Should Have Stayed In Bed
Severus Snape prowled the corridors of Hogwarts past midnight, his insomnia rendering him restless and surly. So woe unto any student who happened to pass him by on his unscheduled rounds.
Shivering slightly as an icy draft accosted him as he ascended the staircase of the dungeons, he wrapped his cloak tightly about himself and cursed the fickle weather for tricking him into believing a thin cloak would be enough to keep him warm.
"Severus!"
The voice of Argus Filch called to him from an unused classroom, followed immediately by the raspy yowl of his flea-ridden beast.
"What is it, Argus?" Severus drawled, pushing his way into the dusty room. "Is Ms. Norris sick again, because I can't keep giving her pepperup potions."
"No, she's just find." Argus assured, stroking the hellcat.
"Well, then, what is it?" Severus demanded.
"I heard a couple students thumping around in the broom closet nearest to Gryffindor Tower." Argus snitched. "I tried getting in, but they must have warded because the door won't budge. Merlin know's what they could be doing though, because that closet is tiny."
"I wouldn't be surprised to find that the Weasley twins are trying to store nifflers again." Severus scowled, shuddering at the memory of the not-so-long-ago infestation.
"Merlin knows how they got those things into the girl's dormitories in the first place."
"At least they were contained in Gryffindor tower." Severus remarked, having for once been spared the aftermath of the Twin's mischievous natures.
"Easy enough for you to say," Argus muttered, scratching his chin, "I'm still picking fleas off Ms. Norris."
Severus quickly stepped several paces away from the parasite-carrying beast, instantly paranoid that he could feel bugs crawling in his hair.
"I really ought to be going, Argus." Severus excused, nudging the beast away with his boot. "If I don't catch them in the act, Minerva will let them off easy."
Without waiting to exchange pleasantries, Severus hurried off, desperately hoping that the pesky insects had not already laid eggs on his robes.
Taking a shortcut by leaping through an invisible section of wall, Severus came out near Albus's office and quickly hastened his steps until he'd arrived at the aforementioned closet. Sure enough, a distinctly loud thumping sound could be heard, the tempo shifting from erratically fast to suddenly slow with little warning.
Severus frowned, confused. Normally he'd associate such sounds with that of lovemaking. But as it was, the closet really was tiny, not at all equipped to handle a set of two horny teenagers. A lesson hard-learned by himself in his seventh year, when he'd somehow managed to convince Ambrosia Greengrass to snog him after the Yule Ball festivities. A pleasant enough affair until they'd both realized the only thing to be gained from such excursions was a back full of splinters and a robe full of spiders.
His curiosity and impatience getting the best of him, Severus threw caution to the wind and pulled out his wand. One way or the other, the mystery behind the door was going to be solved- and punished, should the discovery warrant such action.
Not bother to knock and give his culprits any time to prepare, he flicked his wand thrice and sent the door flying open. What he saw then made him wish that he'd just stayed in bed, mindlessly bored and endlessly exhausted, but with his sanity still intact.
"Merlin, I need a raise." He muttered, quickly backing away from the offending scene.
Draco and Potter had startled to find the door hiding their liaison suddenly blown away, the former banging his head sharply against an overhanding beam. Potter, for his part, had managed to emit a rather unmanly squeak before hitting his chin on Draco's elbow.
"Severus!" In Draco's surprised state, he'd reverted to addressing his Godfather with familiar terms.
"I'm going to close this door," Severus started, "And when I do, you both have two minutes to get redressed."
That said, Severus slammed the door shut with alarming ferocity, earning another yelp from potter who'd caught the door on his kneecap.
"Two minutes," He heard Draco grumble indignantly, "Merlin, it took longer getting undressed."
"We're going to get kicked out of school." Potter panted. "Or worse, I'm going to get kicked of the Quidditch Team."
"Calm down, Harry." Draco whispered, none to quietly. "He won't do anything that'll get me kicked out."
"Well, what about me!?" Potter protested.
"He can't exactly get you into trouble without involving me, can he?" Draco returned, sounding highly annoyed that his ill-thought out romp had been interrupted mid-coitus.
"He's going to hate me even more now." Potter deduced, for once correct.
"Your two minutes is almost up!" Severus barked, kicking the door once for affect.
"This isn't exactly the easiest thing to do." Draco returned, grunting.
"You got yourself into that situation, Draco, you can get yourself out of it."
In reply, Draco muttered something beneath his breath but otherwise complied, quietly prompting Potter to hurry up and get his damn pants up before the door was opened again.
After another five minutes had elapsed, the time having been increased as he had no desire to see what he saw again, Severus threw the door open to find two sloppily dressed teenagers in wrinkled pajamas.
"I take it this is the one thing your father won't be hearing about?" Severus remarked, raising a brow at his errant godson.