Okay, so I HIGHLY recommend listening to Musique pour la Tristesse de Xion from the Kingdom Hearts Piano Collections: Field and Battle CD while reading this. It adds to it ;D
Review or comment?
Nobodies are not meant to feel, so why can I? Is it because of her? Is it because she became a part of me? The part of me that makes me feel? Actual feelings of a somebody. Feelings that were said to be impossible for a Nobody such as myself to feel.
Love. I loved sitting atop the clock tower, watching the sun set with her. I loved eating that sweet yet salty ice cream. I loved talking to her about friendship, and feelings that we were to have once Kingdom Hearts was complete. I loved when the three of us would laugh and talk together. At the time I didn't recognize the feeling. They told me that it didn't exist among Nobodies, but I felt it.
Joy. I enjoyed our missions together. It was nice not to be alone, and although she didn't talk much, I much preferred her quiet, calm company to that of any of the others who often complained, and who went out of their way to make me feel novice. I felt joy every time I saw her. I felt joy when she brought me seashells from her past missions. I was overjoyed as she began letting her guard down around me, letting me be her friend. Subtle as it was, the joy was still there.
Worry. I worried for her when she was assigned missions alone. I worried for her on the days she never came to the clock tower, and I worried for her the most when she disappeared altogether, leaving the rest of us behind. I knew she was out there somewhere, but I was forbidden to look for her. Even if it were not that way, and I was permitted to search for the girl, I wouldn't know where to look. It was as if she did not wish to be found.
Confusion. I was confused after she returned. She seemed to be growing more and more distant each day. Had I done something wrong? Had I upset her? I was puzzled as not matter how hard I tried, she kept a guard up. She constantly withdrew. She became quiet again. Soon, she began to vanish again. Our visits to the clock tower became lonely ones for me, almost instantly. I still didn't understand why.
Anger. I was angered when he fought her. He, who was supposed to be our friend. I remained angry as they fought, angry as they continued to hurt each other. Why weren't they getting along? We were to be friends, right? I was angry the most when he hurt her and she lost her consciousness, and slowly slipped away. I watched, angry, as he betrayed us and took her away. Angry at him, and angry at myself.
Fear. I felt fear as I watched her transform. I feared for my life, as well as hers, when she attacked me. I feared the outcome. I didn't understand. Why was this happening? How was it happening? I feared that I would be forced to harm her, but it was as if that was she wanted.
Sadness. I felt a deep sadness as I watched her. She was hurt. I had done this. She was losing what little of a life that she had, and it was because of me. Without realizing it, I released tears as I watched her slip away. I was crying. Nobodies weren't supposed to cry. Nobodies weren't supposed to feel pain. Where had the numbness gone? She spoke few apologetic, and what seemed to be loving words to me, before her eternal departure. The sadness took over as I watched her, helpless, fade away.
The memories of her are slowly fading. I must not let them go. I must hold on to them. Forever.
Nobodies are not meant to feel, so why can I? She unleashed these emotions upon me.
Somehow.
The answers may be forever masked, and cherished moments must come to an end, but I know that Xion was and forever will be, my dearly beloved.
R e m e m b e r t o r e v i e w!