.
He, then unlocked the door from the spare key he found inside. However, he soon heard Black-Clothed Misaki singing to herself, signalling that she was approaching the house. Out of his instincts, and unhampered by the traditional notions of world on what was masculine or feminine, he put on her Grandma's clothes and sat on the bed.
The door opened and Misaki shouted, "Grandma! I have brought some sodium-free, vitamin enriched and fresh fruits!"
"HUSH DEAR!" the wolf shouted in a feminine tone. "Did you forget all of your political education? It is illegal to enter the house without owner's permission!"
Misaki immediately realised her mistake and went outside, and then knocked the door asking, "May I come in Grandma?"
"NO!" the wolf teased.
"But I have brought you some sodium-free, vitamin enriched and fresh fruits!" she pleaded.
Just at that time, the wolf's stomach growled and thus, the prospect of getting dinner appealed to him.
"Okay! Enter!" the wolf said.
And so, our Black-Clothed Misaki entered the house. However, she had just entered the room when the wolf pounced on her and pinned her to the ground.
"WOOLLLLFFFF!" She screamed, NOT out of alarm at his tendency to cross-dress (Mind you!), but because of 'wilful invasion of her personal space'.
The wolf began to lick her face, her neck, dig his nose into her chest when he was slapped hard by Misaki.
"Stop!" she said.
"WOOLLLFFF!" a scream resounded in the forest.
It was heard by Hinata, a woodcutter (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called) and with his axe in his hand, he burst into the house. He looked everywhere for signs of the victim and wolf, when he finally opened the door of living room…
…And saw the wolf and a Black-Clothed girl with above average attractiveness sitting on dining table, having tea.
"So, Mr. Wolf, I was saying tha-"
"Its Takumi." The wolf said.
"NO MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS YOU EVIL WOLF!" Hinata burst out, as his partial education included only tales of heroes rescuing heroines from evil doers, "I will KILL yo-"
Suddenly, he was hit on his face by a concrete high heeled sandal thrown by Misaki, whose face was showing signs of displeasure.
"JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"She shouted at him, "Bursting in my grandma's house illegally like a Viking, trusting your axe to do the deeds of your choice." She growled with anger, "SEXIST! SPECIESIST! How dare you assume that a wolf and a wommon cannot solve their problems on their own- without a man's help?"
She then grabbed him by the collar and threw him out of the window.
"Politically uneducated citizen." The wolf calmly said as he ate the last bit of fruit which Misaki bought for her Grandma.
"Right…" said a handsome brown eyed young man who entered the room, followed by an orange haired and blue eyed girl, who was carrying a notebook and pen in her hands.
The wolf and Misaki stared at them.
"No I am not here illegally." The man, spoke. "I am Vijju, the 123 rd God who holds office of death." He said.
"And I am Gaihla, the Goddess of Nature. Since this house is built in middle of forest, which is a part of nature, I am in my house technically- and Vijju has my permission. So…"
Takumi and Misakimerely nodded their heads at the godly and politically correct statements.
"WAIT!" Misaki suddenly shouted, "Why is he here?" She pointed towards Vijju," OHMYGOSH! Are you here to take Grandma? Let me inform you, sir, that she is in perfect state of-"
"He is here with me," Gaihla interrupted, "Since this house is built in middle of forest, I am here to check if its disturbing its ecology and is up to the standards specified in 'Goddess Gaihla's Nature Rulebook' published this month."
"Oh….." Misaki sighed.
"Hmm…It seems ok." Vijju said, "The door, floor, walls and even windows are biodegradable and made up of indigenous materials."
"Further the ecology seems boasted. "Gaihla agreed.
The wolf, meanwhile, just stared at the duo. Suddenly, Gaihla shot him a glare.
"Whats up with this recent human tendency to cross-dress as animals?" She asked, shaking head.
"That's quite sexist and also speciesist of you Gaihla…" Vijju scolded.
"WAIT WHAT?! HUMAN?!" Misaki shouted.
"Yeah…That wolf is a human." Gaihla said, matter-of-factedly.
Misaki, shot Takumi a glare.
"MINUTES AGO YOU WERE ON TOP OF ME….LICKING AND DIGGING YOUR NOSE INTO..." she shouted at him and turned beet red as she remembered the scene. "YOU PERVERTED SON OF BI-"
"Please calm down ma'am!" Gaihla interrupted. "Let me have you known, that he did that stuff when he was a wolf. You may not apply human laws of sexual harassment on animals of different species." She scolded. "This generation needs to be politically educated!" she sighed. "And also have self-esteem in their own naturally assigned forms… and not just trans-dress as animals of different species." She said pointing towards Takumi.
"I was made a wolf by black magic" he said.
"Awh!Poor Thing!" Vijju said," Hey Gaihla! He is cute. Can I keep him wit-"
"NO WAY!" Takumi shouted, "I don't wanna die."
