The Olympians guide to life
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except Luke Castellan and Percy Jackson – ask the RRA. The idea came from the marauder's guide to life, which is, by the way, awesome. Also, this contains inputs from the RRA, who also became Goddesses and will appear randomly from time to time as will the half-bloods, all with fore-warning.
Basically, the Gods and (on occasion) half-bloods are here to answer any questions you may have; whether it's advice, general questions about the Gods or the quests the half-bloods get or even questions that you think would be impossible for them to answer! Ask what you like, but no swearing and definitely no insults – I will not be held responsible for anything that happens to you or your families because of insults to the Gods. Thank you.
Zeus is bold
Poseidon is underlined
Visitors are italic (this one is Hera)
Dionysus is bold italic
Apollo is italic and underlined
Athena is normal text
Ares is bold, italic and underlined (he asked)
Voldy, the squirrel Goddess (me) is bold and underlined
What? It's my fic isn't it?
Review me your questions!
The first questions were ones that I thought up or pinched from the Percy Jackson book website. Here goes…
…
Hey there! I'm Voldy, the Squirrel Goddess!
Voldy, if you let your squirrels near Triton ever again I'll –
Oh calm down, dad, it was just a joke!
Remind me again why I ever let Percy marry you?
You know you love me really. Besides – Triton was poking around in L.C's clothing. Of course I had to… discourage him.
What's going on? How dare you start without me!
Zeus, for the last time, we were going to start Today at 3pm. If you are late it's your fault.
HOW DARE YOU –
Shut it.
Do I detect a potential war between sky and squirrels?
Was that sarcasm, Dionysus? Or was it a captain obvious moment.
It's obvious who is going to win this battle.
Yeah; Voldy.
Wow, for once Ares and I actually agree on something
Ares! You betrayed me!
Father, you know perfectly well that Voldy and her slightly unusual family are capable of doing to you what you did to Kronos.
That's true. And worse, we came up with the idea. Which reminds me; Ares is still wearing a dress and pigtails I see.
Yeah why is that actually?
None of your business.
Voldy spiked his drink with one of her potions.
Really? Nice one.
Why thank you.
May I ask why?
Wouldn't you get sick of him going on about women being useless warriors? My cabin beat his cabin in capture the flag last week, thank you very much.
Not true!
Is true – then again we had Athena, Poseidon and Hermes on our team – oh, and Dionysus. Thanks for that by the way.
No problem.
Anyway… Where's Hera?
Hunting for Zeus probably.
I'm here.
Hi Hera! Come join the party!
I'm just here to answer questions.
I'll read the first one! Ahem:
"Who would win in a battle between Zeus and Poseidon?"
Easy answer; me.
I think I'd have the upper hand, brother.
No, I would because I am king and therefore awesome.
I don't picture this ending well.
I think it'd be best if I answered this one, being unbiased and totally fair – don't snort Zeus! I hope you realise, Anon, that you very nearly caused the answer to your question to occur? The answer is simple; neither would win because the rest of us would lock them in the binding cages until they stopped acting like 2-year-olds, so my family and I, that is the unknown goddesses, would have to rule for a few hundred years, during which we would achieve world piece, equal food and stuff for everyone and no wars, well, few wars that could result in an apocalypse or two, especially when it involves people that a large amount of us like and end up fighting over. When that happens, bright purple flashes will appear in the sky. That is your warning to get underground a.s.a.p.
I will read the next one;
"Ares, will you marry me baby?"
Who came up with that one?
Everyone hide! He's doing his egotistical muscle-flexing routine!
Take a number babe.
Can I ask this person something? Are you INSANE? He's already the most egotistical of the Gods – with the exception of Zeus – and you've gone and made him even fuller of himself!
Voldy, hitting your head against the wall is going to hurt. A lot.
I didn't know you'd taken over the duties of the God of obvious!
Voldy, a little less of the sarcasm if you please.
Shut up.
Someone's got their time of the month - Ow!
Whoops, my foot slipped.
I'd thank you not to kick my sons, Voldy.
Hey! What've I missed?
Writing poetry again, Apollo?
How did you know?
You normally are. You missed a couple of questions – hey, is that Paramore on your iPod?
Yes it is! Hey! No stealing!
But it's Paramore!
But it's my iPod!
You know you love me…
You can have one headphone.
Yay!
I'll read the next one;
"Athena, why did you turn Medusa and her sisters into Gorgons? Isn't that a little harsh?" Anon.
You mean you don't know that Athena walked in on Poseidon and snake-features snogging the faces off each other in her temple?
Don't call her snake-features, Voldy
What? It's true isn't it?
She has a point.
Shut up, Apollo.
Hey! He used my catch-phrase!
No he didn't; your catch-phrase changes every ten seconds.
