Notes: Yes, I'm alive for those who know me. If you're wondering how I am, check my profile. If you don't know me, then just enjoy! Yes, I mention Dumbledore's sexuality in this piece, if it bothers you don't read. That simple.
"Headmaster," Remus said in a quiet voice, always feeling the need to lower his voice in the presence of the man to whom he owed so much. "I came as soon as I retrieved you owl…what was it that you wished to speak about with me?"
Dumbledore glanced over a piece of parchment not even giving Remus a nod. Despite his attention to the parchment, he spoke clearly without hesitation, "I am not one for gossip, Remus. But I've heard something that I found most troubling. And was hoping that you could clear up the matter for me."
"Gossip?" He twitched down from his toes to his shoulders. "I'm afraid I don't often listen to what is-"
"It's about you Remus. And Nymphadora," Dumbledore finally put down his paper and Remus was able to get a view of his face. And it hit him, hit him hard. Dumbledore's frown seemed to be deeper, his eyes darker, and his hands tense instead of loose. "Is there any truth to the rumor that you have refused her affection?"
Remus stared down his former teacher. How could he have heard of this? And how did it matter? It was his business and Tonks' business, certainly not Dumbledore's. "I beg your pardon, Headmaster but…I believe that is a personal matter between Nymphadora and I…"
Dumbledore picked up his papers once more, seemingly uninterested in what Remus had to say. "How old were you when your father contacted me?"
"I…I believe I was seven years old," Remus stammered. "I am well aware that I owe you my entire education. My safety and-"
"No, Remus," Dumbledore replied quietly. "I did not call you here so you could recount your debts to me. There is no debt. I helped you as I thought that all children should be given the opportunity to learn no matter what their background or their status in wizard society. And I wished for you that education. That normal life. And while I cannot change the laws that the Ministry has created, I have done what I can. Made my beliefs known…" After a moments pause he added, "Then it is true. You did push her away?"
Remus gave in, "Headmaster…it is not my choice. It was reason that made the choice. You mentioned those laws…she would never be able to live a normal life again if she were to be with me. We would be persecuted more than I already am. And if we to have children…I cannot even imagine. No Professor, as I've told her before she deserves someone better than me who can love her and give her a full life."
Dumbledore's blue eyes didn't sparkle when he asked, "And do you love her as she loves you?"
"I…" Remus dropped his eyes to the ground before recovering them. "My heart must be outweighed by my reason."
"For Merlin's sake, Remus. Do you love the girl?" A great sense of frustration seeping into Dumbledore's words. Something that Remus had never heard before.
"I do," Remus whispered so quietly that not even the portraits could hear him.
Dumbledore raised himself from his desk. "Then you're a fool."
"Pardon me?"
"You're a fool," Dumbledore said this time with more feeling. "You love a woman and she loves you back. And yet you hesitate. Not only do you hesitate but you push her away." He shook his head. "I brought you into this school so you could have a normal life. And that includes allowing yourself to fall in love, Remus."
"It is not that simple!"
"It never is!" Dumbledore practically shouted back. His voice reverberating throughout the room. "Do you think, if I had the chance to go back, if I could get the world's greatest time turner that I would change the time I had?"
Remus' head dropped down.
"I didn't have that opportunity, Remus. I knew love, and I felt it. Yet, I was too afraid to even ask…even see if the feelings were mutual. I let myself fester and the pain of not loving grow through me. It corrupted my actions, my words. Not being able to express my feelings over fears of his rejection or society's. Now, all I can do is look back and wonder what would have been. If I could have had that life, if he would have loved me back just as fiercely as I loved him," Dumbledore closed his eyes. "I was a fool. Much like you. I was drowned in fear and reason. And while my life has not been the most simple or most kind, I have survived. But a lesser man than I could have been. If I had just let myself fall in love. Don't be like me, Remus. Don't be a fool."
Remus raised his head, his eyes filled with tears about to leave his eyes. Over the years he had heard the rumors about Dumbledore and Grindelwald, he had rejected them considering them pure fancy. But to hear it from his mouth, to hear the pain in every word. He was overcome. He could be like Dumbledore in a years time? Partially rotting inside without love to rejuvenate him every cold night? He could be lonely and alone the rest of his life. Or he could be with Tonks. Who seemed to warm him by just a look. Just her presence. When hearing about their affection, some gawked confused how such two opposites could be so perfect for one another. But it was simple to him. He was the dark and she was the light. He needed her throughout the day and she needed him in the night. They needed to hold one another, laugh with one another to make their day more than a morning, more than an evening. Yes, he loved her. He loved her so dearly he would refuse her.
"Headmaster…" Remus started to say quietly. "I do love her. But-"
"No buts," Dumbledore replied sitting down in his chair slowly. "Live your life, Remus. Dare to be happy. You may leave now."
The door behind Remus opened signaling that this was the end of their conversation. Remus nodded to Dumbledore and walked towards it, pausing at the very last moment. "I'm sorry," He whispered.
Dumbledore looked up at his protégé and smiled gently. He wouldn't make the same mistake. He couldn't.