"Sad…" Vijju said, disappointed, taking his scythe of death away from Takumi.
"Well, I can make you a human back." Gaihla said," And since Vijju liked you, I will do it for free this time." With that, she clapped her hands and Takumi was surrounded by white light- and he turned back into his primitive human form, meaning, naked as the day he was born.
"EEEEK!" Misaki shouted. "WEAR SOME CLOTH-"
"I may have you known, ma'am" Gaihla interrupted, "That everybody has a right to wear, or not wear, what they want as specified in-"
"Ya-Ya" Vijju cut her out. "Our work here is done, where next now?" Vijju said
"Hmm…" Gaihla checked her list.
Meanwhile, Misaki's eyes was burning with jealousy on seeing such a politically educated goddess.
She must have done a Ph.D. in political education! Misaki thought.
Takumi, on the other hand, wrapped a table-clothe around his …part and comfortably sat on chair, trying to impress Misaki by his body and looks.
"We have to go to mikanlove's farm the next." Gaihla stated.
'OH! That 'MILK AND LOVE' farm?" Vijju said excitedly, "I heard they sell the best MOO-MOO milk there."
"Yeah…Apparently one of the cow has filed a PIL in court that her rights were being violated as her vital fluids- " Gaihla coughed, "meaning milk was being taken from her without her consent. She also mentioned that she was being cruelly treated like an animal there."
"Well, lets sort it out then..." Said Vijju as the duo went out of the house.
Takumi and Misaki just gaped their mouths at it. Our Black-Clothed Misaki nervously looked at Takumi now, unable to speak anything, especially because now their matter was sorted since Takumi was no longer a wolf.
"Well, how did you become a wolf anyway?" Misaki asked, trying to find any means to continue the conversation.
"Long story…." He sighed.
FLASHBACK.
Takumi, the prince of Walker kingdom, was on his way to rescue a blondie princess who was illegally transported to a tower by a witch and was kept detained there, without her consent. There was also a dragon to make sure that she doesn't escape. To reach there, one had to pass three obstacles.
The first one was 'Bridge of Doom.'
Takumi reached at the bridge and was crossing it, when evil hysterical laughter caught his attention. He saw a woman in violet coloured dress, with a name-tag on her chest which read "My name is the color of my dress."
"Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho." She laughed wickedly," I am a witch and guardian of bridge. If you want to cross it, tell me my name."
"Umm…Violet?" he said.
On hearing that, the witch's eyes started burning with anger as a fire surrounded her.
"It is LIGHT PURPLE you optically challenged brat!" said the witch, whose name was NOT Violet, but Light Purple.
The witch the shot a purple coloured of energy at Takumi, converting him into a wolf. However, since animal killing was strictly illegal in that part of forest (according to 'Goddess Gaihla's Nature Rulebook') , she had to let him go.
Takumi then entered forest and bumped into Misaki.
"Wow…" Misaki said, "Well then…you are going to rescue the princess?" Misaki asked, slightly reluctant for him to go.
"How Sexist of you!" he scolded her, "She is a mature woman now who is capable of taking care of herself. Besides, it is so classist to think that princess' are only rescued by princes." He said.
"Wow…" Misaki said, impressed by the political wisdom of Takumi.
Takumi, in the meanwhile, also became interested in her, owing to her above average attractiveness, more innocent amber eyes, average raven hair and how she was so much different from the rest.
"Well, we can chat till Grandma returns…" Misaki offered.
However, little did they know that the said Grandma was already at Misaki's house with wild fruits and herbs for her granddaughter and was waiting for her return….
(" Hmm…She is taking more time than usual." Grandma said sipping the 100% natural herbal tea.
"Oh! Don't worry!" Minaki assured, "I am constantly monitoring the GPS location of her iphone. She is still in your house- and she is with a boy who was a wolf before."
"How do you know that?" Grandma asked.
"Oh! I met Vijju and Gaihla on my way to "MILK AND LOVE". They said she found herself a fine young man." Minako laughed, merry at her daughter's recognition of her maturity by choosing her life partner.
"Finally, she can contribute to the survival of our species via reproduction." Grandma said sipping tea. "I think we can leave them alone."
Both of them laughed heartily at that.)
END.
DISCLAIMER- All characters used in this oneshot are metamorphical. No actual person, or animal, was harmed in writing of this oneshot. Any resemblance to any place, person , animal or thing is strictly a co-incidence.
AUTHORS NOTES- Lol, I know, it's a disappointment, but I cant help it XD. Its just a genre…."WTF did I just read." XDDDD
BTW, do tell me any (good) views you have about this.
Sincerely,
Vijju123.
QUESTIONS- Discontinued for now. To those guys, please PM me in areas where you think you're facing problem and I will give you a Q on the spot. But I cant entertain the usual audience due to upcoming exams. Inconvenience is deeply regretted.