How to do your homework
How to do your homework
by Naruto Uzumaki
Hello everyone this is your number 1 favorite ninja in all the land speaking...er...typing...he he he... anyway! The reason I'm trying my ass off to type on this fricking thing called a keyboard is me wanting to explain how to do your homework. Now, before you start, I want to clear out that, even though we in Konoha are ninjas, we still have to graduate, thus meaning we have to go to school, thus meaning we have to endure TORTURE!!...oooops...I mean we still have to do homework. Me, being the most brilliant of them all (WORSHIP ME!! HAHA I KNOW YOU WANT TO SASUKE!! HA IN YOUR FACE!!...ooops sorry again...got carried away...he he he), will share with you, the super duper reader, the keys to a perfectly done homework!
First of all, you have to set the mood. So the first step is ambiance. You need an empty room with only a table and a chair. You can use your basement if you like! But remember it has to be dark! For lighting use candles, even if you have electricity, they give the room a more „peaceful" setting. For maximum potential, you have to have a CD with indian incantations, but if you don't have one of those, don't despair...a CD with rock/goth/your favorite genre will do just fine.
Congrats! You have just reached step 2! What you have to do in step 2 is relatively easy. You must grab your books and spread them all over the table. Then, take a seat in the torture chair...I mean the chair...and stare at your books for no more and no less than 5 minutes. Remember! You have to glare at them with all your force! After said 5 minutes, go to the kitchen and grab a glass of warm milk and drink it up.
You have reached step 3! Wow you're lucky! Most of my fellow classmates stop after the second step. What you have to do in step 3 is go back to the room you prepared especially for homework, sit down at the table and once more begin staring at the mountain of books and notebooks. After 10 minutes or so, decide to finally begin working, and chose to start with the most difficult one, math or literature, or whatever subject you consider the worst. Stare at the blank page in front of you. If you feel sleep taking over you, do not, I repeat do NOT fight it, go to sleep peacefully.
Congratulations! You have reached the forth and last step! This step is also the most important one so pay attention! After a few hours of sleep you have to wake up instantly, ideas for your homework flowing freely. Happily start writing, being sure your homework will be the best one ever. Make sure to write over 5 pages, or else this whole guide is worthless. After you finished writing, read your composition 3 times. You will find out that it is absolutely worthless and meaningless. If so, you are on the right road! Shred the papers to tiny little pieces, screaming in joy, and go to bed hoping to dream the excuse you will give your teacher, such as „the cat ate it" or „the cat gave birth on it". It doesn't matter if you have pets or not, it is an irrelevant detail your teacher doesn't have to know about.
Good Luck with your homework people!...if you feel like doing them anyway.