A/N: A little one shot I wrote way back...almost two years ago. I never posted because I was going to turn it into a longer story, but I never found the time. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.
Secrets
Confession is always weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets, and takes its own punishment in silence. - Dorothy Dix
"Thanks again for dinner, Hales," Peyton said.
"Yeah, don't worry about it. Thanks for coming and thanks for the cocoa recipe," she took a sip from her mug, "It's so good,"
Peyton smiled as she took a seat at the kitchen table. It was her mother's old recipe and Peyton was glad to share it with family. Haley had been Peyton's one true friend from high school who was always there for her, even if they were miles apart. After high school, Haley went off to Stanford while Peyton found herself in the heart of New York City. Still, through nightly talks over the phone, they had grown close and considered each other as family.
Haley turned around and put the milk back into the fridge. She wiped the counter top one last time before picking up her mug of steaming hot cocoa and joined Peyton at the table.
"Hey, Peyt?"
Peyton didn't respond. Physically she was there, staring blankly at the granite countertop, but mentally she was back in New York.
She wiped the tears from her eyes. It wasn't very often that she would cry after one of their fights. In the past, their fights were rare and never lasted more than five minutes. By the sixth minute they were well on their way to making up by stripping each others clothes off.
That was a time when their relationship was much simpler. It was a time when they didn't live together.
At the tender age of twenty-four, they had been living together in a modest New York loft. Their relationship had progressed from high school sweethearts to adults trying to find their way in the world. And at the same time, Peyton Sawyer had a secret.
"I need to see you, Peyton," he pleaded through the phone.
"You know I can't. Not now,"
"I'm here…in New York,"
She nearly dropped the phone in shock. "Wh…what are you doing here?"
"I told you, I wanted to see you,"
Peyton shut her eyes and shook her head. As much as she wanted to see him, she knew it wouldn't be a good idea. It would cause nothing but heartache for him.
"Peyton? Are you there?"
"Yeah…" She heard the front door of her apartment unlock, "I'm sorry. I have to go. He's home,"
She heard him calling her name through the phone as she ended the call.
"Peyton," Haley nudged her friend back to the present, "What's wrong?"
"Huh? Oh nothing. I was just thinking about something,"
"Like…" Haley encouraged Peyton to open up.
Peyton was hesitant. She had been thinking about the day she and Lucas broke up two years ago. Everybody knew about the break up but what they didn't know was what happened to Peyton after Lucas left. For so long there were just two people who knew what happened that day in Central Park. It had been their little secret.
The troubled blonde looked up at Haley. Haley had always been a supportive friend and there wasn't any doubt in her mind that she could trust her.
"Hales, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone?"
"Yeah, of course,"
He nervously waited on the bench on the lower East side of Central Park. Thirty minutes after she had hung up on him, she called him back. Peyton told him she wanted to see him after all. He had never run as fast as he did when he hung up the phone, not even on the hardwood when he played for Whitey Durham years ago.
His eyes continued to scan the park for her. He didn't know where she lived or which direction she would be coming from. All he knew was that she was coming. It had been almost seven years since he last saw her. They were seventeen then and they were twenty-four now. Finally, he spotted her. The beating of his heart quickened. The smile on his face grew as she approached him.
"You don't know how happy I was when you finally agreed to meet with me,"
She had promised herself that she wasn't going to break down in front of him but the heartache was just too much to bear. The tears slipped from her hazel eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Luke and I got into another fight," she cried.
"Come here," Jake opened up his arms and embraced her trembling body. "Everything will be alright,"
Peyton shook her head, "It's over. Luke and I…" She couldn't finish her sentence. Instead she cried into Jake's shoulder.
Ever since Peyton left Savannah those seven years ago, she had always kept in touch with Jake through emails. They had never seen each other though because that was the way Jake wanted it. When he learned that Lucas and Peyton were together, he knew it would be too hard to see her again. His heart wouldn't be able to handle it.
Peyton had no idea that Jake still harbored all those feelings for her until a few weeks ago. In an email she told him that she and Lucas were having some problems. Jake called the next day and professed his undying love for her. He wanted to meet with her. She was in complete shock but when her mind settled down, she gently turned him down and decided that it wasn't the best time for them to see each other again. Jake refused to take no for an answer and flew up to New York anyways.
He gently wiped the tears away from her eyes, almost the same way as Lucas would, but his touch felt foreign against her skin. She stepped back and wiped the rest of her fallen tears away herself.
"I'm sorry. I'm such a mess right now. The last thing you probably wanted to see was me crying,"
"You're still beautiful. And yeah. I don't want to see you cry. I would never make you cry, you know,"
Nervousness filled her body. She shouldn't be here. Not with him. Central Park was her and Lucas' place. It was their park where they would spend Sundays just walking around or having a picnic lunch at three in the afternoon because always at the last minute, she would insist on having freshly baked homemade cookies for dessert. Unwarranted feelings of guilt and betrayal began to grow inside her.
"Jake, I know you came all this way to see me, but I'm sorry, I have to go,"
Before she could walk away from him, he reached for her hand and stopped her.
