Well you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I wanna go to you
Spinelli came to a stop across the way when he saw Maxie sitting outside of Kelly's. It was well into summer now and the golden light got caught up in the hair. Spinelli immediately recognized the male she was sitting with as her new boyfriend, though he had never met him. The way she leaned slightly forward, her hand resting on his leg as she whispered something to him.
Spinelli really wanted to be utterly upset with Maxie, he wanted to be angry and full of angst. He wasn't though. A part of him always knew it would end up like this. Maxie would find someone, fall in love, and that would be that. After all, who could be blind to the Maximista's charms?
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill --
I guess I always will
He had to wonder if it got a little easier with each love you lost, if you managed to get up a bit faster. Spinelli had always been a sucker for girls he knew he could never have. Maybe his heart was starting to grow some defense mechanisms, after all, it really was about time.
Could it be everything goes round by chance?
(Chance, chance)
Or only the way it was meant to be?
(Be)
It was hard not to debate the fickle finger of fate that brought The Jackal and Maximista together. Had Georgie never been senselessly and most brutally murdered, Spinelli was sure Maxie and himself would never had grown close. Nothing would have changed. He believed somewhere there was a greater plan in work the day they decided to grace his life with another blond angel.
Of course, when he tried to convince Maxie that everything had been destined from the start she had simply wrinkled her nose and laughed. She was always a bit of a cynic. He remember the way she rolled her eyes at him and told him to get his head out of the clouds because life was random, and sometimes life was even cruelly senseless. Spinelli didn't believe that though, and somewhere he knew deep down Maxie didn't believe it either.
You kill me
You always have the perfect thing to say
(Hey, hey, hey, hey)
I know what I should do
But I just can't walk away
Spinelli watched in slight horror as the guy leaned forward to kiss her lips. Spinelli knew the feel of them, the taste, the wickedness of their nature. Her lips could cause natural disaster, could cause wars and temporary insanity. Temporary insanity – it was what he was pleading as Spinelli knew he should turn around and go home, or walk past them into Kelly's, but he couldn't move.
I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up, put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmiser song goes:
It's just like being alone
Right now he wanted a time machine to when it was the adventures of Maximista and The Jackal. He wanted to go back to being the first person she called in a crisis, the first person she ran to for comfort and a warm, tender embrace. He wasn't that person anymore.
Now he felt like he was alone again. Sure, Maxie still talked to him, still turned to him even from time to time. But Spinelli knew it would never be like it was before. It would never be the same. That was the thing with change, it either worked for you or against you.
Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
(Vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means
(Means)
Waiting. Seems like his whole life had been spent waiting for someone to love him back. All the time he put in, all the right words and all the presence, what does it mean? It never got him anywhere. He could not keep falling in love with girls and then ending up with them as best friend. Ending up with them as reminders that love is almost often in vain.
You kill me
You've got some nerve, but you can't face your mistakes
(Hey, hey, hey, hey)
I know what I should do
But I just can't walk away
(Away, away)"Spinelli!"
Shaking his head Spinelli brought himself out of his thoughts. How long had he been standing there? How long had he been watching them, and how long had they known? Embarrassment crept up his spine and he ducked his head.
"Spinelli, come say hi!" Maxie said happily, waving him over.
So go on, love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
You gotta take what you can these days
There's so much ahead and so much regret
Spinelli mentally groaned at himself as his feet carried him slightly forward without his permission. This was the opposite direction in which he wanted to go. He wanted to turn around and pretend this had never happened. He wanted to un-see what he had seen. Was that too much to ask? But he knew he would do whatever Maxie asked, take whatever time she would give him, and part of himself hated that.
I know what you wanna say
(I know what you wanna say)
I know it, but I can't help feeling differently
I loved you
And I should've said it
But tell me: Just what has it ever meant?
Spinelli wishes that he had went to her during those days, the days when it was just the two of them, and professed his feelings. He hadn't though. After Lulu he had been afraid to put himself out there, to be that desperately honest. She had hurt him bad, but did it hurt more than leaving in this land of What If? He didn't know. And now he had to wonder what his love for Maxie meant, and had to know what it would mean: Nothing.
I can't help it baby
This is who I am
(Am)
I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel
He was almost at the table and every muscle in his body was screaming at him to run. His fight or flight instinct had always leaned toward the familiarity of a scared bird. But Maxie looked so happy and he couldn't live with himself if he broke that smile.
You kill me
You build me up
But just to watch me break
(Hey, hey, hey, hey)
"Hi. I'm Spinelli. Maxie has told me a lot about you."
Hand out, smile, heart breaking : Check.
I know what I should do
But I just can't walk away...