Forbidden Feeling
Disclaimer: I do not own the character of Slayers as I do not even own my own house, car, or anything of the sort. You could sue me for writing, but all you'd get is pocket lint. If you don't like shounen ai (boy x boy love) then please don't read this story.
I love him.
But I can not let him go.
The story of my life, which is, somewhat disturbing to a mere mortal. So, instead, I sit here, writing in my journal. Since when do I keep a journal? I can't remember. I suppose I keep it because of my lack of friends in which I chose to communicate my feelings. Yes, I do have feelings. They aren't, however, the ruling factor in my life, but I do know that they exsist...or I wouldn't be feeling the way I do now.
Now, I hurt. Not physically, mind you, but...inside. As if the very core of my being has been shattered. I suppose that would be my own fault. I did, after all tell him.
I didn't mean to tell him, it slipped. Usually I am far more careful than that. But areound him, my facade crumbles.
How did it happen? Well, it was a normal day, everything that usually happens did. It seemed to be the replay of a long since broken record. Lina and Gourry fighting over something, Ameria was being cheerful...and Zelgadis, he was sitting against a tree by the reminants of the campfire, his cloak once again over his beautiful face.
Personally I don't understand why he would hide his features from the world. He is as he is and honestly, I always tell him to pull it off. But Zelgadis always seems to think that I am joking. I have realized that, it is probably because of the laughing mask I wear and the manner in which I compose myself. So, I had to be serious. I wanted him to realize his beauty and accept it. Although I knew that he wouldn't. Either that, or he would storm off like he usually did.
I didn't care.
That was my first mistake.
Instead, I left my place in the branches of some tall tree, and sat beside the chimera. His whole being intrigued me. That, and all of the aura surrounding him. I didn't quite understand it then...but I do now. He looked at me with contempt, distrust and disgust in his lovely eyes. Almost as if, at that moment, he was wishing me dead.
But I pushied forward, sort of. I simply told him that I wanted to talk to him later. Reluctantly he accepted with that annoyed grunt and I promptly dissappeared.
Later, I came back that night...although everyone had already gone to bed. As well as forgotten about me already.
It was then, that I phased myself into his room. He leeked so peaceful and almost innocent while he slept. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, it seemed near impossible a task.
I realized that I loved him...was it love? Do I know anything of love? Can a demon with no moral fiber...and a passionate wish for things to hurt or die...actually love?
Without thinking, I let it slip. The words seemed right comming from my mouth. Strange, yet still right. As if I was already talking to him...but whispering to only the air.
But...he was awake.
And he'd heard me. I froze instantly when Zelgadis opened his eyes. Looking straight at me I sensed confusion. I could smell it. Quickly as it had come, his confusion abruptly changed to anger. Zelgadis thought I was mocking him, teasing him, all the while yelling at me to get out.
I left, quietly with no other remarks.
What could I say to change his mind? Would he change his mind? Or, has he always hated me from the moment we met? I wonder sometimes if it was just distrust..but now, I'm not sure sure where he draws the line. Or how fine that line actually is.
I think, it's been a year now. I'll never forget it, any of it. That same image has been ingrained in my mind for the past three hundred and sixty four days.
I wonder what he's doing, maybe, I should pay a visit. Zelgadis has probably forgotten me already. So no harm visiting, at least not to them anyways.
Xelloss Metallium
Disclaimer: I do not own the character of Slayers as I do not even own my own house, car, or anything of the sort. You could sue me for writing, but all you'd get is pocket lint. If you don't like shounen ai (boy x boy love) then please don't read this story.
I love him.
But I can not let him go.
The story of my life, which is, somewhat disturbing to a mere mortal. So, instead, I sit here, writing in my journal. Since when do I keep a journal? I can't remember. I suppose I keep it because of my lack of friends in which I chose to communicate my feelings. Yes, I do have feelings. They aren't, however, the ruling factor in my life, but I do know that they exsist...or I wouldn't be feeling the way I do now.
Now, I hurt. Not physically, mind you, but...inside. As if the very core of my being has been shattered. I suppose that would be my own fault. I did, after all tell him.
I didn't mean to tell him, it slipped. Usually I am far more careful than that. But areound him, my facade crumbles.
How did it happen? Well, it was a normal day, everything that usually happens did. It seemed to be the replay of a long since broken record. Lina and Gourry fighting over something, Ameria was being cheerful...and Zelgadis, he was sitting against a tree by the reminants of the campfire, his cloak once again over his beautiful face.
Personally I don't understand why he would hide his features from the world. He is as he is and honestly, I always tell him to pull it off. But Zelgadis always seems to think that I am joking. I have realized that, it is probably because of the laughing mask I wear and the manner in which I compose myself. So, I had to be serious. I wanted him to realize his beauty and accept it. Although I knew that he wouldn't. Either that, or he would storm off like he usually did.
I didn't care.
That was my first mistake.
Instead, I left my place in the branches of some tall tree, and sat beside the chimera. His whole being intrigued me. That, and all of the aura surrounding him. I didn't quite understand it then...but I do now. He looked at me with contempt, distrust and disgust in his lovely eyes. Almost as if, at that moment, he was wishing me dead.
But I pushied forward, sort of. I simply told him that I wanted to talk to him later. Reluctantly he accepted with that annoyed grunt and I promptly dissappeared.
Later, I came back that night...although everyone had already gone to bed. As well as forgotten about me already.
It was then, that I phased myself into his room. He leeked so peaceful and almost innocent while he slept. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, it seemed near impossible a task.
I realized that I loved him...was it love? Do I know anything of love? Can a demon with no moral fiber...and a passionate wish for things to hurt or die...actually love?
Without thinking, I let it slip. The words seemed right comming from my mouth. Strange, yet still right. As if I was already talking to him...but whispering to only the air.
But...he was awake.
And he'd heard me. I froze instantly when Zelgadis opened his eyes. Looking straight at me I sensed confusion. I could smell it. Quickly as it had come, his confusion abruptly changed to anger. Zelgadis thought I was mocking him, teasing him, all the while yelling at me to get out.
I left, quietly with no other remarks.
What could I say to change his mind? Would he change his mind? Or, has he always hated me from the moment we met? I wonder sometimes if it was just distrust..but now, I'm not sure sure where he draws the line. Or how fine that line actually is.
I think, it's been a year now. I'll never forget it, any of it. That same image has been ingrained in my mind for the past three hundred and sixty four days.
I wonder what he's doing, maybe, I should pay a visit. Zelgadis has probably forgotten me already. So no harm visiting, at least not to them anyways.
Xelloss Metallium