"Peyton, I made a mistake. I let you walk away from me once; I can't let you go again. I love you, Peyton,"
She froze in place and just watched him close the gap between them.
"Come with me. Come back with me to Savannah, Peyton. I promise you I will make you happy. Jenny will be so happy to see you. She remembers you, you know?"
"Jake…" she barely whispered.
"Peyton, I let you go all those years ago and it's the biggest and only regret of my life. We could have been happy together all these years but I was too proud and stubborn. Maybe Lucas is in your heart, but I know deep down that I'm in there too. You're not happy with Lucas. I can read it in your emails. And you said so yourself, you and Lucas are over now. This is our chance, Peyton. Come with me and I will take all these tears and pain away,"
Before Peyton could react, Jake leaned in and kissed her.
"I still can't believe you guys broke up in the first place," Nathan commented as he handed his older brother a bottle of Budweiser.
"Yeah, I know. But I guess it was for the best," Lucas brought the bottle to his lips and took a long sip.
"You're kidding, right?"
He shook his head, "She's happy now and so am I. I don't think we've ever been happier," Lucas took another swig of the cold relaxing beverage. "If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone? Even Haley?"
"Yeah, of course,"
"After Peyton and I broke up, I was walking around the city just trying to calm down and clear my head. For the longest time I couldn't - everything and everywhere I went just reminded me of her,"
For a moment, Lucas stopped talking. He leaned against the rail and finished the rest of his beer in silence. Nathan stepped closer and leaned against rail beside him.
"What happened, Luke?"
Lucas kept looking straight ahead with a blank face. "I was walking along Fifth Avenue, you know just in front of the Met," he let out a smile.
The Met was one of the first places Peyton took Lucas to when he arrived in New York.
Nathan nodded and saw Lucas's smile disappear.
"I ran into him. I ran into Jake. He was just coming out of Central Park…"
"Jake was in town?"
"Yeah, I was surprised too. I mean it was good to see him but then there was something about the way he was acting that didn't sit too well with me. He was like nervous or something. Then he told me that he had been in town for a few days and just saw Peyton,"
"Wait, Peyton knew he was going to be in town?"
"I don't know…if she did, she didn't tell me,"
Nathan took a drink from his bottle, "You think something was happening between the two of them?"
Lucas shrugged, "I don't know, he said he was in a hurry to catch his flight and took off before I could say anything else. You know, as I watched him run off, I just had this feeling that there was something more to him being in town than he was letting on… next thing I know, I'm running back home,"
Clothes were scattered all over the bedroom. She was only taking her essentials. When the time was right she would come back for the rest of her belongings. Her heart was racing as fast as her mind. There wasn't any doubt in her mind that she was doing the right thing. Her heart told her the same. It was going to be worth it and there wouldn't be any regrets no matter what would happen.
She zipped her black suitcase up and wiped the fallen tears from her eyes. Peyton glanced in the mirror and saw her red and puffy eyes. There wasn't any time to fix her disheveled appearance. It was already getting late. She picked up her suitcase and turned around. Her body froze when she spotted him standing at the doorway. His name escaped her lips.
"Luke,"
His heart sank when he saw her standing in the middle of the room with her suitcase in hand. It was the last thing he wanted to be true – she was leaving.
"Where you going?" he quietly asked.
"I…um…I was…"
He didn't want to hear it. All that mattered was that she was still there and that he still had a chance to stop her.
"Marry me," he blurted out.
Her mouth fell open and her eyes grew wide in surprise. She could feel her body become numb and weak. She lost the grip on her suitcase and it fell from her grasp. It fell to the ground with a thud that made her jump.
"Wh…what did you just say?"
With caution Lucas started towards her.
"The moment I walked out this door this morning there was something inside of me…this nagging feeling of something. I don't know what it was but it just felt like something wasn't right. And all day, it wouldn't go away…no matter how far I got or how hard I tried to ignore it, the pain was always there, right here,"
Peyton watched him place his hand over his heart. As he came closer she could see the tears glistening in his blue eyes.
"Peyton, I can't picture the rest of my life without you. When I think of the future all I see is you and me, together. Money, bills, what we have for dinner, where we live…all of that doesn't matter. All that matters is that I have you in my life and we're both happy. All I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, wherever it may be. I love you, Peyton Sawyer,"
Lucas fell to one knee and took her by the hand, "Will you marry me?"
The night was quiet and calm – perfect for a walk home. They held each others hand as they casually strolled through the streets of their small hometown.
"So what did you and Haley talk about?" he asked.
"Oh, nothing much. Just about you and me,"
"Oh really now? And what exactly did you have to say about you and me?"
"Just boring stuff really," she continued to kid. "Just how happy you make me and how I don't regret saying yes to you,"
"Well, I don't regret asking you, either," He smiled and pulled her into his body, "I love you, you know that?"
She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up. "I love you, too,"
As they continued to walk he leaned down and kissed her.
"So what did you and Nathan talk about?" she asked.
"Nothing much. Just guy talk," he answered. "You sure there's no other juicy gossip I should know about?"
She shook her head, "Nope. Not unless you want to know the secret to straightening my hair,"
"Hmm…I think I'll pass. Any other secret I should know about?"