Well, that's true.
If you were a god, anon, how would you feel about some other god –
Doing the dirty with some mortal on your altar?
I was going to be less abrupt about it, Voldy.
It's true though. And sick. You know, I reckon Medusa would've made a lovely hazel tree. What do you think, Dionysus?
I'm not the god of trees, Voldy. You should ask Persephone or Demeter about it.
Or maybe a cat… I'll ask Deannie.
No! Not that evil cat and vampire goddess!
Yes, Ares, the very same. Deannie and I have an agreement; no kidnapping each other's claimants or husbands unless we want the other to subject ours to extreme torture. The Deannie cat torture is very well known among titans and criminals.
I can't imagine why.
Was that sarcasm, Poseidon? Seriously, you remember when Deannie and I tied Oceanus to a chair and –
Yes, Voldy; that's one of the very few times you and Deannie have worked together without almost causing the apocalypse.
I remember that! You joked about using my limericks!
I'm sorry, Apollo, but they were pretty bad. You have great taste in music though!
I think I'm gonna gag.
Shut it, Ares, it was just a hug.
I will read the next question!
"Which British parties do you support?" what's that supposed to mean? Oh, and it's from anon. Anon must be very curious.
No, Zeus, Anon just means the person didn't sign their name. It could be several people. And by the way it means political groups, not the social gathering kind.
I'd have to say labour or conservative because they're the most famous.
You know nothing about politics.
I don't think they're really very good so I wouldn't vote.
Me too.
Why support one? Just kill them all and have done with it.
You psychopath!
What'd I say?
I agree with Poseidon's sentiment. Politicians are mostly useless
I don't see the point of politics. I'm a woman; we have no head for it.
Ahem. Hera, just because you know nothing about it doesn't mean the rest of us don't.
They're all self-serving idiots, why vote?
MONSTER-RAVING-LOONEY-PARTY! They're awesome!
Why are you dancing?
They're just ridiculous!
Come on! Compulsory catering contracts with McDonalds in prisons to cut crime rates! Shaving the beards off terrorists because the beards make them look scary! Secret code phrases that automatically grant A-stars in exams! THAT'S the government England needs! They're geniuses!
Is the correct term "Geniuses" or "Genii"?
No idea. I'll have to look at the dictionary at some point.
Or you could ask Athena.
Nah, that's smart.
Has anyone told you that you aren't safe to be out, Voldy?
What century are you living in? This is the 21st century. Y'know; the one with equal rights and women having the vote and stuff? The one where it doesn't matter how old you are you can still go out? The one with the awesome motorbikes and other modes of transport?
Hell yeah! All hail motorbikes!
High-five to that, Ares!
Is it just me or are Voldy and girl-Ares actually getting on?
I think you might be right.
It's because he's more like an RRA girl when he's in a dress and pigtails =D
How did you manage to speak in emoticons?
Because I'm just awesome.
But I am the king of the Gods and am therefore more awesome.
Voldy, what was the snort for?
Zeus being more awesome than an RRA goddess? Given the fact that the very mention of our name strikes fear into the heart of every Titan in existence, and that our cabin in camp half-blood is several storeys high and complete with games rooms, science labs and a little parking space for cars, motorbikes and the occasional space ship, I'd say that we are more awesome than you, Zeus.
How can your cabin have several storeys, it's the same size as the rest of them
On the outside, but we have Time lord science on our side.
What?
Transcendental engineering. It's bigger on the inside.
How is that even possible?
Athena, when you've been invited into their strange little craft you'll learn not to ask questions like that.
What were you doing in their box?
Percy was getting homesick so I asked Poseidon if he'd build a saltwater spring in the TARDIS for him.
That was very considerate.
Believe me that isn't the only thing that's gone into that room.
What else?
Well, there's R2-D2, Annie adopted him.
What?
Long story. Oh, and on occasion there's a race track for when Maple feels the need to challenge people to spinney-chair races.
How did we even get onto this conversation?
No idea.
I think we were talking about parties.
Parties are awesome!
Political parties, D-man.
Damn.
Parties, however, are awesome.
I think we're out of time…
Damn! So we are. Anyhow, if you all want to ask a question, Hera's back next week (unfortunately) so you can ask her whatever you like, same for the rest of us – we're always here, unless one of us decides to stand aside for an extra visitor, of course. Cheerio!
Mmm… cheerio's
Or, as Paula would say… mmm Lennox!
…end…
Tada! I hope you enjoyed enough to REVIEW ME YOUR QUESTIONS! Seriously, reviews make me happy, and if I'm happy then you get an update! So PLEASE review! Also, I can't make up questions all the time, because it's weird. So please do not hesitate to ask your questions!
Click the button, you know you want to!