"No, why? Did you talk to Haley?"
Lucas noted Peyton's defensiveness, "No, but does that mean that there is something I should know about?"
"No." she replied rather quickly. "No secret."
Lucas Scott knew his wife well enough to know that she was the black hole of secrets. And the only way to hear one of them was to wait until she was ready to let it resurface.
They continued down the quiet block, when suddenly Peyton stopped walking and faced her husband. Her silence guilted her like it always had. But even though she wasn't ready to tell him her secret, it was something that he needed to know. Especially if she wanted to begin an honest life with him.
"Wait, Luke. There's something I need to tell you,"
"What is it?" he asked.
She broke their eye contact and looked down at her hands.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked as he lifted her chin up.
"I've been um…I've been keeping something from you and it's been bothering me. Especially the past few weeks. I just can't keep it a secret anymore. I wanted to tell you from the start, but then things happened – you asked me to marry you, then we had to plan the wedding and then…"
"What is, Peyt? You can tell me," Lucas tried to reassure her.
"Just promise me you won't be angry with me,"
"I promise. Just tell me,"
"OK, um…remember when we were having problems, back in New York, just before we broke up?"
Lucas nodded, sensing that he knew what she was going to tell him.
"Well, I was kind of talking to Jake."
He felt as though his world was crumbling. She had been seeing him. It wasn't just that one day in New York like he thought. "You were seeing Jake?"
"No! I wasn't seeing him. We were just emailing and talking on the phone. Luke, you promised you wouldn't get mad."
"That was before I knew you sneaking around with Jake."
"I wasn't sneaking. Ok, I was talking to him, but that's only because we were friends and I needed someone to talk to when I couldn't talk to you."
"So you turned to him. Why not Nathan or Haley?"
"Luke, can we please not turn this into something its not? I wasn't seeing Jake." She repeated.
"Oh no? Then why have those secret meetings in Central Park?"
"It was once. I only saw him…wait, how'd you know about Central Park?"
"Because I saw him there, Peyton. And he told me that he just saw you. I can't believe I was so stupid."
"You're not, Luke. It was only one time. And after that…"
"You were going to run off with him." He choked out.
"What? Lucas -" she started to explain.
"Look, it doesn't matter anymore. I just don't want to talk about it anymore, ok?" Lucas started off towards their home. The thought of Peyton leaving him to go with Jake crushed him, again.
"Wait, Lucas," she called after him, "Lucas, you don't think I was leaving you for Jake, do you?"
He stopped walking and turned around. His head hung low and wouldn't look at her. "Well, yeah."
"Why would you ever think that?"
"Because when I ran into Jake, he said that he saw you and that he was in a hurry to catch his plane. Then when I came back to our apartment, I saw you all packed and ready to leave. You were in such a hurry too, I thought…"
"No, Luke," she interrupted. She took his hands in hers, hoping to calm him, "Do you remember what we fought about that day? Why we temporarily went insane and broke up?"
Lucas shook his head.
"We had been fighting all week about stupid little things. The rent, bills, not spending enough time together… Then you told me that you were moving back home, but I wanted to stay. We got into another fight and then we decided that maybe being apart would be for the best,"
He nodded as he recalled that day, "I walked out and then you went to see Jake,"
This time it was Peyton who looked away, "Yeah, but not for what you think. I just needed someone to lean on, Luke. I thought I had lost you and I didn't know what I was thinking. But after I saw him, it made me realize that I was making a mistake. I couldn't lose you, especially not like that. So I went back to the apartment to pack a few things before I went after you to tell you that I'd go home with you,"
"You were coming after me?"
"Yeah. I mean nobody else has been able to drive off the wall the way you do but nobody has ever made me as happy as you made me either. You are the only one who I can hate so much but love even more at the same time. I loved you Luke…and I'll let you in on another secret: I still do," she added jokingly.
"Good, cause I love you too," he leaned down and kissed her, "So are there any other secrets I should know about?"
Peyton smirked cryptically at him, "Well I guess we do have one more to share,"
He raised a brow in confusion, "We, as in you and me?"
She shook her head. Her smile grew wider but she kept her voice calm and casual, "No. We, as in me and the baby,"
"Ok, so what is this secret that you and….the what?" he fell into disbelief.
Peyton let out a laugh when she saw the puzzled look on his face. "The baby, Luke. I'm pregnant,"
"We're having a baby?"
Peyton nodded.
A few seconds later, the news finally sank into his racing mind. Excitedly he scooped Peyton into his arms and spun her around. "We're having a baby!" he shouted into the night.
"Shhh…Luke. You're gonna wake up the neighborhood," she said through laughs.
Secrets aren't meant to be shared, but they wanted everyone to know this one. It was the best secret that they didn't want to keep secret.
"I don't care. We're having a baby!" he shouted again and spun her around again.
Gently, he put her back down, keep his arms wrapped around her. He lowered his head towards hers, never taking his eyes off of hers.
"We're having a baby," he whispered as if he were trying to tell himself.
Peyton nodded, reassuringly and saw his eyes glaze over with happy tears. Peyton laughed as she pulled him closer and met his lips half way.
"That's the best secret I've heard all day,"